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Data loss, memory

So, I lost my data quite a few times. Yesterday I found a backup on a USB drive I didn't knew existed.

And... I didn't open it yet. The few file names I saw seem to be from 2-years-ago-me.

I'm not sure how I feel about that guy.

I'm not sure I want to know how I feel about that guy.

Actually, I've been losing my data quite consistently since I found the SHIFT+DEL shortcut on Windows 7.

All that remains from 5 years ago is a few PDFs on USB sticks tucked in drawers behind VGA cables and empty phone boxes. I think there's stuff I wrote for school in there, immortalized on their way to the printer. Scary stuff.

I'm not really getting used to it. Every time I feel like I lost a part of what I am. Like, isn't your memories a big chunk of that thing people loosely call "identity"? OK, I'm really not sure what I'm talking about here. But it still definitely makes me sad every time.

Why does it matter to me? 3 days later, *well, 3 days after reinstalling everything,* I'm playing Sifu or something as if nothing happened¹. And when I do find my stuff back, I hate it.

I wouldn't like losing my memory. I mean I don't know how it *feels* but I guess it's not a good thing... except it happens every second and I can't notice it. Putting stuff in a .tar.xz and sending the USB in a bottle to the sea of drawers is a way to deny part of this. A tiny part of this. And it doesn't really apply immediatly, rather it allows future-you to deny a bit of memory loss. And future you will be a different person at this point, who will interprete 03-12-2012-3546131.jpg according to his half-missing memory.

What is lost is not what you're using². If you were using it you would probably remember it. So in the end it's not going to affect how you behave, how you think.

-- Me, before realizing the problem as I type

So here is the thing : in order to use it, you need to remember it. So it's not lost. Duh.

Looking back at it later might change the how you behave, how you think. Now, will it change you in a way that's, on average, desirable? I mean you tell me, I can't know.

Anyways, I'm kinda lost in all of that. Being interrupted multiple times while writing didn't help. Welcome to this thing, where I write things I think because for unknown reasons it feels soothing.

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¹ Did "nothing" actually happen? Like I turned something into nothing, is this nothing-ing?

² OK, it is, but it's not what feels bad. OK, it also feels bad but it's not the same feels bad.

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