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From: twcaps@tennyson.lbl.gov (Terry Chan)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban,news.answers,alt.answers
Subject: alt.folklore.urban Frequently Asked Questions
Followup-To: alt.folklore.urban
Date: 29 Mar 1993 18:35:29 GMT
Organization: Department of Redundancy Department
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Approved: news-answers-request@MIT.Edu
Expires: 28 April 1993
Message-ID: <29974@dog.ee.lbl.gov>
Reply-To: TWChan@lbl.gov (Terry Chan)
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Summary: Urban legends supported, challenged and debunked
Please read before posting to AFU
Archive-name: folklore-faq
Last-Modified: 93/3/29
Version: 2.50
29 March 1993
Official Usenet Alt.Folklore.Urban Frequently Posted Legends
"I will set down a tale...it may be history it may be only
a legend, a tradition. It may have happened, it may not have
happened. But it could have happened..."
-- Mark Twain [via Christopher Neufeld]
This is alt.folklore.urban -- the newsgroup where nonsense is revered
as an artform, and debunking has been taken to new heights.
The group has broadened its god-given mandate from a place for
discussing urban legends (ULs) to a place for confirming or disproving
beliefs and facts of all kinds, including origin of vernacular ("The
whole nine yards", "Sniping like a bald giraffe"), common scientific
fallacies, obscure points of history, stories of pranks, the location
of Foucalt's pendulums, Why "Space 1999" was better than "Star Trek:
TOS," and so on. In other words, it's a great place to get a reality
check on anything that "a friend" told you, or to compare notes about
odd things.
As a result, you will find items in the classic urban legend mold
(e.g., food contamination legends), as well as old wives tales, and
other oddball facts, trivia, and stories.
TWO NOTES TO NEW READERS:
- We encourage you to post any stories you suspect may be an UL. Funny
or whatever. Details matter! Please try to give as much as possible.
BUT, be advised that many of the stories in the FAQ have been hashed
over. If you wish to debate them, be prepared to substantiate your
claim.
- The weasely :-) symbol is frowned upon in this group. Any questions,
see Phil Gustafson who will gladly rearrange your diodes for you and
charge you two-fifty for it.
The purpose of summarizing these frequently-seen legends is to provide
a guide to veracity and their experience in this newsgroup. Most ULs
cannot be traced back to original true incidents, but some, particularly
the more recent ones can be. There are ULs which may, coincidentally,
have a true manifestation, but a true manifestation does not deprive a
UL of its legendary status. However, since many if not most ULs are
false, where possible, I include a comment referring to a true incident,
subject to sufficient evidence, of course.
A DIGRESSION ON URBAN LEGENDS AND "FALSEHOOD"
Occasionally, there is a post to the effect of: "That actually happened
you st*p*d, f*ck*ng, b*st*rds, Jan Harold Brunvand is Polish, the FAQ
list is wrong, the sun rises in the West and it's not an urban legend."
As noted elsewhere in this list and by astute individuals on the net, an
UL does not have to be false. If we take the example of "The Unsolvable
Math Problem" (see below), we find that mathematician George Dantzig is
the probable individual involved. So is this story no longer an UL?
Jan Harold Brunvand addresses this issue thusly:
"Despite finding its [The Unsolvable Math Problem] apparent
origin, I continue to accept anonymous versions as legendary.
Here's why."
"An oral story is a story, whatever its origin. As long as a
story continues to circulate in different variations, partly
by word of mouth, we may regard it as folklore. But probably
'The Unsolvable Math Problem' legend should no longer be
discussed as strictly 'apocryphal,' since we now seem to have
found its source, and the deviations from the original incident
are easily recognized and are not excessive."
- JHB,_The Choking Doberman_, p. 282
Veracity is interesting but far from the only thing when it comes to
the study of urban legends.
MEANWHILE, BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM . . .
I have also begun to collect references to specific volumes of JHB's to
document various classic ULs. This is a slow and on-going process.
Acronyms for Jan Harold Brunvand's books in the list below are:
TVH - _The Vanishing Hitchhiker_
TMP - _The Mexican Pet_
TCD - _The Choking Doberman_
CBA - _Curses! Broiled Again_
TBT - _The Baby Train_ (forthcoming, March 1993)
Related newsgroups to consider when posting an article which may be "folklore":
- alt.folklore.computers [guess what this one is about?]
- alt.folklore.science ["Does hot water freeze faster than cold?" Heh.]
- alt.folklore.college [Lots of the same old stuff, but why not?]
- alt.folklore.ghost-stories [A Joel Furr production.]
- sci.skeptic [for those with lots of time on their hands]
- alt.tasteless [frequently more appropriate than not.]
- alt.usage.english [pretty self-explanatory, dontcha think?]
- alt.flame [just a thought else hold that thought]
- alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.d [the others are for *pictures* only.]
- alt.religion.kibology [the mother of all newsgroups]
- rec.arts.startrek.misc [Anything about "Lost in Space" will do.]
NOMINATIONS FOR THE OFFICIAL MOTTO OF A.F.U.
[One free clue: if youse post with one of the following in your article,
youse takes youse chances in this newsgroup.]
"It could have happened, so it must be true."
"Sheesh!"
"Sorry to inject some facts into this newsgroup..."
"It COULD have happened so it MUST have happened"
"Bula Vinaka"
"I read it on USE[less]NET so it must be true."
"You st*p*d f*ck*ng b*st*rds..."
"The way I heard it..."
"I read it in the paper..."
"I think it's stupid. We collect all these business cards, and it turns
out nobody wants them."
"Mumpsimus"
"Furrfu!"
"Bzzzzt!"
"No Facts but..."
"And as for the voracity [sic] of the source, this is my GRANDMOTHER
you're talking about."
"True story as far as anyone knows. No particular reason why it should
be doubted."
"I can't vouch for the veracity of your story. But there's enough stupidity
out there that I'll believe it."
"He might have. That alone is enough to prove..."
"Are you saying that some soaps are not detergents but that no detergents
are soaps?" [Happy, Chuck Adams? Sheesh!]
"Well, looking at my couch, I could see how this would happen"
"Excuse me. But can anyone tell me what's going on here?"
"I'm not making this up. I've seen a wargame of the battle of Stalingrad
which includes an optional counter for mine dogs, so it must be true.
