💾 Archived View for mothbaby.flounder.online › journal2024.gmi captured on 2024-02-05 at 09:29:43. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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my coworker trauma dumped to me about her nightmares and her friend breakup, I'm just like polite and normal to her and she is somehow reading it as an invitation to tell me about her crazy psyche...she was literally like "idk why im telling you this but i feel like we're the same, but im just more psycho" and it's just wild because i have not opened up to her at all. im just like a mirror for her somehow? i dont understand and don't know how to professionally be like "i dont want to hear about your toxic relationships 24/7 and you scare me"
on the flip side I do think people naturally feel comfortable opening up to me which is part of why I want to become a counselor! but like, im not your work therapist pleasseeee
i keep having nightmares that are just so clearly symbolic of childhood trauma it's like, annoyingly obvious. like damn i gotta deal with this shit again, fine. not helpful that I ghosted my therapist (it was not a good fit) but I think I can do some self-therapizing
i practiced guitar for the first time in a looong time and it felt great. i'm thinking about playing a song at the zine release!
getting a tattoo on thursday from a friend that i won in a raffle! stoked about it
something im grateful for at work is that people have normalized walking around in your socks in our office (it's carpeted, and not like gross) and also wearing blankets. it gives everything a much cozier vibe.
today I replaced my car battery that was leaking and uber corroded. I had to buy new terminal connectors and replace them. I’m proud of myself for doing it so much cheaper than going to a mechanic!
also bought a bong, pretty awesome. Went to all you can eat sushi and I’m so full
my lockjaw is much better but still not totally gone. i hope this doesnt happen again...i don't want to have to get an expensive mouth guard for sleeping.
last night at yoga we had a diff teacher than normal and she had a very serious vibe, but i did get a great work out. then I went to hang with a friend and we made a gift for his gf (and my bestie) to memorialize her recently passed cat. i think she will really like it. and then we finished a puzzle! it was pretty awesome.
Im looking forward to working from home tomorrow. I have little to do this week at work and have been super bored.
i keep waking up with one side of my jaw locked up. it sucks i can hardly eat in the morning bc i cant open my mouth.
im sure this is in no way related to my mental state atm...
been feeling kinda crazy. i think im pmsing. feeling very up and down.
saturday there is a big astrological shift happening. Pluto is moving out of Capricorn and into Aquarius. big for transformations and upheaval.
been having some big ~realizations~ that are kinda hard but ultimately good. it feels good to have some fresh perspective. i've felt really in touch with my emotions and been super honest with people in my life in a way that feels good. cried in front of more people in the last few days than i have in awhile!
lots of things have occurred in the last couple weeks. having two weeks off work was the most amazing and wonderful thing ever. I am back today sadly but at least it's a short week and I start working from home.
my nye party was great and im thankful i got to see so many friends for the new year. one of my friends broke up with their long term partner and another one of my friends is getting engaged. feels like lots of quick sudden changing things happened recently.
one of my good friends got really bad unexpected news that her cat has to be put down and it's really sad and awful. i took pictures of her and her cat yesterday, it was really emotional but it felt good to be there for her. i can only imagine the grief shes going through. but we did talk about how much of a reminder it is that everything can change very suddenly. and how that can be really overwhelming because there are endless possibilities of things that could randomly happen. but also the fact that those possibilities are endless also makes it pointless to worry about...you may as well enjoy the present and enjoy the company of the people (and critters) you love while you can.
another one of my friends is in crisis too and its kinda exhausting. recurring pattern in my life is that I am the support friend when people are in crisis, which is something I do think I'm good at and often enjoy providing meaningful support. and I do feel grateful to not be in crisis myself! but also can be a balancing act to not drain myself emotionally.
im grateful too for my partner and the fact that i have a loving restorative and supportive home to return to everyday. we had a really great four year anniversary celebration and have been feeling super connected.