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TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
annual yuletide celebration. And throughout our place of residence,
kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this
potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as mus
musclus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of
the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
pleasure regarding an eminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific
title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accommo- dations of repose, were experiencing subconscious
visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,
attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous
advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior
portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance
that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose
for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
Fastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself; thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus ragifer. Piloted by a minuscule
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
ungulate motive power traveling at what may have been more vertigiuous
velocity than patriotionalar predators, he vodiferated loudly,
exuelled breath musically through labial sounds, and addressed each of
the octet by his or her respected cognomen; Now Dasher, now Dancer, et
al. Guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode,
through which structured could readily distinguish the concatenations
of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved,
with utmost celerity in animal pelts soiled by the ebon residue from
oxidations of carbonifbrous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to
the planthora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a
commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of exgaging
amiability. The capillaries of his molar regions and nasal
appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous
layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral
embelem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His
amusing sub- and super- alabials resembled nothing so much as a common
loop knot, and their amdent hirsute facial adornment appeared like
small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smokingpiece whose gray
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of
a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it
was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal
region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a
hemisphrical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than
an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom
rendered me visible frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so
being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating
his head slightly to one side he indicated that trepidation on my part
was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of
merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally
transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of his task, he
executed an abrupt aboutface, placed a singular manual digit in
lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave taking, and forthwith effected his
egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
antlered quadrupeds among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed.
But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to
his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility:
ESTATIC YULETIDE TO THE PLANETARY CONSTITUENCY, AND TO THAT
SELFSAME ASSEMBLAGE, MY SINCEREST WISHES FOR A SALUBRIOUSLY BENEFICIAL
AND GRATIFYINGLY PLEASURABLE PERIOD BETWEEN SUNSET AND DAWN.