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SNUFF IT
The Quarterly Magazine of the Church of Euthanasia
ISSUE #2
LETTERS
Thank you Church dudes and dudettes for the Snuff It. Very nice looking and
solid publication. Just one thing, eliminate your DADA or any "art-fag"
references and you will be ten times scarier. I don't remember if I sent you a
copy of FUCK but I am sending along a copy of #6. Keep up the splendid work.
Yours truly,
Randall Phillips
Box 2217, Philadelphia, PA 19103
This Randall Phillips guy turns out to be quite a character. He's an Aryan
Social Darwinist with a ghoulish sense of humor, and his magazine succeeded in
shocking us. He favors mass murder and eugenics as population control.
Unfortunately the Church of Euthanasia is opposed to involuntary methods, so we
can't endorse him. This is too bad, because when he's not advocating torture,
slavery, genocide, rape, racism, and cruelty to animals, he's got a lot of
things right. We especially liked the following excerpt:
I had a jar of pond water that I was to take samples of and look at under a
microscope. The first time I looked at the pond water I saw the microscopic
aliens dancing around and having a good time. Each day that I looked at the
microscopic aliens there started to be more of them. On the 4th day I noticed
that the water was getting darker. The cause of the darkness was an
accumulation of more microscopic aliens, their shit and their waste. The
microscopic aliens weren't partying as hard, but they were still going at it.
By the 7th day the water was very dark. I looked under the microscope and all
I saw was microscopic waste. There were a few tiny aliens left gnawing on the
remains of the other microscopic dead aliens. Forty years from now the earth
is going to look like my jar of pond water on the seventh day, unless we do
something about it.
Dear Chrissy,
I loved your paper and please enter me a subscription. I enclose my check.
I also am enclosing my picture to you. I have fairly nice C cup tits. I've
taken hormones for a while.
I loved your picture under the quote from Deuteronomy. The old testament
is little more than scare tactics to keep the tribes of Israel replenished with
soldiers and warriors to fight other tribes.
The way I see it is we have these three different groups in the U.S.A. and
Latin America in a birth race. First, are the Catholics mainly in Central
America, the Mormons in Utah and Idaho and the niggers [sic] who are being
subsidized by the government to have more voters who will vote in more social
programs.
The Government is broke, the large banks are buying government T-bills,
Treasury notes with fingers crossed. No one has the balls to say subsidies are
no longer, so we pretend and pay the interest on these securities. The major
banks would rather buy these government notes than pump money into private
enterprise.
This revolution which will make Rwanda look like a Sunday school picnic
will start when the welfare recipients no longer get their "check."
Believe me I rent to low income people, college students and without
student loans and government largesse, there would be revolution. Probably
starting on the East Coast, the Western states will try to break away. There
will be chaos and anarchy. The government knows this hence the assault on hand
guns.
Of course, I've been doing my part to keep the population down. Valerie,
my girlfriend who is a dyke who hates men, and myself have been castrating
young men of breeding age. We only have two notches so far. We're using an
elasterator. A device that fits nicely over the scrotum of a calve or lamb.
It works well on humans too. Our first victim was drunk. The device puts a
strong rubber band over the scrotum, cuts off the blood supply, gangrene sets
in, and in about two weeks the sac falls off and creates a eunuch.
The first two minutes there is pain, but after that the balls turn blue and
in 4 hours - 6 hours, gangrene is present and they don't dare remove it.
Our first victim slept through the whole thing so it couldn't have been
that bad. He rushed himself to the emergency room and they castrated him on
the spot.
The second victim we met in the forest, hand-cuffed him to a tree, and he
howled, screamed. In Idaho there are thousands of acres of virgin forest. We
left a note for the forest rangers giving his location. This did not make the
papers so it is still under investigation. In both cases we got the victim's
address from his driver's license and sent him a tauntingly sympathetic card
(so don't mention this).
I wish I could sterilize 10% of the young men of breeding age and turn them
loose on the fertile women like sterile fruit flies.
It's the duty of every drag queen, T.S., T.V. and crossdresser to get a
straight boyfriend and keep him away from girls of breeding age.
Picking up men in gay bars doesn't do it. We should pick up men in
straight bars. Gays fraternizing with gays does nothing to curb the
population.
Anyway you probably think I'm nuts but we will possibly send a picture of
our next eunuch before and during his ordeal.
I was hopeful AIDS would do its job and in Africa it's doing O.K. and in
Thailand but not here.
We should take $1000 out of everyone's subsidy and pay bounties to people
who will become sterile.
Anyway, if you're out here look me up. Valerie has always wanted to be a
man and I've always wanted to be a woman so we get along good.
Bob. B.
Please, remind us to stay the hell away from Idaho! And we thought things were
getting wild down here in Boston. We hate to keep repeating ourselves, but the
church supports voluntary methods. For you folks out there in the woods, that
means no going around cutting off people's balls! You're quite right about
transgenderism being a good method of population control. The police are your
friends! Go down to the station and introduce yourself.
Dear Editor,
Oh how fabulously arsty and shocking! What radical refusal of conventional
societal constraints! The fact that you still exist is proof of your
conceptual bankruptcy. Put your shotgun where your mouth is or shut the fuck
up you Somerville BARNIES.
No offense,
O. Nenslo, professional art-fag hater
We sure are getting a lot of strange mail lately. For those of you who aren't
from Somerville, "barnie" is a term employed by the local lifers for anyone who
didn't grow up around here or doesn't belong. It's the exact opposite of a
"townie." Townies often have short hair, drive muscle cars or pickup trucks
with Marine Corps stickers, and have gum-chewing girlfriends with big hair and
lots of gold jewelry. Students are barnies by definition, as are most artists,
musicians, queers and other free-thinkers. In any case, the fact that you
still exist is proof that you should join the Church. No offense taken.
Dear Snuff It,
Firstly, lemmings do not commit mass suicide. This is a hoax apparently
created by the Walt Disney company during the 1950's. (I'm not kidding.)
This being the case, you need a new mascot. My suggestion is Dr. Edward
Teller, "Father of the H-Bomb." This moron sold Ronald Reagan on the idea of
the space based anti-missile system. What Dr. Teller neglected to do was
notice the obvious: making obsolete one weapon, the Intercontinental Ballistic
Missile (ICBM), does not end the economic, social and political forces which
lead to large scale organized warfare. The first nuke was delivered by a B-29
bomber, which an anti-missile system could not touch. Does Dr. Teller
seriously believe that everyone in the world has forgotten to how to drop bombs
out of airplanes? Of course not. He just wants to win a large-scale nuclear
war. Unfortunately, once you set fire to 500 major urban areas, you have a
nuclear winter and all human life in the northern hemisphere dies.
Perhaps Dr. Teller's motto is "Kill the Planet, Save My Ideology."
X.S.Despot
2225 Montego Dr., Lansing, MI 48912
Very good! We like the new motto, it's catchy. My personal favorite Star Wars
story is the one about Brilliant Pebbles. It turns out the code name was
completely literal! Good old uncle Ron was going to fill the stratosphere with
small rocks. It really does a number on the Evil Empire's satellites.
