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A SAYING FOR EVERY OCCASION, AND EVERY OCCASION FOR ITS SAYING
Those Responsible:
Doctor Hartley M. Baldwin, Owner and manager of System Enterprises
Jose the Chaotic
The Queen of Confusion
The Administrator
Raistlin Majere, Master of Past and Present
The Borad
Presto
The Mad Hatter
The Maylin of Karffel
Norman Bates
Captain James T. Kirk
The DeathKnight
With Excerpts from books by:
Robert A. Heinlein
Margret Weiss
Tracy Hickman
Paul Dickson
West End Games
Harry Harrison
Douglas Adams
And others
Contained within this list are sayings that can make you laugh,
which can make you cry, which can make you think. It is a product
of the people who wrote it and contains a part of them. In this
list you see glimpses of them. We hope you like it.
=================================================================
You can't change the past so -- NO REGRETS
Always keep your clothes and weapons where you can find them in
the dark
If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don't know
what the hell is going on
In a battle where there is no way out - take an honor guard with
you to hell
Life's a bitch - then you die
Life's a bitch - but death is no picnic either
Life's a bitch - to prepare you for what comes next
Death before dishonor
Always take the initiative
Get your first shot off FAST. This upsets him enough that you can
make your second shot perfect
Take out the officers early. This disrupts an organized fighting
force. If the force isn't organized, you don't have a problem
The end justifies the means
Death is inevitable. Go down fighting
There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. Conversely
there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will
know. So why worry?
The easiest means of suicide is not using your weapons
Might is right, but guile lets you live longer
Kill 'em all and let God sort them out
Anarchy Now!
The most preposterous notion that man has ever come up with is that
The omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent Lord God of Creation, Shaper
and Ruler of all the Universes, wants worship and becomes petulant
if he does not receive it. Yet this idea, without one shred of
evidence, has paid all the expenses of the largest and least
productive industry in all history
The second most preposterous notion is that copulation is
inherently sinful
Always pack your own parachute
Don't turn your back on anybody, especially your inlaws
Never sit with your back to a door
Always expect the unexpected - especially when you don't expect it
The only sure thing is change
Always have at least two backup escape routes
Do unto others before they do unto you
Corollary #1: Do unto others what they would do unto you but do it
first
Corollary #2: Do unto others what they have done unto you
Do whatever you want - but don't get caught doing it
I told Orville and I'm telling you, Wilbur, that danged contraption
will never work
Do unto others then run like hell
Always try anything, except suicide, once. Twice if you like it,
and three times to be sure
Organized religion always has three main objectives. (1) To benefit
the priests. (2) To benefit the government. (3) To always benefit
the priests
One ingredient for a happy marriage - budget the luxuries first
All women are the same height lying down
You can't be a little bit pregnant
Make sure you have fun - because you never know when you are going
to die
We all live the same amount of time - from when we are born until
we die. It's just the amount of memories that differ
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you from betting.
If you don't bet you can't win
Always listen to experts. They will tell you what you can't do and
why. Then do it
Any priest should be considered guilty until proven innocent
All men are created unequal
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
And vice versa
You live and learn - or you don't live long
In a family argument - if it turns out that you are right -
apologize at once!
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny
Beware of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors -
and miss
Yield to temptation - it may not pass your way again
Natural laws have no pity
Anything free is worth what you pay for it
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
The strangest of all "crimes" that man has ever legislated out of
nothing is "blasphemy" - with "obscenity" and "indecent exposure"
not far behind
Never trust anyone completely - especially yourself
Chaotic evil means never having to say that you are sorry
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable
alternative
Honesty is the best policy but lying is more fun
Lie, cheat and steal to get what you want. If that doesn't work,
try honest. If that doesn't work, blow 'em all to hell
Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields, but
experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge, the
more likely they are to think so
Let's split up - we can do more damage that way
Masturbation is cheap, easy, clean, and free of any possibility of
wrongdoing - and you don't have to go home in the cold. But it's
lonely
The hardest thing to say in twenty-five words or less is goodbye
If you love something set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt
it down and kill it
Corollary: If you love something set it free. If it comes back,
it's yours. If it doesn't, it never belonged to you in the first
place
Discipline is a means to an end, not the end itself
Avoid making irrevocable decisions when you are tired - plan ahead
In an emergency, junk any and all laws to save your ass
Everything in excess. Take big bites. Moderation is for monks
War is not dying for your country. It's making some other poor SOB
die for his
War is not hell. Life is hell
Life is hell. War is worse
Sex is the most beautiful, natural, and joyous thing that money can
buy
Vapors don't shoot back
All laws are made to be broken (especially moral ones)
Ever notice that laws are made "for your own good"?
