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The emotional rollercoaster of living abroad

2012-01-10 11:19:06

By Rebecca Marston Business reporter, BBC News

These four professionals have very different feelings about the countries they

moved to for work:

"The State IS the religion. You cannot contradict the State. It's not that it

is a crime, it is as though it's a sin."

"All of a sudden it was: 'What year is it?' Time becomes funny in perpetual

summer. I've been used to marking my life in terms of 'Oh, it's winter again.'"

"The best thing is being abroad - to have the feeling that there is something

buzzing here and you are in the middle of something happening."

"Our first impressions centred on how clean and modern the city is, the great

hospitality and the multi-cultural aspects."

The comments are from people living in Abu Dhabi, India, Malaysia and Sweden -

but not in that order.

Among the hundreds of thousands of professional people who are living away from

their home country, part of the attraction for them was to experience something

very different from home.

Old Europe

That is the reason at least that prompted Veronique Briquet-Laugier, a

French-born scientist, to move to the French embassy in Delhi, trying to boost

co-operation between French and Indian scientists.

"I wanted to get away from Old Europe. It is going to sleep. India is a dynamic

economy and an exciting one."

Chris Callahan Chris Callahan in Malaysia: "Truly an international melting pot"

At first the move went well: "My first impressions were above my expectations.

I was expecting it to be less developed - not in science because they are very

advanced - but the airport and shopping malls were far better than I was

expecting.

"But then I found it chaotic. I thought: 'What IS this - I want to kill

someone!"

US-born Chris Callahan, another Westerner who wanted a move to a fast-growing

Asian country, found adjusting a simpler process. He moved from one dynamic

economy - Hong Kong - to another - Malaysia.

Serial mover

An entrepreneur, he went to set up a TV production company: "I was fed up with

Hong Kong. I found it very segregated. I had lived in China and found it

strange to live in a predominately Chinese city where there was so much less

effort to get to know each other."

Start Quote

I have no Swedish friends. Not one. Other countries, sure. Canadian, Maghreb,

Iranian, but - apart from my wife - no-one from Sweden

Alessandro Serio Teacher

His first impressions matched his expectations: "I loved it. I thought it was

great. It bills itself as a multi-ethnic and multinational society and it was

fantastic. You can see Indians, Chinese and Malay Muslims, truly an

international melting pot - unlike Hong Kong everybody would sit around

together - and the food was not bad!"

Alessandro Serio is another mover who found settling initially plain sailing.

Italian by birth, he had lived in a number of countries, like Chris Callahan,

before this move, in his case stretching across Europe and Africa. But he was

not prepared for the move to Sweden.

"My first impression was what I was expecting it to be. Everyone was blond and

good looking and it was easy to get a job. There appeared to be perfect social

integration and no conflict. But after a while I started to notice things were

a bit different.

"The first thing that happens is you start to get into the system. The permits,

permission to stay, the work permit. In London no-one cares, in Paris even less

- you really disappear. In Sweden, they come and look for you, with emails and

all sorts of communication methods.

"You have to learn the language and lesson one was An Introduction To Sweden.

The instructor was 10 minutes late, yet the first thing she said was: 'We in

Sweden are very punctual.' They seem to have have a vision of themselves that

they simply don't live by themselves."

'Delusions of grandeur'

He found the country far from the social melting pot enjoyed by Chris in

Malaysia.

"No-one eats together. The all sit and eat their lunch at the school I work at,

at the same time, at the same table - but they don't really talk to each other.

Not even about the weather. I have no Swedish friends. Not one. Other

countries, sure. Canadian, Maghreb, Iranian, but - apart from my wife - no-one

from Sweden."

Alessandro Serio Alessandro Serio found Swedish life did not live up to his

hopes

Sonia Middleditch, managing director of WorldNet Recruitment and Training, says

adjusting to a new country can be a combination of euphoria and bewilderment:

"It is crucial that whoever is going abroad is sufficiently prepared for what

to embrace. We try to do this by bringing in experts to talk them through what

to expect.

