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Chemical Analysis
Element : Woman
Symbol : WO
Discoverer: Adam
Quantitative Analysis: Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging from
25-10-20 to 60-55-60 have been identified.
Occurance: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic
singlet state. Surplus quantities found in all urban areas.
Physical Properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely
nothing, and freezes at a moments notice. Totally
unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter
if not well used. Found in various states, ranging from
virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic, but can be
attracted by coins and sport cars. In its natural shape
the specimen varies considerably, but it is often changed
artificially so well that the change is indiscernible
except to the experienced eye.
Chemical Properties: Has a great affinity for AU, AG, and C (in the crystalline
form.) May give violent reaction if left alone. Will
absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly desired
reaction is initiated with various reagents (such as
C(2)-H(5)-OH and sexy aftershave lotions.) An essential
catalyst is often required (must say you love her at least
five times daily). Reaction accelerates out of control
when in the dark and all reaction conditions are suitable.
Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure
form. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. The
reaction is highly exothermic.
Storage: Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 28 years. A
short time after this, specimens begin to deteriorate, sometimes
rapidly.
Uses: Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used on lonely
nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared.) May be trained to cook
food, although great care must be exercised.
Tests: Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural state.
Turns green if placed besides a better specimen. Turns blue if proper
reaction conditions are not met. Often shows signs of illogical
behavior patterns.
Caution: Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego). Highly
explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be used with great
care if experiments are to succeed. Some of this species have been
known to cause confused thinking and varying levels of insanity.
Note: It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, however, a
certain amount of exchange is permitted.
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