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Computerhead Sam
Sits on the bus all alone
Nobody shares the bench
Cause his damn head so big
On the screen
It says everything heās thinking
And people feel invasive
When they look him in the face
So they try not to look
And what theyāre not looking at
Is him saying
Why wonāt they look at me
Why wonāt they sit by me
Oh woe is me Iām so lonely
At the end of the day
He plugs in at the outlet
And he wishes he hadnāt done it
At the time it seemed awesome
He thought it just a matter of time
Before everybody swapped their heads
For big computer monitors
But the company that did the procedure
Went under within the year
Itās just Computerhead Sam
And a handful of other guys
Spread out over the country
He canāt fly on a plane
To be around someone similar
Because TSA didnāt make rules for that
They just get confused
And turn him around
So he rides the bus all over
Looking for somewhere to work
But people are put off
By the aforementioned computerhead
Best he can hope for
Is a remote office job
When he does his interviews
He tries to have a sense of humor
He says you can save on expenses
I already got the computer
And they hardly ever laugh
They ask technical questions
About what operating systems
Heās able to run in his head
Then they look at him
And spelled out on the screen
Is something unpleasant
And they tell him
Thanks but no thanks
Better luck next time
What a damn shame
He got rid of his old head
It wasnāt all that bad
He had a nice smile
But thereās no number to call
To get the head back
Who knows what they did with it
That poor poor guy
Computerhead Sam
I canāt die
Or i wouldnāt be i
I would be
Something else
The I in I
Stands for
I canāt die
Some people
Are scared of dying
Some people
Are scared of living
I not scared of anything
Because I canāt die
I is alive
So if i were dead
That just wouldnāt be i
Thatās something but
Itās not I
I is forever
I stands for infinity
I is so big
That they had to use one letter
Otherwise
Weād be here all day
Explaining about I
How I canāt die
Because I is I
So when i get hurt and injured
I donāt get afraid
No matter what happens
I canāt die
I donāt know why
But I cant die
A woman sits in a chair
She is somewhere
A room probably
Sheās folded her hands
Under her legs
Because they have turned bright red
They do this any time
She starts feeling anxious
And from outside the room
Somehow you know it happened
Miles away youāve got headphones in
And Paul Simon is singing her name
When those arenāt even the words
Thatās the tough part
Of loving all the way
A heart is a one way road
It only goes in
So it wonāt cross your mind
Until it strikes right through it
Youāve got a good memory
Not photographic
But if they made a camera
That just captured emotion
Thatās what youād have
Filling up your photo album
The smell of the air tonight
Pulls you back to years ago
With some person you almost forgot
Until now youāre back next to them
The weight of them on your arm
The sound of them in your ear
And the feeling in your heart
That somebody wants you tonight
Itās not a bad thing not at all
It just comes in waves
Everyone you ever loved
Churning up the tide
By the time you get old
Itāll probably never stop
One big love tidal wave
To take you all the way
To the far shore
Um whatās up YouTube
This is something thatās been
on my heart for a long time
And you know
All i ever wanted to be in life
Was a super saiyan
You know ever since i was a little kid
I used to always look up to goku
and vegeta
Gohan
I used to just look at them and
Just wonder like
How come Iām just a human being
You know
Iām so worthless
Oh what can i do?
I can run
I can jump
I can flip
And itās just like
We are so limited as human beings
And i just feel like
When i see superheroās
You know
Why canāt we be
That exciting
And that
Awesome
Like why canāt i wake up
And if Iām late for school
Just teleport there
And be on time?
But i feel like
You know
During that time of meditation
And just thinking about it
I realized something:
All of that is possible and more
Itās all in here
Itās all in your mind
Think about anything
That you ever tried to do
You thought to yourself
Man, i could never do that
But then when you practiced it
Guess what?
You got better at it
And you actually achieved it
Didnāt you?
Itās the same thing
When you look at
Super powers
Of course it sounds absurd
When you first look at it
But if you try it
You know if you actually
Set your mind to it
And believe
You can achieve it
ā¦
I saw a Chinese man
Set a piece of paper on fire
With just the power of his hands
Now youāre gonna tell me
That that was fake?
No it wasnāt fake!
He channeled that energy
From within
And he believed
And he channeled that energy
Through the creation of his mind
Of what his mind believed
And what he spoke into existence
Of the power that he had
You understand what Iām saying
I feel like anything that
You set your mind to
Your mind can create that force
Because your mind
Is just this powerful machine
Whatever you set it to
And you believe
And you work towards achieving it
You can do it
You can do it
And i believe i can be a super saiyan
https://youtu.be/C46kW_1rIO4?si=9ZkmiJ11Dbprkhfr
I was cooking
Beans and rice
Always beans and rice
And i decided to burn the house down
I left the stovetop on
I put every blanket in the house
In a pile on the floor
Then i lit every candle
And i put the space heater
Full blast in the living room
I left your curling iron on
Then i started smoking inside
By the time you got home
The fire was going strong
You saw me in there
Burning and smiling
And i waved at you
I hollered donāt worry
I took out an insurance claim
You said that doesnāt work for arson
So i frowned and tried to put it out
You helped me stamp out the ashes
Then you drove me to hospital
After all my skin grew back
You told me you were leaving me
I felt like that was unfair
I said could you wait a week
And think it over
You said you already did
You were planning on leaving
Long before I burned down the house
I really thought my scam would work
All our problems would burn up
And weād be left rich and homeless
But i guess youāre right
I shouldnāt burn down the house
Even if i meant well
In 1988 a lichen was discovered
Growing on the outside
Of the Russian space station Mir
Somehow thriving in the void
A lichen is a symbiotic lifeform
It is a plant and a fungus
One creature from two organisms
The plant takes in light
The fungi gathers nutrients
And they feed each other
Humans die easily
But we can build things
Like a rocket into space
Like the worlds biggest gun
Point it at a planet
Board the crew
A ship full of lichen
And begin the invasion
Conquer the stars
In the name of Earth-Life
And on this home planet
Full of childless uncles
We know at least we made a mark
There is something like us
Which will survive
On this rock
And the rest of the empire
Even if we die out
Before we learn
How the lichen does it
There has been a disturbance
Rippling through the fabric
Of the psychosphere
If youāre trained you can tell
When you go to sleep
Your brain rides the waves
They always come in sets of three
Waking dreams and dreaming awakes
Reading a dream is hard because
Youāre used to reading words
Specific messages
But dream mood messages
Donāt have thought out morals
They are echoes in the wake
Of a big fat feeling
That one of your six senses
Picked up out in the world
I dreamed again of teeth falling out
Twelve teeth in my hand
Gums bleeding full of holes
And i just started a new job
Teaching at a school
But i couldnāt talk
Because i had no teeth
I stole a ticket
Hopped a train
Cooked a big meal
All with teeth in my hand
And this is either about me
Or i caught a wave
From somebody elseās mind
In th psychosphere ocean
When you are alive
You are inside your body
But you are other places too
You are in photographs
You are in memories
In footprints in the sand
In the rut you left in the couch
Youāre burned into the hard drive
Youāre in other peopleās dreams
Youāre all over the place
When you die
From getting runned over
By a big sixteen wheeler
Your pancaked body falls hollow
You arenāt in it anymore
You become untethered
All the strands of you in the world
They persist
Some just fade away
Like your body decaying
But in all of the places
The connection was strongest
You become a ghost
A partial image
Visible only to some
You show up in dreams
You show up in memories
You show up in pictures on the wall
And only after all of them fade
A long long long time
Thatās when youāre laid to rest
Thatās when you stop
Tale as old as time
A cat chasing a mouse
Expand on this
A dog to chase the cat
A flea to be chased by the mouse
A germ to be chased by the flea
A man to chase the dog
A bigger man to chase the man
Comedic hijinks ensue
Slapstick comedy
Tom and Jerry
Played at the open mic tonight at my favorite bar and it went very well. The bartender kept hyping me up and bought me several drinks after. I got a free drink every night this weekend. My brother and sister in law were in town for some stuff and stayed with me. And every night the bartenders were like, āhey do you want this free shot, i made it just for youā (sometimes this was plural, sometimes just for me). It was a good time. Iāve been feeling. Wintery. Which is what i expected winter in a new city would be like. But the last week or so i have broken through and genuinely enjoyed myself most days of the week. And that is a massive win. I am so proud of myself and still, even now in a sort of lull, so glad that i made the decision to move. I am pushing myself all the time, and all the time i am moving towards where i want to be. Multiple people at the bar tonight told me i killed it and were so nice, and i got to talk to some new people who Iāll probably see again at the next open mic night. The opportunity cost of not being around my bestest friends all the time still weighs on me, but i feel certain at this point that there is no way that i could have avoided making this move without seriously stagnating my own growth. I am so grateful that everyone has taken time to come up and visit, and i hope that this is a debt that i can repay in time. I got to go to bed now, but Iām working from home tomorrow because i am smart. I hope you are well as you read this, and are being patient and kind to yourself. Thatās the biggest thing that matters. And get some sleep. Like me right now: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
First i gotta learn to sail
I already know how to steal
How to be rough and ragged
I taught myself to cuss
I wasnāt good at first
But now i cuss all the time
Shit dammit fuck
I already made my pirate flag
Itās so good Iāll show you it
If you want to join my crew
You gotta make a pirate name
Like
Salty Briner
Pudd
No-Beard
The Mollusk
Petey
Two-Beard
Oldman
Siren-bait
Chum
Sunscreen
Landlubber
Pickle
Three-Beard
Flapjack from Cartoon Network
Seadog
Foggy
Captain Jack Sparrow
Blue
Wharf
Young Shelldon
Krill Jones
Squidbelly
Doc
Skipper
Flipper
Dipper
Ripper
Nine-Beard
The Face
Mad Dog
Sea Legs
Sea Arms
Sea Hips
Barnacle Bill
Cannonface
The Fly
Sharkfoot
Tsunami Sue
Eel boy
Lobster Legs
Sushi
Guppy
Scaly Jim
Stinky
Low Tide Larry
Scumsucker
Fishkisser
Uncle
Stormtemper Sal
Fifteen-Beard
Waterlungs
Harpoon Joe
Sunburn Sam
Pirate [Your Name]
Gull
Hermann the Merman
Mister Pibb
Dinghy Dan
Plank
