💾 Archived View for subphase.xyz › users › flow › gemlog › 16-reset.gmi captured on 2023-12-28 at 15:21:05. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-05-24)
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A girl I used to know had a little 'reset' button tatoo behind her ear, as though she was some kind of android. I remember this because she really didn't seem like the kind of person who would have a tattoo like that.
I feel like if there was such a reset mode on myself, the last few weeks have come as close to triggering it as I can remember in years (triggering it in a good way). Actually that's not true - I don't totally feel that way, but I'm trying to will myself to feel somewhat that way, and its working to an extent. I moved into my new place on Thursday and that's ticked a bunch of other boxes too; created some more living space for myself, reduced the number of people I'm living with (as much as I love people, I find I can too easily become wrapped up in other peoples' time and needs, and I decided I need to be a bit more independent and determine my own time somewhat more). I'm also halfway through a major project at work that feels like its going well, which should help boost my confidence in my general work area, and I'm carrying on with some health routines for body & headspace that seem to be working too. I've been sleeping better than I have in the past 10yrs after adjusting my diet a bit. Anyhoo... reset. Here's hoping.
Oh, also.. I guess I'm feeling a bit that way today in particular because I went and had my second vaccine shot earlier, so I'm feeling a little bit spaced-out. I couldn't spend the day doing much more than sitting around and listening to music, slowly unpacking a few last bits and getting settled at home. I'm not very good with needles, so for my first shot, 8 weeks ago, I had some leftover diazepan that I took the night before, which I think helped chill me out a bit and I wasn't so bad. So anyway this morning I turned up at the pharmacy for my second shot, and I'm waiting outside doing loads of deep-breathing exercises under my mask and trying to trick my mind to go someplace else so I can just get through the shot real quick. Whilst I'm focusing on all this, a guy comes out of the pharmacy and he's clearly a bit nervous and shaken up - he'd just had his shot and he really needed to sit down and chill for a while but the nerves got the best of him and got him on his feet. I saw him walk around for a while and try and calm down, then all of a sudden I saw him walking toward the pharmacy wall just ahead of me, he put his hand out for balance but didn't make it before he fainted, stacked it and crashed chin-first into the wall of the pharmacy. I tried to grab him to cushion the fall but I couldn't make it in time. A nurse came out and we helped roll him over and raise his legs to get the blood flowing whilst he surfaced from the faint (and the impact with the wall). I really felt for the guy. I guess I had a split moment then where I thought about bailing and skipping my shot for another day, the nerves threatening to get the best of me, but I decided to go ahead with it, tricking my mind that the memory of what just happened would likely just intensify ahead of the next time if I got a booking for the jab at a later date. I had the shot and it was okay, some mild feeling phasey and weird afterwards meaning I had to just sit and chill for a while, but nothing major.
As I left the pharmacy after waiting my 15-mins, the guy who collapsed was still outside, but he was sitting up now with his back against the wall and slowly recovering. A friend of his had come down to meet him and was going to walk home with him. I asked if he needed anything and he asked for some pain-killers for his jaw (from the impact with the wall), so I popped round the corner and picked him up some meds, an apple and a can of juice.
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I'm listening to Yussef Kamaal ('black focus'); spacey contemporary jazz. The last time I caught some live music was about a year and a half ago, before the thrust of the pandemic in the UK. There's a jazz venue in the crypt beneath an old church in South London. I was there with a handful of friends, one of whom pointed out that the guy dancing in a trench coat and baseball cap just near our table was one of the guys from Yussef Kamaal. I checked out his album later that night and I've been returning to it everynow and then throughout the year. I love the disjointed, dark meandering rhythms.
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I really appreciated mieum's post Moved to Tears[1] on moving people through music. Thanks for sharing this.
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Lastly, I noticed recently my gem capsule is included on Emily's[2] caproll, which is really neat (thanks!). I also love how I'm described as '...with no contact info', hehe. Maybe I'll work on that. I really like Emily's comment on rolls/discoverability[3], so I'm planning a little shake-up of my gem capsule to include a roll sometime soon of all the places I regularly visit and read on Gemini.
~ flow