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+The Odyssey of Cyrus Part One+ By alienbellhop There once lived in the town of Bethesda, Maryland, a boy by the name of Cyrus. Cyrus was your average type of guy, not the flashiest guy out there but not the dullest guy either. He had a pretty normal life. Living in a brick box suburban home with a sister and two parents of middle age, he never suspected what was to come into being 14 short years into his life. The date is late summer 2003. Cyrus is having a cool summer, hanging out with his friends at the pool all day and staying up til 3 in the morning doing stuff. Cyrus completely forgets about school and everything involved with it one of his friends reminds him. ?Yo Cyrus, I gotta go now,? said Bob. ?Why?? ?I gotta go shopping for school supplies.? At this point all the horrible memories of school suddenly rushed into Cyrus?s brain. He freaked out and had a massive heart attack. Three days later, Cyrus is back at home in bed. ?You had a massive heart attack, honey,? says his mother. Cyrus suddenly remembers why and almost has another one, but instead he jumps out of bed and exclaims, ?School is starts again tomorrow! I gotta do something about it!? ?Whatever, dear,? his mother says. It?s the next day and Cyrus has done nothing about except draw up plans for starting a riot in during lunch. In the morning before homeroom he calls his friends aside and explains his plan. ?Cyrus, you are a lunatic. But all my life I?ve waited for a visionary like you to come along and free us from these oppressors of our artistic intellect and talent! Let us join him, and cut down the net of powers that be that are holding us down! Come, Brothers, and live free!? Actually his friends do not say this. Cyrus only wishes he had friends that would say that sort of thing; instead the general consensus is, ?Will we get to light things on fire?? However, everything pulls through during the three periods before lunch. Lunch today is the usual toxic blend of chipped beef, namely, beef with wood chips in it. There is a trash can at the end of the lunch line placed there by the school for kids who die eating the food in the line to be thrown into. The kids slowly file in to the lunch room, unaware of Cyrus and his friends also filing into the lunch room, because nobody cares. Soon they will though, but for the moment everybody is sleeping, with their heads in their bowls of soup (todays: Lard with Plankton). Cyrus and his friends quickly get their riot gear. They put on black trenchcoats with sawed off shotguns concealed inside, and are wearing ammunition belts. They hire barbers to come into the lunchroom, and cut them Mohawks which are then dyed black. They bring in a crate which they upend on the lunchroom floor. Cyrus stands on it and begins his speech to set off the riot: ?(Fires round off in the air)Yo! Listen up! It may seem that since the school year has started theirs nothing we can do about the school year but that?s not true! Friends, we have here in our hands the capability to do something about this! How many times have you stayed up doing homework instead of partying? [A lot!] How many times have you been in detention for stapling a nerd to the ceiling instead of playing football?[Tons!] Do you like this?![No!] So lets go blow something up and live out our youth![Ya!]? At this point the kids have started throwing the chipped beefs at the lunch ladies. Their feeble attempts to defend themselves stop when Cyrus and his friends start handing out firearms and the lunch ladies look like Swiss cheese. The principal has noticed the riot on the security cameras and locks down the lunchroom doors. Kids pick up tables and batter down the doors, while the principal runs down the hall squealing like a pig into his office. The children are flowing down the hallways smashing windows and classroom doors and shooting the ceiling. Before long, some stupid kid shoots out a support pillar with a wrist rocket and part of the building collapses. This part of the building contains Cyrus and his friends. Will he survive? Get a long jail sentence? Receive an award from Anarchy Inc? Tune in next time for The Odyssey of Cyrus Part 2.