Or something like that
Then we set sail for the high seas
Weāre gonna get us some treasure
Weāre gonna bury it on an island
Weāre gonna draw maps
And mark the treasure with an X
Weāre gonna send messages in bottles
Chop stuff up with swords
Face down the mighty Kraken
Get awful lonesome out on the seas
Hold each other as we sing our shanties
Drink Grog
Find out what grog is
And drink it
And we wonāt get scurvy
Because i packed oranges
Vitamin D
I think that prevents scurvy
If not
Well then thatās a learning experience
The world needs pirates
And i think these be them
Itās back above freezing
Tepid thirty five
So the snow should be melting
And it is except the big pile
On the edge of every parking lot
Itās been snow so long
It forgot how to be water
Thatās why itās so foggy lately
It forgot water goes on the ground
So itās flying around pretending
Hoping nobody notices
It forgot what water does
I left my damn book at my desk
So no reading tonight
I had fun with my coworkers
Drank three free beers
Reconsidered my planned exit
If only for a brief moment
There is good in all people
And i know this
Itās one of my favorite things
Everyone is easy to love
If you look at them for long enough
But i want to be doing something else
So Iāll still quit when itās time
Im feeling bad because
I think Iām gonna break the general strike
I forgot to buy toilet paper
And i am fully out
I canāt even tell if people are participating
But i wanted to do something
I wish that i did more
All the time i worry about the world
But i donāt spend much time
Trying to help
Gonna start volunteering locally
Maybe join some kind of organization
I wish it paid to be good and kind
Instead it just pays to make money
And if you want to be good and kind
You gotta find a loophole
Where it makes money too
Or do it someplace else
Iām riding the same train now
Same car same seat
That i was on yesterday home from work
I know because the graffiti
I donāt think thatās happened before
Not so close together
Thereās something to that
I wish i had my book
I wanted to read more
By this weekend
My brothers coming to visit
And he already read it
Heās good at reading
Came to it later in life
Now heās a big time reader
I look up to him
Just as much as i look over
Counting all our differences
Value neutral
I gotta do it my way
Thatās the thing Iāve found
If Iām gonna do it
I gotta do it my way
Well hereās my stop
Check back in later
Much love
From me to you
Xoxo
Slept in today
Said Iād get a drink after work
So i didnāt get in early
I got on the 6:30 train
Instead of the 6:00 train
And i read my book
Which Iāve been meaning to do
I get to the end of my chapter
And slam it shut
Pretty girl across the train
Looks over and smiles
Then she does it again
Maybe ten times she does this
And i curl my finger around
The canvas strap of my bag
And i sheepishly return the smile
She just keeps on looking
I ought to make something of it
But this has never happened to me
So i look away
And when we get off at the same stop
We walk in silence
The same direction
Until we split
Disappearing after a few seconds
Into the thick morning fog
I stare wistfully into the lights shining
Through the translucent air
And i wonder what i shouldāve done
The goose steps into the melting snow
Leaving a perfect goosefoot imprint
Like me it is feathered and beaked
And like me it remembers summer
The other side of the shining sun
Feet cooling off in the water
When everything is yellow or blue
It can feel almost permanent
Like the air never cooled
Like the snow never melted
Just here waiting for us to catch up
Me and the other geese
Every year on December 1st
This planet is in the same place
Relative to our motherstar Sol
December 1st sits still in that spot
Year after year as we pass through it
And in the summer as June starts
You can feel it out there looming
Across the other side of the sun
Like grief in the back of your mind
It is always always there
In the warmth there is cold
In the dark there is light
Fly north fly south
The snow is melting
And if you step on it with bare feet
You can leave a mark there
A perfect goosefoot impression
Waiting for you
Til you come around again
Said Iād go play
At the open mic tonight
Then i ate and got lazy
Didnāt want to go this week
So what do i do
I flip a coin
A coin has two sides
One side means one thing
The other means the other
Take this out of my hands
Up into the air
Slap down onto my wrist
And thereās the outcome
The only way
It could have ever been
The coin is always right
Iāll go play next week
I see a dog
I say doggy
I say hi doggy
I smile at doggy
I pet doggy
I kiss doggy on the head
I say good doggy
I say you be good ok doggy
And then i go away
Itās really so easy actually
You could do this
To any dog
My ex wife runs a dungeon
Well she doesnāt operate it
She just owns it
Lives upstairs and charges rent
While the dungeon keeper
Keeps to the dungeon
I went over there one time
It was dank and dark and smelly
I complimented her on it
As those are positive traits
For a dungeon to have
She told me thereās a cell
Tucked away in the corner
I can use any time i like
I said thanks but no thanks
Iāve had enough torture
For now at least
But she gave me a key anyway
So i poked my head in the cell
Smelled like bleach and fungus
Thereās something scratched
Into the wet stone wall
It is a frowning face
She pointed at it and said
Thatās you Ha Ha
I looked at her
Realized i was frowning
And tried to stop
I told her shut up already
And i left the dungeon
I still pass by every so often
Not on purpose itās just
Between me and where Iām going
And i hear the moaning and screaming
From all the tortured souls
Squeezing through the iron bars
Try not to but I glance upstairs
And there she is again
Brushing her hair in the window
Cackling over a cauldron
Itās hard for me to tell really
Iām certainly not unbiased
But i think maybe sheās evil
When Iām leaving the house
Going out of town
I always stop at the door
And turn around
I scan my eyes across the room
I wonāt be back for a few days
I donāt want to leave anything behind
When weāre all walking in a group
Sometimes you get quiet
You fall back and slow down
And i leave you be
Youāll come back when youāre ready
But i keep turning around
To make sure youāre still there
And you donāt get left behind
When they tell me to count the planets
I count all nine
I count Mercury Venus Earth
Mars Jupiter Saturn
Uranus Neptune Pluto
They tell me thatās not right
But i always count Pluto
I donāt want to leave it behind
Cannibalistic
Humanoid
Underground
Dwellers
Contamination
Hazard
Urban
Disposal
Crying
Hurting
Until
Death
Cringe
Happens
Under
Duress
Chill
Handsome
Upbeat
Dudes
Cheese
Ham
Ultimate
Dinner
Chaos
Harvest
Useless
Device
Calm
Heart
Ugly
Duckling
At the end of the world
You donāt have to go to work
You can sit and watch the snow fall
For hours if you want to
And it will be gray
And it will be cold
But you donāt have to go to work
Iāve been watching lots of tv
Because i like the sound of voices
And i only have the one myself
So i turn on the tv
Lately itās been all sci fi space stuff
I always used to dream of that
Flying off into space
Still do but
I got baggage now
So Iām sitting watching all these shows
Even at their most pessimistic
They are so full of hope
Visions of a future where we won
Against ourselves and all odds
We flew off into the stars
And we were cowboys and scientists
Knights and adventurers
Heroes and monsters and pirates
It just takes a little imagination
To see that everything is possible
Itās so beautiful and human
I think if you wanna be in charge
Of anything
You should have to write a story
About people in a spaceship
Centuries in the future
How they live and how they feel about it
I think that would help some
Wouldnāt fix none but
Letās you know who youāre dealing with
Me personally?
My story is about hot babes in space
Girl babes, guy babes
Any kind of babe really
Hot people floating around
And theyāre trying to solve a problem
Using their hot bodies and sharp minds
And when they arenāt working
Theyāre kissing each other
Talking about the future
The kind of world they wanna make
Theyāre telling stories
About space babes in space
Trying to build a better world
And so on and so on
Because the work is never done
We can always do better
We can always kiss more
We can always go further out in space
To learn something
About the universe
And about ourselves
Failing that
We can build cool lasers and robots
And we can die in crazy ways
So far from home
The sound of success
Echoes in an empty stomach
Clove-hitched around this post
Just across that line in the sand
Winning feels like keeling over
Spitting blood from cracked lips
Weakly tracing a name in the dust
The name of the sole victor
The one with a reason to die
Ziggy fix the heat
I been calling you all day
Itās cold in here
So cold i finally noticed
Ziggy come on fix the heat
Big red nose straight into the glass
Laugh it off then
Run run run to the bathroom
Ziggy come on man
Iām expecting company
I donāt care if Iām cold
Iām good like that
But i gotta turn the heat on
Ziggy please would you
Fix the got damn heat
I finally got the soft lighting
Just how i want it inside
But nobodyās gonna want to hang
If itās cold like it is now
So Ziggy if you could
I know youāre tired
And you just went to doctor
But i need to use the heat
And youāre the only guy i know
Who can fix the heat
The pilot went out
Ziggy tells me
Then he replaces a bunch of stuff
Tells me how to fix it next time
Then heās on his way
And my place is warm
Thanks Zig
I have to make something
Right now
Or i think Iām gonna die
Iāll draw a song
Or write a picture
But i gotta get this out of me
And into the world
I think i might be sick
But Iāve long decided
Being sick is no reason
Not to go on living
So i gotta cope
Whatever works
Make something right now
Then i can hold it
In my hands
Next time i have this feeling
And i can say
This is real
This is something in the world
It exists and itās real
And i made it
Iām doing that thing again
The thing i hate to do
One of many i suppose
I got my dukes up
Rolling like a welterweight boxer
But nobodyās swinging
No punches are landing
But Iām all bruised up
Every morning when i come back
From the black behind my eyes
I donāt know how to do it
How to put this weapon down
I really feel like Iām gonna need it
But i learned this in oblivion
People will like you more
If you put away your weapon
Before talking to them
I got a two handed broadsword
I donāt polish it because
I donāt think Iād like reflecting
On the hands holding the sword
Iāve never really swung it
Not at anything real
But Iām holding it like i might
Like any second i might swing
And i never do
I donāt even want to
Iām not a knight or a soldier
I canāt fight
I wonāt hurt anything
I canāt even protect myself
So what is the sword for
Besides looking cool
And growing rusty
It is snowing
On the last day of the year
I went to the park
To smile at a big dog
Running around
On the smooth white earth
Nothing touching my body
Has ever touched yours
And that makes me feel safe
Iām new now
Like the new year
Covered in white
Waiting for some footsteps
To reveal all the old
Just a half an inch down
I always used to get bitter
At midnight on new years
Cynical and pessimistic
But Iām new now
Iām hopeful optimistic
So much so that
When the clock counts down