If you can't win honestly, cheat like hell
If you attack a man, kill him. That way there's less paperwork
In a fight, if at first you don't succeed, the hell with it
There is no excuse for getting caught with your guard down
If you get caught by a new trick, ok, but only fools get caught
twice
Fools die young
Always remember: your ass is number 1
The best defense is a good offense. The reverse is also true
Dead men tell no tales. They don't say anything else either
Wounded men nark, so better dead than hurt
Does history record any case where the majority was right?
Don't ask what you can do for your country. Tell it what to do for
you
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to
get you
Are we having fun yet?
Ban the bomb: Save the world for conventional warfare
Be yourself. It's a dirty job but someone has to do it
Be sexy. It's a dirty job but someone has to do it
Better dead than mellow
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people
Chaotic immorals have more fun
Christians do it with grace
A closed mouth gathers no feet
Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep until noon
Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy
43% of all statistics are worthless
If they can't take a joke, fuck 'em
Go lemmings, go!
God did NOT create the world in 7 days. He goofed off for 6 days
and then pulled an allnighter.
I think, therefore I am (I think)
If we outlaw guns, how will we shoot people?
If voting could change the system, it would be illegal
If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal
If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse can happen
to either of you for the rest of the day
Kick ass now, take names later
Nuke 'em till they glow, then shoot 'em in the dark
Peace through superior firepower
If you think that sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it
the wrong way
Support free trade - smuggle
There are very few personal problems that can't be solved by a
suitable application of high explosives
If it moves, kill it
Is there life after death? Trespass and find out
Nuke the Smurfs
There's always time to party
When fighting a horseman, kill the horse. A horseman without a
horse is but half a man
42
Any place that you habitually return to is the place to be most
wary of because that is where an ambush can be set for you
The following statement is true : The preceding statement is false
When swordfighting, a slash is showy and frightens the enemy, a
thrust kills them quickly and helps form a wall (of bodies) for
your added protection
Death is every man's right and privilege
Two's company, three's a menage a trois
Sex is spiritual in essence - or it is a friendly exercise. The
saddest thing about homosexuality is not that it is wrong, or that
no progeny can come from it, but that it is harder to achieve this
union
I love everybody, and you're next
Older men are chosen to speak wisely, but we call a child to a
sacrificial rite
I'm schizophrenic and so am I
The best cure for a hangover is to keep on drinking
Come back with your shield or on it
As soon as you are born, you start to die
You're not going anywhere but your grave
When I want your opinion - I'll give it to you
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalks
Only one of us is going to live through this, and it's not going
to be me
It's later than you think
Damn the torpedoes - full speed ahead
I did what I did. You don't have to like it
Sex is only dirty if its done right
I swear to God - I'm an atheist
The only thing that we learn from history is that people don't
learn anything from history
Anything not nailed down is mine
If I can pry it loose - it's not nailed down
You've got to catch me first
Can you say "death trap"?
