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DRIVE YOUR KARMA, CURB YOUR DOGMA
Swami Beyondananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment (edited)
1. Be a Fundamentalist -- ensure the Fun always comes before
the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that
will never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided,
and the reason why we are put in the material world is to
get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and
that will ensure regularhilarity.
2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift --
just for entering. So you are already a winner!
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision.
That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision
to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're
getting, we can change the channel.
4. Life is like photography, you use the negative to develop.
And, no matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of
course God loves you -- He's just not ready to make a
commitment.
5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts,
thought particles tend to get caught between the ears,
causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use
mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to
practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's
Absurdiveness Training class: "Don't get even, get odd."
6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments
and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you,
you no mad at me. That way, there'll surely be nomadness on
the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little
peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces
will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the
future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice
is simple. When you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.
8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is
toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it
again.
9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have
some bad news and some good news. The bad news is -- there
is no key to the Universe. The good news is -- it has been
left unlocked.
10. Finally, everything I have told you is channelled. That
way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember,
enlightenment is not bureaucracy. So you don't have to go
through channels.