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Hello.

It is almost christmas and I've decided to make my gemspace more fleeting and keep editing the same file. I might store some of these for archival purposes but you need not concern about it. The content will just keep changing. I might only change some of the words, remove a lot of them, replace, etc. It'll be kind of like a thought organism. I'll even just save it as I'm typing, so you might be one of the lucky view that reads this thing in the middle of a sentence.

I've been listening to an audiobook of antkind, by charlie kaufman and it's been amazing. It really brings back memories to my teens listening to Geogaddi and reading and dreaming about Finnegans Wake, when art was seemingly bottomless. I forgot that was still an option, and I'm getting clearer ideas on how to achieve this myself "reading" it. Or whatever you call reading/listening to an audiobook.

I'm at chapter 50 now and I must say the novel is losing me a bit. It feels like it's gone way off the rails into one giant train of thought tantrum about whatever. I'm not stopping yet but it better get back to the magic of Ingo's movie soon. I get how this movie fits into the train but I'd rather have it the other way around. The train should be fitting into the movie. I feel like I know the rest of the book, minus the details.

That being said that space between the coma and brainio is something else. It reminds me of a dream I had when I was just staring at Finnegans Wake for days at a time, not understanding any of it, and the effect it had on my dreams. At one point it was like I was indiana jones and finnegans wake was a hellraiser puzzle I had to solve to unlock all the knowledge of the universe. That is a very nice feeling to make a movie out of and Charlie Kaufman takes the cake at that.

Musicdiscoverabillly I've been kind of stagnating. After listening to a bunch of it I can definitely say goth industrial EBM is not really what I'm looking for, though it has some of the elements. I need it to be harsher and more cybernetic torturey, with vocals that sound a bit suicidal and psychotic in a transhumanist kind of way. So I download pretty much every goth album in the last decade and 9/10 sounds terrible. I guess sturgeon's law goes for my ears as well. I don't like this realization as I'm sure I fall outside that 9/10 outside of 9/10 people in the world. That's not a lot of people to enjoy my art. 10% of people is still a lot of people. Like 500 million?

Business is going slow and the winter is setting its sharp claws into my spirit. Sadness and desaturation creep in, as well as fatigue and a bunch of vices taking root. I try to stay positive but it's not easy. I should probably make more music. I also feel like reorganizing to focus more on the things that are important to me. That might mean letting go of some responsibilities, or trade them in for something else, or finding friends to help me with some of them. I'm taking melatonin and it seems to be working somewhat. It even got me to fix the giant shrub in front which took me almost 3 hours of my magical christmas mix (you can listen to it here: https://voca.ro/11fmDXugsAeA over halfway of that!)

For my Panda3d project "panda3d-workshop", a set of tools for creating 3d models, I've been trying to combine and subtract 3d geometric shapes through a process of boolean operations. There's progress but it's slow and the math is feeling cold. But once I get this to work I can do some really awesome things like building humanoids and planets by clumping together spheres, and still have control over each individual vertex (for things like color, uvs and joints). The IK is already working with less arbitrary geometry. I can only imagine the amount of fun I'll have sculpting and breathing life to a character with this upcoming tech.

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