It's only common sense - which is why I feel you need to be told
Paranoid schizophrenics always outnumber their enemies at least two
to none
Never tell me the odds
The person who dies with the most toys wins
The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys
World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones
There's a fine line between being a hero and being dead
If it sounds like BS, smells like BS, and looks like BS, it
probably is BS
Overpopulation is a problem with an easy remedy
Anarchy would not work because the freedom of one would infringe
on the freedom of others
Anarchy would make humans a better race through survival of the
fittest
Anarchy would work because if you couldn't get along, you wouldn't
have to
The only good thing about the U.S. government system is that all
the rest are worse
Democracy is a good system - for beginners
Hammurabi, an ancient Babylonian, wrote a set of laws which were
basically an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. If you lie,
your tongue would be cut off, if you steal your hand would be cut
off, etc. etc. etc. You don't want to know the penalty for adultery
Be prepared for the worst. If it happens, you're ready and if not,
you're lucky
If you fall off a horse, get back on and kick it
If you suggest a new way to do things, and it works, act surprised
If you're feeling good, don't worry - you'll get over it
God fights on the side with the heaviest artillery
Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite
me
God helps those who help themselves so be greedy
Life is too short to make big mistakes. Make little ones
We all die after a while so don't rush it
God created all so everything is natural
Rigor mortis can't be too bad - no one complains
Do unto others only if they are smaller than you
Love spreads germs. We'll all get sick
There's nothing that total destruction can't cure
Those who live by the sword ain't shit compared to those with
automatic weapons
Curiosity killed the cat and an awful lot of rabbits
Anything killed would have died eventually anyway
Life and love are four letter words
Sex has only three letters so it can't be dirty
Not all four letter words are dirty - for example: BEER
If it weren't for incest, you wouldn't exist
Why? Conversely: Why not?
Laws and flaws have the same structure
There's no such thing as a pacifist male
There's no such thing as a benevolent dictatorship
Everyone is entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
but that doesn't mean that they'll get them
You're not paranoid. They ARE out to get you
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Just for the hell of it - that's why
Hindsight is wonderful. It tells you what you did wrong after you
did it
You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof
Nothing can be made foolproof because fools are so ingenious
He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day
You can't prove to me that you exist, and I can't prove to you that
I exist, so we're even
The longer you live, the sooner you will die
He moved, that's why I shot him
Juvenile delinquency is the things that the older generation did
when they were young
Any normal girl would rather by looked over than overlooked
There are three things in the world that most men love but never
understand: females, girls, and women
It's not the fall that injures, it's the sudden stop
You can't get anywhere unless you start
People seldom know what they did until they try to undo what they
did
The world's greatest deeds are accomplished by men that are smart
enough to know that it's impossible or too stupid to know that it's
not
Against boredom, even the gods struggle in vain
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
magic
Ask a silly person, get a silly answer
Beat your child once per day. If you don't know why, he will
Blade runner for hire - have gun, will travel
Blood is thicker than water - and much tastier
Born again pagan
Brute force, clumsiness, ignorance and superstition will always
triumph over science
Certified public assassin
Chaos is King, and Magic is loose in the world
Decadent Capitalist and proud of it
A desk is a wastebasket with drawers
Do you know where your towel is?
Don't ask me, I just work here
Don't ask me, I'm making it up as I go along
Don't panic
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness
Exceptions rule!
God is real unless declared integer
Grab them by the balls - the hearts and minds will follow
The hell with the prime directive - let's kill something
He's dead, Jim
Of course he's dead - I killed him
He who fights and runs away gets shot in the back
Hi! I can't remember your name either
I'm not a trained killer. I lead trained killers
I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person
I preach to
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense
I may be a craven little coward, but I'm a greedy craven little
coward
I think I could fall madly in bed with you
If a man writes a better book, preaches a better sermon, and beds
a better whore than his neighbor, though he builds his domicile
deep in the woods, the world will beat a path to his door to find
out who the better whore was
If it jams, force it. If it breaks it needed replacing anyway
I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished
I'm not tense, just terribly alert
Immoral Majority Charter Member
Incorrigible punster. Do not incorrige
Indecision is the basis of flexibility
In the beginning, God created the universe. This has made a lot of
people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move
It's not a dungeon - it's a fortified underground defense
installation
It's what you can't see that can and will kill you
I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand
I've had fun before. This isn't it
Knowing Murphy's Law won't help
The less you bother me, the sooner you will get results
Love thy neighbor, but be sure that her husband is out of town
A mind is a wonderful thing to waste
The moral majority is neither
Mostly Harmless
Murphy's Law only fails to work when you try to demonstrate it
My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring
Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing what you want
to
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether
Never sleep with someone crazier than yourself
No good deed goes unpunished
Oh no, not again
Old mercenaries never die. They just go to hell and regroup
Peace through superior swordplay
Question authority
Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party
Reality is a hypothesis
Resistance is useless if less than 1 ohm
A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral, and inadequate
Smile - it makes people wonder what you're thinking
Smile - it makes people wonder what you've been up to
A Smith & Wesson beats 4 aces
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll
believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he'll have to touch
it to be sure
There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers
exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will
instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre
and inexplicable. There is another which states that this has
already happened
They'll take my sword when they pry my cold dead fingers off the
hilt
This must be morning. I could never get the hang of mornings
Travel by tesseract. It's the only way to go
2+2=5.1314975. Please recalibrate your instruments accordingly
Ultimate question research team
Under the most carefully controlled conditions of temperature,
pressure, food supply, etc., an organism will do as it damn well
pleases
Unicorns aren't mythical - virgins are
Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser
Wandering punster
Warning: Whimsical when bored
Why can't you be unique and original like everybody else?
