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Butchering the Human Carcass
The Church of Euthanasia
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BUTCHERING THE HUMAN CARCASS FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION
by Bob Arson
This is a step-by-step guide on how to break down the human body from
the full figure into serviceable choice cuts of meat. As in any field,
there are a number of methods to the practice, and you may wish to
view this as a set of suggestions rather than concrete rules. You will
notice that the carving of the larger or "commercial" cuts down into
smaller specific or "retail" cuts will be only mentioned in passing,
and not concentrated upon. Also, the use of human fat and viscera is
generally avoided, and left only to the most experimental chef. These
choices, along with recipes and serving suggestions, are nearly
infinite in variety, and we leave them to you. We've found these
guidelines to be simple and functional, but recognize that there is
always room for improvement and we welcome your suggestions.
Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned that the
complete rendering of the human carcass requires a fairly large amount
of time, effort, and space. If the consumer does not wish to go
through the ordeal of processing and storing the bulk of the entire
animal, an easy alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one or
both legs at the points directly below the groin and a few inches
above the knee. Once skinned, these portions may then be cut into
round steaks of the carver's preferred thickness, cut into fillets,
deboned for a roast, etc. Meat for several meals is thus readily
obtained without the need for gutting and the complexities of
preparing the entire form.
The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history as "long
pig" and "hairless goat" in the case of younger specimens) is not
thought of as a staple food source. Observing the anatomy
and skeleton, one can see that the animal is neither built nor bred
for its meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as a
pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer breaks down to
provide 432 pounds of saleable beef). The large central pelvis and
broad shoulder blades also interfere with achieving perfect cuts.
There are advantages to this however, especially due to the fact that
the typical specimen will weigh between 100-200 pounds, easily
manipulated by one person with sufficient leverage.
Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY
IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in
tightly controlled environments with their health and diet carefully
maintained. Humans are not. Thus not only is the meat of each person
of varying quality, but people are also subject to an enormous range
of diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad
habits, all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages, the
meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm animal
is ever allowed to age for thirty years. Six to thirteen months old is
a more common slaughtering point. You will obviously want a youthful
but mature physically fit human in apparently good health. A certain
amount of fat is desirable as "marbling" to add a juicy, flavorful
quality to the meat. We personally prefer firm caucasian females in
their early twenties. These are "ripe". But tastes vary, and it is a
very large herd.
The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an
interior location is suggested), and a large table for a butcher's
block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed
ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for
blood and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source
close by. Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools: sharp,
clean short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a
hacksaw.
Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best
results and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in
captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make
sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This
fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily
wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier. Under ideal
conditions, the specimen will then be stunned into insensitivity.
Sharp unexpected blows to the head are best, tranquilizers not being
recommended as they may taint the flavor of the meat. If this is not
possible without exciting the animal and causing a struggle (which
will pump a greater volume of blood and secretions such as adrenaline
throughout the body), a single bullet through the middle of the
forehead or back of the skull will suffice.
Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be
hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands, with the head down.
This is called the "Gein configuration". Simple loops of rope may be
tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar or
overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a
meathook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The legs
should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the
arms roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to the pelvis,
and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for removal.
It's easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the level of the
butcher's head.
Bleeding: Place a large open vessel beneath the animal's head. With a
long-bladed knife, start at one corner of the jaw and make a deep
"ear-to-ear" cut through the neck and larynx to the opposite side.
This will sever the internal and external carotid arteries, the major
blood vessels carrying blood from the heart to the head, face, and
brain. If the animal is not yet dead, this will kill it quickly, and
allow for the blood to drain in any case. After the initial rush of
blood, the stream should be controllable and can be directed into a
receptacle. Drainage can be assisted by massaging the extremities down
in the direction of the trunk, and by compressing and releasing,
"pumping", the stomach. A mature specimen will contain almost six
liters of blood. There is no use for this fluid, unless some source is
waiting to use it immediately for ritual purposes. It acts as an
emetic in most people if drunk, and it must be mentioned here that
because of the eternal possibility of AIDS it is recommended that for
safety's sake all blood should be considered to be contaminated and
disposed of in some fashion. It is not known whether an HlV-infected
human's flesh is dangerous even if cooked, but this is another item to
consider when choosing a specimen, someone in the low-risk strata.