"I will not describe it so don't even bother asking me about it."
"My girlfriend has seen people doing this. Sources don't come more reliable."
"If you doubt this crap, Ive [sic] got a copy I could quote."
"I heard the story. It wasn't cocaine, it was a cat."
"Exaggeration makes a better story."
"Yup. I've heard that one too so it must be true."
"I didn't keep any references as I didn't think it would be a subject on AFU."
"I do not post speculation or bullshit to this newsgroup."
"Sounds like bullshit to me."
"I must say, with all due respect, the tone of your reply is typical of
much of the dialog that goes on on this network and newsgroup. Any
apparent weakness or oversight, real or not, becomes the occasion for
an attack on the basic intelligence of the person who reveals it -- in
this case the lecturer whose talk some fifteen years ago I sketchily
summarized."
AFU MAN OF THE YEAR (1992)
- Trelford Pinkerton
RUNNERS UP FOR AFU PERSON OF THE YEAR (1992)
- Obik, the frozen, neolithic homosexual
- Stein, Cindy's troll or husband or whatever
SPECULATION ON CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK'S MIDDLE NAME
- "Terry"
- "Tirebiter"
- "Tennessee"
- "Tyrone"
- "Tin-Plated Dictator with Delusions of Godhood"
- "Teriyaki"
OFFICIAL AFU MASCOT
- My pet King snake, Elvis
- Peter's pet dalmatian dog, Pixel
- snopes' pet cat, Snopes
- little gator's non-biological gator, harvee
- Cindy's pet troll, Steinar
- Nigel's pet human, Joel Furr
HACK ETYMOLOGIES FOR THE WORD 'POSH'
- Puke On Shoes Here
- Port Out, Starboard Home
- Passed Out, She Hurled
- Post Office: Shergold's Hospital
- Pulmonary -- Oxygenated Supply to Heart
- Port Out, Sherry Home
- Prow Outward, Stern Homeward
OFFICIAL AFU PHOTOGRAPHER
- Dan Wright
OFFICIAL FOOD OF AFU
- Chicken Mole'
- Red Velvet Cake
- Poinsettia salad
- Kentucky Fried Chicken
- little gator's Deep Sh*t Cookies
OFFICIAL BIG DIC OF AFU
- The OED or Winston Churchill (tie)
Okay, the major categories are:
- The Misappliance of Science
- The 'Plane Truth (What goes up...)
- Does Not Compute
- Twinkie Twitter
- Mysterious Medical Maladies
- Wind Powered Fantasies
- Stupid Academia Tricks
- Stupid People Tricks
- What's in a Word?
- Reefer Madness
- How Firm is Your Foundation?
- Kill Your Television!
- Astonishing Antipodean Antics
- Lewd Food
- Snuff Movies
- Upstanding Legends of the Penis and Scrotum
- Hide the Salami
- Disney Dementia (and other amusement park legends)
- Question Authority!
- Legal Beagles
- Wild Life in the Fast Lane
- Legends About Natatory Capabilities of Large Anthropoid Primates
- Astounding Avian Anomalies
- Doggie-Style and Cattie-Wumpus
- Other Animal Crackers
- Arthropod Crackers
- Some References and Credits
Key to one liners below:
T = 100% scientific truth
Tb = believed true, but not conclusively proven
F = 100% falsehood
Ft = A legend, mostly untrue, but with a true occurence or known origin.
Fb = believed false, but not conclusively proven
U = unanswered and may be unanswerable
P = Maybe it didn't happen, but it's scientifically possible
(used extremely sparingly, where the opposite is expected,
as it could apply to just about every legend)
There is a comment, "*", on certain lines in the FAQ. This indicates
that there is further information on this point available via anonymous
ftp. Thanks to the great generosity of CatStyle (Jason R. Heimbaugh)
and the Grate State of Illinois, the site name is cathouse.aiss.uiuc.edu
(128.174.184.32). The subdirectory is /misc/fun/urban.legends. For our
overseas folk, Haakon "YuNoHoo" Styri has also established a mirror site
at balder.nta.no (128.39.1.8). The subdirectory is /pub/alt.folklore.urban.
Many thanks for their efforts.
Hint: Grab the file named "Filelist" for a description of what's there.
================================================================================
THE MISAPPLIANCE OF SCIENCE
F.*You can make as much ice faster by starting with warmer water.
T.*Boiled water freezes faster than ordinary water at same initial temp.
T.*Hot water evaporates while freezing, producing 75% of ice in 90% of time.
F. A penny falling from height of Empire State building will embed in pavement.
[Yeah, yeah, it's mentioned in the _Life in Hell_ books]
T. There is no truth to the rumor that James "T." Kirk's middle name is Terry.
F. Bath water drains the other way round in other hemisphere, due to Coriolis.
T. Coriolis force affects fluids if you take incredible pains to isolate it.
Fb.Microwaving panties kills yeast infections (cold spots in oven...)
F. Coloring your CD's rim with (special) marker will enhance sound quality.
T.*CDs are the size they are because it could hold Beethoven's 9th symphony.
F.*People explode/boil/something in the vacuum of space.
F. Eelskin wallet demagnetizes bank cards (nope, but magnetic clasp might).
F. Daylight sky appears dark enough to see stars from bottom of deep well.
T. Venus and perhaps a few other bright stars/planets can be seen in daylight.
F. Bubbles in bubble wrap contain a cheap, but toxic gas.
U. East German secret police "bug" factory now uses skills to make hearing aids
F. Hot-drying acid-washed jeans "re-activates" the acid(Nope, but might shrink)
F. Ontario Hydro mandated poor installation,so copper fails as often as Alum.
T. Fluorescent lamp will light up when held near high-voltage line.
T. You sure can raise bloody hell asking about physics/chemistry on AFU.
Tb.Fluorescent light will break down vitamins in clear milk containers.
F. Fluorescent lights leach vitamins from your body.
Tb.Leather saddles used to be treated with llama dung to avoid scaring horses
Tb.The spec. for leather saddles got copied for leather jackets...
T. 3M "post-it" notes were invented & marketed as an unofficial project
T.*Subliminal messages in advertising are ineffective, but outlawed anyway.
