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A CHATAN INTERVIEWA CHAT
WITH SANTA CLAUS
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Q: Santa, why do you think you've grown to be the most famous man in the
entire world? After all, there are plenty of people who are doing
good deeds....
Santa: I think it's my red suit. Red is most people's favorite color.
Q: Every year at Christmas time, merchandisers all over the world use your
name, and your image to sell their goods. Do you feel you're being
exploited?
Santa: Not too much. But last year I had a talk with the Easter Bunny, and
boy, is he ever ticked off!
Q: What do you do for money, Santa?
Santa: Well, I don't need much. We get most of our food from our summer
garden. And most of the materials for the toys are donated by good
people all over the world.
Q: When you do get money, where do you put it?
Santa: I put it in a snowbank once, but lost it when I forgot which one.
Or maybe the Ice Nymphs got it.
Q: How do you get along with the elves?
Santa: Just great! Until I give them a job they don't like. Shoveling
snow, for instance.
Q: If shoveling snow is their least favorite job, what's their most favorite?
Santa: Mowing the lawn.
Q: I've always wondered -- why are there no female elves?
Santa: Go smell the elves' breath some day and you'll have your answer! No,
I'm just kidding. Female elves' breath is just as bad! Actually,
there are female elves, and they live right here at the North Pole.
I've overheard them talking a time or two. But I've never seen one.
They're real sly about that.
Q: When you go around the world, delivering all those presents, how do you
get down the chimneys?
Santa: I make myself small.
Q: And the presents, too?
Santa: Of course. A tiny person can't carry huge presents.
Q: Is your miniscule size the reason why children can't see you when you
visit?
Santa: You mean children can't see me? That's a shame!
Q: Is your house about the same as other houses of the world?
Santa: Basically. Except I have a happiness room and a laughing room.
Q: Does your laughing room really laugh?
Santa: No, I do. When I go in it. Just walking in puts me in stitches.
Q: Are you really fat, or is that just the fit of your clothes?
Santa: I'm not fat. I come from a fat race, and among my people I'm skinny!
Q: Who are your people?
Santa: I was orphaned as a baby, you know. But I suspect my genealogy traces
back to the Wyrsters of the valleys of Yinlyn. They're quite famous
in anthropological circles.
Q: You've been credited with thousands of invaluable inventions, such as the
chair and dog fur. What's the invention you're most proud of?
Santa: I'm proudest of the CLAUSE. It did wonders in enabling people to
create intelligible sentences in speaking and writing. And it works
in nearly all languages. I was so pleased with that one that I
named it after myself. You don't sit on a clause, but you do speak
with one!