Unfortunately it also makes it impossible to ever launch the space shuttle
again, so NASA finally put a stop to it. Keep us abreast of Dr. Teller's
adventures, though in the meantime we'll stick with our mascot:
lemming, rodent related to the mouse. The common or brown lemming (genus
Lemmus) inhabits arctic regions of both hemispheres. The long fur is brownish,
grayish, or black throughout the year. In Scandinavia particularly, the
lemmings undertake mass migrations during periods of overpopulation and food
scarcity, swarming over land and through water, deterred by nothing, and eating
vegetation on the way. If they reach the sea before the migratory urge
subsides, they swim out until they drown.
The Illustrated Columbia Encyclopedia, 1935
Sound somehow vaguely familiar? That'll be you in ten years. Join the church
now, because later you'll be too busy drowning.
Dear Editor,
Are we being denied the right to die? Why is it so wrong to help another
person end his or her misery?
Dr. Jack Kevorkian is referred to as Dr. Death, but he describes his
methods as humane and painless. In Washington state people will be voting on
an initiative to legalize suicide in cases where the patient has six months or
less to live. If this is passed, Washington will be the first state to
legalize euthanasia. The truth is, having a terminal disease is agony. One
can fight only so long.
This is the point. To people who are suffering, Kevorkian is a savior.
Beth Heyde, Plymouth, MA
Amen to that, and soon to be Saint Kevorkian! The man is an inspiration to us
all. Suicide should be as easy as getting your teeth cleaned, and not just for
the terminally ill. Everyone has the right to die painlessly, whenever they
want. Lobby your Congressman! More money for euthanasia! Why spend it on the
military when people need to die right here at home?
Dear Editor,
Okay, on all this Ejaculation stuff: Wouldn't the world simply be a better
place if more men learned to jack off, and did this regularly instead of having
sex with women (if I follow your argument)? Therefore, since masturbation is
not procreation, masturbation should be viewed as an heroic act by the Church,
should it not? I hereby declare myself a Hero, then, for masturbating since
age 13, and using this as my sexual outlet, rather than going out of my way to
have sex with women for the past 8 years. Actually, perhaps masturbation needs
a better overall image in society at large. It's an effective method of
curbing sexual drive, and therefore prevents one from having sex with others
when done often enough, thusly slowing down the population growth rate, and the
spread of communicable diseases. Any spoo that lands outside of a human
reproductive system is heroic spoo. More people should therefore partake of
oral and anal sex exclusively, if they insist upon having a partner.
Colin S. Reid
We love it! You're a hero! Aim for the chin!
ASK CHRISSY
A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to man, nor shall a man wear a
woman's garment; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the lord.
(Deuteronomy 22:5)
Dear Chrissy,
How can I join the Church of Euthanasia? Do I have to kill myself first? What
are the rules?
-Anxious in Albany
Dear Anxious,
Joining the Church is EASY! Just wrap ten dollars in a piece of paper, pop it
in an envelope and send it to:
C.O.E., Box 261, Somerville, MA 02143
Of course you don't have to kill yourself! If you really want to, though, wait
until AFTER you've joined the church! That way, you automatically become a
saint, without any additional paperwork. The church has only one commandment,
and it is:
"Thou shalt not procreate."
This means NO BREEDING! Procreation is grounds for immediate excommunication.
Some related guidelines for good living follow:
1. Suicide is optional, but encouraged.
2. Abortion may be required to avoid procreation.
3. Cannibalism is mandatory if you insist on eating flesh.
4. Sodomy is optional, but strongly encouraged.
Note that cannibalism is limited to consumption of those ALREADY DEAD. There
is currently no shortage. Killing people for food is strictly prohibited, no
matter how hungry you are. Also note that contrary to popular belief, sodomy
is defined as any sexual act not intended for procreation. Fellatio,
cunnilingus, and anal sex are all forms of sodomy and are still illegal in many
states. Masturbation may or may not be sodomy; the jury's still out on that,
but it's okay with us, especially if you kill yourself while doing it.
Dear Chrissy,
I'd like to kill myself, but I'm not sure how. Does it matter which way I do
it? Can you come down here and help me with this? Do I have to do everything
myself?
-Overwhelmed in Orlando
Dear Overwhelmed,
Technically speaking, it doesn't matter how you do it, though some methods are
considerably more sure, painless, and neat than others. Try to be considerate
of your friends and family who will discover you afterwards. They're STILL
finding bits of Kurt Cobain's head around the house. Much as I would like to,
I can't actually provide any physical assistance; that remains illegal in both
of our states. What I can do is urge you to find a copy of Derek Humphry's
book Final Exit. He provides a wealth of handy data including contacts and
drug dosages. I'll summarize some of his most interesting recommendations:
1. Don't do anything that will endanger anyone else, including driving into
on-coming traffic or railway trains, jumping in front of cars, mixing household
chemicals to make poison gas, etc.
2. Don't take cyanide unless you're a chemist. You'll be very sorry if you
accidentally ingest hydrogen cyanide (HCN) instead of potassium cyanide (KCN).
3. Never mind what you saw in Coming Home. Injecting yourself with a syringe
full of air is much more likely to cause brain damage and paralysis than death.
4. Getting into the bathtub with your hair-dryer might not work. It depends on
your fuses, and worse, someone else might get electrocuted trying to save you.
5. Don't hang yourself without reading Naked Lunch first. It can be quite
messy and disagreeable for whoever has to cut you down. I know it looked easy
in Billy Budd, but that was a MOVIE. The British Navy also used very LONG
ropes to break the neck instantly.
6. Drowning has good points, and the colder the water, the faster it goes.
Avoid being rescued, and keep in mind that your body might turn up somewhat
chewed.
7. Freezing is even better, and quite painless. Just head for the mountains
(no, this isn't a beer advertisement) late in the day, get yourself above the
freezing line, and have a seat. Be sure to wear light (or no) clothing, and
take public transport so the Rangers don't find your car and look for you.
8. The official Hemlock Society approved method of "self-deliverance" is a
combination of taking tranquilizers and putting a plastic bag over your head.
Even if the dose isn't lethal, you asphyxiate while you're snoozing. They even
suggest a trial run! The bag should be big enough so that you start out with
some air and don't freak out right away. Use rubber bands to make the bag fit
snugly. Apparently it's easier if you open the bag, put the rubber bands on,
and then slide the whole thing onto your head like a hat. Assuming you have
access to tranquilizers, the only tricky part is deciding whether to use a
clear or opaque bag. There's one to ponder...
THE MEMORY HOLE
Who controls the past, controls the future.
Who controls the present, controls the past.
-George Orwell, 1984
If George Orwell were alive today, he would be astounded, but not by the
fact that so many of his predictions came true. The fact that there is at
least one television for every person in the United States would not surprise
him, of course. The presence of televisions in airports, rail and bus
terminals, and even subway stations would also be expected. The lack of
two-way interactive television would puzzle him, though he might correctly
assume that the technology was being developed. What would really stump him is
the total absence of coercion. "Where are the thought police?" he would ask,
confused. Nothing could possibly prepare Orwell for the enthusiasm with which
Americans embrace Big Brother. Truncheons are rarely required, and sudden
disappearances are almost unheard of. Complete, voluntary conformity to the
ideals displayed on television is observed. Instead of Double-Think, No-Think.