["Media Sources and Business Legends" in TCD]
U. Filamentous phage M13 obtained from lab's letter rejecting the transfer!
T. Long term storage of paper in a PVC envelope is harmful (fumes degrade it).
T. Some combinations of metal tooth fillings can receive radio signals.
F. Printer/copier toner is carcinogenic. [But be careful about breathing it.]
F. The moon is larger near the horizon than up in the sky due to refraction.
T. The above is due to an optical illusion.
T.*Indiana House Bill #246 of 1897 would've set pi=3.2, killed in state Senate.
Fb.Some state (e.g., Kansas) once considered a bill setting pi = 3.
F. US and Russia won't destroy their cultures of smallpox for fear of bio- war.
F. Taking baking soda as an antacid is bad 'cause CO2 can rupture your stomach.
U. Hypnosis is a fake! Net says "Yes, no, zzzz". [But does remove warts.]
F. Flowers are bad in hospital rooms because they suck oxygen out of air.
Fb.People only use 10% of their brain capacity (whatever that means).
F. If the entire population of China jumped up at the same time: a) the Earth's
orbit would be disturbed, b) the entire US would be swamped by a tidal wave.
Fb.If all the Chinese screamed at the same time, people in the US could hear it
U. This message is costing the net hundreds if not thousands of dollars.
T. There was a natural nuclear reaction in Africa long ago [NOT an explosion.]
F. Swimming right after eating will cause cramps and you'll drown.
F. Squeezing out the air from a partially consumed soda bottle will keep soda
from going flat.
F. There are workmen who died building Hoover Dam and were entombed in it.
F. I deleted all references to Kibo from the FAQ list.
F. There is a pillar in India made of metal found nowhere else in the world.
Tb.Tomatoes are not vegetables, they're berries. [Thanks, Scott C.]
Tb.Women workers in old watch factories got poisoning by licking brushes used
for applying radium compound to watch faces.
U. Deckard was a replicant. [I don't care about the "Director's Cut."]
F. Large telescope mirrors often become distorted due to glass flow.
F. You can see glass flow in the windows of old buildings.
Tb.MRI used to be called "Nuclear MRI", but "N" was dropped due to nuke fear.
T. Nobody came up with any good stuff on the origins of Daylight Saving Time.
U. "Trekkies" are controlling the minds of everyone on the net.
Fb.A newspaper spellchecker sub'd "In the African-American" for "in the black."
F. Welding while wearing contacts can cause them to stick to your eyeballs.
F. NASA sends Swiss watchmakers very thin threads of gold; they send back
drilled w/holes. [Similar story w/Japan and US.]
F. Standing a hard-boiled egg on end has something to do with an equinox.
THE 'PLANE TRUTH (WHAT GOES UP...)
T. 800ft diameter asteroid passed within 500K miles of hitting earth in 1989.
T. Confused pilots occasionally land on tiny strip short of correct airport.
T. F51D plane can flip due to engine torque.(A. Frisbie posted pilot's manual!)
Tb.US Govt fixed plane transponders always report positions(catch drug imports)
T. Airforce/manufacturers tests planes by firing chickens from special cannon.
Tb Cessna planes aren't sold in the US anymore due to threat of liability suits
T. Beechcraft and Mooney still make & sell planes in the US however...
T. Pilot can discreetly signal a hijack by setting the transponder to "7500"
Tb.Leave flaps down when off the active as a request for armed intervention!!
F. The Great Wall of China can be seen with the naked eye from the moon.
T. Many manmade structures can be seen with the naked eye from Earth orbit.
F. Shuttle crew did secret experiment on how to make love in zero gravity.
Tb.Jet lag is exacerbated by alcohol consumption.
T. Parachute mishap brought down a Cessna (gently) on a novice's parachute.
F. Airlines use a gas to keep passengers mildly sedated and less troublesome.
U. Similar story of lowering cabin pressure below usual.
Fb.Both pilots on airliner end up locked out of cockpit in lavatory mixup.
["Death and Danger in the Air" in CBA]
U. In 90% of plane crashes, the words "Oh sh*t!" appear on the flight recorder.
Fb.Man surnamed "Gay" is on a full flight. Stewards check list and have to
bump someone and he's up. Steward asks if someone's "Gay." He says "Yes"
and they tell him he's to be bumped. In a misunderstanding, others chime
in saying "No, they're 'Gay'."
DOES NOT COMPUTE
T. Apple use a Cray to design hardware systems; Cray use an Apple...
T. Prodigy grabs large sectors of the disk, containing data from deleted files.
F. Prodigy slyly reads your disk & nefariously uploads your top secrets to IBM.
F. Stories about Seymour Cray's strange hobbies (annual boat burning etc).
F.*The FCC is proposing a modem tax (Nope, the proposal died in 1987).
T. Bill Gates has $750K Porsche 959 he can't use;no type compliance,no license!
U. New computer system "lost" a Montgomery Ward Calif warehouse for 3 years...
T. "q=q++;" is an undefined statement under ANSI C(same object modified twice).
Fb.Dave^H^H^H^HTerry Manley will never get in the FAQ list.
T. Calling "#" a pound sign as in common US parlance really riles some folks up
T. "#" is frequently referred to as a "hash" mark outside the US.
F. Russian/Chinese mechanical translator translates "out of sight, out of mind"
into "blind and insane". Also "Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"
as "the drink is good but the meat is rotten."
T. Terry Wood proved that it's not easy to shut down the net. (Although posting
that 'Lost in Space' was better than 'Star Trek' [TOS] came close.]
U. IBM ordered a whole bunch of "THIMK" games; but printer changed to "THINK".
T. In 1947 a moth was found in a relay of the Harvard Mark II machine, and
taped into the logbook as the "first actual case of bug being found".
T. The log book used to be in building 1200 "K-lab" of the Naval Surface
Warfare Center, Dahlgren Division. Now at the Smithsonian MoAH.
F. Grace Hopper coined the term "bug" as a result of this event.
T. Grace Hopper was a programmer for the Mark II and often told the moth story.
T. "Bug" was used to mean a design defect as far back as Edison's time.
TWINKIE TWITTER
T. "animal or vegetable shortening" on ingredients list == LARD
F. Hostess snacks (Twinkies, Cupcakes, etc.) aren't baked! They set,like jello
Fb.Twinkies eat mold... If mold grows on a twinkie, the twinkie digests it...
T. There really were chocolate "iced" Twinkies.
Tb.Jonathan "et al." Papai wears a "Miracle Ear" to navigate long hallways.