"A lot of people have delusions of grandeur, particularly the young, who think

if they are going to Barbados they are going to be sitting on St James' beach

drinking cocktails - and that's not the reality.

"People have chosen to go to their new countries, so there is an element of

'This is what I was hoping for; this is what I was expecting.' But after the

early excitement, they settle in and start to see what is missing."

Veronique Briquet-Laugier's experience mirrors this. But she adjusted by

embracing the system.

"I was more indulgent at the beginning. I was trying to find my way and I did

lose patience once the novelty had worn off. But here one should not scream or

shout at any point. People just look really helpless if you start doing that.

"Now I know better ways of holding my temper and expressing myself. Now I am

more Indian and I feel more part of the country and people."

'Blind faith'

Steel executive Shannon Hore has worked hard to understand his new host

country, Abu Dhabi, in a bid to avoid that uncomfortable junction.

He moved from Perth, Australia, with his wife: "Abu Dhabi is a Muslim country

and as an expat we need to be very sensitive to their beliefs and cultures.

This means being aware of prayer times during the working hours and providing

time for Muslims to pray.

"This also means that during the holy month of Ramadan, we need to ensure that

we do not drink or eat in public during their fast - even chewing gum is a

no-no."

But even with understanding, religion can throw up some unexpected pitfalls.

Start Quote

Indians are quite similar to French, they talk all the time. They are into

politics and are interested in everything

Veronique Briquet-Laugier French scientist

Alessandro moved from one Christian country to another, but he did not find

many parallels: "When you first move here, you are told that Sweden is highly

secularised. But Sweden is one of the most religious countries I have ever been

to.

"There is an orthodoxy of the system, a religion of the State based on blind

faith. If you make your religion public - Catholic, Muslim or Buddhist - people

get really irritated - a lot."

For Chris Callahan in Malaysia, the system remained bemusing, too: "One night a

leaving party was arranged for someone, but the plan was to stitch him up. It

was arranged with a massage parlour to give him a massage and when he was

vulnerable a fake policeman would arrest him. But the parlour owner said 'What

do you want to do that for? We'll get one of the ones I pay off to play the

part.'

"But another time I went to the police to report a stolen wallet. I was

surprised to find there was a fee - of 30p. But then the women working in the

station weren't able to type so the report could not be filed. I offered to do

it - and they said OK. So I typed my own police report."

Moving on

Chris Callahan found his host country's view of him also verged on the bemused:

"The locals see you as weird. You're fascinating to them. It means you can get

away with anything.

"My dog was banned when the guards changed at my apartment - dogs are seen as

unclean in certain Islamic cultures. I just told the guard it wasn't a dog -

that it looked like a dog but it wasn't - they were too confused to do

anything."

Alessandro Serio simply came up against a straightforward stereotype: "Italians

face more or less the same prejudice everywhere. We get asked about the Mafia,

how many times do you call your mother... They think we all hang our laundry

out across the alleyway, all the things like that."

Perhaps unsurprisingly, he is thinking of leaving the country where he says the

State is the religion.

Chris Callahan has left Malaysia, but for a new entrepreneurial venture, and he

would have no qualms about returning, even though the seemingly eternal

sunshine blurred his sense of time.

Shannon Hore is staying in multicultural, modern Abu Dhabi, for now: "This is a

very friendly and hospitable part of the world with lots to see and do. There

are so many opportunities to travel - after all, Australia is so isolated."

Veronique Briquet-Laugier is still in Delhi, where she is no longer so likely

to feel homicidally annoyed.

She says she is enjoying the buzz and the "feeling of being part of something"

more and more: "Indians are quite similar to French, they talk all the time.

They are into politics and are interested in everything - I can see the

Mediterranean in them!

"And practically, it is much better here. We have a maid and a driver and we

can order whatever we want to eat."