💾 Archived View for lantashifiles.com › gemlog › entries › 2023-11-17.gmi captured on 2023-12-28 at 15:16:38. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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I just found myself typing this story out, and kept going. It is anything but serious :) This story is a mashup of characters from a couple of different D&D campaigns. Some names have been changed to protect the guilty!
Dothmer, Bearth, Ambel and Lantashi were talking in the tunnel outside of the queen's quarters. They had been dismissed by "Queenie", the non-kobold queen of the kobolds, so that she could have a discussion with 2 other party members - Yonas and Kit. Queenie was an incredibly beautiful human woman, with long blonde hair.
"What do you think they're talking about in there?" asked Dothmer, the Minotaur. He had a look of grave concern on his face.
"Does it matter? I don't care!" said Ambel, who was obviously feeling left out. "Hey, you think we might be able to get back down to that underground city, and figure out exactly what happened to the missing sister?"
"Let's do it!" said Lantashi, excitedly. "We only got a small chance to explore down there. And Foxy Brown misses the food."
Everyone turned to look at the fox, who only stuck up her nose and turned around.
"I'm not sure Foxy agrees with you, Lantashi," said Bearth, the elephant man, or rather, elephant woman.
Dothmer looked back at the locked door, concern clearly showing on chisseled face. "I smell trouble coming. We should go see what's happening."
Bearth shook her head. "Those are two ladies men in there with Queenie. She's probably having trouble deciding who to propose to."
A horrible noise of dozens of kobold's screaming came from the queen's quarters. The screams turned from those of shock to those of anger. The door flew open, and a small catfolk, Kit came running out, followed by Yonas, the horned one, and the great healer of the group.
"Queenie's grumpy!" shouted Kit, as he ran past his party members. "Bad mood. Bad MOOD!"
Yonas swept by as well, not stopping to explain.
"Well, isn't that rude," said Ambel, the raven-haired warrior.
Suddenly, dozens of kobolds, like canine-like creatures running on two legs and armed with stones, knives (mostly rusty) and sticks came running out the door. They looked at Lantashi and her friends and charged shouting "kill kill kill!"
Lantashi stepped towards them a big smile on her face. Ambel and Bearth turned and ran after Kit and Yonas. Dothmer just shook his head, muttering "oh dear".
"My friends, let's calm ..." Lantashi started, but she was bowled over by half a dozen kobolds and bourn to the ground. "That hurts!" she shouted as they started hitting her with sticks.
Dothmer walked to Lantashi, brushing some kobolds out of the way. Other kobolds rushed past, pursuing the others. Dothmer brushed the little kobolds off the Sylvan and picked her up off the floor.
"Thanks," she began to say, as another several kobolds jumped on top of her and knocked her down again.
"Oh dear," Dothmer said, knocking more kobolds off her, and picking Lantashi back up. "Less talking Lantashi, our friends went that way." He pointed down the cavern tunnel, where the others had disappeared around a bend.
Lantashi and Dothmer ran down the hallway, dodging irate kobolds, when a crazed laugh sounded from behind. They looked over their shoulders and saw a young man with shoulder-length curly brown hair standing in the doorway.
"Now who is that supposed to be?" asked Lantashi
"I don't think he's supposed to be here. Wrong campaign." Dothmer replied.
Yonas and Kit ran back around the corner.
Yonas yelled out, "Don't stand there gawking Dothmer, Lantashi. Run!"
"But..." Lantashi hesistated. "Who is that? Besides, what could he do from there. His allies are between him and us."
"Who am I?" the man called, "I am the *LOVE DOCTOR*!"
"Time to go, time to go!" Kit screamed.
The man held out his hands and shouted, "Fireball!!!"
A huge ball of flame swept down the hallway, enveloping the kobolds, who screamed and ran down side passages into some of the underground lakes.
"Fascinating," Lantashi started, but Kit had grabbed her hand and started pulling her down the passage and towards where they all knew an exit was. Foxy Brown, her fox companion, quicker on the uptake than Lantashi herself, was down the tunnel and out of sight!
"I don't understand," said Lantashi, running. "Some of those kobolds are my best friends!"
Bearth said, "Now Lantashi, kobolds are fickle. They were your friends yesterday. They will be your friends tomorrow. But because of Kit they want to kill us all right now."
"Whaaat?" protested Kit, the little Catfolk wizard. "Queenie was just joking around, said she wanted to marry me. I just joked back, gave her a pinch on the cheek, and said I could pencil in a wedding next year."
"What, you insulted the queen?" asked Bearth. "How could you?"
"I'm sorry, Kit is clueless," said Yonas. "I tried to diffuse the situation, but when I said to Kit that he needed to find a catfolk like himself who was cuter than Queenie, she thought I was insulting her."
In the passageway ahead of them, dozens of more kobolds appeared.
"No no no!" shouted Kit. "Um, there, get stuck! Web." Kit wiggled his pawed fingers and the kobolds found them running into several large spiderwebs."
"What did you do?" shouted Yonas.
"I, um, stuck them," said Kit.
"But that tunnel was our escape!"
"Oh, sorry," said Kit.
"You are hurting my best friends!" cried Lantashi, looking at the ensnared kobolds.
"I thought we were your friends," said Ambel sullenly.
"Well, you are. Something you are my best friends. Sometimes the people from my village are my best friends."
"You mean that village with all the oaks. You don't have any friends in your village," chided Yonas, who was rarely polite to her.
"Do too!" said Lantashi. "And I'll have you know they are all important members of the village council!"
"Like who?"
"Well, there's Jake and Binni and Mary and Ken and Stacy and..., important people, members of the council, all great orators, speakers! They are all wonderful Sylvan, just like me!"
"Can we talk about this later?" said Bearth. "I hear the kobolds again coming from behind.
"Through this door," called Dothmer. "Another passage!"
Indeed, it was another passage, and the party was again running for their lives.
Rounding another corner, the passage ended. There were two doors, one in the left tunnel wall, and one in the right.
"Which way?" asked Ambel.
"The right door," said Yonas, reaching for the handle. Before he could opened it, the door flew open, and a large warrior, with long dirty blonde hair and regal beard came charging out.
The warrior motioned back at the door, rolling his eyes.
He said in an exasperated tone, "They have a cave troll!"
The warrior obviously expected help, sympathy, or something. But Dothmer simply said, "Well, isn't that nice. In you go then." The minotaur grabbed the man by the nape of the neck and threw him back through the door, slamming it.
"Okay," said Yonas, "the right door it is!"
He yanked the door open, and the party ran through. They found themselves on the side of the mountain, wind and snow all around, and a long, winding path running downward and to the land beyond.
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