F. Singer John Denver served as a sniper in Vietnam (poss. his dad did).
T. Drew Lawson can't handle Zingers.
MYSTERIOUS MEDICAL MALADIES
U. Woman had "tree in the bedina" -- potato used as pessary, sprouted...
U. Woman had "Smiling Mighty Jesus" -- spinal meningitis.
U. Woman had "sick as hell anemia" -- sickle cell anemia
U. Woman named child "Nosmo King" after sign on delivery room door.
F. There is a special ward for "Newky Brown" addicts in Newcastle General
F.*Person's hair turns entirely white "overnight" from stress.
T. Some people sneeze when exposed to bright light ("photic sneeze effect").
Tb.You can catch diseases (crabs, lice, herpes, VD, etc) from public toilets.
Tb.Patient died when intravenously given Kaopectate.
U. FDA approval causes cancer.
Tb.Drinking large quantities of deionized/distilled water over a long period
of time can screw you up due to ion imbalances.
F. Hair/nails continue to grow after death.
T. They appear to as the corpse shrinks.
F. Woman sees doc with irritated eye. Sez a male stripper rubbed his pouch in
her eye. Doc checks and removes a louse from it.
F. "Ear lobe" repair is booming in NYC because thieves rip earrings off women.
F. Thugs hide under cars in malls and cut ankles of women returning to cars.
[Above two in TBT, forthcoming]
Tb.Rat(s) eat face of child while child is near adult in poor side of town.
F. An autopsy reveals big hairballs in lungs of a man who breathed in bits
of hair while he worked, and thus suffocated him.
T. RT's wife's small hair ball nearly killed her. And she's got a big scar.
F. Girl dies of big hairball in stomach from chewing on ends of her braids.
[Above two in "The Hair Ball" in TMP.]
F. Mime has heart attack during act. People think it's part of act; he dies.
F. B.F. Skinner's daughter died/committed suicide/sued because of rearing in
Skinner box/special cribe.
WIND-POWERED FANTASIES
T. Fin-de-siecle Frenchman,Petomane,got rich farting as music hall act.Fartist.
U. Blowback (blowforward?) from ignited fart, singed frat-boy's intestines.
U. Vet cut vent-hole in cow's flank, lit escaping gases, burned down barn...
Tb.A patient's intestine explodes from cauterization during surgery due to gas.
T. A patient's intestine exploded during a colotomy.
STUPID ACADEMIA TRICKS
NOTE: Many university-based ULs are passed continually. Before posting, check
out the references below and in Appendix B of JHB's textbook which has a
survey of academe ULs by Barre Toelken.
T. Prof lists famous unsolved problems;student thought it was homework- solved!
(Student was George Dantzig.) ["The Unsolvable Math Problem" in CBA.]
Fb.Student cheats on exam,asks "do you know who I am?",jams paper in exam pile!
["Bluebook Legends" in TMP]
Fb.Professor jostled; misses watch;grabs back from jostler; later finds at home
[Variation of "The Jogger's Billfold" in TCD]
F. College roommate commits suicide, gets you an automatic "A" for courses.
["The Suicide Rule" in CBA.]
T. Student gets tuition $ by asking for $0.01 from each person via newspaper.
Tb.Students find rolled-up carpet; take and unroll in dorm room to find body.
Fb.Student kills self during exam by putting 2 pencils in nose and hitting desk
T. People's lawn gnomes/elves stolen; owners were sent letter/pics from exotic
locations with the ornament. ["Roaming Gnomes" in CBA]
T. Famous UL researcher misspells the subtitle of a Star Trek film in a book.
F. Two co-eds alone in dorm; one goes to study; other in room; roomie hears
heavy dragging sounds; blocks door; hears scratches; waits til morning;
opens door to find other co-ed with ax in head who was scratching for help.
["The Roommate's Death" in TVH and TMP]
Fb.Students buy a barber pole and drive the town. Stopped continually by police
F. Girl is alone at home/dorm with dog; sleeps; hears noise and a dripping
sound; is frightened but reaches to dog and feels a lick; goes back to
sleep. In morning, finds dog hanged in shower and note under bed which
says "humans can lick too." ["The Licked Hand" in TCD]
Fb.Prof. gives "announced" quiz to surprised class after putting ad in paper.
Fb.Prof. allows students to "bring in what they can carry for exam"; student
carrys in a grad student" (variation on allowing use of "Feynman").
Fb.Prof. nails exam thief by cutting bottom 0.5" of exam to find longer answer.
Fb.Philosophy prof.'s 1 word exam: "Why?" "A" to student who replies "Why not?"
[Many, many variations].
Fb.Low grading prof. grades same exam in successive semesters; gives higher
grade each time. 4th time around (or so), writes: "Like it more each time".
[Version with drawing of a whale.]
Fb.Prof. lectures class on sugar content of ejaculate. Girl then asks "Why
does it taste so salty then?" Runs out of class amidst laughter.
Fb.Science class students take swab from inside of cheek and examine under
microscope. One group sees odd organisms and calls prof. who looks and
declares that it's sperm.
Fb.Student submits 20 yr old paper for class; prof. gives "A"; says he always
liked it but he only got a "B" when he wrote it. [The above 6 are in
"College Con Artists and How They Operate" in CBA]
T. Prof. Donald "Art of Computer Programming" Knuth's 1st publication was in
MAD mag. (MAD #33 "The Potrzebie system of weights and measures")
F. Frat holds blood drive. Some grossly high % of frat donors are HIV positive.
T. There seems to be quite a few university buildings named after Kresge.
Fb.Prof. demos test for diabetes by dipping finger in several flasks of urine
and then licking it. Then asks students to do same. They do, after which
he says he dipped with one finger and licked with the other.
STUPID PEOPLE TRICKS
T.*Craig Shergold, UK cancer kid,sought get-well cards,overwhelmed with 33 mil.
T.*Craig Shergold, UK health plan wouldn't operate;Kluge paid;tumor was benign!
T.*Lousy quality CS GIF courtesy of Phil Kernick available via anonymous ftp.
T. Craig Shergold's 13th birthday was June 24, 1992.From now June 24 is AFUday.
Tb.Craig Shergold lives in an "unsalubrious" section of town.
