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"Some of these are cynical and some are sexist. Apologies
if you are offended. Enjoy the ones you find funny."
MARRIAGE HUMOR
Mostly from ``Another Almanac of Words at Play'', by Willard
Espy.
+ ``It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is
sure to find out next morning it was someone else.'' --
Rogers
+ ``If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.'' --
Chekhov
+ ``The most happy marriage I can picture would be the
union of a deaf man to a blind woman.'' -- Coleridge
+ ``Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as
happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess.'' --
Dr. Johnson
+ ``If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not
beautiful.'' -- Haskins
+ ``A man does not look behind the door unless he has
stood there himself.'' -- Du Bois
+ ``A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of
the house.'' -- Moliere
+ ``Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a
confusion of the real with the ideal never goes
unpunished.'' -- Goethe
+ ``In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.''
-- Butler
+ ``A woman may very well form a friendship with a man,
but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little
physical antipathy.'' -- Nietzsche
+ ``Men who cherish for women the highest respect are
seldom popular with them.'' -- author unknown
+ ``Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
from achieving them.'' -- Dumas
+ ``Nature has given women so much power that the law has
very wisely given them little.'' -- Dr. Johnson
+ ``The great question... which I have not been able to
answer... is, "What does a woman want?'' -- Freud
+ ``Home life as we understand it is no more natural to
us than a cage is to a cockatoo.'' -- Shaw
+ ``Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside
desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get
out.'' -- Montaigne
+ ``For a male and female to live continuously together
is... biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural
condition.'' -- Robert Briffault
+ ``Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your
life paying for it.'' -- Baskins
+ A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own
flowers.
+ A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is
finished.
+ Marriage is a rest period between romances.
+ Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
+ Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.
+ Marriage is an institution -- but who wants to live in
one?
+ Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of
person your spouse would have really preferred.
+ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope
over experience.
+ Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
--
Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
Remember: Only ONE joke per submission. Extra jokes may be rejected.