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Is WARGAMES Possible?
BULLSHIT!
AN OVERVIEW BY
THE JABBERWOCK
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I know that all of you phreaks and hacks out there have seen the
"masterpeice" of a movie (HA) "WarGames." Whell, I don't know what you
people think, but as for me and the majority of the people I know, we say,
"That thing sucks!!"
You cannot expect anyone to be perfect, of course, but you can expect
someone to be a little more realistic than the producers, directors,
writers, and sanitation engineers who all put forth their various talents in
the making of this peice. (Of what, is left up to your own imaginations.)
To begin with the major clincher that pretty much destroys the whole
format of the entire picture, that ol' "SCANNING WITH THE ACOUSTIC MODEM."
Ahh, I do it all the time, don't you? Why couldn't they have just let Dave
have a direct connect, and have ol' Jennifer say, "what is that box?" Dave
would have replied, from his ever resourceful mind, from which such quotes
as "Only if you're over 18," and the ever popular, "Turn on the PRINTer, I
want to make a PRINT-out of this," (redundancy at its best, pholks), "That
is my MOdulator-DEModulator, it allows me to talk to other computers over
the telephone lines."
"Ahh, there's ways around that!" What an asshole. He looks like
he wrote the software used by the SCC's. Genius material. Just how in the
phuck does he accomplish this. This is just a minor quam of mine.
How about the idea that he can just waltz right into Protovision
and rip-off the shit that would see to it that "the world of computer games
will never be the same." WOW!! Where can I get a PRINT-out of that ad?
How about that school computer? I sure do like that password, and
the place that they keep it, (mine is in the back of the Main Office in the
Data Processing Dept. in a locked drawer, under three comp. language books in
a manilla folder marked, "Regional-Files Circuit 8.)" And that Seattle School
District computer is the most advanced peice of technology I have ever seen.
All you have to do, the minute you are in, is type in a name, and then just
move that little cursor on over. Neat.
Another little ditty, "what baud was Dave's modem at?" That muther
spewed out at about 2000, or something about to that effect. And his printer
was keeping up, or was it? (I wonder if he got a PRINT-out of "that"?)
Once on old WOPR (Brgr) I won't question the fact that he got
on it through a direct line, although it was supposed to be rerouted through
Sunnyvale at some Naval thing (I thought WOPR (Brgr) was an Air Force comp)
but I would like to know how in the hell he got through to such a dastardly
machine without having to cut into AUTOVON or FTS. I will quote from
NEWSWEEK/September 5, 1983 about such a deed:
"The computer systems of the North American Air Defense Command
(NORAD) are totally isolated from the commercial telephone lines to which
hackers have access, and the data they handle go through a complex coding
process. (They have the new data encryption algorythims, you'll never get
in.)... 'Hackers don't pose a significant problem,' says Donald Latham,
deputy under security of defense for command-control communications and
intelligence (C3I). 'The problem of being penetrated is essentially zero.'"
Poor guy, no penetration. Another thing how about those Hi-Res
pictures that WOPR (Brgr) sends over to Dave? Pretty, huh? And that
timer that keeps on ticking after Dave hangs up the phone? (Maybe its a
Timex.)
I like the feds acting so inconspicuous at the 7-11. I know that
whenever some dude I know gets busted, it is out in public by dudes in the
typical black suit and tie on a 100-degree day with huge hearing aids,
and noone even notices them. God, they are masters of disguise!
Telephone trick. Not even. Unless the coke tab acted as a 2.2k
resistor, which I seriously doubt. Even then he would have had to go through
the operator.
I also like how S.A.M. has its part in our National Defense System.
And how about the fact that it only spoke the incoming data, and not what
Dave typed. And of the incoming data, it only spoke the major lines, that
the directors wanted to improvise. I can see it if Dave had loaded the sayit
program into his terminal program, but as far as we know, he never had one!!
