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The Parable of the Prodigal Student by Mike Mahoney And he said: A teacher had two students. The younger of them came to him one day and said, "Teacher, give me thy syllabus, and that portion of stipend which is mine." And the Teacher did so. After not many classes, the young student went on an exchange program to a far university where he wasted his grant money in a life of revelry. He spent his classdays with coeds and went to keg parties. And after he had spent his stipend, a crackdown on grade inflation was instituted and he began to receive incompletes and failing grades. Finally a nervous illness overtook him and he lay on a cot in the hallway at the Student Health Center. He looked inside himself and thought, "How many students are in my Teacher's school have plenty of financial aid? And here I perish for lack of funds. I shall rise up and return to my old school and say, `Teacher, I have sinned before the Ideal of Knowledge and before you. Now I am not worthy to be called your pupil. Make me as one of the dining hall workers.'" And he rose up and headed back to his alma mater. While he was yet a ways off, his Teacher saw him and was filled with mercy. He ran to him and shook his hand. And the student said, "Teacher, I have sinned against Education and against you; now I am not worthy to be called your pupil." And the Teacher said to his undergrads, "Bring forth the Budweiser and stoke up the Columbian; for this, my student, was dead and now lives again; he was lost and now is found. I give him an `A' for effort." But his other student was in the Library, studying. And when he came and entered the dormitory, he heard music and commotion. He called to one of the undergrads and asked, "What gives?" And he said to him, "Thy fellow is come and thy Teacher threw a party." And the other student was wroth, and would not go in. Therefore the Teacher came out and rapped with him. And he asked his Teacher, saying, "What's the deal? I'm always studying, I always turn my papers in on time. But that twerp went away, where he partied out and cut classes. When he comes home, you give him an `A' where I only get a `B+' despite my hard work." And the Teacher said, "You are a good student, and I'll always be willing to write you a good recommendation. But come on in now and have a beer, for your fellow that had flunked has gotten an `A' and it is a time for celebration."