💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › drugs › swilguid.txt captured on 2023-11-14 at 09:33:38.
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-06-14)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
+::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::+
: :
: :
: The Swillers Guide to Proper Partying :
: :
: (Swillers Elite Bible: Chapter I) :
: :
: :
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::+
The Power of Positive Drinking
from start to finish
(When you tip the first beer until you hit the floor)
Written by -=> * Atomic Punk * <=-
inspiration provided by many parties
The Opening: The Cranial Can Opener
1. Hero contemplates beer. Develops zenlike concentration.
2. Tensing forehead, hero rams beer into frontal lobe at 40 mph. Pop-top
pops!
Basic Artillery - Gunning, Shooting, or Torpedoing
1. Artillery master prepares beer by puncturing bottom with a screwdriver or
similar device.
2. Placing mouth on hole, he sucks air out, creating a vacuum chamber.
Tilting head back, he firmly grasps pop-top and opens throat.
3. Using a brisk motion hepops top, and beer jets down his throat at
approximately 28 mph.
4. Exactly 1.7 seconds later, our plucky swiller displays the empty can as
proof to nonbelievers.
Putting Technology to Work: Our Friend the Beer Bong
1. Master bongsman bravely sticks a funnel in his mouth, blocking the end of
with his tongue, then fills the "reservoir" (funnel) with beer.
2. Bongee becomes bonger by bonging himself by raising the "mountain lake"
skyward, then releasing te "tongue cork," allowing the malt waterfall to
shoot bellyward.
A Chug in Time Saves Nine
1. The Megachug: Overcoming the limitations of he one-beer/ one-chug is made
easy for our megachugger by the ready availability of large flower vases,
small garbage cans, and other Herculean containers.
2. Look Ma, no hands! Our frisky "chugging machine" skips the forelay. Just
tilting his head back, opening his mouth (wide), and inserting the beer, he
lets gravity do the rest.
The Finale: Destroying the Evidence
1. Our hero has a lot on his mind - how to hide the case of beer he ust drank
from the police that just walked in.
2. Putting his brain to work, he indents the sides of the can to facilitate
squashing and then, using the basic "ramming home a point" technique,
flattens can and head.
The Encore: The Final Bite
1. Our swiller returns for the climax of climaxes. He holds the beer in his
hand and prays for his teeth.
2. Having viciously chomped into a can of dreams, the hero displays his beer
bite (in mouth) and the violated chamber. The applause is overwhelming, as
are the orthodotia bills.
The Second Encore: A Little Fancy Footwork
1. To the roar of the crowd, our hero deftly places his foot (and all his
weight) exactly on top of the can.
2. Maintaining foot pressure, he quickly strikes both ides simultaneously
using zen "beetle picer" attack, swiftly pulling fingers back.
3. The crowd leaps into standing ovation as Budweiser Barishnikov bws out.
Thus concludes chapter 1 of 'The Swiller's Elite Bible'. Look for other
chapters to be released shortly!
Bible composed by -=> * Atomic Punk * <=- of The Swiller's Elite
<*> MoDiFiEd FoR tHe ApPlE cOmPuTeR bY pRoFeSsOr PiXeL <*>
Call these GREAT lines:
Panther Board/Ae ..... (805) 252-8488
Cursor Connection Catfur/Bbs ..... (907) 561-3002
The Red Square Bbs ..... (907) 562-6962
The Vulcan Logic Catfur/Bbs ..... (907) 561-0656
The Vault Catfur/Bbs ..... (907) 753-8113
The China-Town Catfur/Bbs ..... (514) 487-0322
+:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::+