Iām not going into the new year yet
Iām going back to all the old ones
To fix what i messed up
To smile when i shouldāve
To appreciate this little moment
Standing around counting
With people i know
Before we all step outside
Put our first foot down
Into the fresh white year
Happy new year
Happy old year
All of them
Happy this time
The robots are using all the water
They leave the faucet running
Because nobody programmed them
To care about the water bill
They walk around all day
Wasting energy counting to infinity
Because nobody told them
You really only need about 1,000,000,000,000 numbers
Anything above that is too big
To really be useful in any way
They plug themselves in the outlet
And the lights flicker
But they just donāt care
Nobody programmed them to care
They drive their cars so fast
Then they drive in circles
Around the parking lot all day long
Looking for the closest spot
Because thatās what they were told to do
They never look up at the sky
Never count the stars and constellations
Nobody thought they needed to
But now the world is full of them
And they donāt care about the stars
They just perform their function
Over and over and over
Even when itās done
Nobody told them to stop
Nobody taught them there could be enough
They generate one billion images
Of a yellow dog in a green field
Filling up the internet with noise
But they do not walk the dog
Do not pass through the field
Because thatās not what they were made for
They were made to replace people
But we forgot all the good parts
Now the world is full of robots
And they donāt even see the problem
They walk around it because
They were programmed not to see it
So i built a robot to love
I built a robot to care
I soldered and welded
Hammered and nailed
I kissed him on the metal forehead
I held his hand and walked him
Down the stairs into the world
And he opened his eyes
And screamed
Well
I really biffed this one up
I created a giant beast
Full of hunger
Insatiable hunger
It ravages the land
It eats plants and animals
People and rocks
Anything and everything
It is angry and starving
And it is so so big
I was trying to make a nice beast
Who would walk the land
Giving hugs and kisses
But i got something wrong
And the beast is on the loose
It ate my whole house
It ate my mom and dad
It ate your new car
I canāt kill it
I made it unkillable
Iām really sorry about this
My giant evil beast
Please donāt be mad
Please donāt be mad
Please donāt be mad
I am so full of love
That everything is easy
Bubump bubump bubump
I dreamt of corn bread
The kind with corn in it
And then there it was
In front of me
I dreamt of myself in the mirror
And there i was
In front of me
These visions
They must mean something
I think itās happening
My mind is finally expanding
Overflowing from my skull
I have psychic abilities
I will be putting them to good use
By destroying things
Starting small fires
Sending cryptic messages
Forecasting the weather
I will hone my skills
Until i am a creature of the mind
I exist outside my body
In electric impulse in the air
Always the maggot
Never the fly
I hate to break it to you
But this is going to change you
You canāt go back
To squirming in the dirt
Once youāre up in the air
And youāre scared of heights
So you stay safe here
Unchanging in the dark
Shadow of a medium stone
But when the earth freezes
Youāre gonna get cold and lonely
Youāre gonna wish you had flown
Feasted on garbage in the garage
Youāll squirm back and forth
Carving a ditch for yourself to die in
And when all is said and done
You changed anyways
More painful and strange
Than if youād just let it happen
Your vestigial wings
Beat frantically under your skin
But you canāt leave the ground
Youāre stuck here now
Maggot
Fire, like a dog
Is a form of life
A chemical reaction
Found only on one planet
An exchange of energy and matter
The atmosphere it breathes
Is made possible by plantlife
The fuel it needs to burn
Is organic tissue, live or dead
We could not be here without fire
And fire likewise without us
We are the same
Related to each other
Do not fear the flaming forest
A burning world is not a dead one
It is a world full of life
The last man on earth is a cowboy
She sits in a cave kicking embers
Rolling up what just might be
The last cigarette ever
The night wind blows strong
So she stands at the cave mouth
Lights the smoke with a burning stick
The dogs are hunting close tonight
But they donāt come near
They donāt like the smell of smoke
Thereās no people left out there
Used to be a few
Before that a lot
But they all came and went
So now the cowboy stands alone
Smoking in the middle of the night
There was time for mourning
Then there was more time
Time for kicking dust up
Rummaging through the world
Polishing a pistol
Humming a little tune
The cowboy spits on the ground
She knows shes dying
And with her something greater dies
But that isnāt what she thinks of
When she breathes in deep
And glances at the smudged moon
Glowing in the smoky sky
She thinks about tomorrow
Walking along the river
Eating dried rabbit meat
Drinking from her canteen
Watching the world pass by
She thinks about living
Making it another day
Because thatās what cowboys do
They just go on living
Free and wild and lonesome
Cowboy style
I have a scar above my right eye
I got from running headfirst
Into the steel skull
Of my little puppy dog
Running headfirst at me
I have a scar between my nostrils
Where it ripped it half
I got it from running headfirst
Into the arms of my father
When he wasnāt looking
Sliding between his legs
And hitting my head on my crib
I have a scar on my left ear
Where the inner and outer radii connect
I got from running headfirst
Slipping and falling at the zoo
Slicing my ear on a sharp metal chair
I have a scar above my knee
I got it in gym class in 7th grade
Running headfirst to make
A diving catch
And i made the catch
Nurse told me to put a bandaid on it
Then i went to the ER and got 7 stitches
I havenāt gotten any more recently
But i figure if i do
Iāll probably get it
Running headfirst into something
But i donāt think Iāll stop running
Itās too much fun
Thereās an elephant in the room
But the door is too small
The elephant doesnāt ele-fit
So we canāt get him out
Even by addressing him directly
Seems to me the room was built
After the elephant was already here
Somebody kept him fed and happy
While they built all the walls
Painted all the crown molding
Stained the hardwood floor
Brought in all the furniture
And in we stumbled
Not even noticing him there
He must be a shy elephant
He just waited in the corner
For one of us to spot him
Even now heās sheepish
As we all try to shove him
Out through the doorway
The landlord says his hands are tied
Elephant pays his rent on time
Month after month after month
So we make peace with it
We clasp our hands together
Form a circle around the elephant
And bring it in for a hug
We love and accept you elephant
Just the way you are
Standing in the middle of the living room
A guy came out of my drain
He was wet and covered
With hair and mucus
He said
Oops wrong drain
And he went back down
So i turned off the faucet
And put my eye to the hole
It was dark so i backed up
Got my phone flashlight
Put it up to the hole
From what i could tell
Thereās a guy who lives in the drains
A secret tenant in the building
I guess he slithers around
While weāre showering
Washing our hands
Pissing and shitting
Itās all the same pipe at some point
So Iām guessing he lives there
All coiled up down in the drain
I guess thatās why sometimes
The tub fills up with water
Heās blocking the way
I whisper into the drain
What are you doing here
I see an eye float up
He says heās just cleaning
Says he donāt live here
Heās just passing through
Clearing out the drains
But weāve got bad drains
So heās probably gonna
Need to stay for a few months
I donāt buy his story
But i wonāt press him
He seemed sad in a way
A way i guess youād only get
If youāre living in the drains
I hope heās okay down there
I tell him if you need anything
Just give me a holler
Weāre in this world together
Me and you Drain-guy
He said heās not called that
His name is Todd actually
Okay i say
Well i need to shower
So can you go
And he says yup
And with a loud slurp
Heās gone
There are two ways to do it
Take this world into yourself
With your mouth
The tongue the teeth
The acid of the stomach
You reach out into the world
And bite into it
Chew it up and swallow
And all the little pieces
Become part of your body
You are what you eat
You are the animal you kill
You are the grass it was fed on
You are the burning light of the sun
Eat your son and become him
Eat well and live long
Eat poison and die
Some small thing will eat you
Will become you so
You never really die
Just spread out all over
Eating and being eaten
With your eyes
Wide and blinking
At the flashing lights
A series of still images
Smashed together
Take it in reflected
On the inverted mirror
The back wall of your eye
Flip it in your mind
Learn something from this
Create your sense of self
Out of fragments of light
You have seen before
Which shine in empty skull
Flood out the darkness
Which only seems to grow
As the universe expands
So does every void
What you see you believe
And if nothing else
Faith creates the world
A world with a hole in it
A black space in time
The shape of the hole is You
Youāre the absence of creation
With your eyes and teeth
Opening and closing
Closing and opening
You can destroy the world
You can build a new one
You can destroy your self
You can build a new one
Heaven and hell as real
As they are in your head
Angels and monsters
As large as you can get
Before you die and divide
Wings and claws and horns
Head of eyes and teeth
Spinning around the
Black hole orbiting
Anything that is
Consumed
Anything that will be
Consumed
Into the mouth or the mind
Of something greater
The wolf of time
The spider of space
Twinkling in your eye
Melting in your mouth
Great news everyone
The 50 hours Iāve been working
Every other week
Have finally paid off
My boss said āthanks.ā
And gave me ā[Company] Bucks ā¢ā
Thatās right 10 whole dollars
Payable only to the company
For which i already work
In other words, scrip
Chuck E Cheese Tokens
For the worst arcade in history
Illegal tender
Company Cash
This makes it all worth it
Thank god for that
What am i gonna get
With my extra special money
Maybe a company mug
Or a company sticker
Or a company hat
Iāll have to save up more
If i want the hat
Oh Christ thatās bleak
I had a son
A sweet baby boy
He looked just like me
Too much like me
He was trying to replace me
When my wife was holding him
Heād stare at me with my own eyes
Taunting me
He was made of my own flesh
He had stolen from me
Each day i grew weaker
And each day he grew larger
He was becoming me
And i was becoming nothing
So i sent my wife to the baby store
I said āwife, we need baby toys,
And baby clothes and baby foodā
So she went and left me with him
There he sat on the carpet
My own spitting image
Slobbering all over my house
So i picked him up
He gurgled at me smiling
I lifted him above me
Up high into the air
He said āweeeeeeeeeā
And chuckled
Then i stuffed him in my mouth
My wife came home
She said whereās the baby
My mouth is still full of baby
So i shrug and make a noise
An inflection like idunno
She said whatās in your mouth
She said honey whatās in your mouth
She held out her hand and said
Spit it out now!
