💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › hacking › hacksong.txt captured on 2023-11-14 at 09:53:06.
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-06-14)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
--
The Hacker's Song
By Dave Touretzky and Don Libes
(with no apologies whatever to Monty Python)
--
I'm a hacker and I'm OK
I work all night and I sleep all day.
--
I wrote some hacks in APL,
each on a single line.
They're mutually recursive,
and run in n-squared time.
(chorus)
Oh, he's a hacker and he's ok,
He works all night and he sleeps all day.
I'm a hacker and I'm ok,
I work all night and I sleep all day.
--
I wrote two hacks in Macro,
with UUO's galore.
One plays Nim on the console lights
while the other zeros core.
(chorus)
I wrote a hack in SNOBOL
with FORTRAN subroutines.
It spits out trashy stories
for ladies' magazines.
(chorus)
I wrote some hacks in InterLisp,
they barely fit in core.
The swapper thrashed its guts out,
So now it runs no more.
(chorus)
I wrote a hack in microcode,
with a goto on each line.
It runs as fast as Superman,
But not quite every time.
(chorus)
I wrote some hacks in Ada,
and still can't run them yet.
Do you suppose we'll see that day?
On it I would not bet.
(chorus)
I wrote a hack for UNIX,
when it was still in vogue.
It knows the tricks to PacMan,
and plays mean games of Rogue.
(chorus)
I wrote some hacks, distributed,
across our neat gateway.
Each one of its 10 functions
kills RIG in a different way!
(chorus)
I wrote some hacks in Mlisp,
to edit files of root.
It writes them back no-execute,
and now it won't reboot!
(chorus)
I wrote some hacks to manage jobs
with PLITS and IPC.
Its very first activity
was firing the faculty.
(chorus)
I wrote some hacks with P and V
to synchronize my life.
Now I can't use the bathroom,
I'm deadlocked with my wife!
(chorus)
I wrote a hack(in theory),
it may not ever halt.
But if it does, just watch out...
[Fatal Error: Infinite Page Fault]
(chorus)
I wrote a hack with hough transforms
for the folks at DoD.
It'll guide their fancy missles
to Washington D.C.
--
I'm a hacker and I'm OK
I work all night and I sleep all day.
I'll have a system of my own someday,
that'll run my code in a hacked up way.
--tvr
------
This is a copy of some amusing stuff from ARPAnet. It is old, but
good.
------
Date: 7 October 1983
from Pat O'Donnell
To: info-cobol
Subject: LAIDBACK
--
[Excerpts from a paper (journal unknown) by John Unger Zussman.]
--
BASIC, FORTRAN, COBOL ... these programming languages are well known,
and more or less well loved throughout the computer industry. There
are numerous other languages, however, that are less well known yet
still have ardent devotees. In fact, these little-known languages
generally have the most fanatic admirers. For those who wish to
know more about these languages -- and why they are obscure--
I present the following catalog.
-> SIMPLE
SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiots Monopurpose Programming
Linguistic Environment. This language developed at the Hanover College
for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to
write code with errors in it. THe statements are, therefore, confined
to BEGIN, END and STOP. No matter how the statements are arranged,
you can't make a syntax error.
Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thus, they achieve the
results of programs written in other languages without the tedious
frustrating process of testing and debugging.
-> SLOBOL
SLOBOL is best known for the speed, of lack of it, of its
compiler. Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break
while they compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to fly to Bolivia to
pick the coffee.
-> LAIDBACK
Historically, VALGOL is a derivative of LAIDBACK, which
was developed at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for T'ai Chi,
mellowness and Computer Programming, as an alternative to the more
intense atmosphere in nearby Silicon Valley.
The center was ideal for programmers who like to soak in hot tubs
while they work. Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there
for long, since the center outlawed pizza and RC cola in favor of
bean curd an Perrier.
Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a
gentle and nonthreatening language. For example, LAIDBACK responded
to syntax errors with the message "Sorry man, I can't deal behind that."
-> SARTRE
Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an
extremely unstructured language. Statements is SARTRE have no purpose;
they just are. Thus, SARTRE programs are left to define their own
functions. SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and are
no fun at parties.
-> C-
This language is named for the grade received by its creator
when he submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class.
C- is best described as a "low level" language. In fact, the language
generally requires more C- statements than machine-code statements
to execute a given task. In this respect it is very similar to COBOL.
-> LITHP
This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by
the absence of an "S" from its character set. Programmers an users
must substitute "TH." LITHP is said to be useful in protheththing
lithtth.
-> DOGO
Developed at the Massechusettes Institute of Obedience
Training, DOGO heralds a new era of computer literate pets. DOGO commands
include SIT, STAY, HEEL, and ROLL OVER. An innovative feature of DOGO
is "puppy graphics," a small cocker spaniel that occaisionally leaves
a deposit as it travels across the screen.