T. His name has been misspelled several times in various pleas.
T. But he sure as heck doesn't want or need any more cards now.
T.*See _The Guinness Book of Records 1992_, p. 207.4 for his listing.
T.*See 19 July 1990 _NY Times_ (p. 24), _People_ magazine 10 June 1991, p. 63.
T.*Check the afu anonymous ftp site for sources and references.
T.*Cards that are sent to the hospital no longer go to him.
T. A variation of the above now includes a call for business cards.
[Classic American UL in this genre is "Postcards for Little Buddy" in CBA]
T. There was a version involving bar codes which was a hoax.
Tb.Paul Tomblin wants to put Craig back in the hospital.
Tb.John Slater doesn't think Craig live in an "unsalubrious" area anymore.
Tb.Craig voted on the folklore rmgroup from Craig_shergold@vms.cis.pitt.edu.
U. Errol Flynn was invited to "black tie" party; went nude,except for black tie
U. Ed Zotti is Cecil Adams, or Marilyn vos Savant, or Isaac Asimov, or....
T. Some beggars with "will work for food" signs are just extra sympathy scams.
T. People have been injured by rocking a vending machine that falls on them.
Fb.Man's house demolished after friend placed ad in paper for a joke.
Fb.US GI captures Iraqi soldier - they knew each other from Chicago.
F. Special chemical for swim pools, turns bright color on contact with urine.
F. "3 Men & a Baby" has a scene with a real ghost in it.
Fb.Wife sprays toilet with flammable bug spray, husband shits, smokes, explodes
Wife sprays toilet with flammable hair spray, you know the rest, etc.
["Hilarious Accidents" in TMP. Variations in TVH.]
Fb*Aluminum ring pull tabs are collected & exchanged for dialysis machine time.
["Redemption Rumors" in TMP]
T. The Ronald McDonald House in Rochester, MN is collecting tabs for their
own kids needs as of 3/92. Thanks to Shawn Brawnhart, jay@vnet.ibm.com,
E. David J. Tearns, and me for following up on this.
F. Chanting "Mary Worth" before a mirror summons dead spirit at slumber parties
Related to famous La Llorona legend? ["I Believe in Mary Worth" in TMP]
Fb.Male athlete cheats drug test with wife's pee; test shows he's pregnant.
T. Infirm, elderly, obese alcoholics have set themselves on fire occasionally.
F. People occasionally spontaneously combust and burn to death. Whoompfh!
F. Cabbage Patch dolls are possessed by the devil.
F. Kid sends broken Cabbage Patch dolls sent back. Death certificate sent back.
["The Cabbage Patch Tragedy" in TMP]
Fb.Couple stays in odoriferous hotel room;informed next day of body in mattress
F. Someone is crushed to death trying to shrink blue jeans by wearing in tub.
["Product Defect and Liability Legends" in TCD]
F.*Tourists' room is burgled, later finds snaps of "toothbrush up thief's ass".
Perry Pederson(n8742883@fozzie.cc.wwu.edu) claims to have seen such pictures
from his mother-in-law's Mexico vacation in June 1992. Yeah, right.
F. Two guys see kid fishing; kid says fish aren't biting but worms are; on way
back; they discover kid slumped over; worms were baby water moccasins!
["The Can of Snakes" in TMP]
Fb.Child's foot/leg is amputated after pumping Reeboks shoes too tight.
F.*Dr. C. Drew, a plasma researcher; bleeds to death when hospital turns him
(a black man) away. [Similar story with death of Blues great Bessie Smith.]
T. For some reason, some folks kill snakes by grabbing tail and "snapping" them
T. "Chicken sexing" is big business. Started by Asian family.
T."little gator" S. Mudgett is mentioned in one of Cecil's books.
F. Folks find casks of wine in cellar of old house. Tap and drank from several
of them. Later, preserved body of original house owner found in cask.
[Body in the cask motif may find some basis in old story of Admiral Nelson
of Battle of Trafalgar. His body was shipped back in wine/rum cask. Upon
arrival in UK, cask was low/empty. "The body in the cask" in TCD.]
Tb.Nautical saying: "Tapping the Admiral" is based on the above.
F. Boyfriend tells girlfriend they're through and she should leave when he
leaves on a long trip. He returns to find phone off the hook connected to
the "time" recording in Japan/some far away place.
["The Lover's Telephone Revenge" in CBA]
F. Helicopter fights forest fires by scooping water from lake. Charred body
of scuba diver found in ashes. ["Death and Danger in the Air" in CBA]
F. Ship captains, on their own authority, can perform marriages.
F. Fat person on ship/airline toilet has intestines sucked out due to vacuum.
U. Brian "Allah Mode" Scearce manages the "Hors de Combat" female mudwrestlers.
Fb.Some guy in a foreign country teaches the locals that a certain obscene
handsign (to him) was actually a welcoming gesture. Locals all pose for
pictures while making the gesture.
F. Woman on bus raises a man's hand and asks "Who does it belong to? It was
on my butt." Several red-faced men get off at next stop.
T. Jan Harold Brunvand's son, Erik, teaches at UU and even read a.f.u. Sheesh!
F. Halloween sadists randomly give poisoned candy to children.
T. A Texas child was poisoned by his father on Halloween in 1974.
[Above two are in "Halloween Sadists" in CBA]
F. Woman frequents tanning salons; develops funny smell; innards cooked!
["Curses! Broiled Again" in _CBA_]
T. A guy goes a-shooting at Saguaro cacti; hits one. It falls and kills him!
["The Plant's Revenge" in _CBA_]
F. Someone couldn't call for help because they couldn't dial the "11" in "911".
["Dial 911 for Help" in TCD]
T. Lots of people comment on the FAQ list without actually reading it.
Tb.People were once frequently mistaken for dead and were buried alive.
Tb.Edison's last breath is kept in a jar in Michigan. (Well, sort of).
Tb.Elvis lives near Palo Alto, works for Sun, and speaks w/an English accent.
Fb.Co-ed loses tampon inside prior to blind date; worried; sees school intern;
is acutely embarrassed. Her date turns out to be the intern!
Fb.Young man buys condom from pharmacist; he's embarrassed so boasts of date.