Beheading: When the bleeding slows, preparation for decapitation can
be started. Continue the cut to the throat around the entire neck,
from the jawline to the back of the skull. Once muscle and ligament
have been sliced away, the head can be cleanly removed by gripping it
on either side and twisting it off, separation occurring where the
spinal cord meets the skull. This is indicative of the method to be
used for dividing other bones or joints, in that the meat should
generally be cut through first with a knife, and the exposed bone then
separated with a saw or cleaver. The merits of keeping the skull as a
trophy are debatable for two principal reasons. First, a human skull
may call suspicious attention to the new owner. Secondly, thorough
cleaning is difficult due to the large brain mass, which is hard to
remove without opening the skull. The brain is not good to eat.
Removing the tongue and eyes, skinning the head, and placing it
outside in a wire cage may be effective. The cage allows small
scavengers such as ants and maggots to cleanse the flesh from the
bones, while preventing it being carried off by larger scavengers,
such as dogs and children. After a sufficient period of time, you may
retrieve the skull and boil it in a dilute bleach solution to
sterilize it and wash away any remaining tissue.
Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the body down.
Because there is no major market for human hides, particular care in
removing the skin in a single piece is not necessary, and makes the
task much easier. The skin is in fact a large organ, and by flaying
the carcass you not only expose the muscular configuration, but also
get rid of the hair and the tiny distasteful glands which produce
sweat and oil. A short-bladed knife should be used to avoid slicing
into muscle and viscera. The skin is composed of two layers, an outer
thinner one with a thicker tissue layer below it. When skinning, first
score the surface, cutting lightly to be sure of depth and direction.
The diagram of the skinning pattern is an example of strip-style
skinning, dividing the surface into portions easy to handle. Reflect
the skin by lifting up and peeling back with one hand, while bringing
the knife in as flat to the skin as possible to cut away connective
tissue. The external genitals present only a small obstacle. In the
male the penis and scrotum can be pulled away from the body and
severed, in the female the outer lips skinned as the rest of the body.
It is important to leave the anus untouched at this point, and a
circle of skin should be left around it. You need not bother skinning
the hands and feet, these portions not being worth the effort unless
you plan to pickle them or use them in soup. The skin can be disposed
of, or made into fried rinds. Boil the strips and peel away the outer
layer, then cut into smaller pieces and deep-fat fry in boiling oil
until puffy and crisp. Dust with garlic salt, paprika and cayenne
pepper.
Gutting: The next major step is complete evisceration of the carcass.
To begin, make a cut from the solar plexus, the point between the
breastbone and stomach, almost to the anus. Be very careful not to cu
into the intestines, as this will contaminate the surrounding area
with bacteria and possibly feces (if this does happen, cleanse
thoroughly). A good way to avoid this is to use the knife inside the
abdominal wall, blade facing toward you, and making cautious progress.
Make a cut around the anus, or "bung", and tie it off with twine. This
also prevents contamination, keeping the body from voiding any
material left in the bowel. With a saw, cut through the pubic bone, or
"aitch". The lower body is now completely open, and you can begin to
pull the organ masses (large and small intestines, kidneys, liver,
stomach) out and cut them away from the back wall of the body.
For the upper torso, first cut through the diaphragm around the inner
surface of the carcass. This is the muscular membrane which divides
the upper, or thoracic, and the lower abdominal cavities. Remove the
breastbone, cutting down to the point on each side where it connects
to the ribs, and then sawing through and detaching it from the collar
bone. Some prefer to cut straight through the middle, depending on the
ideas you have for cuts in the final stages. The heart and lungs may
be detached and the throat cut into to removlarynx and trachea.
Once all of the inner organs have been removed, trim away any blood
vessels or remaining pieces of connective tissue from the interior of
the carcass, and wash out thoroughly.
Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now ready to
begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder, and remove the
arm bone, the humerus, from the collar bone and shoulder blade. Chop
the hand off an inch or so above the wrist. Most of the meat here is
between elbow and shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and
due to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm. Another way
of cutting this portion is to cut away the deltoid muscle from the
upper arm near the shoulder (but leaving it attached to the trunk)
before removing the limb. This decreases the percentage of useable
meat on the arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when excising the
shoulder blade. Purely a matter of personal preference. Cut into and
take apart the joint of the elbow, and the two halves of each arm are
now ready for carving servings from. Human flesh should always be
properly cooked before eating.
