💾 Archived View for lesogorov.site › glogs › 2303 › The-need-to-be-seen.gmi captured on 2024-02-05 at 09:40:34. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-04-19)
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It feels somewhat pointless to just create things knowing there will never be an audience to see it.
Every few months I relapse back into my Minecraft addiction. I got my first hit of the game when I was 9, which turned into a 5 year long bender, where I'd play the game almost compulsively. I got clean for the first time when I was 14 and built my first computer that could play other games besides Minecraft, but even then it was only a year before I loaded up the game again and got deep into a world. The funny thing is, this whole time I'd only ever play multiplayer. Sure, back when I first started I'd have a single-player world, but as soon as I knew how to run a server (or at least pay to host it), I only played multiplayer. This is despite the fact that I was the only person who ever really played on the server. Occasionally a few of my other friends would join, but that had to be less than once a month, where I played daily. I could have saved an extra $20 a month to save on hosting fees, which was the majority of my allowance for the month, but nevertheless I paid. I just felt like if I played single-player, anything I built would be kinda pointless, because there would never be the chance of anyone seeing it. At least with multiplayer there was at least the chance of someone else logging on and seeing what I've done. In the few times I did start a single player world, I found myself getting bored almost immediately and would find a random, small server I could hop on and play there.
Similarly, I've tried writing on my own a number of times before I found Gemini. I'd find an old notebook for school and start writing about my day or whats on my mind, but very quickly would burn out. I tried having a digital journal for 2014 as well as later in 2022, but each one never got more than a couple entries before I lost interest. It wasn't until I found Gemini, where I could post my writings, that I was able to stick to it for more than a week. The year anniversary for me starting this is coming around the corner and It's hard to believe it's been that long. Writing for my glog has been a great escape for me, much more rewarding than any video game ever was. Sure I'll still occasionally write something, knowing full well I won't publish it, just to get it off my chest, but still the desire to have an audience still fuels part of this passion. Even if it's someone just skimming through it and not finding much interest, the very fact I've created something that can be viewed by another being just brings me a sort of closure. It scratches that creative itch.
Sometimes there's just that need to be able to be seen for it to feel real.