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Minds never stay still and so does life

I've been away from this place for far too long, but the blame is not entirely on me. Lots of things happened, both outside and inside me. I will try to record them here.

First of all, my health hasn't been very good recently and I needed to get checked by a few doctors. I don't usually ask doctors how serious my condition is. I never do, because I'm a very anxious guy and I prefer to take things as unemotionally as possible. Checking, following a therapy, that's all. I try to leave as little space to emotions as I can, so that anxiety won't sneak in. It takes so little to let it in. I'm still in the midst of this journey so I won't add anything more about this.

Secondly, bees. Spring is the time of the year when bees collect a large amount of nectar from the great amount and variety of flowers that bloom. As a beekeeper I have the duty to take care of them during this very intense season, and to make everything ready in order to harvest honey. There is a lot of work to be done before, during, and after the harvest: it's a celebration, an evaluation, and the reward of a whole year's work. Needless to say, this is the most important part of the year for a beekeeper.

Then something changed inside me. I experienced something that I may call a flashing moment of clarity about myself. (I was about to say "enlightenment" but that's not really it). I clearly saw that I was hiding myself from other people. Well, not just that: I've been doing this for my entire life actually. More than that, I was hiding from people more and more. It started with the pandemic and it got worse since then. I still wore a mask until a few weeks ago. I almost excluded all human interaction, including virtual ones. Even writing here for no one to read, even this place was just a place to hide. It's good to have such a place on the net and I love it, but I can't spend all of my time in complete isolation.

I needed to change my life's route. I needed to be more positive about life, more assertive about my career and my passion (it's the same), and more open to love. Of all those thing, this last one is by far the most important, because it's the one I dismissed for most of my life. Furthermore, once you open yourself to love, once you feel again able to love and worthy of being loved, every other part of your life gets a new energy. Love heals.

So, these are the reasons why I've been away. I think they're good reasons after all.

~~~

July 11th, 202

Tags: life, bees, health, love