Instead of the Ministry of Truth, a corporate media system. Instead of the
Party, a liberal elite who actually believe that they are free. Freedom is
American, and Americans are truly free, in a limited sense, free to consume.
Human rights are reduced to freedom of choice. McDonald's and Burger King,
Nirvana and Pearl Jam, Democrats and Republicans, the choices are all without
meaning.
Why did the Soviet empire fail, while the American empire survives?
Because mind control under freedom is more efficient! There's no need to waste
money torturing dissidents. Fears of nakedness and excrement are instilled
during infancy, and are soon followed by strict gender roles. The boys
practice competition, aggression, and conquest, while the girls wear dresses
and learn to play house with dolls. The schools teach that what is
unmeasurable does not exist. Fear of the unknown becomes fear of life, and
death. The student is encouraged to regard those beneath him with contempt,
and those above him with envy; success is measured in terms of winners and
losers. Sophisticated advertising carefully reinforces the desired belief
system. "The one who dies with the most toys wins," reads a popular bumper
sticker. So long as the flow of merchandise is uninterrupted, law and order
prevail. In Orwell's world, dissent led to Room 101. In America, dissent is
merely ignored, or sold, if it's popular.
One of Orwell's great maxims was that control of the present enables
control of the past, which in turn controls the future. But here there is no
need for armies of bureaucrats revising old newspapers, adapting history to the
changing party line. In America, the present is controlled by reducing the
attention span. The invention of television wasn't enough by itself. It was
the introduction of the hand-held remote that finished the job. Before the
seventies, people had to get up from their chairs to change the channel.
Laziness was an extremely powerful deterrent. People might watch the same
channel for an hour, or more! In the age of remote control, concentration drops
steadily. The attention span of the average adult now approaches thirty
seconds, by coincidence the duration of a typical advertisement. Among
teenagers and children, attention spans reach single digits, as they become
synchronized to the pulsating hypnosis of MTV. When the attention span finally
reaches zero, there is no past, and no future, only the endless, instantaneous
gratification of the present.
Ancient military strategy says "divide and conquer." Where have humans
been more completely divided than in America? Land once occupied by the same
tribes for thousands of years is paved over, to become cities and sprawling
suburbs. How many of the inhabitants will know their neighbors? Citizenship
becomes a series of numbers in computer systems. Deaths and births are
recorded, and taxes paid, by mail. Leaders are selected anonymously, in tiny
booths, from lists of names. How many citizens know their leaders personally,
or have even met them? How can a society that never interacts be expected to
select its leaders? Youth is worshipped, and the elders, once the most
respected members of society, are banished to "nursing homes." They die
miserable deaths of loneliness and boredom, abandoned by their "families."
Wisdom cannot survive where there is no one to remember it. In the ultimate
triumph of individualism, even the family is atomized. Single mothers are
commonplace, and children are entrusted to institutions at the earliest
possible age. Americans become a nation of orphans, with no allegiance to
anything but themselves. Complete alienation makes them ruthless, and thirsty
for power. "Everybody wants to rule the world," goes the popular song.
The fourth Key of the Tarot is Heh, The Emperor. He signifies reason, and
sight. In the age of reason, technology eliminates the senses, one by one,
leaving only sight, the most detached, impersonal, "objective" sense. Smells
are eliminated with deodorants and climate control. Taste and touch turn into
commodities, to be marketed. The universal acceptance of the telephone
substitutes the disembodied voice for physical presence. The advent of
computers completes the sterilization: communication is reduced to words on a
flickering screen. To avoid misunderstandings, it becomes necessary to
introduce a system for representing sarcasm on computer networks, using
combinations of punctuation known as "smileys." In the words of computer guru
Paul Hoffman, "the Internet offers a great deal of anonymity, but weakens the
social bond between the people using it." Welcome to the so-called
"cyberfuture."
Orwell's two-way telescreens become widely available, hooked up through
telephone lines to every imaginable service. Americans no longer have to leave
their living rooms, let alone their houses. Every conceivable need is
satisfied, at the click of a mouse. Viewers are able to project themselves
into "virtual reality" and interact with their entertainment programming.
Elaborate games promote a state of permanent masturbation, in which
selfishness, domination, and violence have no consequences. For a species
without a past, there can be no consequences, no sense of responsibility.
Without continuity, and rootedness, the future makes no sense. Without hope,
humans become like a swarm of locusts, scouring the earth from their living
rooms, destroying their host. The native Americans taught that the earth does
not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. Their truths die with them, and
the world spins out of balance.
To the future or to the past, to a time when men are different from one another
and do not live alone--to a time when truth exists and what is done cannot be
undone: From the age of uniformity, from the age of solitude, from the age of
Big Brother...greetings!
THE WATER OF LIFE
The following is adapted from the pamphlet "Urine-Therapy: It May Save Your
Life." by Dr. Beatrice Bartnett.
Urine therapy is a very ancient and drugless form of intrinsic medicine.
Its application is so simple that it can be done anywhere and at any time.
Urine has been used as a healing agent in practically all civilizations and
cultures. It seemingly dies, only to reappear again time after time. Often it
is called the Water of Life, Living Water Within or simply Life Elixir. In
many religions it is believed that this water will enhance one's spiritual
growth and even give one everlasting life.
The kidney's major function is to balance all the elements in your blood.
It takes all excess amounts of vital substances out of the blood as well as
excess amounts of water. The water and these vital substances then form urine.
Urine is filled with vital elements. It is not waste. The liver
detoxifies the blood and excretes the toxins into the colon. The kidneys
balance the blood's vital substances and water level. In short, urine is
simply filtered blood. It contains in its fresh condition, only those
chemicals and compounds of the blood in circulation in each of us.
The morning urine is the richest and best urine to drink. This is
partially due to the greater level of hormonal secretion that takes place in
the late night hours when the body is totally relaxed and repairing itself.
Fortunately, Urine-Therapy is very simple in its application.
Urine-Therapy consists of two basic parts: the internal application and the
external application. Both parts complement each other and are necessary for
best results. There are many different ways of using urine. After the initial
experience one will find his or her own personal way of application. Because
urine is produced to one's needs, only your urine should be taken for internal
use.
Now, a good way to undo conditioned behavior with regard to perception of
urine is to rinse, gargle and swish with fresh urine. The flavor, consistency,
and feeling of the experience will become familiar after a while, and the
disgust to your own rich bodily fluids will be a thing of the past. Rubbing
urine into the body (fresh or stale) is also a wonderful way to become
accustomed to your living water.
If the idea of drinking one's own water is still a problem, pour a few
ounces into the morning juice. This solution should be drunk as soon as
possible, for urine breaks down very rapidly. Try to graduate from drinking
the dilution to drinking it straight. Some people prefer to take it straight,
followed by a "chaser" of pure water or some other healthy liquid.
Saying "thank you" to your body just before drinking urine will help you to
realize the value of this golden liquid. Your body produced it for you.
Celebrate life and put the urine into a beautiful wine glass. After all, it is
the most valuable water on earth.
1. Drinking. The mid stream of the first morning urine is taken. Begin with
two-three ounces and increase it to your personal, comfortable level.
2. Fasts. Fasts with urine and water are practiced for one or more days.
J.W.Armstrong, a renowned urine therapist from England, lets his patients fast
for up to 45 days. Fasts are only recommend under trained, medical
supervision.