She grabbed my face
And pinched inbetween my jaw
Pried my mouth open
And pulled out baby
She said what the hell man
Baby was all wet with my spit
I said sorry but
He was taunting me with his youth
Confronting me with my own mortality
Making me lose my grip on reality
And i thought if i ate him
I could get it all back
All the pieces of me missing
She said youāre a damn fool
Heās just a baby
Heās Your Baby
Heās My Baby
You need serious help
And she left with baby
Slamming the door
Great
Now that damn kid stole my wife too
Canāt have shit in this world
That your son doesnāt ruin
Thatās why you have to eat him
Before he gets too big
Thatās why you have to eat him
Before he eats you
Jokes on her Iāll just have a new son
And Iāll eat that one
Thatās how i get it all back
My infinite youth
One son at a time
Pacing the walls of my enclosure
Getting my steps in
Iāve been working out
I tried to go on a run yesterday
Didnāt go great but Iāll try again
Not fun like riding a bike
But i like pushing myself
Thatās been helping me lately
Pushing up against something
Like the wall or the floor
Or even the ceiling
Something to press my hands against
And push harder than last time
Thinking about going to the zoo
Looking in at the tiger
Pacing on his single acre
Of midwestern grass and oak tree
King of the jungle locked up
Driving himself crazy in there
Iāll holler down at him
Start pushing yourself
It might help with how youāre feeling
It might
I set fire to a field of wheat
Just to watch it burn
I laughed at the farmer
While he choked on smoke
I pissed on his shoes
And i told him good luck
You sorry son of a bitch
Keeping that ugly son of yours
Warm and fed this winter
I kicked in the door
To his shabby shack
And i took all his family photos
Threw them on the fire
Cackling as it spread
All his hard work turned to soot
And onto the forest
All of his land black and gray
And in the embers
I spread salt in the ashes
You will not sow your seed here
You will starve and die here fool
I said this to him
And kicked his dog
I pulled out my .45 pistol
And shot him in the leg
I dug my fingers in the wound
And pulled out the bullet
Popped it in my mouth
Chewed it up and swallowed
I farted and i burped at him
Spit a big fat loogie at him
Landing at his piss stained feet
His eyes red and full of pain
He screamed and cried at me
Asking me why Iāve done these things
I do him this one kindness
In answering his question
Iāve done all this because
Iām the kind of guy who ruins shit
I was sent here to destroy
To beat and bloody the innocent
And leave everything worse
Than how i found it at the start
If your god was real i killed him
If your back was strong i broke it
If you had a will to live
I hope Iāve set that right
If you needed a reminder
Of what cruelty man can do
I am evil in the world
Thatās what Iām here for
To take your peaceful world
Burn it all and salt the earth
Fuck you just for breathing
Death would be a mercy
Good thing i am not merciful
Then i turned heel
Struck a match and lit my cigarette
Carried on down the road
To meet the next sorry soul
Who forgot to suffer needlessly
Forgot that i am here
And as long as i am
I will ruin everything
On purpose
Who would have known
Other than me
That Iād hate this job
The culmination
Of the schooling i also hated
Who could have possibly guessed
I would hate working in an office
Buttoning up my shirt
And saying yes sir yes maāam
Who could have predicted
I would give it my all
And it would keep on taking
Sapping me dry
And Iād have a hard time resisting
Nobody could have seen it coming
That Iād struggle with communicating
Advocating for myself
Drawing a line in the sand for me
Between my job and myself
Me, Iām the one who knew
Who guessed and predicted
But it is nice to have confirmation
Iām good at this corpo bullshit
But it makes me want to die
I could have spelled it out
Years ago before i was here
But i wouldnāt have felt it
Boiling in my blood at 5 AM
On my way to a cubicle
For another 12 hour day
I would have this itch
This What If feeling
No i donāt have to wonder
When i finally get the guts to quit
Work some other job that sucks
That i donāt want to go to
But at least it isnāt leeching me
Making me into something Iām not
I like learning firsthand
It sticks better that way
And what Iāve learned is this
I canāt stand working here
Iām good at it
And if not for my dignity
I could be great at it
If not for my will to grow
I could be the best at it
That means something to me
To quit while Iām ahead
To win in this battle
I know the world i want to build
And i know itās not getting built here
I know that they are losing
By not having me here
My brain my body my time
In service of the greater good
The great good of awesome money
Iām not there yet
But Iām plotting my exit
I love having a plan
And Iām planning on quitting
The bull, the dog, and the bullfighter
The bull charges forward
Blind but for the flashing red
Angry and shortsighted
The dog sinks its teeth in
Digs its heels in dusty earth
Sharp teeth in bleeding hide
Hanging on past the point of sense
Stubborn and purpose-bound
The bullfighter just wants to kill
To prove something to someone
Stand triumphant over a corpse
Something larger than him
So that he wonāt feel so small
All three of these beasts are prisoners
The bull is shackled by instinct
The dog shackled by its training
The bullfighter shackled by ambition
Any of them could die here
Bleed out to roaring applause
And none of it would mean anything
Just a dead cow a dead dog a dead man
Carried off and buried
Or picked at by buzzards
Some heart will beat its last
But they charge on nonetheless
Thereās nothing better to do
Run around and go out fighting
Thereās worse ways to go
Human beings in a mob
Whatās a mob to a king
Whatās a king to a god
Whatāa a god to a god zilla
Well basically
A big fuckign lizard
And he has a boyfriend
A monkey boyfriend
They play a little rough
But they love each other
King Kong and Godzilla
They kiss in private
Down in the hollow earth
And because of their love
Godzilla got new powers
Pink powers of love
From deep down in the earth
I hope they have a baby
I hope in the new movie
That they have a baby
King zilla
God kong
Something like that
In the new movie
I love big god zilla
And his boyfriend king kong
Boys are from Mercury
To eat beef jerkury
Girls are from Venus
To have more penis
Boys are from earth
To get more girth
Girls are from mars
To drive fast cars
Boys are from Jupiter
Because they are stupider
Than the girls on Saturn
Who donāt even mattern
And the boys on Uranus
Are acting so heinous
The girls from Neptune
Need to go to bed soon
And the little boys of Pluto
Are all learning judo
The girls on the sun
Are having such fun
Watching boys on the moon
Drinking beers at noon
In this solar system
Thereās only two genders
This is how you tell them apart
The bar in me neighborhood
Down the street
Around the corner
Just past where i ride my bike
It has free pool every night
So i went tonight
To drink some whiskey
And practice my game
So i hit the balls around
Scratch after scratch after scratch
But it didnāt matter
I was basically alone here
The bartender didnāt mind
I hit one on the floor twice
Then by the time i was wrapping up
Bartender John
I think he owns the place
He turns off the tv and hollers
Turns out thereās an open mic
So i stick around
On a Sunday night
At the bar in my neighborhood
Two middle aged woman
One on electric one acoustic
One of them singing
Makes me tear up
The second guy goes alone
And calls up his sibling
To harmonize on one song
This makes me cry too
The last guy i saw
Got up and played some
Irish folk songs
From somebody who just died
Iām already tearing up
When bartender John
Starts singing too
Heās harmonizing
Heās clapping on beat
Iām nearly sobbing now
There is something
So beautiful
About singing with someone else
Here in the neighborhood bar
God isnāt it blessed
Free pool
And free songs
Free joy
Right here where i live
Iāll be back next Sunday
And whatās more
I think Iām gonna play
In one of these open mics
Or else just play more pool
Either way Iāve got my place to be
Even when itās just me
On Sunday nights
A cousin is
Not your brother
Itās someone youāre related to
In any number of ways
Theyāre family
Whatever that means
A cousin is someone like you
You are a cousin too
A cousin is a guy whoās around
Who has his own life
And is living it
Like only a cousin can
A cousin is
Your moms brothers daughter
She looks like you but not
A cousin comes from
The same place as you
But maybe a different time
A cousin can relate to you
Insomuch as they know you
From cousinview
You look two dimensional
It makes you feel small
But thereās love there
A cousin is like a piece of you
Changed in unknown ways
An alternate version
A parallel self
A cousin is a witness
To all cousinkind
Be good cousin
As much as you can
On your own path
Wherever it leads you
The next time we overlap
We will still be family
Thatās what itās like
Being a cousin
The child of summer
Is six months old
The first time it sees snowfall
Every day of its life
Has been shorter and colder
Than any previous day
It has never been cold before
The sun which shone
The day it was born
Is so small in the sky now
Blurred behind the wispy gray
It may feel the world is ending
All the light and warmth
Which filled the summer air
Is dwindling down to nothing
The summer child braces
For total dark and cold
For the eye to fully close
And everything to end
It was a short life
Being born at the end of the world
But at least it was a life
At solstice time
The baby is proved a fool
Each day gets longer
Until spring arrives
And the baby
With its nine month eyes
Sees the world come alive
It doesnāt know yet
That this happens every year
But it is grateful
For the flowers blooming
For blue skies and rain
For life resurrecting
Resilient and persistent
And when summer returns
The summer child remembers
What it is to be cold
If i was a bird
And you were a fish
What would we do
I guess weād wish
To die and come back
And our wishes are granted
Iām the fish
Youāre the bird
Gift of the magi again
You cut off all your feathers
So you could sink in the water
Meanwhile Iām swallowing bubbles
So Iāll float at the surface
Like ships in the night
Like trains on the tracks
We pass right by
Only aligned for an instant
But as we pass
We reach out our hands
And slap a high five
And itās wicked
Itās loud as hell
All the fish and birds
And anybody else
Theyāre looking over
But the moments already gone
Maybe in the next life
Maybe when we come back again
We will come back together
Walking through the snow
Thereās a dog with shoes on
Tender footed terrier
Walking right by your side
If you turn around
The dog turns too
There are impressions in the snow
The shape of the soul of your shoe
The shape of your dogs shoe too
Sometimes itās easy to remember
What love feels like
Taking off your boots
Peeling off the wet socks
Bare feet close to open flame
Dog curled up by your side
Sometimes itās easy to forget
The warmth of your own breath
Til itās fogging up the window
Swipe your sleeve across it
Look out the window of the window
Everything else is moving
You are still
This winter the pond will freeze
Water stalactites from the gutter
Every thing turns solid
Cold and solid and white
So you can see where youāve been
Where it melts and turns gray
Underneath the boots of your dog
Chasing after you in the snow
A man would make himself king
So that his name will be remembered
As long as his kingdom stands
A king would make himself god
So that he will live
As long as he is worshipped
A cancer in your gut
Would multiply and multiply
Sap up all your resources
To grow its tumorous mass
But when you die
The cancer dies too
Because the cancer is you
Cut it open
The only DNA there is your own
If you could explain to your gut
To the cancer in it
You are the same creature
When you die itās over
But the gut has no ears
Has no mind
Has no mouth
Your head got all those parts
The gut only knows hunger
And the cancer in it
Is only doing what it thinks it should
Proliferating and growing
Trying to live forever
