💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › fun › eclair.txt captured on 2023-11-14 at 09:40:23.

View Raw

More Information

⬅️ Previous capture (2023-06-14)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-



Lotus  Eclair - Too Fat To Race
            

      Most Lotus enthusiasts are aware that the 1970's Elite 
took its name from the original Elite of the late 1950's, but
not many realise that the Eclat derives it's name from a much 
earlier model - the Lotus Eclair.
   
      The exact origin of this tasteful little sports racer is 
unknown. Thought to originate from the Betty Crocker design 
school, several rather advanced features were included: The 
yeast-west mounted engine, rack and rolling-pin steering and 
coil-over choc absorbers made the Eclair a very popular little 
number in its day.
   
      The road version of the car had a beautifully flexible 
little ohc (over-head cream) 600 mil engine developing a 
whopping 215 calories, while the works race version had double 
overhead cream and an even greater 250 calories (one  problem 
being that it tended to run a bit rich.)
   
      One particularly notable example was quite successfully 
raced by the great Gordon Bleu. He put alcohol in the mixture 
for an even more potent result, but it also made the vehicle 
less predictable. (A large squirt away from the line and the 
wee Lotus simply did donuts.) Bleu's first attempt at racing 
was abysmal - well into the race he overcooked it and had a 
massive melt-down. He was lucky to escape with only burnt 
fingers. 
   
      The second time out, however, things began to go right. 
It was the Meal Miglia and weather conditions were not favourable
(the Lotus may have been superb in the dry, but in the rain it 
handled like a wet sponge), but in spite of severe icing Bleu 
fought on and successfully creamed the opposition.    
      
      Unfortunately from there it was all down-hill. Gordon 
desserted Team Lotus and claimed he could privately eat anything 
that would care to take him on. This he did, and was several 
times disqualified for breaking weight restrictions.
   
      With the demise of Gordon Bleu's racing career the little 
Eclair, sadly, was doomed and the model that we photographed is 
thought to be the only one left. (The rest having decayed or 
been eaten away.) Restoration is not really a practical 
proposition, so the only hope is that another well preserved 
specimen  may surface.
   
      Until then we are very grateful that we were able to get 
a taste of such  a car, magnificent with its cream stripe and 
real chocolate upholstery.
   
Technical Data:
Make:         Lotus                   Price:       $3.95
Model:        Eclair                  Engine:      SOHC 600 mil
Body type:    Choux Monocoque         Output:      215 calories
Steering:     Rack & Rolling Pin
Suspension:   Gas Shocks at rear (caused by too much alcohol)
Max Speed:    Over 200 mph (Air New Zealand in flight catering)
Standing 1/4: 1 min 15 secs (with fruit & causing indigestion)
Sitting 1/4:  2 min 45 secs (Ahh - much more comfortable, thanks)
0-60 mph:     6.7 secs (Balanced on lap whilst driving a Europa)
       
                                                     Phil Quagg.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Donated by Phil Quagg for the library of:
The Banana Republic BBS & El Presidente (Sysop)... Thanks Phil!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------