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06601030305800 F0110030 9[...................................................]001 ?+------------------------------------------------------------------+ | | | 11 333 WAYS TO COMMIT SUICIDE...By KvM of STACC? | | 11 33 For Disc Maggie. | | 11 333 As I noticed that there were practically no | | 11 33 Belgium articles in Maggie, I and Halk de- | | 11 333 cided to change this fact...and here is | | the result... | | | +------------------------------------------------------------------+ If you are one of those potential suicides the following text could be interesting for you, 'coz there I give many examples how to kill yourself without making any mess or what is the safest way without much pain ! 1) Shoot in your head: This is, since guns are known by mankind, one of the most practised way to kill oneself. You just have to buy or borrow a pistol or better a half sew shotgun, put it in your mouth and...blast your brains out of your head. A disadvantage is that your mother, girlfriend or wife must clean a real big mess. A mixture of blood'n brain which is lying all over the floor, dropping from the ceiling or hanging on the wall and your wallpaper. 2) Hang yourself: Another quite popular method is to hang yourself. The positive aspects are that the necessary equipment is only a strong rope and a place where you can tie up the cord. When you have the stuff you just hang the sling around your neck and jump from your chair or whatever you had under your feet. Then you feel the panic in your body growing and you try to cut the sling and you swing left and right, you feel the pain and then you are quiet, 'coz 3 minutes before you breathed the last air. But do not scare that you perceive your death, because you faint after 1 or 2 minutes hanging around! 3) Jump into death I: A method that is often practised in big cities with great buildings is to tumble oneself from one of those buildings into the deep. It is a funny feeling to jump, because you feel like a bird and you do not perceive your bound on the street.The reason is that you faint during your last flight, 'coz you are fuckin' scared!!! It is of course a ungrateful work to clean the pavement of your packed body. 4) Jump into death II: A small jump for mankind the last jump for you is the jump you can make when you jump before a underground train, bus or a 'real' train... when you jump you see the fast approaching vehicle, it's lights become bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger,eh... sorry I got carried away..., and then you feel a ?fucking unbelievable pain when your still alive... your body is being dragged and pushed over the hard floor but then... everything is dark and the pain is over, (guess what?) you're dead ! 5) Poison yourself: Open for this event a bottle of the best champagne(*).Drink 3 or 4 glasses and then make a deadly mixture: use one potion of Arsen powder and throw it in the glass. An English beer also does the trick... then close your eyes, make a last look at your goodbye letter and then Cin Cin!!! First it tastes a little bit bitter and you feel nothing special, but after one, two seconds you feel your stomach acheing. You stumble, fall on the floor and wind yourself with painful cramps. After a short period this is also over and you lie dead on the ground! (*):Instead of champagne you also could open a bottle of one of your best wines... je vous recommande un Vin de M?rb?que'75. This is one of world's finest and rarest wines, a real collector's item... hey if you wanna die then do it with some style, ok. Wat je natuurlijk ook kan nemen is een goeie Belgische Palm (Yeeaaah! eh, sorry for the bit of dutch) 6) Swallow sleeping pills: In my opinion the best way to commit suicide (I tried it several times) is to swallow those nice small white or red sleeping pills. Go in two different dispensaries and buy two small parcels of tablets. Then go home, drink a pint of Palm (note:Palm is one of the best Belgium beers), so they'll go faster down. Then carry a few glasses of water to your bed and begin to swallow until all the pills are hidden in your stomach. Then lay down and wait till you fall asleep. When your eyes close, you know that everything is over and that you rest in peace if nobody brings you to the hospital the next hours! 7) Stab yourself: This is another cheap and favourite method how to commit suicide. The Samurais in Japan always did this when making shit and hurt their honour. You can just go to the kitchen, take the sharpest and longest knife (but not the electric one, or they sell you as dogfood) and knee on the floor. Then you must be strong, 'coz it's not easy to stab yourself, because you're afraid of pain, but when you're a real tough guy you stab deep in your heart, 'coz this is the only way to make sure that you are dead! 8) Cut your veins: This method is really a mess, because the blood in your body will spout and sprit through the room and on the wallpaper and so you hurt your parents, 'coz now they can't rent your room until it's renovated. But the procedure of your dead is not as painful as you may expect. You only feel at the moment you cut your veins an ache. When you see the blood splashing the most people faint and so the rest is quite easy, isn't it! ? 9) Rent a killer: This is a really interesting method of committing suicide, but it is also quite expensive. How to find a killer is in my opinion not as hard as everybody thinks, 'coz they put adds in normal newspapers (look in the adds part). Just make a call and make a 'date'. On the date you meet him and then you can explain him your problem that you are too cowardly to kill yourself and that you need a specialist who blasts your brain out of your head when you don't think of it. Normally they accept the offer, take the money and shoot you down, but the most wait some days and shoot you down during your work, fix an explosive in your car or feign a car accident. My personal comment of this is: Killing is his business and he practises his business good!!! 10) Electric shock I: Take a bath, relax, have fun with your rubber duck, read a playboy and take care of your Eric for the last time to prepare to die quite painful. After you've enjoyed the bath and you are clean (they hate dirty bodys in the cemetery) you take your hairdryer and connect it. When it reaches max speed you should sit down and drop this technical wonder in the water. YEEAAAHHHHH! It's fun rockin' in the bath with your eyes jumping and your brains smoking and all muscles wince in the water. When the fuse jumps out, you are dead and the whole bathroom is wet as after a spring rain and your poor mother must clean everything, bad boy ! 11) Electric shock II: THis is a short and cheap way to commit suicide ! The only things you need are two small screwdrivers and a working power socket! As we all know the socket has two small holes which are only waiting to be filled with the screwdrivers. To get the real nice feeling of 220 Volt Wechselstr?m you should try to push them at the same moment in the holes of your socket. You get a small shock which let your eyes explode and your brain dies of getting too much power supply. 12) The Death in the car I: This kind of dying happens every day in the normal traffic and can't be so bad for this reason. Rent a car (don't use your own one, 'coz your relatives would be quite unhappy with a destroyed car) and buy a tape including "BORN TO BE WILD". After doing that, search a nice street with lotsa trees on each side and a loooong way to hasten the car. Then turn on the cassette player and pump up the volume. Then suddenly, you feel the force, you can't help it, you just must drive as Niki Lada in his best days. You become faster and faster and then, when your speedometer reaches, mmmhh, let's say 200-220 km/h, turn left or right, straight into a tree! The last thing you'll do is making a loud yell and then... you will be silent forever... 13) The Death in the car II: ?This is also a cheap method and you can do this in your own car, 'coz it will not damage your car when you're lying there somewhere in it... died by a gas poisoning. Get a tube from the garden, connect it with the exhaust of your car and carry the other end in the car. Then you sit in the car, close all doors and windows and start the car. The exhaust gas (CO2) enters the car and after a few minutes you have no oxygen...result: the poisoning begins and you faint, because your brain hasn't got enough oxygen to control your body any longer and for the same reason your brain dies and so you, too, quite peaceful.