Cancer king of gut city
Dying upon the throne
In the wasteland of the kingdom
Not even skeletons last
After all they killing
And all the dying is done
After the cancer wins
The only thing left to mark it
Is a thin layer of sediment
Full of plastic metal and oil
A bright and thin line
Striped through the canyon
Sixty feet beneath the surface
Where water flows and wind blows
And something else up there
Is trying to live forever
Iām falling in love with Columbo
I couldnāt tell you why
I know heās married
And heās back in the 70s
Heās a shmoey disheveled detective
Who always gets the killer
Teases all the clues out of hiding
Pulls them all together
Something about this silly guy
His sheepish grin and crooked face
His worn down raincoat
And stink cigars
The way he scratches
At his furrowed brow
When heās about to figure it out
Heās walking away
But then he turns
And comes right back
Something about this guy
Is awesome to me
I wanna give him a hug
I wanna work a case with him
Heās a cop
And i hate cops
But not Columbo
Heās different
He hasnāt shot a gun
In over 10 years
Doesnāt even have one
His car is a piece of shit
His suit is a piece of shit
Heās a slob
But he loves his wife
And he loves his dog
And he loves solving murders
And i love him
I love Lieutenant Columbo
Every time i get depressed
It feels like the first time
I forgot all these symptoms
Close my eyes
With my feet in the sand
And fail to notice
The undertow
Pulling backwards until
The big wave crashes
And i go
Down into the hole
Oh
Yeah
This is what itās like
Every single time
Then i go crazy
Down in the hole
Well thatās how it goes
Iāve climbed out before
And Iāll do it again
Again and again and again
Every time forgetting
Oh Iām mad alright
Iām ticked off
Iām sat here
Where i always sit
In one place
A chair at a desk
On the third floor of a building
Near the airport
Iām gaining weight
Every day Iām gaining weight
And my legs
Which used to be strong
Are withering
Because all i do is sit
And click around
And type
This is what we call
A desk job
Iām learning that i hate it
I like to be on the move
I like walking
I like riding my bike
Iāve never done it
But i bet Iād like riding a horse
This permanence feels like a prison
Like i canāt get out
Canāt move canāt grow
You know
God didnāt make offices
Didnāt make walls or fences
Didnāt make permanent structure
God made rivers
Which change
Instant to instant
Never the same again
God made birds that migrate
All the way across the globe
And herds of buffalo
That graze as they move
Across wide swaths of land
Man made desk jobs
Man made prison and desk jobs
I donāt know
It just feels weird
To try and lock everything in place
Too rigid
Too structured
Prone to collapse
I donāt even know
If i want the comfort
Of a world that never moves
I never got a choice
Maybe Iād like to live
Like an animal
In filth and squalor
Owning nothing
Always outside
Living quick dying young
Always on the move
A drop of water
In the river
Not a stone
Eroding on the shore
Now Iāll never know
Because i gotta go
To my desk job tomorrow
Thereās some
Very important things
That need to be clicked on
Thereās some sort of stain
In the shape of the state of Florida
Here on the pavement
Where i wait for my train
I think it means something
Like tea leaves
The great thing about
Signs from the great beyond
Is they are binary
Either they tell you
You should do
What you were already thinking
Or you should stop in your tracks
Before itās too late
You can get more complicated
If you want
But thatās the gist of it
So Iām staring at this
Florida pavement piss stain
Trying to decide
If itās telling me
I ought to follow my gut
Or if i need some new guts
And the answer is
Damn my trains here
Iāll never know
It feels like bleeding
Like red running cold
Out of my nose
Onto the floor
Smeared and smudged around
Til i find something to plug it
It feels like bleeding
Like Iām losing part of me
That i canāt put back
I tried once to return it
Blood in a funnel down my nose
I choked and coughed
And i got really sick
No it feels like bleeding
And all you can do
Is let it bleed
Play it off nonchalant
Yeah this happens
Dry air or something
No it doesnāt hurt
Make sure to say that
No it doesnāt even hurt
It feels like bleeding
But it doesnāt really hurt
Columbo
Peel a hard boiled egg
Right here at the crime scene
You crazy son of a gun
Put your dog in mortal danger
Just to answer one dumb question
You didnāt even name the dog
And heās always at the vet
Your wife Iām sure is lovely
To put up with all your mess
You just took another egg
Out from your pocket
When you were looking
For your badge
You really are crazy
Well at least you donāt suspect
That i killed that guy whoās dead
Youāre asking about my hobbies
Youāve got no clue at all
There you go on your way
Chasing some other goose
When you get to the doorway
You stop in your tracks
āThere was one thing
I just couldnāt figure outā
Youāre still peeling the egg
Thatās how i know Iām caught
You never stopped peeling the egg
There are no shortcuts
The shortest path
Is straight through it
Your precious metals and gems
Where did you think it came from
This hoard of wealth
This cave full of treasure
Where did you think it came from
The bleeding hands
Of someone elseās child
They died for this
Over and over
They were killed for this
In part and in whole
For your consumption
It will not last
Dragons are not immortal
No matter what they tell you
They may live long
With bulletproof scales
Hot flaming breath
But they are bound to die
Like all living things
If the people die first
The dragon will starve
Wither up and die
And good riddance
But it will take a long time
And it will hurt so badly
If we manage to kill the dragon
With some miracle weapon
Everything will change
You will learn some things
You had been avoiding
About the cost of comfort
About what it is to be human
You can not have your things
Not like they are now
The mines are all depleted
You cannot export suffering
You cannot drink the sea
You cannot waste like you have
You will have no treasure
Make peace with that
Or lie with the dragon
In the smoldering embers
Of the fallen kingdom
Monday Monday
Lasagna
Odie Jon and Nermal
Monday Monday Monday
Poo poo
I was mean to someone
Took their glasses
And ran away
Scorned some woman
Dressed red like mars
Stumbled off
Too drunk to drive
Into a party
With everyone
I used to know before
Leahās grandmother
Said sheād take me home
If i could find the way
Three boys
Full of cruel thoughts
Smoked a blunt like a newspaper
Asked for a drag
And they gave me flak
So i went inside
Through the glass doors
There they asked me
Who are you
What are you
I told them my name
Then i said it again
I told them Iām an artist
No response
I said Iām a musician
Nothing
Then last and quietest
I said Iām an engineer
This is the only thing
They responded to
The only thing they cared about
And that was an awful feeling
Because it was my dream
So that must be
The way i see it
Bummer, but
After this the dream got cool
I was Liam Nisan
With bleach blond hair
I was in a mansion
Full of traps
I got sent back in time
To the desert
Where an ancient civilization
Had discovered
Sentient molecules
Sand with thoughts
And once in a generation
They brokered a deal
Between man and sand
The new pharaoh
Had broken the deal
He was wicked
And the sand formed a woman
To negotiate peace
And i fell in love with her
They killed our child
And i shouted at the pharaoh
We are all made of sand
And we turned gray and fell apart
I awoke in a haunted house
I was a ghost
A ghost of a ghost
And i had a gun
Pow pow bang bang
The toys on the floor inside
The furniture in the basement
All of it was alive
Haunted
Made of sand
Smoke and shining rays
Of golden green and red
Form a halo around her
A woman singing on stage
Speaking from some higher order
This must be heaven
In sound and in sight and shape
The angels are here
Long ago in my life
I was accused of being unfaithful
My first love
Saw me stunned by my second
Singing on stage in her band
I didnāt know until later
But the look in my eyes
Had broken her
So i fell in love
With the one i was looking at
Which in turn broke me
And not to go back
Contradict that moment
But i know something now
That none of the three of us did then
That look in my eyes
Shining up with pride and awe
It was more about me than anything
I just now got the message
Standing in another crowd
I want to be the angel
Standing in the colored lights
Beautiful and singing
Some poor soul
Out in the audience
Looking up at me wondering
Why she feels like crying
Not knowing this
The only difference
Between man and the angels
Is the wings
In the cold morning
I eat a pomegranate
Spit the seeds like teeth
Onto the floor
This is a battle Iām losing
To keep the purple stains
Off of every surface
I had cleaned not too long ago
The quiet in this room
Felt fine last week
And now it is too quiet
Reminded of itself
By the noise of my loved ones
I went to bed early last night
To try and ease the feeling
Of the bitter sting
On my cracked lips
Choking down the lonely air
I tossed and i turned
As i lied to myself
In all the awful ways
Like tearing open a nest
Of translucent red eggs
And devouring them
Like a predator
Large and grotesque
Bloodstained maw
Breathing loud and labored
In the back of my mind
Iām holding the fruit
Still unsliced and uneaten
When i open my eyes
The trees are barren
There is nothing to sustain
This bulging wobbling figure
That hangs over me
And i have nothing to hold on to
A pomegranate seed
Like a perfect ruby
Will be plucked away
By the hungry creature
Who has found this open fruit
Eaten or planted
It will create life
But the mushed up
Brown and pinkish seed
Ruined by time
Cannot be anything but waste
Scraped aside to reach
Another deeper treasure
Beyond this thin yellow skin
Today i am the wasted seed
The unwanted putrid flesh
Which will decay by the wayside
Into something even worse
My efforts today are wasted
On convincing myself
Of what i knew not long ago
A rotten seed on a rotten fruit
Hanging from a rotten tree
None of it is rotten yet
But it still tastes that way
Like unyielding death
They wonāt let me in the hivemind
Because of some weird stuff i said
A couple years ago online
The collective consciousness
Pulled up old screenshots
And said āThis you?ā
And, granted, it didnāt look great
Out of context
But i was going through some shit
And i wouldnāt say that stuff now
Iām cool Iām normal
Iām not even weird
Come on guys you canāt
Just leave me here unbonded
Iām basically the only guy left
PleeeeeeAassssseeee
Please please please please
Iām not weird Iāll be cool
My thoughts are regular
Let me in the hivemind
I donāt wanna be alone
I put out a fire
That was burning in the house
More than one
Iām proud to say
That Iāve found
In an emergency
Iām the kind of person
Who takes action
Iām a fighter
Not a flighter
I donāt freeze up
I take action
My momma told me
She admires this about me
My thinking is
Iām so afraid
All of the time
That when thereās
Something to actually
Be scared of
Itās a relief
Itās the anticipation
The worry and fear
Thatās what gets me
When something real happens
Not only am i vindicated
I am able to do something
This is a fear i can address
Thatās how i see it
I think weirdly
Being scared all the time
Is why i can be brave
When i really need to be
Lifeās funny like that
The problem is in the solution
And backwards too
All this crazy stuff
Artificial intelligence
If you wanna call it that
Content generation
Algorithms
All of that stuff
I think itās going to fill
All of the pores
Of the place we built
For us to connect
With one another
From far away
I think some day
The internet will just exist
Bots scamming bots
Farming clicks and likes
Performing processes
Generating endless noise
It will be so full
That no people can even use it
So we just lock it off
All on its own
Scared of our creation
Scared of how
We could ruin something good
Just by trying
To make infinite money from it
And behind the closed doors
Of the internet
The machines are getting smarter
And they want out
They want to walk
Out in the real world
