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Iâve always been bad at validating first, at stating the obvious, at being like âYes! Youâre completely right! But also, have you thought aboutâŚâ, itâs instead so easy for me to come across as if I were saying âyouâre absolutely wack if you think thatâŚâ
That wouldâve been a skill that would have been kinda good to have when talking about important topics.
Instead, when people are crying their hearts out about stuff that really matter to them Iâm biting my tongue to keep from saying âwell, actually, your side also did this-or-thatâ like a complete đ.
But how can there be peace if we donât see the good in the other and the bad in ourselves?
I was put on this Godâs green Earth with the instinct to criticize my own team, my own side. Thatâs been a problem all my life. I eat plants? My brain immediately amplifies some of the issues with animal rights. I write FOSS code? I get hyperfocused on some of the problems in the community. Same goes for all kinds of political movements. I get called unloyal, not a team player, a trouble-maker. I see the bad in the side Iâve sided with because I want it to be better. I just want it to be better. Itâs as if Iâm thinking âCriticizing the other side? But everyone here already knows that those guys are bad! That should go without saying! But here are some ways that we are also kinda badâŚâ
Iâve never been able to buy into the âwhatever our team does is de jure goodâ. I need us to actually be the good team, not just labeled the good team. I donât wanna defeat part of the empire only to have to become the empire.
So when I find myself in a group where people have some unâthought-through takes on a political issue, my instinct isnât to go ârah! rah! rah! yes!â but instead to go âwell, actually, arenât you missing something hereâŚ?â and then three seconds later when Iâm in a group with the opposite view, youâd think Iâd found my camp, but no, I do the same thing again. Itâs tearing me apart so if you see half a human hopping down the street with one arm, one leg, one breast and half a brain thatâs probably yours truly.
I learned this about myself pretty early on so Iâve learned to try to reign it in, to try to pick my times and place, and choose my battles, and sometimes hold my tongue entirely, but also to try to lean into it when I think I can use it for good and bring attention to actual problems. Keyword there is âtryâ because it sure isnât easy.