3. Enemas. The easiest way to take an enema is with a syringe containing
two-three ounces of urine. The urine is kept in the colon for as long as
possible.
4. Gargle. Urine is kept in the mouth 20-30 minutes, or as long as possible,
for gum problems and other lesions of the mouth and tongue.
5. Douche. For any vaginal discomfort or cleansing, a solution of Golden Seal
and urine will give comfort and healing.
6. Eye and ear drops. Any pain, burning and tiredness in the eyes may get
relief with a few drops of urine placed into the eyes. The ears also benefit
greatly if receiving a few urine drops for ear pain and discomfort.
7. Urine sniffing. This is the most effective way of treatment for any sinus
congestion and upper respiratory problems.
External Application:
1. Rubbings. Urine is massaged into the body. Rubbings are usually done for
any kind of skin lesions from a simple rash to eczema and cancer. The rubbings
may last from 20 minutes to one hour in duration.
2. Foot Baths. Very effective for athlete's foot or any skin problem on the
feet.
The Coldest Air
A clod of a cock-lover
Yawns between thrusts
Pierces a dead-lover
Behind the wall of trust
Bereft of a cross
And chosen by the slain
He can't forgive a flesh-less body
Scavenging for blame
The yawning gulf
Between an orphan and an heir
Leaves the stray boys hovering
In the coldest air
Fear is the ghost
A boast between their legs
Jagged, waving hands
Reach them from the dregs
They're pumping it up in the garden of celibates
Love like barley bristling in the heat
Then a cold blast of laughter pours from a virgin
And thick, bulky boys recoil in defeat
They grope to anoint
The shadow-beast between them
But the coarse meal they share
Will never sustain them
The clod of a cock-lover
Mutters angrily
As desire exhorts
A hidden litany
He sings before
The augurs of doom
And cries out for covering
When mercy leaves the room
A bull of a man
Bows to cadavers
And thinks with a mind
Bent inward from chatter
He points his battle-flag
And his horny tongue
In the direction
Of the stiff boys he hung
Encrusted in raw flesh
And a ruffian's hustle
Love gathers dust
Flexing hopeless muscle
-Raven Drake
HATE TO SAY WE TOLD YOU SO, BUT...
Report sees rising population
leading to global food shortage
WASHINGTON - Massive food shortages will develop over the next 40 years as
a population explosion outstrips the world's food supply, researchers reported
yesterday.
"Science and technology can no longer ensure a better future unless
population growth slows quickly," said a report compiled by the environmental
research institute Worldwatch. "Food supply is the most immediate constraint
on the Earth's population carrying capacity."
Projections of current trends indicate the world's population could expand
from today's 5.5 billion [try 5.7 billion. -Ed.] and reach 10 billion to 14
billion by 2050. The biggest increases are expected in some of the poorest
areas, such as Africa and southern Asia.
Worldwatch's Full House report, released yesterday, predicted population at
8.9 billion by 2030. [more like 8 billion by 2020, but close enough. -Ed.]
At that level, the projected yearly grain supply will amount to 528 pounds
per person, the report said. That is a quarter of what the average American
now uses and just 20 percent above consumption in India, one of the worlds
poorest countries.
The UN Population fund, responsible for family planning, unveiled a
proposal in April to try to stabilize world population at 7.8 billion by 2050.
But food supplies will be too short to feed the world even if that goal is
reached, said Lester R. Brown, co-author of the Worldwatch study, which was
prepared in anticipation of next month's UN Population Conference in Cairo.
The institute told of failed attempts to increase rice production and fish
catches - illustrating that new technology cannot be counted on for
breakthroughs.
After decades of steady growth, world farm production will no longer be
able to keep up with the increasing demand, the study predicted.
The Washington-based Institute's pessimistic forecast on the limits of food
supply is not shared by world farm bodies. [i.e. transnational corporations,
big surprise! -Ed.]
Brown dismissed their projections as based only on past trends, and not
applicable in the future.
They failed to take into account factors such as the loss of cropland to
urbanization or reports that increased use of fertilizer no longer brings much
more production, he added.
Worldwatch said grain production increased from 631 million tons in 1950 to
1.6 billion tons in 1984, or 3 percent a year. Growth in the last decade was
just 1 percent a year, and Worldwatch predicted it would continue to slow, with
production leveling off at 2.1 billion tons in 2030. [The population is
increasing by 1.6 percent a year! Hello? -Ed.]
-excerpted from AP, August 14
World's seas are fished to
the limit, study finds
WASHINGTON - The oceans have been fished nearly to the limits, after
decades of fishermen using bigger boats and more advanced hunting technologies,
according to a report released yesterday.
"Although worldwide environmental degradation of the oceans contribute to
the decline of marine life, overfishing is the primary cause of dwindling fish
populations," said the report, which was issued by the nonprofit Worldwatch
Institute. A 5 percent decline in the worldwide catch since 1989 is due
largely to more people fishing in large-scale, industrial operations, often in
waters that are becoming more polluted, the report said.
Meanwhile, world population is growing at 1.6 percent annually, equivalent
to the population of Mexico being added to the world each year, the report
said.
"This ... has already caused armed confrontations between fishing nations,
gunfire between fishers and hunger in the developing world," said Peter Weber,
author of the report, "Net Loss: Fish, Jobs and the Marine Environment."
The total catch has shrunk by more than 30 percent in four of the
hardest-hit areas - the Pacific's east-central region and the Atlantic's
northwest, west-central and southeast sectors.
-excerpted from AP, July 24
2 billion more Third World
people predicted by 2030
WASHINGTON - By the year 2030, the world will have nearly 3 billion more
people than now, [actually 3.6 billion. -Ed.] 2 billion of them in countries
where the average person earns less than $2 a day, the World Bank predicts in
its latest report.
It estimates that the global figure will reach 8,474,017,000, compared with
5,692,210,000 in 1995.
People will live longer, too. The average African baby born today can
expect to live to age 54; one born in 2030 in Africa should have 63 years ahead
of it. [Not bloody likely! -Ed.]
By 2030, the bank says, Africa will grow from 720 million to 1.6 billion.
"Who will feed and house these people?" the bank president, Lewis T.
Preston, asked in a statement. The bank is the largest source of aid loans to
the Third World, many of them for houses, schools and public services.
-excerpted from AP, August 4
Bullshit! The World Bank spent the last twenty years destroying sustainable
agriculture all over the world. Countries that can barely feed themselves are
forced to grow export crops and import our manufactured crap in return. The
"loans" go straight into the pockets of the local CIA-trained dictators so that
giant corporations can come in and buy up all the land. The "peasants" get
kicked off the land they've lived on for generations, but that's okay because
they make good slave labor. American livestock get fat on imported grain while
the "third world" starves. Delicious hamburger! Pass the ketchup! The World
Bank also arranges for toxic heavy industries to relocate to places where there
aren't any environmental laws. Isn't that nice? Fuck the World Bank! They
suck!
Senate OK's $12.5b in funds
for schools, antigay plan
WASHINGTON - The Senate adopted a $12.5 billion school funding bill
yesterday, but an antigay provision almost guarantees a continuing debate
before the legislation becomes law.
