💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › sf › hitch.lex captured on 2023-11-14 at 12:12:06.
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-06-16)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
From stein Sat Jan 11 01:33:57 1992
Return-Path: <stein>
Received: from libra.math.tau.ac.il by math.tau.ac.il (4.1/TAU-4.8)
id AA00754; Sat, 11 Jan 92 01:33:56+020
Received: by libra.math.tau.ac.il (4.0/TAUCLNT-2.0)
id AA04329; Sat, 11 Jan 92 01:33:55+020
Date: Sat, 11 Jan 92 01:33:55+020
From: stein
Message-Id: <9201102333.AA04329@libra.math.tau.ac.il>
To: sion
Status: R
A LISTENER'S AND PLAYER'S GUIDE
TO
THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
ARTHUR DENT
Arthur Dent is one of the last two surviving Earthlings.
BABEL FISH
A mind-bogglingly improbably creative. A babel-fish, when placed in
one's ear, allows one to understand any language.
EARTH
Mostly harmless.
FLUFF
Fluff is interesting stuff: a deadly poison on Bodega Minor, the
diet staple of Frazelon V, the unit of currency on the moons of the
Blurfoid system, and the major crop of the laundry supplies planet,
Blatus III.
FORD PREFECT
Ford Prefect is a roving researcher for The Hitchhiker's Guide To
The Galaxy.
GENUINE PEOPLE PERSONALITIES
Genuine People Personalities are a misguided attempt by the Sirius
Cybernetics Corporation to make their machines behave more like
people. Among the more miserable failures: paranoid-depressive
robots and over-protective computers.
HEART OF GOLD
"There is absolutely no such spaceship as the Heart of Gold and
anything you've ever read in this spot to the contrary was just a
prank." -- Galactic Security Agency
HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
The Hitchhiker's Guide is a wholly remarkable product. But then
again, you must already know that, since you bought one.
MAGRATHEA
According to legend, Magrathea was a planet that amassed incredible
wealth by manufacturing other planets.
MARVIN
Marvin is a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation robot with the new
Genuine People Personalities feature.
MICROSCOPIC SPACE FLEET
The editor responsible for entries under this heading has been out
to lunch for a couple of years but is expected back soon, at which
point there will be rapid updates. Until then, don't panic, unless
your situation is really a life or death one, in which case, sure,
go ahead, panic.
NUTRIMAT
A typically unreliable Sirius Cybernetics Corporation product, the
Nutrimat analyses the user's neural paths to provide the
(supposedly) ideal offering.
PERIL-SENSITIVE SUNGLASSES
A must for the serious hitchhiker, peril-sensitive sunglasses darken
at the first hint of danger, thus shielding the wearer from seeing
anything alarming. Recommended brand: Joo Janta.
RAVENOUS BUGBLATTER BEAST OF TRAAL
The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is a mind-bogglingly stupid
animal. Here is an example of how stupid it is: it thinks that if
you can't see it, it can't see you. Its behavior would be quite
endearing if it wasn't spoilt by this one thing: it is the most
violently carnivorous creative in the galaxy.
SIRIUS CYBERNETICS CORPORATION
The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation incompetently produces a wide
range of inefficient and unreliable high-tech machinery. However,
thanks to the SCC's ruthless marketing division, this junk accounts
for over 95% of the high-tech machinery sold in the galaxy.
SPACE
If you hyperventilate and then empty your lungs, you will last about
thirty seconds in the vacuum of space. However, because space is so
vastly hugely mind bogglingly big, getting picked up by another ship
within those thirty seconds is almost infinitely improbable.
THUMB
The Electronic Sub-Etha Auto Hitching Thumb is a wonderful thing,
but should not be mistreated. If used while a ship is near, you
will be transported there. If no ship is in the vicinity, you will
place a heavy strain on the Thumb's logic circuits, which could lead
to malfunction. The Thumb carries the usual Sirius Cybernbetics
Corporation lifetime guarantees.
TOWEL
A towel is a the most useful thing (besides the Guide) a galactic
hitchhiker can have. Its uses include travel, combat,
communications, protection from the elements, hand-drying and
reassurance. Towels have great symbolic value, with many associated
points of honour. Never mock the towel of another, even if it has
little pink and blue flowers on it. Never do something to somebody
else's towel that you would not want them to do to yours. And, if
you borrow the towel of another, you must return it before leaving
their world.
TRILLIAN
Trillian is the other surviving Earthling.
VOGONS
Vogons, whose specialties are bureaucracy and planet-smashing, are
the most unpleasant race in the galaxy. They wouldn't life a finger
to save their own grandmother from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of
Traal.
ZAPHOD BEEBLEBROX
Zaphod Beeblebrox is the current President of the Galaxy.