💾 Archived View for spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › conspiracy › senators.txt captured on 2023-11-14 at 09:23:25.
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-06-14)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
(From the Weekly World News, June 7, 1994) Shocking confessions rock nation's capital! 12 U.S. SENATORS ARE SPACE ALIENS! by Nick Mann - Special report WASHINGTON - A space alien who stunned the world by revealing that five U.S. Senators were extraterrestrials in 1992 dropped another bombshell when he met with President Bill Clinton in the White House just days ago -- and named seven more senators who hail from distant planets! And far from denying the extraterrestrial's allegations, Senators Phil Gramm, Dennis DeConcini, John D. Rockefeller IV, Bennett Johnston, Howell Heflin, Christopher Dodd, and William S. Cohen conceded that "the time is right to make our true identities known." "Senators John Glenn, Orrin Hatch, Nancy Kassebaum, Sam Nunn, and Alan Simpson came out of the alien closet two years ago and now we find that seven more senators are not from Earth," said author and UFO expert Nathaniel Dean, who identified the first group of space alien senators in a news conference that made international headlines in November 1992. "The implications," he continued, "are almost beyond comprehension. For one thing, we now know that the destiny of the most powerful nation on Earth is being shaped and guided by entities who aren't even human. "I'm not saying that this is bad, because it might very well be good. "If the universe is inhabited by other creatures and civilizations, we need to know about them. "We also need linkage. "And if nothing else, these space alien legislators can serve as our links to a world that is even more advanced than our own." Dean's report stunned political analysts and threatened to touch off a public panic that, as one CIA source put it, "could quickly get out of control." White House spokesmen declined to comment, but sources privately confirmed that the President's meeting with the alien took place when the Secret Service escorted the creature into the White House at 4:36 a.m. on April 24. They also suggested that the President will address the issue in an upcoming news conference, although they could not provide a time or date. While analysts scrambled to gauge public reaction, the senators sought ways to minimize any negative fallout and put the right spin on the creature's revelations. Contacted at his office in Washington, Sen. Gramm, R. - Texas, took the high road with full and immediate disclosure, saying: "It's all true. We are space aliens. And I'm amazed that it's taken you so long to find out. "When we read that the other aliens had been exposed in 1992, we knew it was only a matter of time before you got the rest of us." Less expansive but equally honest was Sen. DeConcini, D. - Ariz. In a prepared statement, he said: "As chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, I am quite distressed. My highly classified cover has been blown." Sen. Rockefeller, D. - W. Va., cleverly turned questions about the space alien heritage into a plug for national health-care reform, saying: "I love it here on Earth, but our health-care system is better at home." Sen. Heflin, D. - Ala., was obviously taken off-guard by reporters' questions. He called the space alien's revelations "surprising" and went on to say: "Yes, my parents were Heaven sent." Sen. Johnston, D. - La., said: "At least the cat is out of the bag, although this isn't exactly the way I intended to tell my family and friends." Sen. Dodd, D. - Conn., expressed relief "that all this is public." In the most terse response of all, Sen. Cohen, R. - Maine, said, "I admit it." Dean's sources said the space alien identified the extraterrestrial senators in a 25-minute meeting with President Clinton. Dean does not know what else, if anything, was discussed at the meeting. "The first question that came to my mind was whether the senators are U.S. citizens and eligible to serve in the U.S. Senate," said Dean. "From what I understand, they were born in the U.S. and are U.S. citizens. It just so happens that their parents were from another world. The senators look like ordinary humans," he continued, "but the space alien who met with President Clinton had an answer for that, too. "He reportedly said the senators looked human 'because they choose to look human. It is a simple matter for us to change our forms.' " Oddly enough, the extraterrestrial alien refused to pinpoint the planet or star system he and the alien senators came from, Dean said. The twelve senators identified as space aliens are: Christopher Dodd, D. - Connecticut Bennett Johnston, D. - Louisiana William S. Cohen, R. - Maine Dennis DeConcini, D. - Arizona Orrin Hatch, R. - Utah Nancy Kassebaum, R. - Kansas Alan Simpson, R. - Wyoming Phil Gramm, R. - Texas Howell Heflin, D. - Alabama John D. Rockefeller IV, D. - West Virginia Sam Nunn, D. - Georgia John Glenn, D. - Ohio (Transcriber's Note: Christopher Dodd's father was also a senator from Connecticut. John D. Rockefeller IV is, as the name indicates, a member of the Rockefeller family, which has been powerful in both politics and business for several generations. John Glenn was one of the first U.S. astronauts, and participated in Projects Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo.)