The Elementary and Secondary Education Act was approved, 94-6, after almost
three days of sometimes contentious debate that saw inclusion of an amendment
that would cut federal funds to school districts that teach acceptance of
homosexuality.
"This legislation represents another main part of our efforts in this
Congress to improve American education," Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, chairman of
the Senate Labor and Human Resources Committee, said after the vote.
Schools that distribute instructional materials or offer counseling
services portraying homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle or that refer
students to gay organizations for counseling could lose their federal funds
under the provision.
-excerpted from AP, August 3
This kind of shit makes me sick to my stomach. The population is increasing by
a million people every four days and these morons want to close down schools
that help queers. People wonder why I support human extinction. We should
worship queers! At least they don't reproduce! Hello? Senator Kennedy? SAVE
THE PLANET! KILL YOURSELF!
"The Being" sighted on the Boston Common
In case you weren't there, September 10 was Population Awareness Day on the
Boston Common. A variety of "politically correct" organizations including Zero
Population Growth, the Seirra Club, Cleanwater Action, and Mass Choice were
sitting at tables around the fountain near Park Street quietly minding their
own business, when who should show up but the Church of Euthanasia! Rev. Chris
Korda led the way in a very nice flower print number, carrying a stick topped
by a bloody carnivorous baby. She was followed by a dozen church members,
including such notables as Noise editor T-Max, clad in black "Save The Planet
Kill Yourself" T-shirts and swinging smoking incense stenchers. The alien
intelligence known only as "The Being" also made a rare appearance for this
gala event. It moved quite slowly, apparently unused to Earth's gravity, and
was shielded from harmful negative energy by a 100 foot long strip of white
fabric carried by church members. The organizers stood transfixed in horror as
the group circled the fountain twice, chanting and rolling a giant RU-486 pill.
The group then formed a protective circle around "The Being," while Rev. Korda
and Pastor Scott engaged in a simultaneous reading of population-related facts,
including "Production of excrement by U.S. human population: 12,000 pounds per
second! Production of excrement by U.S. livestock: 250,000 pounds per second!"
The crowd reacted with a mixture of confusion and rage, and a climax was
reached when the group, in an effort to get their point across, began chanting
"Kill the planet! Save yourself!" After an hour or so, the organizers forced
Park Ranger Doherty to politely move the Church elsewhere. None of the
organizers we interviewed would admit to kicking the church out, though Mark
Rogers of ZPG was quoted as saying "I was disgusted with it. After some
time...people there asked them leave."
INTERVIEW WITH SEBASTIAN
The following interview was recently conducted by Pastor Scott with Sebastian,
an active member of the Church of Euthanasia's Youth Outreach Program (YOG).
PS: Sebastian, just how did you become a member of the Church of Euthanasia?
Sebastian: I was sitting at the epicenter of the Zero Population Growth Rally
on the Boston Common. It was dull. I was leaning against the fountain when I
saw these two guys walk by with tee-shirts that read "Save the Planet. Kill
Yourself." On the back it read "Church of Euthanasia. Suicide, Abortion,
Cannibalism, Sodomy." It was the first and only thing I saw at the rally that
day that made any sense. I yelled out, "Hey, you guys with the Church of
Euthanasia?" It was you and Pastor Kim, but it was Pastor Kim that smiled in
that overzealous way of his, you know, and said, "follow us." So I did. It
was cool.
PS: So, you felt an immediate kinship with the church?
Sebastian: Oh, yeah. I joined up right away. Within a half an hour after
that I was walking along side the rest of the church members when we crashed
the rally, with this ten foot tall alien, swinging incense burners smoking up
this terrific haze, a fifty pound RU-486 pill made out of a cable spool, and
this hundred-foot long banner which said absolutely nothing. It didn't have
to. The point must have been clear to everyone there: the organizers, the
participants, the rangers. Even the tourists were snapping photos. I think it
was the director of the rally that made the loudest snap. He looked like he
was having some kind of seizure. It was cool.
PS: What do you do when you're not involved in Church functions?
Sebastian: The night before I met you guys I fell asleep down at the
waterfront after drinking a bottle of vodka. I couldn't feel my right arm
after that. It was totally numb for maybe 24 hours. When I first met you guys
I was reading the Satanic Bible.
PS: So, how has the Church of Euthanasia changed your life?
Sebastian: That's the best part. It hasn't. When I need money I usually head
down to the armory across from Park Plaza. Old guys drive up in white Coup de
Villes. Actually the car doesn't make that much of a difference. The larger
cars just mean we have more room, if we don't go to a motel room. They're not
going to take me back to their homes. These guys have families. The younger
guys get their action out of the bars. But tonight I'm going to spend some
time with my boyfriend and some cocaine. It'll be cool.
PS: So you're the troubled youth we've heard so much about?
Sebastian: Who? Who's heard about me?
PS: Time, Newsweek, Mike Barnicle.
Sebastian: Oh yeah, that's me, I am America's troubled youth. I like the
Church because it's helped me to clarify my own beliefs. I don't like
legalistic or dogmatic religious hierarchies. The primary dictate of the
satanic lifestyle is do what thou wilt. That's cool. It's got this certain
appeal for me. I plan to die by the time I'm twenty. I'm going to take myself
out on Hemlock and morphine. With the right mix it's going to be the Hemlock
that'll kill me, and not the morphine. I want to be lucid all the way through.
I want to see what I'm getting into, and I want it to be too late to turn
around when I do. It'll be cool.
PS: So how do you plan to spend your life until your death?
Sebastian: The Socratic cocktail is only the final act. I'm killing myself
now. I have no possessions that I couldn't give away in a heartbeat. I'm
indulging in total excess. The spiritual waters are poisoned, and I'm drinking
freely. So, I'm expending myself while the world gets eaten. I'd rather be in
the street eating human flesh than devouring the continents from my living
room. I prefer direct experience. So, I feel pretty good about my own death.
If I lived an extra ten years, I'd probably lose faith and end up dying with
the planet, mourning everyone's death including my own. Too bad I have to miss
it; mass-extinction of humans, that'll be cool.
PS: You seem pretty convinced that the world is going downhill.
Sebastian: I don't have to be. I used to just show up at funerals. I've
probably been to a hundred. I just mingle in with the crowd and the family
members. A lot of times I get the feeling that the people there feel guilty
for how they treated the guest of honor. When I go on the endangered species
list it'll be the same way. It'll be cool.
PS: What's your favorite movie?
Sebastian: Harold and Maud.
PS: I had a feeling. You seem very articulate. How old are you?
Sebastian: Fourteen.
PS: Do you shave yet?
Sebastian: No, not yet. Shaving will be cool.
DADA ON THE INTERNET
On Saturday, September 10, the Church of Euthanasia sent out 17,553 Save The
Planet Kill Yourself e-mail messages on the Internet. Individuals around the
world were exposed to pure Dada. Many of them joined the church immediately.
During the following week, controversy raged on the Internet. Issue #1 of
Snuff It was widely disseminated, and on Sunday the 18th, the church's first
e-sermon was delivered.
Greetings, and welcome to the Church of Euthanasia. Hopefully almost all
of you have received issue number one of our journal by now. I am sure that
many questions still remain, and I'll try to address the most popular ones,
which are how, and why.
