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cycles

I haven't ever had much of a connection to my cycle in the past - hormone issues warranted an early introduction to hormone treatments and birth control. I was very used to feeling the exact same the entire time except for the withdrawal bleeding at the end of the month. I wasn't even aware that that's what it was; I wasn't ever told what the hormones do, or that the pause was entirely artificial, not needed, and not a true period.

So after I went off of it, it took a very long time for my cycle to return, to settle on something, and me to learn what each stage even feels like. I think all those years, I fought against it, wished it away, and in my mind became weaker and more inconsistent because of it. I wasn't used to being inconvenienced that much by my cycle.

But I've learned to live with it now, more or less, and became really attuned to my body and its seasons. I've also started noticing patterns and instead of fighting them, I was trying to work with them. I've recently come across people talking about cycle syncing, and realized that's what I do, but I could be doing even more. So for the next few months, I really want to embrace my cycle and keep on structuring my life a bit more around it, since I've found it beneficial for me.

The first time I tried to sync things with my cycle was when I read that we tend to be more charming, attractive, assertive and extroverted within our ovulation window. I've tried to take advantage of it by scheduling things like dates and job interviews in it if possible and had a good experience. Even if it turns out not to be true, I like to enjoy the placebo effect of thinking my cycle now gives me a boost in confidence and attractiveness, which of course affects how I act and move in the world.

The second time I became more aware of differences throughout the cycle was when I was fighting with myself to keep up a consistent workout schedule. It was hard to keep it up while close before or during my menstruation; I noticed more energy and muscle building in the beginning of the cycle, while I felt weaker and more quickly exhausted towards the end of it. I felt confirmed when I read an article about women in soccer advocating for cycle-dependent training. Allegedly, the hormonal state of the beginning of the cycle is a great time for heavier workouts because more muscle building is taking place and we have more energy. But if we try to do those same ones in the later part of it, the risk of injuries rises; we build less muscle, we tend to push ourselves over a certain point to keep up with how we performed weeks prior and then deal with injuries and soreness. It is said that maintenance workouts or just workouts focused on stretching and restoring are better than trying to push through.

I tried to incorporate that and I think it helped with feeling less disappointed in myself in the later half where I tend to manage less in my workouts and instead finding new or better ways to train in that time frame, or even being understanding when I just don't manage to exercise at all.

The patterns and behaviors I noticed and what I calculate in now are basically as follows:

Menstrual phase

• craving a lot of calories in form of sugar, fat and carbs, so more hungry and usually craving sweet stuff; but I should try to avoid too much sugar, else more inflammation and pain
• craving protein and iron, so I usually crave meat; I eat more fake meats and supplement more iron
• very decisive in what foods i need and want; everything else seems icky and makes me gag. It has to be the exact thing I crave or I won't eat at all
• a lot of water retention, bloat, cramps
• more meditation, restorative yoga and journaling, reassessing life, rest
• making schedules and lists for when I feel better
• gathering inspiration from books, internet, media
• prefer being alone
• usually call in sick to work or work more from home office than usual

Follicular phase

• recovering from period phase; slowly losing excess water
• feeling energized and more creative
• cravings for fresh fruits, veggies, salads
• very open to making plans, and actually making things I decided while journaling or being inspired during menstruation happen, doing my schedules and lists
• craving and usually getting a professional massage
• getting back to exercising and studying
• doing all the chores that didn't get done recently

Ovulation phase

• much more outgoing, crave the presence of other people, talking more
• more self confidence and trust in my skills, feeling in control over my life
• more inclined to wear revealing outfits and heels
• more inclined to sign up for events, classes, dating/friend apps (lol)
• more willing to ask for what I want, more persuasive?
• taking the time to write down any wishes, gratitude things, my dream life, dream body, health goals etc., listening to positive and affirming music
• trying to schedule important stuff where making a good impression or being confident helps here
• sitting down to study is easy and successful, very high work output, I exercise consistently
• a bit of ovulation pain
• home is spotless

Luteal phase, first half

• things start to slow down
• I miss some workouts or do less well in them, or prefer doing yoga over spinning, shorter pilates sessions than usual
• more easily annoyed, more impatient
• realizing that I will need a break soon, especially social-wise
• more anxiety
• start planning ahead for what's coming next and do the things I really need to get done before the second half and the menstruation, especially work-wise and household chores

Luteal phase, second half

• very difficult, need a lot of support and preparation for this as I tend to feel self-hate, disappointment, intrusive thoughts about suicide, body dysmorphia etc.
• issues with focusing and attention span, hard time studying
• becoming bored and apathetic about all my hobbies and aspirations, becoming anhedonic, sick of everything I usually do, unsure of what else to do
• first cramps, tender breasts, water retention begins
• more gaming and binge-watching, more dopamine-seeking online
• low work output

I will soon get my hormones tested again and see if my progesterone levels are atypically low for its cycle phase at that point and probably supplement it. My PMDD symptoms later in the cycle are likely due to too low progesterone, and also my persistent histamine issues too, since it helps in creating DAO, which is needed to deal with histamine in food and that I supplement right now before eating.