Why reason when insanity prevails
The way to a man's heart is with a broadsword
What could possibly go wrong?
When all else fails, read the instructions
When the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to do the
backstroke, then you've got something
You can not have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant
You know better than to trust a strange computer
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on
Action is what you don't take when the other guy is bigger
Actions speak louder then words, but not as often. In politics
especially
Well, now what do we do?
It's never too late to try again until you are dead
There's no such thing as permanent
Ever notice there's never time to do it right but always time to
do it over?
Why are we here and what the hell is going on?
Everybody lies about sex
Does your end justify your jeans?
The light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train
Because we like you! That's why...
Never trust the facts
Never trust mother nature
Let's go
Better late than never
Ok
I've got you now
No you don't
It's one of those days
It's time to go home
Never borrow anything - steal it
Death is not an end - it's a beginning
This is not funny
It's only your imagination
Morals? What are they?
There's nothing stranger than life
Mental midget
Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, or fattening
If God hadn't wanted me to be paranoid he wouldn't have given me
such a vivid imagination
The importance of a question is inversely proportional to the
chance that you will remember it
The victor belongs to the spoils
Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another
drink
In a hierarchy, individuals tend to rise to their level of
incompetence and remain there
Life's a game which you can't win, can't quit, and can't change the
rules
When the going gets tough, the weak get screwed
I stopped drinking, smoking, taking drugs, and having sex. It was
the worst thirty seconds of my life
I read that drinking, smoking and sex were bad for your health --
so I gave up reading
The cult of Dionysus really had something going. On the holy days
they got up, drank, partied, had sex and then fell asleep. The good
part is that all days were holy to Dionysus
Why be normal?
Nothing will go wrong when you try to show what's wrong to the
person who can fix what's wrong
The good die young, so the evil have more time to do things
The power of will without the direction of intelligence is a
destructive power
The army has two standard sizes - too large and too small
I intend to go to hell
Beware of loaning money to a friend. It can make him lose his
memory
Taxes are like golf. You line up on the green and end up in the
hole
Where are we going now?
It's not over till it's OVER
Anything so simple a fool can use it will only be used by fools
Cocaine is God's way of telling you that you are too rich
Tornados are God's way of telling you that there are too many
mobile homes
Death is God's way of telling you to slow down
Who is this God person anyway?
Tomorrow is a whole new day to fuck up
Good grades, studying hard and being respected are side effects of
alcohol deficiency
I'm not as think as you stoned I am
I feel great, and I don't kiss bad either
What's a cubit
Alarm clocks don't wake you up, they just disturb your sleep
It is better to dare many things than to die never knowing victory
or defeat
Do nothing except what you must, but when you must act don't
hesitate
We are Citizens of the Outside. We have rejected the simplistic,
boring, regimented, bureaucratic moral and ethical scriptures by
which the people live. In their place, we have substituted our own
far superior ones. We may move physically among them, but we are
not of them. In order to accomplish our aims we must operate
outside their barriers and well outside their rules
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence
He who knows least talks longest
Don't change color to match the walls. Look like you belong there
and the walls will change color to match you
Speak of the devil
Anything you get free costs more than it's worth - but you don't
find that out till later
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a
cat
A person who WON'T be blackmailed CAN'T be blackmailed
If it's sinful it's more fun
Being intelligent is not a felony, but most societies evaluate it
as at least a misdemeanor
It is far, far better to have a bastard in the family than an
unemployed son-in-law
Has it ever occurred to you that God might be a committee?