He picks her up, pharmacist/dad answers the door! ["The Blind Date" in TMP]
F. Bride at big wedding thanks each person, then thanks groom for sleeping
w/maid-of-honor. Then throws bouquet, etc. ["The Bothered Bride" in TMP]
F. Kid in Michael Jackson's commercial breaks neck and dies from: breakdancing,
OD, hit by motorcycle. Kid is Alfonse Ribera. Rumored of many kids on TV.
[See "Michael Jackson's Dancing Partner" inTMP]
F. First 7 numbers on bar code of "Thriller" album is Michael Jackson's phone.
["Michael Jackson's Telephone Number" in TMP]
F.*Phil Collins' song "In the Air Tonight" is about a death witnessed by Phil.
T. Sheesh! This was even debunked in _Parade_ magazine.
T. Crotch seam rivet in 1st Levi's dropped due to pain from standing near fires
F. Several suburban white women visit big city. They nervously enter elevator
which has a black man and a dog.He says "Sit Lady!" They promptly sit on the
floor but he was talking to the dog!
T. UL ends w/free dinner, roses, or tickets to concert for ignorant women.
T. Guys mentioned include Reggie Jackson, Wilt Chamberlain, Lionel Ritchie,
Eddie Murphy, O.J. Simpson, Joe Greene and Magic Johnson.]
T. There is an amusing variant about the English parliament (look it up).
T. Older version: woman stuck in an elevator where two black men piss on her.
[The above five are in "The Elevator Incident" in CBA.]
F. Couple hires hippie-type babysitter. Later, mother calls and sitter says
everything is fine; she's stuffed the turkey and put it in the oven.
Mom worries since they don't have an turkey; parents rush home and find
that stoned sitter has (or is about to) put baby in the (microwave) oven.
["The Hippie-Babysitter" in TVH.]
F. "Clever" babysitter stops baby crying by holding its head in oven.
["The Clever Babysitter" in TMP]
U. A plain-Jane coed invited to special night out by a BMOC. As she gets ready,
has bad gas from lunch. Date arrives;so plans to fart in car before he gets
in. She farts and quickly rows down window. Date gets in, says,"I'd like you
to meet Tom and Mary in the backseat." ["The Fart in the Dark" in TVH.]
Fb.Family visits wilderness park. They see bears and want to get "cute pics"
of bear w/child so they smear honey on his cheek. Bear eats child's face.
F. Bride's father at wedding goes to pay band, but wallet is missing and has
to take up collection from guests. Later viewing of wedding video shows
groom's father lifting bride's father's wallet! ["Sex Scandals" in TCD]
Tb.Some guys who make $ recycling aluminum strip a house with new siding.
Tb.People (mostly guys) have been electrocuted pissing on a subway's 3rd rail.
T. Common UL mills include Dear Abby, Ann Landers, and Paul Harvey.
F. Woman lighting fire opens door w/hot poker;robber at door sees and grabs it!
(Var. where woman is holding a knife). ["The Robber Who was Hurt" in TCD]
T. I don't give a damn when the 21st century starts. Everyone knows it's 4691.
F. Clocks are commonly displayed at 8:18/8:20/10:10 because that's when JFK
or Abraham Lincoln was shot.
WHAT'S IN A WORD?
[Try checking out the OED and the Dictionary of American Regional English
for etymological history; _The Penguin Dictionary of Historical Slang_,
by Eric Partridge (abridged by Jacqueline Simpson). Penguin books. For
you other types, there's always alt.usage.english.]
F.*The etymology of the 4-letter word "f*ck" is an acronym of old. [e.g.
"Fornication Under Consent of the King.]
T. Lord knows, there're lots of variations of initials/names for "Jesus Christ"
F. 'HAL' in the film "2001: A Space Odyssey" was derived from letters for "IBM"
Tb.The expression "86" (to put the kibosh on), originated in 1920s diner slang.
T. A.J.Balfour appt'd Secretary Ireland by Uncle Bob.Nepotism? Bob's your uncle
T. JF Kennedy said "Ich bin ein Berliner." Could be either "I am a native of
Berlin" or "I am a jelly doughnut." Berliners knew what he was talking about
T. Hebrew was considered as official language of the US. [Guess what happened?]
F.*German was once within one or two votes of becoming the official US language
T. Fijian on the AT&T ad says ""Bula vinaka, beachside!" ("hello, thanks").
T. Many languages don't pronounce foreign words/phrases as they really are.
Fb.US Civil War Gen. Hooker is the source for a common term for streetwalkers.
Tb.Though he may have helped popularize it.
F.*Thomas Crapper invented the flush toilet.
T.*Thomas Crapper did exist and made improvements to modern flushing mechanisms
F.*The word 'crap' is derived from Thomas Crapper.
F. Otto Titzling invented the brassiere.
F.*The words to "Louie, Louie" are dirty.[Thanks to Maiko Covington for lyrics]
F.*Eskimos have some megaboss number of words for snow.
F.*"Posh" is from "Port Out, Starboard Home" from Colonial English days.
T.*"Hamburgers" and "Frankfurters" are named after cities in Germany.
T.*"In like Flynn" is from Errol Flynn's acquittal on statutory rape charges.
T.*"Okay" is from Martin 'Old Kinderhook' van Buren and a weird fad of the time
Tb.Warren Burstein posted some urban legend stuff once or twice.
T. The du Pont Co. has claimed (1940) that "nylon" was an arbitrary coinage,
but also (1978) that it was a modification of "no run" spelled backwards.
F. Jack Kerouac wrote that "Pig" stands for "Protector of Immutable Government"
T. "Futhark" is an acronym.
F. "Furrfu" honors Joel Furr, who flamed a proposed rmgrouping of alt.folklore.
computers to ashes in late 1992.
Tb.Bruce Tindall *has* plugged books not written by his family.
T. But I can't remember any of them except the OED.
T. He does make a hell of a double Manhattan though.
F. The song "Puff the Magic Dragon" is about smoking pot or Vietnam war weapon.
HOW FIRM IS YOUR FOUNDATION?
F. Building is built backwards. Public criticizes; Architect commits suicide.
Tb.There have been buildings built backwards.
F. Various university libraries sink; books heavier than architect thought!
F. Same as above, but pool not library, weight of water, not books.
Ft.Lots of bldgs (malls, etc.) are sinking into the ground as we post!