How did we find you? A detailed explanation would not be appropriate here,
but suffice it to say that all of you have posted to one or more of the same
newsgroups over the last month or so. These newsgroups were carefully chosen
for their degree of intersection with the core principles of the church. We
knew that many would react negatively to our methods, but felt this was
outweighed by the need to make a widespread, immediate impact.
Why did we do this? As many of you are no doubt aware, the population
summit concluded this week in Cairo. If you have been following it in the
papers, you will know that almost nothing of any substance was accomplished.
Most of the conference was devoted to an acrimonious battle with the new
Vatican-Muslim alliance over whether the various charters that were signed
could contain the words "abortion" and "contraception."
Meanwhile, entire nations are starving to death, while Americans watch it
on television. Almost every day for the last month there has been at least one
article in the Boston Globe about overpopulation. Many of them have stated
clearly that the population is expected to double in twenty years. This news
might as well be on the sports page; the spectacle continues without
interruption.
The turbines still spin, the oil is still sucked out of the earth, the cars
and trucks still poison the air. The consumers still stand in line in
supermarkets to buy food wrapped in plastic. The ideals displayed on American
television still dominate the daily lives of billions of human beings. What
will man do when even the bottled water is poisonous? What will he do when the
air makes him sick, and the sun is so strong he can't go outside anymore?
The planet is a living being, and quite capable of self-defense. If the
two-leggeds cannot control their numbers, she will do it for them, and her
measures will be harsh. Read the Hopi prophecies. Many of them have already
come true. Now is the time of "koyaanisqatsi," or "life out of balance."
The Internet is the backbone of the so-called "cyberculture," an impossible
vision of the future in which men "rule" the Earth through machines. It is for
this reason most of all that we felt it so important to target the Internet.
Messages were delivered to the Whitehouse, to heads of corporations, to
high-ranking members of the military, to scientists, professors, and just
regular folks. Needless to say, many of the recipients are upset. This is a
regrettable, but necessary consequence of any Dada action.
Dada turns people upside down, by temporarily destroying one or more of
their everyday assumptions. The suspension of "normal" assumptions allows
messages that would ordinarily be screened out to penetrate, even if only for a
short time. The method is unpleasant, but highly effective when dealing with
strong indoctrination such as that provided by television programming, or
university education, for example. Internet users are by in large highly
educated members of the elite, and therefore very likely to be indoctrinated.
The Internet is far more than a communication system, a web of wires and
computers: the Internet is a set of assumptions, based on the specific
world-view of its creators. Who are these creators, and what is their
world-view? The Internet depends directly on the institutions of the consumer
culture, including the federal government, the military, and the universities
and corporations that cooperate with them. Let us not forget that the Internet
has its roots in ARPAnet (the Department of "Defense") and NSFnet (the National
"Science" Foundation). The Defenders of Science. Why are they defending
science? Who are they defending it from?
They are defending it from us, my friends, from the Church of Euthanasia
and many other groups like us who oppose their senseless war with our Mother
the Earth. Their schools teach that what cannot be measured, does not exist.
This is Empiricism, the foundation of the Spectacle, the principle that
Socrates died for. Their leaders say that everyone is entitled to as much as
they want, of whatever they want, if they have the money to buy it. This is
the American Way, of life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness for the
violent and ruthless. Their elites are determined to fight to the bitter end
for their world-view. Their God is Moloch, who eats his children, leaving only
filth, solitude, and ugliness. In the words of the Cree People:
Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realize that money cannot be eaten.
Let us pray.
Spirits of the four directions, East, South, West, and North,
Powers of the Elements, Air, Fire, Water, and Earth,
Wheel of the seasons, Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter,
Be here now, as we invoke this sacred space,
And for a moment in time, free ourselves from all limitations, From all
delusions of separateness.
Be here now, and help us, to draw our spirits down
From the lonely flights of the ego, into our bodies,
And let us be filled with the joy of your limitless light,
Beyond the bounds of time,
Where night and day,
Birth and death,
Joy and sorrow,
Meet as one.
CONFESSIONS OF A HERETIC
Are you really serious? Kill ourselves and our children and each other in
order to reduce the population? So that WHO can remain to enjoy the Earth, the
only life given to us? Perhaps I am selfish, but I do not want to die until I
really HAVE to. I kind of enjoy being alive, you know? If I am correct, then
if I kill myself, then I will be dead, forever. I think your approach to the
overpopulation problem is sick and evil. Did you ever think that maybe slowing
down the rate at which we multiply might help? This is, statistically
speaking, happening in North America right now. Due to the evils of Economy,
most people can't afford to have more than one or two children. Fifty years
ago, their parents were having four children. Fifty years before that, eight
to ten children. These days most people don't even wish to reproduce. Nothing
wrong with that. Perhaps it would be a good idea to force people to sterilize
themselves after they have their second child. 2 people have 2 children, later
on, the net result is Zero Growth. This might even work or something, and it
is much less grim than what you propose. Where in the world is the highest
population growth rate? Try the very areas of the planet where people are
starving to death and fighting over who rules plot X in area Y, and I'd say
you'd be right on the money. These people have no food, live in the worst
possible conditions imaginable, and here they are irresponsibly reproducing
like rabbits. What the hell can we do about THEM? Not a damn thing. Suppose
I actually take you seriously and believe you really do believe in suicide and
the rest. Then, by extension, I would assume that all those members of your
Church believe in it also. Okay, here's the part I don't get: you believe in
suicide as the solution, yet you're all still alive. The way I see it, if you
were REALLY serious, you would pass on word of your grand solution, then
promptly kill yourself. But you're still here, so you're hypocritical, just
like all the people you say you're against. See you in Hell. Oops, I forgot,
there IS no afterlife. Seriously. Why would someone such as myself who
believes that this is the only life I get want to do myself in? The illogic is
astounding. Bye.
-Colin S. Reid's evil twin "Sodhead"
Dear Sodhead,
Yes, we are serious. Americans have been insulated from the tremendous
suffering their world-view has caused. In the very near future, Americans will
be getting a taste of their own medicine, and they'll be wishing they had
followed our advice. By the way, we never said anything about killing children
or each other. That's homicide, not suicide.
>Did you ever think that maybe slowing down the rate at which we multiply might
>help? This is, statistically speaking, happening in North America right now.
The Church has only one commandment, and it is: THOU SHALT NOT PROCREATE.
This doesn't help us much in America, however, since "the average American
consumes roughly 100 times the resources of one tribeswoman in Kenya, and about
ten times as much as the average world citizen." (Harvard zoologist E.O.Wilson)
>Perhaps I am selfish, but I do not want to die until I really HAVE to.
Yes, you are selfish, but at least you know it. There is hope.
>Perhaps it would be a good idea to force people to sterilize themselves after
>they have their second child.
The Church of Euthanasia is opposed to all INVOLUNTARY methods of population
reduction, including forced sterilization.
>Where in the world is the highest population growth rate? Try the very areas
>of the planet where people are starving to death and fighting . . .
The reason the birth rates are so high in the so-called "third-world" is
because the industrial nations, particularly the United States, have squeezed
everything of value out of those countries for hundreds of years. Birth rates
are directly related to life expectancy. When animals feel threatened, they
breed more, in an effort to increase their chances of survival. What we can do
about "THEM" is either (a) reduce the amount of resources we consume, or (b)
reduce our population. The Church supports BOTH of these options. I suggest
you start feeling some PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for the fact that "these people"
have no food and live in the worst conditions imaginable. You could start by
becoming a vegetarian, for example.
