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If It Doesn't Work Out

I get anxious about things not going the way I want them to.

Whether it be a job application, a date, getting into a school, there's always a lot of nerves for me. I've built a few tools to manage this anxiety, some of which are physical, like working out or going for a long walk, some are creative like working on a project or writing, but my most used one is a mantra I repeat to myself: "I'm doing well now, if it doesn't work out I'll be right where I started from, I will be ok". This phrase that I repeat to myself has talked me down from a nervous frenzy too many times to count.

I have a bad habit of catastrophizing, thinking about the worst possible outcome when other less catastrophic, more likely outcomes are entirely possible. Whenever I have problems with my car, even more minor ones like an on-its-way-out engine mount, I worry that I'll have to get a whole new car. My worry takes over my mind, it's the only thing I can think about unless I'm distracting myself with something else. Keeping myself busy helps this, but I'll wake up in the middle of the night with my stomach in knots, unable to do anything else but worry about it. This is when my mantra helps best, when I can't do anything else to quell my nerves. Nevertheless it is always effective.

I'm doing well now, if it doesn't work out I'll be right where I started from, I will be ok; I'm doing well now, if it doesn't work out I'll be right where I started from, I will be ok; I'm doing well now, if it doesn't work out I'll be right where I started from, I will be ok.

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lesogorov@pm.me

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