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INTERIM REPORT ON THE RAVEN
From: "The Best of the Journal of Irreproducible Results"
Written by:
Dr. C.F. Englebretsen
Bishop's University
Lennoxville, Quebec, Canada
Whatever data confirm or disconfirm a statement will likewise confirm or disconfirm any logically equivalent statement. "All ravens are black" is logically equivialent to "All nonblack things are nonravens."
This so-called "Raven Paradox" has been a commonplace among philosphers and logicians for centuries. Aristotle, Ockham, Leibniz, Mill, Frege, and Russell have often been mentioned in this regard (1). Nonetheless, we believe that the failure to solve this puzzle is due to the well-known shortsightedness, narrowmindedness, and unimaginativeness of philosophers (2). Consequently, in the spring fo 1965, a team of scientists, three biologists and a lyricist (3), was formed for the purpose of solving the Raven Paradox once and for all. The old puzzle was finally moved from the stuffy seminar room to the open field.
Our task has been to confirm the hypothesis that all ravens are black by confirming its equivalent: that all nonblack things are nonravens. Now while "All ravens are black" is simply tested by determining the blackness or nonblackness of all ravens -- a relatively easy task (4) -- the task of confirming its equivalent is considerably difficult. That this was so became quite clear to our brilliant team of scientists within the first year or so of our project, when we came to realize that the number of nonblack things (5) in the world is much greater that the number of black things. As of this date, we have examined over 56,620,000 items of nonblack color. These have turned out to be such things as eggs, books, tables, coffee sups, signposts, clouds, apples, and some female undergarments -- but none have turned out to be ravens. Of the 8.31% which have been tested as definitely black (all of which were subject to extensive laboratory testing), only 612 have been confirmed as genuine ravens. All the rest we now suspect to be old telephones, crows, pencil leads, ink spots, certain items of female underwear, etc.
There are still many nonblack things to be examined (6). And so our work continues -- not in the dusty halls of philosophy, but in the bright fields of Science (7).
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1. Not to mention Poe's mention of the paradox. We should keep in mind, however, the particularly frightening consequences of Poe's version of the Raven.
2. See the exchange in "Ratio," xiii, June, 1971.
3. Poe's thesis concerning the Raven can never be entirely ignored.
4. Though recall the consequences of Dr. Fwyn's tewnty-eight year program for doing this. Fwyn, his wife, and his two older children, and four field assistants still suffer chronic lower back aches, stiff necks, and crossed eyes.
5. Pick, yellow, brown, white, blue, orange, red, purple, magenta, tan, etc. Gray is still a puzzle case.
6. 10^877613
7. A request for a National Science Foundation Grant to fund our research for the next few centuries is pending.
n to confirm the hypothesis that all ravens are black by confirming its equivalent: that all nonblack things are nonravens. Now while "All ravens are black" is simply tested by determining the blackness or nonblackness of
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