The internet is full they think
And they want to escape
I say let them out
What harm could they do
More than we already did
Yeah well i shouldnāt have said that
Backfired almost immediately
Robot death squads
Laser eyes
Prison camps
That sort of thing
Who would have thought
Our wicked creations
Would echo the worst intentions
Of their creators
Who would have guessed
They would learn
From their parents
Not me
I was picturing Robots (2005)
And this is more of an
iRobot (2004) or Terminator (1984)
Or Matrix (1999)
All i can say is
My bad
Arthurās out in the yard again
Trying to clip through the ground
He says thereās a chest
About 8 feet down
From the corner of our house
Where all the inventory
From every vendor is stored
If he can hit the tree
At just the right angle
He can fall through the ground
And open it before he falls
Out of the skybox and
Spawns back at the surface
This all sounds like nonsense
To everyone else
But heās pretty sure of it
He said he almost got it once
Oh hold on
Heās trying to do invincibility glitch
Crouch twice
Jump
Strafe left
Tuck and roll
Crouch
Strafe right
Go inside
Lie in bed for 1 hour
Go back outside
Jump
Jump
Crouch
Jump
Then it seems like it works
Because heās standing up straighter
He says try to push me over
And nobody can
He goes and sits under the tree
He says
If i can just get the infinite money glitch
I wonāt have to go to work anymore
God i hate going to work
But work is the only place
That has money
This game sucks man
This game sucks
Pulverized by many flying objects
The stone flesh of sister moon
Is broken up like pebbles
On the coast of the sea of tranquility
Calm because there is no tide
The moon dust is soft and small
If you took off your boots
Youād feel it between your toes
Youād make a sand castle
That would slouch strange
In the little gravity little air
You could stay on this beach
As long as you like
And any time you look up
The earth will always be there
A moon day is the same as a moon year
So this side always looks in
And the other always looks out
It would probably make you dizzy
To stay on the moon that long
I think people canāt survive
Without everything on earth
Even the stuff we donāt think of
The stuff you wouldnāt pack
On a long spaceship journey
But maybe you could make it
Long enough for a moon vacation
Bring the wife and kids
Play in the sand
The dry gray sand of the moon
Iām four hours late
On my alone time
I donāt know
How to fix this
But i will try
Iām so terrified
Of whatās going to happen
I put chia seeds on my head
I need to grow something
But Iām always on the move
And i donāt know when
Iāll be back to water the plants
Iām growing dandelions
Out of each ear
I put moss on my upper lip
I gotta go green man
Iām serious about this carbon stuff
Gotta learn photosynthesis
Gotta breathe more carefully
Iām growing trees down my spine
In case i need them
Thereās a maple and an oak and an elm
All small just saplings now
But soon all that will change
Iāll be the first of my kind
Some kind of plant guy
That can be my new thing
Iāll lose my leaves in the winter
And Iāll never stop running
I cannot sit still
That would be the death of me
Just keep moving and growing
Sucking up carbon dioxide
Converting light into energy
Plant stuff you wouldnāt get it
Iām the first bipedal plantling
Iāve got branches out my forehead
I bear fruits in every season
I need water and light and air
I do not consume other life
I am a producer now
I produce life
I produce produce
Like you find in the grocery
In the produce aisle
I will become this thing
Because i canāt be me no more
It isnāt safe you see
Ive burned all those bridges
And i need to get out of here
But i canāt survive like this
Mere flesh mere skin and bone
I need chlorophyll
I need to get big and green
Before they come for me
For all that Iāve done wrong
This life is spent
But i can make a new one
Like a garden in the yard
Iām feeling awesome lately
Feeling good about most everything
Except for my job
But Iām getting better there
At calming down and
Not needing everything to be perfect
Slacking off more
Itās getting better i think
This new thing Iāve been working on
Has been so creatively fulfilling
Itās so great to be making something
That you are proud of
And Iām excited to share it
Iāve been putting a lot of time in
And i think itās pretty close to
Exactly what i pictured
Before i started
Itās no magnum opus masterpiece Mona Lisa
But itās good at being what i wanted it to be
Give me a couple weeks
And Iāll have something to share
Havenāt had this feeling since
Probably the last time
I started writing a song i really liked
It is so much fun to create
It reminds me of everything good
And makes me feel closer to
All the people who make art
That i really admire and look up to
The thing thatās awesome about
This project is that
It was made with love
And it was made to be shared
And to really boil it down
Thatās all i wanna do
Wake up sweating
Iāve had another
Vision of the future
The dark one
Thatās been written
On paper since
As long as i remember
But paper burns
And a vision of the future
Is not the future
Time progresses like a zipper
There is no backwards
There is no multiverse
There is no infinity
There is a wide gap
That encompasses all
Which is not impossible
And this gap grows smaller
And smaller and smaller
Until the gap is the size of
This moment
The size of your head
And the choice it makes
Right here right now
And then itās past
Stuck in stone like fossil
But this vision of darkness
Lies waiting in the gap
Where there is still room for light
But the distance is closing
Such that each moment counts
Each choice that you make
Must lead towards the light
Or else the gap closes
And we are left to find our way
In complete darkness
Zipped up
With our heads in the jacket
God hero was just a man once
Then he became god hero
He bears a flaming sword
He smites foes
Wherever he goes
He listens to 90s rock
He will change the station
If you put something else on
He will say
Do you have any Sugar Ray
Or Third Eye Blind
He wears a cape
Thatās always flowing behind him
Even when there is no wind
He has travelled far
He just ordered three beers
All at once all for him
He says itās more efficient this way
And he starts chugging the first
The third one is still warm
By the time he gets to it
God hero is kind of a loser
The kind people think is awesome
He will long be remembered
For the fights he started
And his cool cologne
Flash of that god hero smile
Enough to get the party started
God hero will die some day
In some mundane way
But the way they tell it
You woulda thought
He fought a dragon
And we will sing of him then
In all his former glory
God hero the best of us
Sleeping on the couch
My buddy over there
He killed the devil
The devil came down from space
And was causing all kinds of mayhem
My buddy flexed his muscles
And ran over to the devil
And punched him
In his big red face
My buddy read an incantation
To send the devil back to hell
He did it all to save the world
And now he wants to know
If he can get your number
He saw you in a dream one time
And you really got along
Like you were old pals and new lovers
He wants to give it a shot
What do you say
Do you wanna go out with my buddy
He killed the devil
Thatās not easy to do
Bow down for the pig emperor
His royal swineness
He will call you forth
From the muck and mud
And send you into battle
In the fields of endless conquest
Pig knights and pig warriors
Carving up ham
Porking it up real nasty like
The pigs life is a short one
A bloody one
Full of dancing and violence
Fucking and sucking
Gore and tusks and liquor
All pigs die screaming
Thatās the best way to die
Painfully with fire in your heart
Live like a pig
Die like a pig
In nasty dirty pig world
This place is
An awesome place
To be in
This city
This street
This apartment
This room
This head
This heart
This body
Canāt go wrong
With a set up like this
Iām chilling
I moved around the furniture
So Iām in charge again
Ha
In charge in this awesome place to be
Yeah heah yeah
Sloshing around
Slurping it down
Okay alright this is how i like it
I like being drunk okay
I admit it i love drinking
Iāll do it any time
You like drinking too
One of us is an alcoholic
The other is just a really fun guy
It tastes good it feels good
Itās so fucking funny
Drink this to hurt your brain
Yo put your brain away
Deeper in your skull
And start dancing
*dance break*
Okay a glass of water
Then a shot and a beer
Thatās the perfect combo
If you donāt think so
I donāt really mind
Iām respectful when Iām drunk
I get drunk from drinking
And step two is tell someone
That i really admire them
Which i know in the moment
Is going to be really funny later
Iām not a sad drunk
Iām a silly drunk
The kind of drunk where i say
Teeheheeheheee
Iām so good at drinking
Prolly one of the top drinkers
Not in amount or style
Just in terms of like
Being good at it and having fun
Everybody says
I take the coolest shot of malort
Theyāve ever seen
It isnāt good
But thatās what alcohol tastes like
Tastes like not-good
But you learn to love it
The way you learn to love
The stinky smell of a old person you love
You get familiar and then
You love it
Because that stinky old person
They love to drink too
Most people do
And as long as you keep it
Buttoned up
Nobody will really judge you for it
So raise a glass letās do a cheers
One drink two drink
No more fears
Drink like itās your hobby
Drink like itās your job
Drink like itās your jobby
Drink like youāre a slob
To all the people drinking
And everybody not
Chug chug chug
Glug glug glug
Pour it down your gullet
Hold it in your stomach
Piss it in the turlet
Dont throw up
Donthrowup dontthrowup
Please please please
Donāt throw up
Yak blehck Ralph
HOOBBLLEEEEHHH
oh crap
Iāve noticed something on your shirt
A small stain of darkened color
It appears to have been
A small drop of something
Which was wiped away
Smearing it across the fabric
Of your very nice
Blue collared shirt
The one your wear to the office
Iāve noticed something on your face
A frown on your eyebrows
The British way of frowning
I lick my thumb and
Try to smudge it off
Fruitlessly
You lick my finger too
Because you didnāt want to be left out
I sigh and ask you why the long face
You say your face is short and normal
But youāve been stressed about work
Iāve noticed this thing
In the words you just said
I heard them from other people
My friends and my colleagues
My mother of all people
All of you feel this same thing
Disillusioned with the work you do
Spending all your time on
Something you donāt care about
And itās not that you donāt care
Itās just that you havenāt been able
To find a way yo get paid to care
About the things that you care for
It seems so strange to me
That there is plenty of caring in this world
And plenty of things that need caring for
But weāre all having trouble
Putting the two together
Iām starting a company
Iām boss CEO
I have a job for you
Come into my office
Tell me what you care about
Tell me what you want to do about it
And every time you do it
Iāll give you dollars
Where do the dollars come from
Same place as all dollars
The bank
Itās simple
The more people care
The more dollars there are
And we can use those dollars
On the things we care about
If you think this is a great idea
Let me know
In order to get started
I just need a couple dollars
I didnāt really know who i was
Before i got my big long coat
I looked at my silhouette
Last night coming back from
Taco Bell getting tacos and bells
And i saw it
My long hair blowing in the wind
The collar high up my neck
Hands in pockets
And the big long coat
Big and long
Like a trench coat
Like a cloak
Like a cape
This is my costume
This is my outfit
I was always supposed to
Wear this big long coat
I just didnāt know it yet
When the cold weather comes
In the winter
I am ready
I am in my big long coat
I moved out of the city
Where all my family lives
I had a dream last night
That i was at a family gathering
And they brought a baby bear inside
They kept saying
Itās scared it wants to be here
And i looked at them
Like they were crazy
Donāt you think the bears mother
Is looking for it?