Halving the Carcass: The main body is now ready to be split. Some like
to saw straight through the spine from buttocks to neck. This leaves
the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae on the end of the ribs. The
meat here however is tightly wrapped about the bone, and we find it
more suitable (if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus, our
preferred method is to completely remove the entire backbone by
cutting and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on through.
Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down, unless your
preparation table or butcher block is very short. This is inadequate,
and you will have to quarter while hanging, slicing through the side
at a point of your choosing between rib cage and pelvis. Now is also
the time to begin thinking about how you would like to serve the
flesh, as this will determine the style of cuts you are about to make.
These will also be greatly affected by the muscular configuration
(physical fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the feet off at a
point about three inches up from the ankle. The bones are very thick
where the leg connects to the foot. You will want to divide the side
of meat into two further principal portions: the ribs and shoulder,
and the half-pelvis and leg. In between is the "flank" or belly, which
may be used for fillets or steaks, if thick enough, or even bacon
strips if you wish to cut this thinly. Thin and wide strips of flesh
may also be rolled, and cooked to serve as a roast. Trim away along
the edge of the ribs, and then decide whether you will cut steaks from
the flank into the thighs and rump, and carve accordingly.
Cutting the Top Quarter: Although not actually 25% of the meat you
will get, this is designated as one-fourth of the carcass as divided
into major portions. You may trim away the neck, or leave it to be
connected with the shoulder, or "chuck". The first major step with
this mass is to remove the shoulder blade and the collar bone. The
best and easiest way we have found is to just cut along the outline of
shoulder blade, removing the meat on top and then dislocating the
large bone. To excise the collar bone make an incision along its
length and then cut and pry it away. Depending upon the development of
the breast, you may decide it qualifies as a "brisket" and remove it
before cutting the ribs. In the female the breast is composed largely
of glands and fatty tissue, and despite its appetizing appearance is
rather inedible. The ribs are the choice cut of the quarter. An
perennial favorite for barbecuing, you may divide into sections of
several ribs each and cook them as is, divide the strip in half for
shorter ribs, or even carve rib steaks if the muscle mass is
sufficient.
Cutting the Lower Quarter: This is where most of the meat is, humans
being upright animals. The muscle mass is largest in the legs and
rump. The bulk is so comparatively large here that you can do just
about anything with it. The main pieces are the buttock or rump and
the upper leg, the thigh. Our typical division is to cut the leg off
at the bottom of the buttock, then chop away the bony mass of the
knee, at places two to three inches away in either direction. Before
doing this, however, you may want to remove the whole calf muscle from
back of the lower leg, as this is the best cut in its area. The
upper leg is now ready for anything, most especially some beautiful,
thick round steaks. The rump will have to be carved from the pelvis in
a rather triangular piece. The legs attach at the hip at a forward
point on the body, so there will be little interference as you carve
along the curve of the pelvis. Remaining meat will be on the thighs in
front of the pelvis.
And that's basically it. An average freezer provides plenty of storage
space, or you may even wish to build a simple old-fashioned smokehouse
(just like an outhouse, with a stone firepit instead of a shitter).
Offal and other waste trimmings can be disposed of in a number of
ways, burial, animal feed, and puree and flush being just a few. Bones
will dry and become brittle after being baked an oven, and can be
pulverized.
BOB ARSON'S WHITE DEVIL DINKY-DAO MOTHAFUCKA BOBBACOO SAUCE
Marinade/Baste/Dip/Bloody Leroy Mix
Ingredients:
1 8 oz. can tomato sauce
1 6 oz. can tomato paste
1 cup black coffee
3/4 cup beer (Killian's Red preferred)
3/4 cup fruit juice (citrus: orange/pineapple/mango type)
2 tblsp. whiskey
1 tblsp. lemon juice
1 tblsp. worcestershire sauce
1 tblsp. vinegar (red wine garlic preferred)
3 cloves garlic. minced
3 jalepeno peppers, minced
1/4 large onion, minced 1/8 red, 1/8 white preferred)
2 1/2 tsp. liquid smoke
2 tblsp. brown sugar
1 tblsp. molasses
1 1/2 tblsp. crushed red pepper
1 cube beef bouillon
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
1 1/2 tsp. paprika
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
3 dashes basil
3 dashes oregano
dashes savory
ashes of one fine thin joint
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