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Something that I really struggle with in regards to gratitude is how different it is as an adult vs a child. The naivety and optimism of childhood is a blessing. Simply not knowing how bad life can get pays off.
Back as a child, I feel like anything you'd say you felt gratitude for was heartfelt, because it really did make you feel grateful and blessed to have it. But as an adult it's hard not to associate gratitude with fear. Knowing so much, being bombarded with bad news even when you shield yourself from most of it, knowing how bad life can really be.. gratitude is suddenly so much about fear. About loss. You're thinking about what to be grateful for and realize "I know some people have lost their legs, some people are homeless and starve, some people are currently enduring war." and now you're scared you could be next in all of this. One day it could happen to you. So you're telling yourself you're grateful - grateful to be healthy, to be able to walk, to have food and a roof over the head, no war..
And ugh, it sucks. Because even if you try and move to genuine childlike wonder and gratitude, it feels inauthentic and forced in contrast, and also somewhat too simple. It's fine when a child says they're grateful for this nice pen because it writes pretty, but it feels so weird as an adult who is very much aware that they could die the next day or become quadriplegic or barely survive a house fire.
Growing up ruins gratitude for me. I find it so hard to practice it and journal about it without succumbing to fear, essentially. I cannot believe this life has me begging to not have the worst happen to me via gratitude journals. It's terrifying me to think about the fact that I have to be grateful for my eyes and ears and arms and life each day like this. I don't know how to find my way back into childlike gratitude that exists so far away from fear.
𓇽 ° . ༻ 𓈒 ꒪ ๋ ° .𓏲⠀ ๋࣭ ♡ ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ⋆ ֗ ִ ᨒ .⋆ﾟ. ͘ ࣭⠀⸰ ♡ 𓂂 ◌ 𓇽 ° . ๋ 𓂂 ⠀✼ 𓇽