💾 Archived View for dimension.sh › ~dskully › blog › rant.gmi captured on 2023-12-28 at 15:54:28. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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dmy 08/09/23
it's been 26 years. i've been stuck in here, in this reality or whatever it is you wanna call it. i can't take it anymore. nothing in here interests me and there's no point to anything. you have to work only to survive, but survive for what? to die later? i don't see any meaning or logic behind all this. everyone is so afraid to die so they just pretend nothing will happen or that they will be saved by some all-powerful entity just so they can go along their day.
but something tells me it's deeper than that. if they really understood the nature of this "reality" they wouldn't be having so many children. children are born every day, and this is somehow seen as somethin good. people get praised for having a child, a grandkid. don't they realize the cruel nature of this behaviour? why bring someone here just for them to die? i'll never understand it. to me it sounds like insanity.
no one questions how they are conscious. of course, some do. but they just find a distraction or justification to ignore it. do i have to think to move my arm? am i really moving it consciously or is it somehow moving itself, just the results of the neurons firing in the brain, removing any sign of free will? just like a neural network calculating it's output, everything that we do is just that. the result of an enormous neural net doing biological calculations. a neural net cursed to think about itself. an endless feedback loop that we call consciousness.
but there's something that few care to explore. a world that everyone visits but rarely stay for long or care to find out more about it. the world within our heads. dreams, hallucinations. in this world everything can be. everything can happen. but sadly we are limited to visit it for a few minutes only. some don't even remember. others had the pleasure to be conscious that they are dreaming, and were able to control it. it happened to me once or twice, and i would give anything to go back to it.
i wish there was a way to make it last longer. so i can stay there for days. hell, even an hour would be nice. the few moments i had with this experience only lasted a few seconds. just enough for me to fly or make sure it was really a dream. nothing extraordinary. but imagine the possibilities of having more time. we are so close to a world with meaning, yet so distant.
dmy 09/09/23
yet another day begins. i had a lucid dream which was nice, but i didn't try to do anything crazy in it. i just tried to keep dreaming for as long as possible. and it worked somewhat. i can barely remember though. oh well, now i gotta go through another day of nothingness, pure boredom.
i'm taking antidepressants and an antipsychotics, i think theyre working because the anxiety and fear i used to felt went away. but that does'nt make me better. in fact i feel even worse. with my mind working properly i can only think of how dull and boring life is. i don't want to do things. i don't want to be conscious. everything that i like is fading away with time. computers are becoming boring. smartphones are becoming boring. everything is becoming worse.
even data storage is boring. we can now store millions of pictures and documents on a tiny sd card. what's the fun in that? games are now up to 200 gb. it's insane! i want cassetes, i want tapes, i want floppy-disks. i want single user operating systems. i want terminals and computers that make noise.
remember having gadgets? you would have something to hear music, a calculator, a camera, a notepad. now everything is done in a square piece of glass: a smartphone. a boring fucking smartphone. and it just keeps getting worse. now apple has launched a vr headset that will try to revolutionize the way we interact with technology. we are getting further and further away from the things i love.
and not even typewriters exist anymore.