>The way I see it, if you were REALLY serious, you would pass on word of your
>grand solution, then promptly kill yourself.
Just because I haven't done it yet doesn't mean I'm not serious! Besides, what
makes you think your SELF is so important? Kill it! You'll be much better off
without it! The sooner human beings start behaving like a SPECIES, the sooner
we can get beyond all these drastic solutions. Maybe if enough people change
their world-views, I won't NEED to kill myself!
>Oops, I forgot, there IS no afterlife. Seriously. Why would someone such as
>myself who believes that this is the only life I get want to do myself in?
That is the root of the problem, right there. As long as you believe you are
alone in the universe and that death is final, you will be part of the problem.
Forget it! Let go of all that rationalist, existential crap! Fuck Plato and
Aristotle and Hume and Kant and Freud and Francis Bacon! Go read the Hopi
propehecies! The earth is a LIVING BEING! Get down on your knees! Pray to
the Earth Mother! Pray to your dung! Thou art that! Hallelujah!
-Rev. Chris Korda
THIS OLD CERVIX
Sister Catherine
No breeding. If I have to explain this concept to another friend or relative I
will vomit. I have been attacked by my breeding cousin. I have even been
attacked by my gay friends, individuals who agree with the pillars of the
church, but not the commandment. The thought of bringing another human life
into existence to feed from the earth terrifies me. The condition and quality
of life on this planet should convince anyone that procreation is a bad idea.
Pregnant women should be racing to the abortion clinic, or even better, to the
pharmacy for an RU-486 pill. No such luck. Many believe that it's okay for
some of us to have children, and that America should impose birth regulations
(mass sterilization, forced contraception) on welfare and low-income families
and poverty-stricken nations. Wrong! Americans should reduce their
population, because they consume so much more than everyone else! Why is this
so difficult to understand?
When people try to defend their reasons for becoming parents, the hypocrisy and
absurdity are most interesting. Babies and children are one of the largest
consumer groups in America. Diapers, formulas, toys, and children's clothes
flood the malls and advertising. Children's books and television programs like
Barney and Sesame Street are huge industries. Raising a child in typical
American-dream fashion requires a fortune in resources, and the results are
ghastly. The children become competitive and greedy; as adults they are
selfish, unhappy workers trying to keep up with the Jones's. Few enough adults
manage to climb out of the cesspool of western consumer society. Children are
unable to save themselves; they must be protected from the American world-view
and guided into a balanced relationship with the earth.
Animals learn by example. They watch and assimilate the behavior of their
parents. People also learn by example. They watch and assimilate the behavior
of their televisions. Each person who refuses to create more consumers sets an
alternative example. If the planet is going to survive, it needs a chance to
heal, to recover from the damage we have caused. The most important action any
one individual can take to help save the planet is to stop breeding.
CROSS-DRESSINGS FOR A CANNIBALIZED GOD
Raven Drake
To Dress means 1) to clothe and adorn 2) to strip, whip, and scold, hence
to redress: to strike a balance, make equal; share and share alike - (humans
striking a balance with the earth; men sharing duties, tasks and clothes with
women, etc.) "atonement" 3) to garnish food 4) to heal or bandage wounds 5) all
of the above...
The transfer of "god-power"/"soul-substance" through devouring the body and
the blood of the god-victim is alive and well in the Christian rite of
transubstantiation. Christians claim by this doctrine that the bread and wine
of the eucharist is entirely transformed into Jesus's flesh and blood. The
martyred Christ repeated the claim: "Who so eateth my flesh and drinketh my
blood hath eternal life." Like the Greek god Dionysus, god of wine, ecstacy
and madness, Jesus had the role of the dismembered divine son-lover who suffers
death and is resurrected. Dionysus, not unlike Jesus, was described as
"man-womanish" and called "the womanly one[1]."
In order to be "born again," something he hysterically longed for yet
dreaded, the long-haired Jesus had to "get inside" the earth mother's unclean
body via the torture cross (both Bride-escort and phallic bridge to the heavens
and the underworld) which was constructed from the tree of the Knowledge of
Good and Evil, the ultimate symbol of the transgendered trickster's treacherous
truth. Once eaten by "Terra Mata[2]" or nailed to her tree, he was resurrected
soon after. Obviously the Crucifixion represented a kind of "male
menstruation" through ritual castration, a sort of sadomasochistic "love-death
orgy," or more specifically the sacred hex necessarily put on all
hermaphroditic or transexed gods.
In regard to such nasty "habits" as eating and giving birth, we can't make
too much of a distinction between the reproductive and digestive systems of
either "Terra Mata" or the transgendered god because in this case
"reproduction" occurs through a kind of reincarnational "death into life"
magic. From tomb to womb and back again, it is more aptly called
"cannibalistic engulfment," and it brings to mind the "Medusa-like" Hag Queen
from India known as Kali, who squats over her dead/dying lover Shiva and
devours his phallus and entrails with her Vagina Dentata[3].
One of the major reasons why men often fear abortion so much, the Vagina
Dentata represents the end of male mono-gender mating and of course the end of
the false Christian trinity of Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Lacking vaginas,
many gods gave birth through their mouths, or from their heads, thighs, ears,
or armpits. Some even managed to become pregnant by eating a rival's penis.
Men wanted to preserve at any price the notion that a male could give birth
without the need of a woman. Since a man's semen conveyed his soul to a fetus,
if the fetus were destroyed then surely the man himself would suffer spiritual
injury, hence he outlawed abortion, not because it was dangerous to women, but
because it was thought dangerous to men. This is a symptom of the famous
"fetal identification syndrome," the masculine identification with fetal tissue
resulting from male dread that men "live" by connecting themselves to women,
and to "Mother Earth" as forever fetal/fatal inhabitors, possessors, and
parasites.
"Terra Mata" however is a law unto herself! She represents the planet's
ecosystem in perfect harmony, and if she has to harm in order to harmonize - so
be it! She coordinates a web of relationships that at times may be hostile,
but they are also essentially complimentary. Her cannibalized transgendered
gods and aborted children share the same destiny as all living creatures. A
voracious, unbiased womb-mouth feeding upon old forms and giving life to new
forms, she went to war with and made love to all the "hunted hunters" and
"overpopulating consumers" - Those humans who arrogantly take more than she can
give. She is an ecologically conscientious Cannibal Queen who not unlike
Nemesis, the Retributive Avenger, demands reciprocal exchange between herself
and those who inhabit her body. She will maintain this life/death balance at
all costs!
1 Yahweh/Jehovah/Jesus originally meant Hovah/Hawwah - "Mother of all Living."
Her name implied cosmic laughter and the incomprehensible speech of the sacred
trickster, but invoked the ultimate question/cause, "How?" implying there is an
undecodable method to her madness.
2 Mother Earth.
3 [Pussy teeth. Ed.]
HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY
If you live in America and you haven't read Howard Zinn's incredible book A
People's History of the United States, you should do so immediately. He starts
out with one of my all-time favorite quotes, from Columbus's journal:
As soon as I arrived in the Indies, on the first Island which I found, I took
some of the natives by force in order that they might learn and might give me
information of whatever there is in these parts.
