💾 Archived View for gemini.locrian.zone › library › SCP › scp-6987-4.gmi captured on 2023-11-14 at 09:40:03. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-11-04)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
CONNECTING TO THE GOLDBAKER-REINZ CHAOTIC SYSTEMS INTELLIGENCE DATA FEED...
VERIFYING CREDENTIALS...
VERIFIED.
YOU ARE LOGGED IN AS: SCP FOUNDATION O5 COUNCIL.
> view K scenario report
SORTING BY: MOST LIKELY COVERED [CLASS K EXTREME BLACK SWAN] SCENARIO REPORT...
Payment: 1 stillborn child, 1 caged Tartarean entity, and 30 pieces of silver, paid every 13 months.
Should a deific entity emerge into baseline reality and reshape human society around its own image, Goldbaker-Reinz will ontologically alter the personal histories of as many Foundation personnel as is feasible to maximize chances of continued survival under the new regime.
Furthermore, Goldbaker-Reinz will manipulate probability such that Foundation operatives with the greatest potential to end the Malicious Deific Subjugation Scenario will be in the optimal positions to do so.
Payment: 24 grams of pixie dust every full moon, 6 crab shells every new moon, 1 foot-long strand of nightchild hair every night (payable monthly.)
Should /Homo sapiens sapiens/ no longer be the dominant species on Earth, Sol, Goldbaker-Reinz will either (a) provide thaumaturgical means for transfiguring key members of the Foundation into the dominant species or (b) provide military support for restoring the primacy of Homo sapiens sapiens. Goldbaker-Reinz has the right to choose which payout is most likely to result in success.
Payment: 3 trees of different species, monthly.
Should the ecosphere be depleted, Goldbaker-Reinz will provide a suitable mix of gases to restore the atmosphere to human breathability, as well as providing a selection of species unavailable within the Svalbard Global Seed Vault to the Foundation.
Payment: 200 liters of human blood, yearly.
Should the Foundation be found responsible for “crimes against humanity” in a court of law in those words, and said “crimes against humanity” were performed as containment procedures for an insured SCP object, Goldbaker-Reinz will pay 90% of monetary penalties incurred.
[formerly: Available to all Foundation personnel, upon specific request] Further enrollments discontinued.
Payment: Monetary
Should death fail to exist in this universe, Goldbaker-Reinz will provide funding for high-quality palliative care.
NOTE: This policy is not open to new enrollees.
...
...
(You have (1) new message)
Overseers,
Our relationship with Goldbaker-Reinz remains fruitful. Our Class G, E, and B policies with them have either broken even or incurred at most minimal loss, with great benefits for our mission to uphold normalcy.
It remains our joint opinion that: the present value of “Class K Extreme Black Swan” policies offered by Goldbaker-Reinz is 0, and that should the circumstances they protect against come to pass, our ability to collect will be almost nonexistent even considering the esoteric enforcement protections built into Clause 616 and 617 of SCP-6987-0.
Goldbaker-Reinz gives us access to the output of the proprietary system used to price these policies, but we do not consider this a mitigating factor. We cannot audit the inputs of the Goldbaker-Reinz Chaotic Systems Intelligence Data Feed (“GoRe ChaoS IDF”). We may receive projections of possible K-class scenarios, but we have no way of verifying them compared to our own.
These policies are a waste of resources. The professional opinion of the Multi-U Department is that any organization in contact with its multiversal counterparts almost surely has an apocalypse abandonment clause. The Foundation has one, and it would folly to assume Goldbaker-Reinz does not. There's no one forcing you to uphold contracts in a dying universe. The premiums charged may be incredibly low for the protection purportedly offered, but we do not believe that Goldbaker-Reinz has the capabilities to deliver.
Finally, we are implementing contingencies for many of these situations independently. Therefore, the protection provided by these policies is largely redundant. We cannot rely on any third parties, even one as reliable as Goldbaker-Reinz.
Nevertheless, we will defer to the O5 Council.
Ezekiel Yang, PhD.
Department of Financial Esoterica
Sheldon Katz, Esq.
Legal Department.
Secure. Contain. Protect.
...
...
YOU HAVE TIMED OUT FROM GoReChaoS IDF. ATTEMPT TO RECONNECT?
> Y
VERIFYING TOKEN...
VERIFIED.
RECONNECTION SUCCESSFUL. RETURN TO PREVIOUS PAGE?
> N
ENTER COMMAND:
> current plan
LOADING CURRENT PLAN...
POLICY HOLDER: SCP FOUNDATION
MEMBER SINCE: 1881 A.D./C.E.
POLICY CLASSES HELD:
~~~ G ~~~ E ~~~ B ~~~ K ~~~
> summarize
~*~*~*~
CLASS G POLICIES:
Class G Policies provide individual coverage.
Past Year Foundation Benefit: $1.45 Billion USD
Current Year Foundation Premium: $900 million USD paid / $1.5 Billion USD due total
~*~*~*~
CLASS E POLICIES:
Class E Policies provide mundane institutional coverage.
Unit of Account: EVECoin (CHANGE UNIT)
Past Year Foundation Benefit: 6,005 EVECoin
Current Year Foundation Premium: 4,231.08 EVECoin paid / 5,001 EVECoin equivalent due total
~*~*~*~
CLASS B POLICIES:
Class B Policies provide esoteric and black-hat protection.
Unit of Account: Actuakivas (CHANGE UNIT)
Past Year Foundation Benefit: 23.554 Actuakivas
Current Year Foundation Premium: 30.201 Actuakivas paid / 42.607 Actuakiva Equivalent due total
~*~*~*~
CLASS K POLICIES:
Class K Policies provide extreme Black Swan event insurance.
Unit of Account: Favors
Lifetime Foundation Benefit: Hidden
Lifetime Foundation Premium: Hidden
> show benefit K
ERROR: TOO MANY ENTRIES TO DISPLAY. PLEASE ENTER A TIMESPAN. FOR SYNTAX HELP APPEND -H
> show benefit K 10Y
CLASS K POLICY PAYOUTS TO SCP FOUNDATION:
TENOR: PAST 10 YEARS
[payment] IN BRACKETS
SORTING BY: REVERSE CHRONOLOGY
> n
> contact live representative
A LIVE REPRESENTATIVE IS AVAILABLE TO SPEAK WITH YOU. CLICK HERE