"Cooperate with the inevitable" means "roll with the punch" - it
does NOT mean stooling for the guards
Shout at the devil
Always save the last bullet for yourself
Always give the other sucker an even break
An enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it
may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him
without hate - and quickly
Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on time or within budget
History does not record anywhere at any time a religion with any
rational basis. Religion is a crutch for those not strong enough
to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most
people do have a religion, spend time and money on it, and seem to
derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it
Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal
and coordinate. This does not insure "good" government, it simply
insures that it will work. Such governments are rare - most people
want to run things but want no part of the blame. This used to be
known as the "Back-Seat Driver Syndrome"
You can have peace or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on
having both at once.
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse
is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere
The greatest productive force is human selfishness
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other sins
are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful - just
stupid)
Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by
legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being
stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; there
is no appeal, and the execution is carried out automatically and
without pity
There is no such thing as "social gambling". Either you are there
to cut the other bloke's heart out and eat it - or you're a sucker.
If you don't like this choice - don't gamble
The two highest achievements of the human mind are the twin
concepts of "loyalty" and "duty." Whenever these twin concepts fall
into disrepute - get out of there fast! You may possibly save
yourself, but it is too late for that society. It is doomed
Don't try to have the last word. You might get it
If you have to join the army, shuffle papers or cut red tape
I wanna die with my boots on
Let's do it!
Sayings are made by people who take common sense and add a lot of
bullshit
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question
Justice always prevails...three times out of seven
An order that can be misunderstood WILL be misunderstood
It's always the wrong time of the month
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted
to keep
You can get anywhere in ten minutes if you go fast enough
Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds
triple the desired restraining speed
On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe that anyone can
be unhappy - but we'll work on it
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am
Blessed is the person who has reached the point of no return and
knows it, for he shall enjoy living
Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be
disappointed
Ignorance is no excuse
The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it - it
probably isn't right
If at first you don't succeed - blame it on the teacher
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge,
ponder
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment
Clearly stated instructions will constantly produce multiple
interpretations
It's always the other guy's fault
The critical mass of any do-it-yourself explosive is never less
than half a bucketful
Capitalism exists in one of two states - welfare and warfare
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money
If nothing can go wrong, something will anyway
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond
them to the impossible
If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set
The gas can is mightier than the sword
When a subject becomes totally obsolete, we make it a required
course
Out of two possibly effects, the undesirable one will occur
Lemmings drown
Sometimes the best law is no law at all
However you vote, and whatever you do, someone will be out there
telling you that you are: (a) wrong, (b) insensitive, (c) a
bleeding heart, (d) a pawn of somebody else, (e) too wishy-washy,
(f) too unwilling to compromise, (g) all of the above - consistency
is not required of critics
If there isn't a law - there will be
What we call sin in others is experiment in us
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved
it
Entropy is always increasing
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows
Hide!!! If they find you, lie!!!
Ask five people and you'll get at least six opinions
If you're ever right, never let them forget it
If a string has one end it has another end
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
discovers something that either abolishes the system or expands it
beyond recognition
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them
Always verify your witchcraft
Experience is in direct proportion to equipment ruined
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you
won't either
The meek shall inherit the earth - in a six foot by four block
If you can't remember, it's not important
if it's good, they will stop making it
Quality is inversely proportional to quantity
How to get your face on a postage stamp: drop dead
A "sin" is a belief different from yours
In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don't need
it
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone else
to blame it on
Whatever it is, I'm not responsible
Corollary: Whatever I did, I didn't do it
If things were left to chance, they'd be better
No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee, when
it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your
direction, and almost none will return to the source
Just when you get really good at something, there is no need to do
it anymore
Seven-eighths of everything is hidden
There are no winners in life, only survivors
The idea is to die young as late as possible
Mother nature is a bitch
...and even if it can't it might
The number that is obviously correct will contain the error
If it's obvious, it's not
I am sorry, that is beyond your security clearance
The computer is your friend
On the rare occasion that something is successful, the wrong person
gets the credit
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANZERAREORSES?