Columbus didn't waste any time! Where's the damn GOLD? No wonder he's such a
big hero! I wonder what the natives learned? Maybe how to lick boots, or kill
themselves...
They . . . brought us parrots and balls of cotton and spears and many other
things, which they exchanged for the glass beads and hawk's bells. They
willingly traded everything they owned. . . . They were well-built, with good
bodies and handsome features. . . .They do not bear arms, and do not know them,
for I showed them a sword, they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of
ignorance. They have no iron. Their spears are made of cane. . . . They would
make fine servants. . . . With fifty men we could subjugate them all and make
them do whatever we want.
What a MAN! He gets me all excited when he talks like that! Apparently the
Spaniards got tired of walking after a while, "and rode on the back of Indians
if they were in a hurry." They were also fond "of knifing them by tens and
twenties and of cutting slices off them to test the sharpness of their blades."
Now, from his base on Haiti, Columbus sent expedition after expedition into the
interior. They found no gold fields, but had to fill up the ships returning to
Spain with some kind of dividend. In the year 1495, they went on a great slave
raid, rounded up fifteen hundred Arawak men, women and children, put them in
pens guarded by Spaniards and dogs, then picked the five hundred best specimens
to load onto ships. Of those five hundred, two hundred died on route. The
rest arrived alive in Spain and were put up for sale by the archdeacon of the
town, who reported that, although the slaves were "naked as the day they were
born," they showed "no more embarrassment than animals." Columbus later wrote:
"Let us in the name of the Holy Trinity go on sending all the slaves that can
be sold."
In God we trust! How come I don't remember reading any of this in grammar
school? I must have been sick that day...
But too many of the slaves died in captivity. And so Columbus, desperate to
pay back dividends to those who had invested, had to make good on his promise
to fill the ships with gold. In the province of Cicao on Haiti, where he and
his men imagined huge gold fields to exist, they ordered all persons fourteen
years or older to collect a certain amount of gold every three months. When
they brought it, they were given copper tokens to hang around their necks.
Indians found without a copper token had their hands cut off and bled to death.
After all the natives were dead, African slaves were imported, but that's
another story. Isn't it great to be an American?
Sleep Is Practice
Morning vigor
Sun rose, birds sung
Afternoon more serious
Work, love, and devour
Evening contemplative
Considerate, reflective, and wise
Night tired, sleep desire
Palliative escape into nothing
My last day will end in sleep
Quiet reward for a busy life
-Pastor Kim
Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Jerry Colantonio (A.K.A. Jerry Cole), last
seen driving a yellow cab on Jersey Street near Fenway Park roughly fifteen
years ago, please contact the Editor.
SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT! fiction, non-fiction, poetry and artwork.
Submissions will not be returned unless accompanied by a suitable return
envelope and postage. Next issue: TRANSSEXUAL SODOMY!
SNUFF IT is the more or less quarterly publication of the Church of Euthanasia,
a not-for-profit corporation chartered in the state of Delaware.
editor: Rev. Chris Korda
postal: C.O.E., Box 261, Somerville, MA 02143
e-mail: coe@netcom.com
ftp: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Snuffit
gopher: gopher.etext.org Zines/Snuffit
www: http://paranoia.com/other/
THANKS to Donald, Kim, Scott, Jennifer, Laura, Raven, Sterling, Kev-man,
Andy-man, T Max, Izzy, Kim G., Kevin V., Bobbi, Sebastian, and especially
Catherine and DANE for making this issue possible. Raise your hand if you
drink BOTTLED WATER! Where does it come from? France?
NOTE that while the on-line and printed versions of Snuff It are identical in
terms of text, the printed version contains many photographs and graphic images
that cannot be included here. If you wish to order the printed version, please
consult the following catalog. Many thanks to Rita Rouvalis and Paul
Southworth at the etext archives, Jerod Pore at Factsheet Five,
and KevinTx at paranoia.
THE CHURCH OF EUTHANASIA
PO BOX 261, SOMERVILLE, MA 02143
STPBS The original SAVE THE PLANET, KILL YOURSELF bumper sticker! We've sold
over 20,000 of these damn things! White letters on black vinyl, 3" x 10", now
available at your nearest Spencer Gifts, or from us, $1 each, or 75 each for
twenty and up, 50 each for 100 and up, for a thousand or more please contact
us!
EPNAS New! New! New! The long-awaited EAT PEOPLE, NOT ANIMALS bumper
sticker (not shown). Same style as STPBS, white letters on black vinyl, 3" x
10", $1 each, or 75 each for twenty and up, etc.
STPIB The international SAVE THE PLANET, KILL YOURSELF bumper sticker, easily
understood in any language, red and black on white vinyl, 3" x 5", $1 each, or
75 each for twenty and up, etc.
STP12 We're down to our last few of these! SAVE THE PLANET, KILL YOURSELF,
the incredible hit from the Church of Euthanasia on KEVORKIAN RECORDS! Rev.
Korda receives regular communications from the "Being." The messages arrive
via psychic channelling, or "demons in her head." The Being is a powerful
alien intelligence who speaks for the inhabitants of Earth in other dimensions.
Move to the throbbing techno/trance beat while absorbing their hypnotic
suggestions. Be part of the solution! On 12" vinyl, $6 each.
DEMCD Rev. Korda's DEMONS IN MY HEAD is in a category by itself, according to
Brett Milano of the Boston Phoenix. Subtitled "An Environmental Punishment in
D Minor," this forty-four minute one-track soundscape will permanently affect
your subconscious mind. Dante's Inferno pales by comparison. Right up there
with Eraserhead. On CD only, $10 each, or $7.50 each for ten and up.
KEVTS Be the envy of all your friends! Wear a KEVORKIAN RECORDS T-shirt!
This elegant shirt features the international SAVE THE PLANET, KILL YOURSELF
symbols. You'll attract attention in any country. White ink on black 100%
cotton T-shirt. Specify L or XL. $10 each, limited edition, so hurry!
COETS The official CHURCH OF EUTHANASIA T-shirt! We are truly blessed! It
says SAVE THE DEMCP A gorgeous 11" x 14" color poster of that creepy DEMONS IN
MY HEAD cover. A collector's item. Get them while they last. $3 each.
JESPS "Jesus died for our sins, and so should you." An 11" x 15" black and
white poster that graphically depicts the Four Pillars of the church, with
Jesus crucified above them. $2 each.
SNFYR A subscription to SNUFF IT, the quarterly magazine of the Church of
Euthanasia. Disgusting. A must. Only $10 for six issues, and you
automatically become a card-carrying member of the church! Includes lovely
stamped membership certificate, suitable for framing. Sample issue 2$. BACK
ISSUES of Snuff It #1 are still available for $2, but quantities are LIMITED so
hurry!
ORDERING INFORMATION:
These prices are dated October 1994. We reserve the right to change these
prices at any time. All prices include postage and handling. Please include
your address and PHONE NUMBER so we can reach you if there is a problem. Write
neatly, and use item codes when ordering. PLEASE make checks payable to THE
CHURCH OF EUTHANASIA. Cash is OK for orders under $5, but please wrap it
securely to avoid postal theft. We are NOT responsible for any damage
resulting from exposure to these products.