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You may be interested in a book a friend of mine had me read recently by David Dark, entitled 'Life's Too Short to Pretend You're Not Religious'. I actually wasn't a huge fan of the book, but that has far less to do with its merits and more to do with my own disposition toward all things religious. To that end, I've recommended the book to three people in just the last week. I think it would speak to several of your concerns, albeit somewhat vaguely, perhaps, seeing as his interpretation of what the word "religion" ought to mean is far broader and more abstract than is typical. But nevertheless, especially as concerns the need to belong, it's worth checking out.
Do you suppose you're looking for a path forward in your religious life through something other than reason? As you say, reason ceases to be at all applicable sooner or later. I wonder how you might be affected by a stint of regular religious meditation. Sitting in quiet contemplation or appreciation need not be uncomfortably 'reasonable', for lack of a better word.
To some extent I envy the religious trust in scripture. I've always found the story of Augustine's conversion beneath the fig tree oddly moving.
I'm also very intrigued at the prospect of studying in a seminary. To be honest, with regards to its material commitments, I've often thought I would be well-suited to the role of Rabbi. Is there something in particular you intend to do with the credentials of your religious education once it's concluded?
Best of luck to you in your pursuits :-)
I absolutely think reason has to step aside for spiritual practice and growth. I'm more looking for a clearer idea of where reason does come into play. Meanwhile, having ADHD means meditation is very iffy for me :)