💾 Archived View for uncle-altoid.flounder.online › journal.gmi captured on 2024-02-05 at 09:28:27. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-09-28)
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1/31/24
Talking with F last night about my dreams I realized that I am progressing through life in a dream like state. I think it is because I have been doing lots of yoga and EMDR and going on lots of walks. I don't mind this state of mind.
I have been dreaming a lot of like normal situations. I went to the grocery store and remembered everything on my current day list for example. Last night I got multiple $400 fines from the library for not turning in my books on time. My dreams are a mimicry of my life and my life is a mimicry of my dreams. I wonder if this is indicative of increased connectivity to the subconscious parts of my mind. F said they feel like whenever they are dreaming like this it's because they are living sort of out of/ dreamily. food for thought.
1/24/24
Also! I overheard my roomies talking and it sounds like they are both going to quit there jobs. I was feeling chill about that until I realized we are all dirt poor and sharing rent, and that I met them off facebook six months ago.
I think I'm gonna ask for assurance from them once my second roomie quits. I'm just gonna be like hey :) I'm sure it's fine but I just wanted to make sure that we are like gonna be housed :) like I don't want to pry :) I just. It is just really important to me to not randomly not be able to live in a place :) love y'all and trust y'all :) Please get a job so I don't have to say this :) <3 <3 just pls don't make your financial insecurity into my financial insecurity <3 <3 <3
I would love feedback from my fellow flounderites on ^^^^^^^^^ what would you do? Should I be chill?
I love being 23 a lot so far. I love this age and stage in life. I'm feeling really calm. Calm is the primary thing I feel.
1/21/24
Firstly I would like to say that I really enjoy reading everything that my friends post on flounder. That is why I am posting now because I want to contribute.
I just had a lovely weekend which is good bc tbh my PTSD was really fucking bad this week and I needed a revitalization. Yesterday I went to cedar lake and I walked around in the cold with elderberry tea and walked in the middle of the lake. Walking on water is brilliant. The sun and the ice and the trees made me feel expansive. And then I cleaned the house and talked to F while I cleaned.
Today I woke up and I met up with someone I am trying to be friends with who I met at a party for coffee. It was good I think but I don't know if she wants to be friends with me. Also she has two moms and so I talked about being gay a lot and I fear that she may have thought that I thought that we were on a date. It's challenging to make friends when I want friends badly because I feel more self conscious of everything. Idk I am doing it even though it is challenging and terrifying.
Then I made focaccia for my work potluck tomorrow and I think it turned out good but I have'nt tried it yet.
Upon reflection I feel so much more rested and rejuvenated when I put effort into stimulating activities like baking bread and going for walks than when I sit and like watch tv all day. That's what I did last weekend and it is not fun bc there is such a short time each week to actually do things I enjoy and then when I don't use it I get real depressed.
9/17/2023
For the last two weeks I have been obsessed with the idea of swimming in the chain of lakes. Last week I went to bde maka ska which is the biggest one with the plan to swim. I bought a competition swim suit and my favorite goggles (women's vanquisher 2.0 with bungee straps). When I got there, there where lots of sail boats and it was huge and nobody was swimming so I did not swim. Then I found out about webber swimming pool which is a America's first natural swimming pool and I drove there only to find it was closed. Then, I looked up aquatic centers that were open. I needed to swim. I don't know what has come over me but this has become one of my basic needs. I for some reason decided that I should go to "the U" and try to get into their aquatic center. By this time I was driving myself fucking insane. Seriously I was on one. I walked up to the rec center, saw multiple frat men, remembered that I HATE college rec centers, remembered that I am not a student there and gave up my mission to swim that day.
Flash forward to today. I SWAM. My friend Demetri told me that he swims in cedar lake and that you're allowed to and that lots of people do it. So (bravely) I drove to the lake and put on my cap and goggles and swam around the buoys for like and hour and a half. Pure bliss. Pure bliss. This was the best swim of my life. Surrounded by reeds and fished and sky and cool water and brisk air I was so fucking happy. So fucking happy. Im gonna swim forever now.
I saw people swim across the lake. The internet said that they would fine me for this, but I had a very nice conversation with a man named herb and he told me that they stoped fining people for swimming across the lake. Apparently someone had drowned because they got caught in the weeds in the middle of the lake and then panicked. Herb said the weeds "are easy to pull up" and as long as I don't panic I will be okay. Next time I swim I am going to swim all the way across the lake a bunch of times. Im going to feel so free. Im so excited to swim tomorrow and the next day and every day for the rest of winter.
9/9/2023
Sitting in a coffee shot called dogwood in the northeast district. Im observing the people here, the buildings. The northeast arts district where I live ranges from old homes with jewel toned paint that has been chipped away from renter after renter into an illustration of comfort, to "urban flats" high rises that are made of grays and blacks, plastics and paper. The coffee shop I am in right now is clearly newly made. The walls have paintings on them that are reminiscent of an instagram infographic. There are garage doors that lead to an open floor plan with concrete furniture and gold rimmed potted plants. Outside there is a tether ball pole which endears the place to me despite it's unreachable aesthetic. There is also a ping pong table and iridescent skate board decks hanging as wall decor. The people around me range from tetherball to gold-rimmed. Some are heavily tattooed and wear punk affiliated clothing. Some wear heather gray athleisure and Hokas. All are here on the singular mission to turn the shop into a full blown office space with rent being $5-$10 a day. Including me. How nice is it to have a communal goal--nonverbal and yet so tangible.
9/8/2023
First week in minneapolis going well. Feeling good about the roomates and the place for sure. Looking forward to getting a job in town and already networked for one. Im biking every day and trying to take a different route every time that I do.
Yesterday on my bike ride a gay person leaned out their window to tell me that my bike tire was flat. I call that--flattery. Then I biked 20 feet up the road and stumbled upon a bike shop where some biking bros with beautifully heavy Minnesota accents pumped up my tires for free. The pull of bro culture is strong for me. I resist it with my expression of femininity for one more day.