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HOUSEHOLD TORTURE TECHNIQUES BY: (drum roll) DIzzIE ??? 1999! Do you want to torture/severely injure someone, but you don't have the money to go out and by some torture equipment from the friendly Iraqi government? Or you don't have the patience to organize a raid on the local museum, which has some old torture stuff? Well don't worry, this is written exactly for YOU! Here are some ways you can torture a person with the materials in your very own home! Before you perform any of those torture methods make sure that the victim is firmly tied to a chair, or in a position where he can not get loose, because if he does get loose you will get quite a hefty kick in the buttocks. WATER: There are a couple ways you can torture someone with water. a) Tie the person to a chair and place him in front of the sink. Then turn on the water, so that only a drop or two falls at a time. Leave the person in this position for a couple of weeks, just make sure you give him some food. Better yet, you could put the person under the faucet so the water drips on his forehead. After the 2 weeks are up you'll have your very own madman! b) Underwater fun. Put the person's head in a basin or bathtub filled with water. Submerge his head in it for periods of time, ranging from 2 to 5 minutes. Do this for several hours. He-he. c) Forcefully make the person drink water, lots of water. If he keeps closing his mouth stick a stick sideways into his mouth (between his teeth) and ties the ends of the stick to his chair, so there will always be a gap in his mouth. Then just stick a funnel in there and keep pouring in water. It helps if you play a video of a waterfall, or go and flush the toilet repeatedly. d) Dump the person's body in a bathtub of near-boiling water. Keep the body in there for about 30 seconds at first, adding 5 seconds every time after that. e) Forcefully make the person drink water (see c), but this time first make it be really cold water, or go get some ice cream and make him eat that, or just put the glob of ice cream in his mouth. Then, get a cup of hot water and dump that in his mouth. This will cause his teeth to crack. This hurts a lot, but the victim shall still be able to talk (you can tell from the violent cussing and screaming in the background) FLAMING INK: Get a pen (see my other file called flames.txt), set it on fire and then as the hot ink is dripping down make it drip on the victim's skin. Try to get it to drip on sensitive parts of the body). For men, their penis, for women, their vagina and tits. SALT: Cut the victim's arm (away from any major arteries, we don't want him to die, now do we?), then pour some salt on the wound. Cover your ears or put a rag in the victim's mouth. RED PEPPER: get some dried red pepper, than rub it against the inside of the victim's nostrils. For men, rub some on the tip of their penis, for women, rub some on their vagina. Then you can also rub the pepper into one of their eyes. LIGHT BULBS: Tape the victim's palms to 2 light bulbs (that are screwed into a lamp whose shade has been taken off). If the victim tries to struggle, he will just break the light bulbs, causing the glass to go into his palms. Turn the lamps on, and wait for the light bulbs to heat up. Once it gets really hot the victim will try to free his arms, but they will be taped to the lights. Next the victim will try to close his palms to drive the pain away. This will cause the bulbs to brake, and drive the glass into his arms. STARVATION: The simplest, yet one of the most affective torture methods. Just leave the victim in a corner and don't feed him. After several weeks he'll start to brake down. DRUNKENNESS: Not really a torture method, but this is still a good way to get the person to reveal the information you want. Just forcefully make him drink a bottle of vodka, and he'll start telling you everything you need to know, and even some stuff you really didn't want to know. WHITE OUT (OR ANYTHING ELSE FLAMMABLE): Spread the white out or the other flammable substance over the person's skin and set it on fire. Let him burn for a little while, or a long while. HOUSEHOLD CLEANERS: Get one of those oven cleaners in a spray bottle, or any other cleaner that says "do not make skin or eye contact," or "CAUTION: EYE IRRITANT." Then just spray the stuff into one of the person's eye, sit back and watch him scream. DOORS: Slam the person's hand (especially the fingers) in between a door. !!!POWER TOOLS!!!: Ah, so many possibilities here. Like a drill, nothing better then drilling into the person's hand, or foot, (not the anywhere on the face, we don't want to kill him, now do we?). You can also use the power saw to cut off a few fingers. That's all the stuff I can think of right now. Just remember: if the person gets too cocky you can always use a yo-yo string to quite him down?.. The end?..email me at xcon0@yahoo.com or fax me at 1-559-663-4067 -TOOTLES!!!