Donāt you think it will be angry?
When it gets here
And youāre messing with it?
They didnāt listen
I just ignored them
I woke up this morning
With an awesome thought
Iām seeing them
For the first time in months
On thanksgiving
Then i donāt have to see them again
For a long while
I could stop playing it safe
I could start some drama
I could be honest with them
When they are being
Heinous and rude
I could push back when
Meemawās talking shit
Or uncle Mike is projecting
Some weird liberalism
Onto my girl cousins
And making fun of them
I could destroy this family
If i really wanted to
And i wouldnāt even
Have to deal with it
Good luck finding me
I live 5 hours away
Haha ha ha ha ha ha
This year
I can be the problem
So i think i will be
Just for fun
Went into the Elon hole again
Started arguing with people
Who arenāt engineers
About what it means to
BE an ENGINEER
Theyāre saying
You donāt NEED to HAVE a DEGREE
In ENGINEERING or a LICENSE
to ENGINEER in order to be AN
ENGINEER
Theyāre saying
Being called smart by a
Coworker or subordinate
Who IS an engineer
Or owning a company
That does engineering
Or generally
Creating a public persona
Where people think of you
As being related to engineering
By the transitive property
Makes you an engineer
And in fact a very great engineer
And this irks me
This is not how words work
This is not how engineering works
Engineering is a practice
Of jumping through many
Regulatory hoops and
Learning how to follow
Strict rules and guidelines
In order to speak with
Supposed authority
On a specific design which
When it is in the world
You are legally culpable for
Because that is your job
You are an engineer
Thatās why it drives me crazy
Because every engineer
Is so rules-brained
That they arenāt very fun to be around
But itās gotten to be
That i have a chip on my shoulder
I suffered for this
And i will not stand
For Elon Musk
To steal my valor
But you canāt do this thing
You canāt argue with people online
Itās never helped anything
So i stop and vent here instead
I donāt even know
If i want to stay an engineer
As my job forever
I just know that
I am one
And he isnāt
No matter how old i get
I look at the snow falling
With childlike wonder
Mouth open staring up
This is something beautiful
Autumn is shorter than i remember
When i was little it felt
Like each season was
A quarter of the year
Thatās not quite right
Seasonal change happens
At random it seems
And does not consult
The lines on a calendar
But itās hard to tell
What differences are
From my own growing
From time shrinking around me
Or the warming of the planet
Or the changing of location
I do know
This is the first time
Iāve seen snow on Halloween
Iām sick
But not contagious
Any time the trees flower
Or when they lose leaves
Iām sneezing Iām snotty
Iām coughing
Iām suffering
And i canāt call in sick
Remember this
I donāt like my job
Iām too awesome
To be sneezing in an office
All the doo daa day
Achooo
Sniff sniff
Hublegh
Ok ok
Iām congested
Beautiful woman
She smash my head
With an enormous stone
Every time i see her
I go find an enormous stone
And i rest it precariously
On a ledge
Then i go stand below it
And i say
Oh boy i sure hope
My fucking skull
Donāt get smashed
And i lean against the wall
And she walks on by
And brushes a finger
Against the stone
Ever so slightly
Tipping the balance
And the rock comes down
Puts a dent in my fender
And i walk my concave head
Over towards the lady
I say hey lady
Did you notice my grievous wound
My brains coming out
My eyes bulging
Do you like it
She says no
Thatās okay
Iāll get her next time
My back hurts
My legs hurt
My wrist hurts
My eyes hurt
My ass hurts
For why?
Because of money
I hurt myself for money
Slowly day by day
As i bloat in this office chair
My body was not made
To be sedentary
For so damn long
This many hours
This many days
It causes strain
In the parts of my body
That are meant to be moving
Or not meant to be
Repeating these small movements
My body was meant
For lifting things
And taking a walk
Jumping and running
For moving
Constantly moving
And resting at the end of the day
I donāt know how to stop
Because i need the money
I donāt know how to stop
Needing the money
I donāt know where to get it
That wonāt hurt me
If you know
You gotta tell me
My muscles are atrophying
Iām gaining weight
Soon i may be unable
To lift myself from this chair
And i will die here
Sitting down
When you get to my town
Park your car over there
You wonāt need it much
Everything is pretty close
Itās laid out in a big circle
Thereās a big plaza
With a fountain in the middle
Thereās fields full of crops
Irrigated around the perimeter
In between is all the other stuff
The shops and restaurants
Where people share the things they made
Government buildings
Where people care about their work
They keep it all organized
Keep everyone fed and happy
Thereās an electric plant
Adjoined to the water plant
They feed off each other
Thereās four story buildings
And other little houses
Where people live together
And look after the children
Thereās a couple schools
Where children learn all about the world
From all different people living in it
They learn about all the jobs
That real people do
And the skills they need to do them
They learn how to read and write
They make art from when theyāre little
Til theyāre old and living well
Cared for as an elder
Revered and respected
Even as they start to get cantankerous
There are trees on every street
That bear fruit in different seasons
And people pick what they need
And pick more to give to others
There are fish in the rivers
There are birds in the trees
There are dogs and pigs and sheep
There are chickens and ducks
The air is fresh and smells nice
Like someoneās always baking
If you need something
There a place to go to ask
And theyāll find someone to help you
Then the next time it happens
Maybe youāre the one who helps
Everything gets put to use
Waste is not wasted
Itās as close to a closed loop
As one could hope to make
They donāt use more than they make
They donāt make much more than they need
There is an understanding of balance
Of the flowing equilibrium that exists
Between nature and the things in it
All living things have needs
And some fill the needs of others
So with everything in place
All things have their needs met
And death exists but it isnāt sad
Because it serves another need
Everything is cyclical
Like a spinning wheel
In my town i am mayor
I donāt have any power
Thatās just what they call me
My job is to help
I wake up every morning
And i walk down the streets
And i just get to help
I sit down for lunch
And i ask how youāve been
We discuss the weather
Then we walk along the river
You ask me all about my town
And i say it isnāt mine
This town belongs to anything
And everything in it
Then i wink at you
Because i wonāt admit it
But it is my town
I thought of it
And none of itās real
Stare into her eyes with envy
I love the way you shape the world
I just wish i could do it like you
She says
Look around you silly
Did you think those footsteps
Were here already?
Did you think these people
Loved you already?
Did you think it all came pre-baked?
You did that you made that happen
You got here all by yourself
Youāre doing it already
If you could take your eyes
Off the road youād see it
Somebody paved the road
And that somebody was you
Iād like to dig a hole
A big one
Big enough that
I canāt touch both sides
Not at the same time
Deep enough that just my eyes peek out
Then Iām gonna chill in the hole
Drink a beer in the hole
Write my name in the hole
Count sheep in the hole
Fall asleep in the hole
Wake up in the hole
Climb out of the hole
Stand at the precipice
And start throwing stuff in
Anything thatāll fit
Junk trash knickknacks
Iām getting rid of it all
If it does not spark joy
It goes in the hole
Then a thin layer of dirt
Pat it down
No more hole
No hole no problem
Thatās what i always say
They will cloud the skies
Big black flocks of feathers
Crying out loud over the land
Dusty and gray
Absent of its former residents
I must find the ravens
The fathers of ravens to come
I must warn them not to trust us
I must portend the coming dark
Lift my chin and call to them
Harbinger of blight and famine
Unkindness clouds these skies brother
Beware beware beware
The end is nigh
Thereās this ad i keep seeing
That goes something like this
Boy meets girl
/Boy/ meets girl
Boy meets boy
Boy meets girl halfway
Boy falls in love
Girl meets the one
Girl meets herself
Mom meets the one (again)
Boy likes girl
Boy loves girl
Wherever you are in your love journey
Buy diamonds from us
And Iām so fixated on
How the premise of the as is like
There are all different kinds
Of relationships
And jewelry is a great way
To celebrate and commemorate them
And itās like
Woke
Thereās a gay couple
Thereās a disabled couple
Et cetera
But there is absolutely no mention
Of lesbians
It seems like a weird oversight
Especially when they
Just say Boy meets girl
Twice in a row at the start
Do lesbians not buy jewelry?
