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Article 7392 of rec.humor:
>From: hirayama@suvax1.UUCP (Pat Hirayama)
Subject: Fun With Unix -- Summary -- LONG!
Keywords: all those unix jokes (?)
Message-ID: <1204@suvax1.UUCP>
Date: 25 Aug 88 23:17:19 GMT
Organization: Seattle University, Seattle, WA.
OK folks. Here is a summary of (nearly) all of the 'Fun With Unix'
jokes (?) that were posted over the past few weeks. There are a
few that I couldn't figure out, so those are at the end.
Disclaimer: Just because it is under the cshell section doesn't mean
that it won't work under bourne shell, and the converse is also true.
Also, if you are sick and tired of these things...HIT 'n' NOW!!!!!!
----
>From the csh (cshell):
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% got a light?
No match.
% sleep with me
bad character
% man: Why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
% rm God
rm: God nonexistent
% man woman
No manual entry for woman.
% man ' automatic insertion'
No manual entry for automatic insertion.
% make 'heads or tails of all this'
Make: Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.
% make sense
Make: Don't know how to make sense. Stop.
% make mistake
Make: Don't know how to make mistake. Stop.
% make bottle.open
Make: Don't know how to make bottle.open. Stop.
% \(-
(-: Command not found.
% rm -i God
rm: remove God? y
% ls God
God not found
% make God
Make: Don't know how to make God. Stop.
% make light
Make: Don't know how to make light. Stop.
% date me
You are not superuser: date not set
Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988
% who is smart
suvax1!hirayama tty12 Aug 25 15:04
% man rear
No manual entry for rear.
% If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have?
Too many )'s.
% * How would you describe George Bush
% %Vice-President
%Vice-President: No such job.
% ls Meese-Ethics
Meese-Ethics not found
% "How would you rate Reagan's senility?
Unmatched ".
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].
% ^How did the^sex change operation go?
Modifier failed.
% cp /dev/null sex;chmod 000 sex
% more sex
sex: Permission denied
% mv sex show
% strip show
strip: show: Permission denied
% who is my match?
No match.
% set i="Democratic_Platform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i
Democratic_Platform unreadable
% awk "Polly, the ship is sinking"
awk: syntax error near line 1
awk: bailing out near line
% %blow
%blow: No such job.
% 'thou shalt not commit adultery'
thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.
And from the bourne shell (sh):
$ drink < bottle;opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
$ test my argument
test: too many arguments
$ "Amelia Earhart"
Amelia Earhart: not found
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
$ man -kisses dog
dog: nothing appropriate
$ mkdir "Yellow Pages";fiYellow Pages
$ mkdir matter;cat > matter
matter: cannot create
$ lost
lost: not found
$ found
found: not found
$ i=Hoffa ;>$i ;$i ;rm $i ;rm $i
Hoffa: cannot execute
rm: Hoffa nonexistent
The following are ones that I can't get to work on my BSD 4.3, so I suppose
that they are stuff from ATT SysV or some other such:
% strip bra
bra: Cannot open
% sccs what bottle
can't open bottle (26)
$ cat "door: paws too slippery"
can't open door: paws too slippery
$ cat food_in_tin_cans
cat: can't open food_in_tin_cans
% analyze R/etc/analyze
These are ones that I couldn't get to work at all (at least so that
they would make [humorous] sense):
% test without warning
test: too many arguments
% test without arguments
test: too many arguments
% test I bet five bucks you will say argument expected
test: too many arguments
Obviously, there must be something different about other people's tests :)
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Pat Hirayama, Computer & Information Services, Seattle U, Seattle, WA 98122
UUCP: ..!uw-entropy!{dataio,thebes}!suvax1!hirayama
or: suvax1!hirayama@entropy.ms.washington.edu
Bove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal
increases as the deadline approaches.
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