If you're confident after you've finished an exam, it's because you
don't know enough to know better
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the
pants
Never leave hold of what you've got until you've got something else
Those who study the past find other ways to foul up
If you can't beat them, have them join you
Rule 1: The boss is always right. Rule 2: When the boss is wrong,
refer to Rule 1
Our troops advanced today without losing a foot of ground
Negative slack tends to increase
If something cannot be put into something smaller, some dope will
do it
Nobody notices when things go right
The rat race is over. The rats won
Death shall not be denied
I thought you silenced the guard!
WHAT GUARD!?
First rule of hiding: Don't be conspicuous
Alternative theory: Be conspicuous. No one looks at conspicuous
people.
I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck
Ronald McDonald says "Eat McShit and die"
A pseudonym is a nym that's not your nym
Dr. Mark says, "Go suck a sonic screwdriver"
This paper has AIDS. Now that you've touched it, you have it too.
You have two to five years to live. How do you feel now?
Have a nice day
What? Me worry?
If you kill me, you're dead
The living will envy the dead
I'm not a genius, you're just stupid
It takes one who has not to tell someone how much they have
Lessons learned by suffering are often obscured by happiness
With wisdom comes suffering, with suffering comes wisdom
With everything there comes a price, even love
Happiness and sorrow are extremes between which lies inner peace
The explanation requiring the fewest number of assumptions is most
likely to be correct
The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds,
and the pessimist knows it
Variables won't, constants aren't
Don't look back, something might be gaining on you
Nothing is ultimate
The solution to a problem changes the problem
If you're coasting, you're going downhill
Never tell them what you wouldn't do
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed
Stick with the following responses when dealing with the press: (a)
I know and I can't tell you. (b) I know and I can tell you. (c) I
don't know
The easiest way to find something is to replace it
Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at
A little ignorance goes a long way
Hell hath no fury like a pacifist
Pacifists will fight to preserve peace
Entropy has us outnumbered
Learn to be sincere. Even if you have to fake it
Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do
If it can be understood, it's not finished yet
A little ambiguity never hurt anyone
The public is always wrong
Go where the money is
if you can't convince them, confuse them
The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it
If it happens, it must be possible
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle
If you're already in a hole, there is no use to keep digging
They say an elephant never forgets, but what's he got to remember?
Silence the heart, mend the soul, and clear the mind; then you will
have inner peace
Depression is a manifestation of a clouded mind
A friend is one who can see you better than you can see yourself
Discover the ultimate secret...the self
Before judging another, look with his eye, feel with his heart,
yearn with his soul
True bravery lies in facing life
Words are a tool that can soothe the soul or incense the mind
depending on their use
I am all that I have seen, all that I have felt, all that I have
read, all that I have heard, all that I have experienced. I am I,
I am all that I am, I am myself
Life is a long lesson in humility
Working because you want to is the best kind of playing
Pay taxes greater than your apparent standard of living and declare
income accordingly
How to create a new and unusual invention: study what the most
respected authorities agree cannot be done - then do it
No born leader seeks command
A commanding officer commands, he doesn't ask for votes
Never appeal to man's "better nature". He may not have one.
Invoking his self interest gives you more leverage
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in
anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity
Find out what he wants - he'll geek
I volunteered once and that's enough for a lifetime
There are only four top subjects, the rest are sideshows: money,
sex, war, and death. So which one do we choose? RIGHT!
Heaven is as close as you will let it be
To catch a thief, you set a thief
Can you cite ONE case in which a killer committed another murder
AFTER he was executed?
When they're big enough, they're old enough and nothing can be done
about it
Death is an old friend; I know him well. I lived with him, I ate
with him, I slept with him; to meet him again does not frighten me
- death is as necessary as birth, and as happy in its own way
Never tell the truth in mixed company
Fiction is anything that has not necessarily happened yet
Magic, like everything else, has rules
Evil and Good are relative terms
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