His modem dialed fast, didn't it? By any means, no call but a local
one could go through that fast, and the computer would need to wait a little
longer to find a carrier. Does yours hang up when someone answers the phone?
Mine waits for around 20 for even locals, and that gives the phools getting
my calls time to go a little crazy screaming "Who is this? What do you want
with me? Where did you get this phone number? I'm going to call the
police!"
Another thing, (this is my favorite, besides the PRINT-out shit).
Don't you like the way Dabney Coleman answers the phone? After letting it
ring off the cradle, he answers it "Hello?" Then he picks it up!
Slightly HUMOROUS, don't you think? A backasswards kind of a guy, that
Mikkitrick.
I think now that I have said quite enough to prove my point,
"WarGames is a completely sorry movie, and is utterly impossible."
Thank you for your time. I thank you, David Lightman thanks you,
John Mikkitrick thanks you, General (I'd piss on a spark-plug) Berringer
thanks you, WOPR (Brgr) thanks you, Perfesser Stephen F. Falken thanks you,
Donald Latham thanks you, Norman Bates thanks you, Eddy thanks you,
Marilyn Chambers thanks everyone, the Official Hacking Team of the 1984
Olympics thanks you, Tron Yuri and Flynn thank you, time wasters and space
occupiers everywhere thank you, James Bond thanks you eight times, Sir
Alfred Hitchcock thanks you, Key Grips, Gaffers, Headbangers, Stoners,
Geeks, Retards & Mr. Mom thanks you, Sheriff Buford T. (I'm gonna barbecue
your ass) Justice thanks you, Norm and the boys from Cheers thank you,
RALF and the Whizz Kids thank you, Ozzy (I'd piss on a public landmark)
Osborne thanks you, the members of the old, good Saturday Night Live
thank you, Porky (Mr. Porky to you) thanks you, Brad, Janet, and Dr.
Frankenfurter thank you, Foreign Special Intercept Operators from
across the U.S. say "gracias", Suzie at the Sex Connection moans her thanks,
Hugh Hefner doesen't have to thank anyone, Mr. (Come on over here and I'm
gonna f**k you up the as*) T thanks you, Peter Tosh thanks you, Nolan
Bushnell thanks you along with regards from Steve Wozniac, Charles Manson
wants to thank you personally, Fidel Castro thanks you, Clint Eastwood
thanks you for "making his day", Richard Stallman wants to know why you
insist on using other people's guest accounts on OZ, Henry Fonda thanks
you long distance, Eddie Murphy thanks you, Richard Pryor says "F**k,
thank you? I'd rather have some pu**y, Zodiac thanks you for remembering,
Abbie Hoffman says thanks for the memories, James Hoffa says "Where the
lell are you people?", AT & T says thanks for f**king your local SCC,
your local Bell Telco says "What are all those trouble cards doing on
your line?", John Wayne says "thanks, pardner", Jeff Spicoli says,
"Wow, bitchen", Captain Over, Unger and Dunn thank you, the Sta-Puff
Marshmellow Man thanks the Gatekeeper, the Key master, and Gozer,
Novation says "you don't think we put those tones in there by accident,
do you?", Gary Gygax thanks you, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle thanks you,
Grace (you mean that's a woman?) Jones thanks you, Arnold
(Gonad the Ballbarian) Schwartzeneger thanks you, the Warriors thank you,
MCI, Satelco, LDS, LDX, Sprint, Metrophone, ITT, Tel-tec, All-net, Travel-net,
and various owners of Wats Extenders say "go to hell!", the Smothers Brothers
say "hi Mom!", Donkey Kong, Mr. Do, the Pac Family, Dirk the Daring &
Princess Daphne, Dexter and Kimberly, C P U, Glass Jaw, Piston Hurricane,
Bald Bull, Kid Quick (that's all I know), and Q-Bert all express their thanks,
Auto-Man and Cursor thank you, and I thank you yet another time for putting
up with all of this bullshit.
editorial complete
The Jabberwock
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