[See "Back to the Drawing Board--Some Architectural Legends" in CBA]
T. Some universities, cities are riddled with semi-secret utility tunnels.
T. Clouds and other weather can transpire in the upper parts of high structures
Fb.RC Church building plans reviewed by Pope/Vatican; response was "we are not
angels"; plans had no loos!
Fb.Bldg collapses due to gas explosion from buried dead elephant under it.
T. Soldiers break step when marching over bridges (trivially observed).
U. Bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step when marching over.
Fb.Bridge falls down due to resonance if soldiers don't break step marching
over. Broughton suspension bridge, England, 14 April 1831, fell under
soldiers march, but prob just overloaded, not resonating. Mark Brader
posted Times story!
F. Otherwise sound bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step marching
over. (There have been no documented instances of this)
KILL YOUR TELEVISION!
F. "Newlywed Game" husband televised response that the strangest place they
made love was "That'd be the butt, Bob."
T. Brian Gordon posted Bob Eubanks interview where Bob offers $10K for proof.
T. Many people claim to have seen it. Bill McCauley claims to have a tape.
T. Robert Huss claims to have seen this episode but says the quote is wrong.
F.*The UK cartoon series "Cpt. Pugwash" had character names w/double entendres.
T. Many people claim to have seen and heard these too. What a coincidence!
T. Woman has epileptic seizures upon hearing Mary Hart's [ET anchor] voice.
Tb.Parents get a video for children. Find it was recorded over old porn tape!
F. Johnny Carson said he'd pet Zsa Zsa's pussy if she'd move her cat.
F. JC said to Jack Nicklaus' wife that her kissing his balls before a golf game
must "make his putter flutter." (Sometimes about Arnold Palmer.)
F. JC gave out his AT&T card number for free calls since he won big settlement.
[Or Steve McQueen,Paul Newman, Sammy Davis,Jr,Robert Redford,Burt Reynolds.]
F. David Letterman tells audience to say "Hi" to Paul Shaffer 'cause his
contract says his butt can't be shown on TV.
[Above four from "Talk Show Tales - 'Dave's Behind' in CBA]
T. Charles Lasner still lives in the '60s. [This line was entered ca. 1962]
F.*Kid tells Bozo the Clown to "shove it"/etc. after kid drops egg in game.
F.*Bozo interviews kids on show. One kid says "Cram it, clown!" Is removed.
F.*Some kid's talk show host says "That ought to shut the little bastards up!"
on live TV/radio. [Above three from 'Bozo the Clown's Blooper' in TMP]
F.*Soupy Sales was canned for telling kids to send him pieces of paper with
pictures of dead presidents from their parents' dresser drawers on his show.
T.*He was suspended for a week.
F. Jan or Cindy Brady actress was a porn star.
REEFER MADNESS
[The alt.drugs FAQ list has lots of interesting info.]
F.*"Blue star" or cartoon character (esp. Mickey Mouse) tattoos laced with LSD
is sold at schools <Important!> to hook kids into acid.
T.*This UL is frequently spread via poorly typed/copied fliers.
T.*LSD has been sold on blotter paper with cartoon characters.
["Blue Star Acid" in CBA and "Mickey Mouse Acid" in TCD. See also Dave
Gross's definitive periodic posting.]
Fb.Person high on drugs stares at sun -- gets partial blindness.
T. Check in Medline in December 1992 shows no such case reported.
F. Aspirin and Coca-Cola taken together get you high. (Nope.May cause insomnia)
T. Phil Kernick thinks it does work on him, but that's Oz for you.
U. More than 4 hits of acid in one month renders you legally insane.
F. Tobacco cos. prepared to market/mfg joints if pot was legalized in '60s/'70s
T. You can beat any drug test (in a Zen way) by not taking the test.
U. Guy on pot pulled over by police. Asked if he knew his speed. Was 5 mph!
F. LSD accumulates in the brain and spinal column and shows up on x-rays.
Fb.McDonald's coffee stirrers changed; they were used by cocaine sniffers.
["Mickey Mouse Acid" in TCD]
F.*Banana peels and peanut shells contain hallucinogenic substances.
F.*"Street" acid (LSD) is frequently cut with strychnine.
T. D.M. Procida is one of the more hilarious posters to AFU in a long time.
ASTONISHING ANTIPODEAN ANTICS
F. Some part of Australia is antipodal to some part of N. America or Europe.
T. Cane toads are now a plague, originally imported to eat cane beetles.
U. Koalas are always stoned/drunk, as they eat alcohol in eucalyptus leaves.
U. Koalas, being filled with eucalyptus oil, "explode" in bushfires.
F. Kangaroos deliver the mail in the outback.
U. "Goanna Oil" dissolves muscle protein. Goannas are large native lizards.
U. Driver fools tourists in Milford tunnel bus,says motorbike is oncoming train
U. Dingos eat babies. Australian courts say YES, NO, YES.
Fb.Aussies put vegemite under eyelids to get high. Yum!
T. Some New Zealanders do not think very highly of Australians.
T. There sure are lots of stories about Vegemite. [Why not Marmite?]
U. Derek "I like to post about Africa" Tearne and Hugh Grierson. 'Nuff said!
U. Rights to "Waltzing Matilda" are owned by an American, hence not anthem.
U. Wayne McDougall is costing the net hundreds if not thousands of dollars.
T. "Chooks" taste like chicken.
LEWD FOOD
T. There're kosher Chinese restaurants in and around big East Coast cities.
T. Most mass-market beers contain "foaming agents" to make them form a head.
U. Eating lots of chicken fast food causes males to grow breasts (from hormones
T. Eggs and chicken are horribly contaminated, and should NOT be eaten raw.
T. Unless marked "dairy", fast food shakes aren't milk: mostly carrageen gel.
T. Lead leaches from lead crystal decanters into drinks; is not good for you.
F. Eating carrots may improve night vision, because of large amounts of Vit A.
Tb.Microwaved food is better (other cooking allegedly creates carcinogens)
Tb.Eating celery takes more energy than its digestion yields.
U. Mick Jagger used a Mars bar as a dildo on nubile pop loon Marianne Faithful.
F,T,T,U.Fast food places use unusual ingredients: worm, 'roo meat, seaweed, rat.
["'The Kentucky Fried Rat' and Other Nasties" in TVH]
F. Stranger at restaurant eats your cookies, you grab, later find you took his.
["The Packet of Biscuits" in TCD. Douglas Adams claims this really happened
to him in _So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish_. Var. w/Kit Kat bars.]