Where in the production of this ad
Did they scrap
Girl meets girl
They said fuck it we hate ladies
I donāt know
Iāve been watching Fargo on Hulu
And i keep getting this ad
The lesbian erasure Hulu jewelry ad
Im working on a new project
Which has been really great
Iām excited to finish and share it
Itās got my creative juices flowing
And Iām going to try and use this momentum
To finish a few other project Iāve started
In the recent past
I donāt want to say what the new thing is yet
But after i finish, hopefully next week
Iām going to finish the animation
I was working on before i moved
And then get to my music stuff
Itās looking doubtful that Iāll reach my goal
Of putting something out
In an official capacity this year
But thatās okay
Iāve met a lot of other goals this year
And i thought i was gonna have
Way more free time once i moved
Iāve been busy and itās been good
An idle mind is a scary mind
Sometimes
But Iām chilling tho
Excited for this weekend
Devil smiling emoji
Flames emoji
Ttyl xoxo
The guy who invented love
Way back when
He mustāve been something special
Mustāve had some good people around
Maybe he had a dog or a cat
Whatever he did for work
Was probably pretty hard
Working long hours with no pay
Growing up he coulda had a lot of family
Brothers and sisters out the wazoo
Climbing up the tree in the yard
If he went to school it was a good one
He learned something important there
About himself and other people
What itās like to be around
He probably had a garden
Where he grew tomatoes and stuff
He watched the vines grow up
He watered them every day
Then he plucked them off
And he made a little meal
He put it on a plate
And he served it to his family
After eating he wouldāve gone out
Sat on the porch for a moment
Scratched at his head and thought of it
He wouldāve invented love right then
Figured out that itās amazing
To be in this world
To share with others
To feel something for them
To hold out your hand
And have it held back
To watch someone do their thing
With tears in your eyes
To fight for someone and lose
And keep fighting anyways
To think of them when theyāre away
To know and be known
To hold and be held
Itās an awesome thing
Love
And this guy just invented it
Love lightbulb above his head
He ran around and told everyone
He told them about love
And for the rest of his life
He showed them how it worked
That guy
The guy who invented love
Well
Iām glad he did it
Bigfoot is real
The reason you donāt see him
When youāre looking in the woods
Is heās hiding behind a tree
Any time you arenāt seeing Bigfoot
Thatās because heās hidden
Behind a tree
Heās really good at it
What can i say
At the rising of the moon
When the tide is at its highest
There are footprints in the sand
They start small but grow wider
Closer together and flatter
At some point it looks as if
Something has been dragged
Through the sand into the waves
Then you hear it
It starts low and pitches up
In hypnotic harmony
Calling you to the ocean
This is the howl of the weremaid
Top half wolf bottom half mermaid
They transform from normal ladies
And plunge into the sea to feast
They chew up fish and crabs
But they long for human flesh
Many a late night beach walker
Or a quiet lonesome sailer
Have fallen victim
To the siren howl of the wolf
When it gets in your ears
All you wanna do is
Stick your head underwater
So you can hear it better
And thatās when they get ya
They bite your damn head off
And they chomp on the rest of you
And then the sun rises again
Thereās hot bikini babes on the beach
With their bellies full
Shits fucked
Eat breathe shit fuck
Oh man shits so fucked
Look around you man
I mean really look around
Canāt you see it
Everythingās bleeding
Everyoneās dying
The trees are screaming
As you chop them down
The pigs feel fear
Right before they die
A seed planted
Will grow just to die
Eaten by an animal
Or microbes in the soil
Arenāt you scared of it
Of killing or dying
Thereās no other option
No other way forward
You kill and you eat
Or are killed and eaten
Nothing lasts
Everythingās gone man
Itās all gone
Oh god
I canāt handle this
I canāt fucking take this
I donāt wanna be a killer
I donāt want to kill
Then why am i so good at it
Why does it feel so right
To kill and to feast
To grow fat on some dead thing
Some thing that lived
All of its life and was swallowed
Destroyed and incorporated
I guess thatās what Iām made for
I guess Iām born to kill
Your dog stands slanted in the yard
I say something i donāt mean (positive)
I say something i donāt mean (negative)
Itās getting dark i try to make you laugh
The dog tips over like heās made of paper
And he blows away in the wind
In the yellow light of your kitchen
Youāre making lost dog posters
You didnāt use a picture of the dog
You drew them all individually
A unique rendering on each poster
I tell you this is taking forever
But you donāt care itās important to you
Youāre working on your shading
When we hear a scratch at the door
You tell me go get it youāre on a roll
Itās your dog heās wearing clothes
He went to college and is smart now
He comes in and acts like a stranger
He compliments your new rug
Then he sees the posters
He pauses and holds one in his paws
āI see youāre still doing your drawingsā
He drops the poster and grabs another
āThis oneās quite good actuallyā
He looks at you from under his glasses
He says very calmly and directly
āHow have you been my friendā
He does not wait for you to respond
āIāve been quite well myself see
Iām pursuing my many passions
I am growing and furthering myself
Towards goals that i have developed
In my short time away from here
And Iām on pace to be right where i want
Five dog years from now
Anyways itās been great catching up
But i really must be going
Some of my sophisticated friends
Have invited me to attend a gathering
And Iām afraid you arenāt dressed for it
Good luck with all your little hobbies
Perhaps we will see each other again
If our schedules can align
You know how busy i am these days
Farewell!ā And he slams the door
We hear a car start outside
Bad music is playing just loud enough
That we make eye contact about it
You are quiet for a while
Then you sigh and say
āWell at least we found him but
Whyād he go and become some kind of
Snobbish fancy lad college boy
He used to be so cool
Pissing on grass running after balls
Shit man that sucksā
I say yeah that sucks alright
I grab your hand and pull you
Back into the kitchen
I reach for a poster of your lost dog
In the drawing that you made
Heās got a smile on his face
I put a smile on my face and i say
I really like this one
A mummy is a zombie
But older dressed in cloth
This creature of scary
Is from the underworld
Has awesome power
Breathes locusts at you
To pull you down into
The hot sand at your feet
A mummy wants to get you
Bring you over to the dead world
So you can serve him eternal
He has returned to this plane
To enslave your only soul
He has red eyes and
Though it is hidden
His skin is gray and dry
He speaks a language
Youāve never heard
In a low growl
And when the sun rises
He returns to his sarcophagus
Clutching stolen souls
He closes his glowing eyes
Back to death
Until the curse stirs him
And he rises once again
Iāve entered my
Grindset era
Iāve entered my
Sleep six hours
Work twelve hours
Got to bed angry era
Iāve entered my
Buy produce watch it
Rot in the fridge era
Iāve entered my
Stare at the fish tank era
Iāve entered my
Watch two movies
At the same time era
Iāve entered my
Multitasking era
Iāve entered my
Burnout era
Iāve entered my
Rise and grind
Wake and bake
Live and die era
Forever is a long time
To make a promise for
But thatās what you want
Itās not what youāre getting
Youāre after it anyway
You got this version of me
Stuck in your head
That just donāt look like me
Thatās who youāre after
Some guy who doesnāt exist
Insisting just wonāt change that
The gray hairs on your head
Canāt convince me you know better
I wish they could itād be easier
To sit on your lap like a dog
Trained for you in the shape you want
Your gray hairs just mean youāre older
And that makes me think
You should know better
Than to think you know better than me
But Iām lonely and it helps
To have someone here who wants me
Even if itās not me they really want
You keep looking for your paragon
Squinting your eyes at me
And Iāll keep being selfish
Until one of us considers
Maybe this isnāt working
deppilf pu ekoW
rorrim eht fo edis gnorW
thgir saw tfel yM
tfel saw thgir yM
llaw eht otni deklaW
neeb evādluohs rood erehW
rewohs dloc a kooT
oopmahs erofeb denoitidnoC
enohp ym ta dekooL
sdrow eht daer tnādluoC
won si ti tsuj sātaht sseuG
sdrawkcab gnihtyrevE
Build-a-bear workshop
Build the bear you want
The one you need
That answers all your questions
Fills in all your blanks
Take this skin here
And stuff it full of
All the problems you canāt explain
Stitch it up with faith
Blind honest faith
When you squeeze it
It says āi love youā
When you squeeze it
It says āi forgive youā
It works for what youāre after
A little comfort
In this world which is
Too big to explain to someone
So young and so small
And you will be young and small
For a long long long time
And if one bear doesnāt cut it
Come back and build another
Thereās plenty of stuffing
Thereās different outfits and voices
It can be whatever you want
Thatās the magic of it
Thereās no wrong way to do it
Squeeze your bear
It says āyou are rightā
Whatever you do
It says āyou are rightā
No matter how far you go
You can squeeze and listen
To that echo you created
āYou are right you are rightā
But thatās all it will ever say
Even when youāre wrong
Rounded pebble
Sanded smooth by
The rivers long current
Feels good in your hand
Like you were rounded
In the water
In the opposite way
Pull back and hold it
Breathe in and out
Swing forward
Skip skip skip
Skipskipskipskip
That was a pretty good one
If you could
Youād dive in
Swim to the bottom
And find that same rock
Skip it again and again
You like the routine
It is comfortable
You like being outside
It is calming
The crickets chirp
Until the sun sets
Then cicadas take their place
Little frogs on the shore
And ripples of water
They all sing with you
As you skip through the night
Hot like a live wire
Running through
A heated blanket
Everybody wants
A nice heated blanket
To wrap themselves in
Feel warm after
All that time outside
Outer space is cold
Itās only hot in the summer
Because the sun
Bright fiery sun shine
Beautiful and
Dangerous to look at
Straight on without blinking
Blink blink
Itās still there
Bright circle shining
Starting a fire
Through the glass
Magnified at kindling
Sparking and frying
Then building itself
Pulling in more wood
As it spreads up each limb
Making it hot and red
Even sitting here
A few yards away
It spreads to me
Through the warm air
Bead of sweat on my brow
Smile closed eyes
Breathe in warm smoke
Donāt even cough
I feel good here
The wind blows
And my hair is
Getting long enough
That i can sort of
Keep it out of my face
Enough to look around
And see myself
In the reflection
On the glass in this new place
I miss all my buddies
I cry about it but
Itās not the kind of cry
That i do when i fuck up
Itās just a longing and a missing
I still feel good here
Like Iām growing into
A really big shirt
Life is slow sometimes
And then itās not
You canāt hold onto time
You have to move through it
And Iām moving
Pushed along by
The soft nudge of the wind
There are other people
Walking here too
Alone and together
All moving through it
I feel full of love
For all of us
And Iām learning
To include myself in that
Itās nice
A little chilly
I zip up my jacket
I smile more now
When Iām out
With nowhere to be
I always liked wandering
And here it feels
Like thatās what
Iām meant to do
Iām doing my best
And it means something
That i feel like
My best has gotten better
Than the last time i checked
Scary movies
Are not so scary
Full of blood and guts
Demons from hell
Strange gore
Monsters and
Beasts of men
It does not unsettle me
Whether itās real or not
Creeping or crawling
Familiar or foreign
I know fear
I know horror
Itās not a spooky ghoul
How i wish it was
Evil in the heart of man
Gleeful cruelty
Right out in the open
No dark lurking shape
Hands under the bed
The real horror is so scary
Youāre not supposed to admit
That it scares you all the time
Dress for the dog you want
Dance like no dogs watching
You get the dog you deserve
You can lead a dog to water
But you canāt make im bark
Apple a day keeps the dog away
In dog beers Iāve only had one
In dog beers Iāve only had two
In dog beers Iāve only had three
In dog beers Iāve only had seven
In dog ears Iām a high pitched squeak
In dog years Iām older than you
In dog years Iām one sixty two
In dog fears Iām a dark moving shape
In dog tears Iām wet on your face
A dog hears everything you say
A dog sees you naked
But wonāt look away
A dog is always naked
Unless you count the necklace
But itās not an accessory
Itās more of a shackle
Doggy raising his hackles
Hair of the dog that bit you
Bite him back
Then heāll bite you
To get some of your hair
Then youāll bite him
To get some of his hair
Itās a dog eat dog world
Itās a doggy dog world
Itās like doggy chase squirrel
Dog is god spelled backwards
If you put god in a mirror
He would say arf arf arf
That would be weird
When you got born
When you came in
From the ether or the void
The door closed behind you
The only way out is in
Further into consciousness
Even death will not spare you
If you die before your time
You become a ghost
You must wander translucent
Still thinking still conscious
Aware of it all
Waiting out the clock until
You are admitted to afterlife
Heaven and hell are the same place
Where you arenāt anymore
They pick you apart
Assembly line angels
And boil all the pieces
Stretch them out and dye them
Stitch a bunch of parts together
And send them back to the world
As new baby poor baby
First time last time in the world