F.*Cook cheated into buying Mrs Fields' recipe, gets revenge by spreading it.
["The Mrs. Fields Cookie Recipe" in CBA. This is probably a descendant of
the "Red Velvet Cake" UL in TVH. Another version involves Nieman-Marcus
and many other noted retail establishments.]
F. Green M&M's ("Smarties" in UK and Canada) are an aphrodisiac.
F. Red M&M's are a carcinogen (Nope, they used red dye #5,not dangerous #2)
[Both M&M legends are in "Green M&Ms" in TMP]
F. Ingesting a tapeworm will help you slim, so people do this regularly
["'Bosom Serpent' Legends" in TCD.]
T. Many CIA (and other gov't) snackbars are staffed by blind people.
F. They're hired to help maintain secrecy.
F. Grape seeds can get caught in your appendix and give you appendicitis.
T. Steven Bellovin thinks diverticulitis may be source of this UL.
T. British army doses water with bromide (for purification), soldiers say it's.
U. ...to suppress soldiers' libidos. US Army salts their peters with saltpeter.
Fb.Kennedy family made their pile thru a Scotch import monopoly
Tb.Kennedy family made their pile thru smuggling Scotch during prohibition.
F. The red leaves of Poinsettias (aka the Xmas Plant) are deadly poisonous.
["The Poinsettia Myth" in TMP.]
T. Poinsettia sap and leaves are irritants and may harm small children.
T. People have been poisoned by eating food cooked on burning oleander branches
Tb.Asparagus stinks up pee, but ability to smell it is genetically inherited.
T. Fresh seeds from plants of rose family react to form cyanide in the body.
T. Lots of Asian restaurants have humorous names to English speakers.
F. Mikey (Life cereal) exploded from eating Pop Rocks with soda (You wish!)
["The Death of Little Mikey" in TCD]
F.*A popular Mexican beer (esp. Corona) was made with urine.
F.*Snapple supports Operations Rescue and/or the KKK.
F.*Tropical Fantasy causes sterility in black men.
T. Some people like to eat the placenta (aka afterbirth) of their children.
F. Shampoos and foreign beauty aids are made from aborted babies.
["The Secret Ingredient" in TMP]
F. Couple travels to exotic locale with pet dog. Eatery prepares it for them.
["Food and Restaurant Rumors and Legends"/"Unfortunate Pet Legends", TCD]
F. Ethnic eateries (Chinese/E. Indian/Italian) use cat/dog/human meat instead
of expected meat.["The Eaten Pets"/"Further Ethnic Stereotype Legends,"TMP]
F. Cantaloupes are infected with salmonella and are thus bad to eat.
T.*Woman removes label from "tuna" can, finds cat food label underneath.
T.*The cat food actually was tuna canned 6 years earlier in Canada, declared
unfit for human consumption, allowed to be exported as pet food, and then
illegally relabeled as tuna again. (Toronto Star, March 24, 1992)
Fb.In pre-revolutionary Paris, peasants resold food from restaurant garbage.
T. Vegemite (and Marmite) is made from yeast by-products, salt, and other stuff
Fb.Cannibalism was a common means of sustenance for past cultures.
F. "Instant" ramen noodles are coated w/wax and can cause intestinal blockage.
Fb.Drinking alcoholic beverages through a straw makes one drunker faster.
Tb.Carbonation in whisky and soda makes one drunk faster than a straight whisky
F. Marco Polo brought pasta back to Italy from the Chinese.
T. Spinach has no more iron than other vegetables; UL due to misplaced decimal.
F.*People eat chocolate because it gives them the same feeling as being in love
F. Chocolate makes people horny.
F. Peeling labels off a beer bottle means you're: a) a virgin, b) gonna get
lucky, c) sexually frustrated.
F. Eating hot bread is bad for you (alcohol, stomach upset, etc.)
T. Rachel Perkins is on the Lemur FAQ list and Joel Furr did't even know it.
U. Maybe it's Nigel writing the damn thing.
Tb.Don't use fresh/frozen pineapple, Kiwi fruit, or maggots to make Jell-O.
Tb.The Chinese characters for "Coca-cola" could sound like those for "bite the
wax tadpole."
Fb.The Chevy Nova was a failure in Spanish speaking countries 'cause of name.
Tb.Pepsi had a similar episode where "Come Alive with Pepsi!" is rendered as
"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead!"
Tb.Certain Eng. documentaries notwithstanding, spaghetti doesn't grow on trees.
T. Some English beers contain fish guts.
F. The "Baby Ruth" candy bar was named for George "Babe" Ruth. Duh.
T. It was really named for US president Grover Cleveland's oldest daughter.
F. "Bubble Yum" bubble gum is manufactured with spiders eggs.
["The Kentucky Fried Rat" in TVH.]
T. Barth Richards will look like a schmuck for food (or for nothing for that
matter).
SNUFF MOVIES
Tb.The Feds, cops, CIA, etc. have never actually found a real snuff film.
T. Scotland Yard has found no evidence of snuff films in the last 20 years.
F. "Snuff films" actually exist (Nope, tho' there are various wannabe fakes)
T. Some psychotics have taped the murder of their victims.
T. Search in WestLaw in 1991 showed no mention of cases on "snuff films".
F.*"Faces of Death" is a snuff film. [See Larry Doering plot summary.]
F. "Snuff" was the name of a real snuff film.
T. We never saw a snuff film that we didn't like.
T. Dean Lambey in California was arrested in 1989 by an undercover officer
and tried and convicted while planning to make a snuff film. Conviction
was upheld by a federal appeals court in 1992 in Richmond, VA.
Tb.There were at least two different endings to "Old Yeller".
By definition, a snuff film is one in which the film is the *purpose* of
(rather than incidental to) the murder and with some intent of commercial
distribution (i.e. if they ran out of film, the murder would be postponed
until someone could run down to the 7-11 & get more). Paul Lanning, the
FBI's chief researcher into child pornography was quoted by _The Times_
of London:
"In 20 years I have not seen any hard evidence that they have
commercially produced sexually explicit films of murders for the
gratification of other people. Simulated snuff movies using
special effects are so realistic there is no point in risking life
in jail."
Note to the new reader: please don't send or post e-mail saying "snuff movies