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Cork mum: Autism diagnosis gave me an understanding of who I am

EchoLive.ie, 14 Nov

CHRIS DUNNE talks to Evaleen Whelton ahead of an upcoming information

session for parents and carers who are waiting on a child’s autism

diagnosis

Evaleen Whelton, founder of AUsome Training. Picture: Darragh Kane

    

Chris Dunne

SINCE Evaleen Whelton discovered that she was autistic at 37 years old

in 2014, her mission has been to spread understanding and respect for

autistic people and to build a more inclusive society.

That is why Evaleen’s forthcoming AUsome parent event in Cork is so

important, given that every speaker and participant will be somebody

with autism.

On Saturday November 19, AUsome Training, an organisation based in

Cork, are hosting a special neurodivergent session for parents and

carers who are waiting on a child’s autism diagnosis.

“The free event taking place from 2pm to 5pm in Ballyphehane Community

Centre will be facilitated by trainers from AUsome Training, who are

all autistic parents,” says Evaleen.

Evaleen Whelton and daughter Maddy O’Regan. Picture: Darragh Kane

“We shall discuss how to raise our child authentically, to let them be

themselves, to let them flourish. There are no milestones to meet, just

averages every day.

Autistic people develop differently, and they are emotionally

intelligent. It’s about empowering parents celebrating their autistic

kids.

What was life like before Evaleen received her own diagnosis?

“I can’t even remember what life was like before,” says the 46-year-old

mother to Maddy, aged 10.

“I’ve changed so much since. For me, my diagnosis was like a relief. It

gave me a massive understanding of who I am and why I did stuff. It

gave me permission not to be so hard on myself and it lifted the deep

shame I had for not knowing how to work the social situations.”

Evaleen, who is a speech and drama teacher by trade, and an acclaimed

author, founded AUsome Training, an autistic-led and neurodiversity

training company, which aims to combat the outdated stereotypes

autistic people face.

Evaleen Whelton. Pictures. Darragh Kane Evaleen Whelton. Pictures.

Darragh Kane

“I decided to focus on AUsome training during Covid,” says Evaleen.

“It became my special interest. I am really interested in studying

autism outside of a medical setting.

“In the last 10 years, there has been a lot more awareness around

autism, but it’s still not enough.

The work must be done on how society treats us. People have half an

idea about us, but they still don’t fully understand.

"It’s about how others respond to us; they need to know more and

communicate more. There is a lot of judgement and miscommunication.

“Working with autistic kids, I always ‘got’ those kids in class, and

wondered if I was a bit like them. I was always aware what it means to

be autistic outside of the medical model. You mask a lot, and you try

to be always smiling.”

Was it like that for Evaleen growing up?

“For me, it was always trying to fit in,” says Evaleen.

“I’d be masking; a lot of autistic people do that. It’s pretending. You

copy other people so that you’re not noticed.”

That must be draining?

“It takes a lot out of you,” says Evaleen.

“People view autism as a negative thing. It’s not. I don’t view autism

as a problem. There is nothing to fix. There is no ‘burden’, we are not

to be pitied.”

But being autistic can be difficult?

Being autistic often involves a lifetime of trauma which comes from

being misunderstood, socially rejected and bullied.

“Usually everything about autism is framed negatively,” says Evaleen.

“We need to try and frame things more neutrally. This is how we are,

and the stigma arises from how other people interpret us.”

Was school challenging for Evaleen as a child?

“Primary school was lovely,” says Evaleen. “I loved learning.”

“I had the same teacher for three years, and I was top of my class.”

Secondary school proved more challenging for Evaleen.

“The wheels came off the cart in secondary school!” says Evaleen

laughing.

“I hit 12 and the social side of things became a problem.

“I spent most of my energy trying to fit in with people who probably

didn’t want to be friends with me anyway - or who wouldn’t ever have

been good friends.

Evaleen Whelton founder of AUsome Training with her daughter Maddy

O’Regan. Picture. Darragh Kane Evaleen Whelton founder of AUsome

Training with her daughter Maddy O’Regan. Picture. Darragh Kane

“I was just ‘not getting’ stuff. And because I was academic, I suffered

being called a swot. I heard that all the time and because of that I

stopped studying.”

The classroom environment didn’t suit Evaleen.

“I’d get headaches from the fluorescent lights and the sheen off the

blackboard. The colour blue in a room gave me headaches. I’d be quite

sensitive to lights and colours. And I hated reading aloud.”

At home, Evaleen was just one of the gang.

“I was just who I was,” says Evaleen.

“Food could be an issue, so mealtimes weren’t always straightforward. I

still don’t eat vegetables. My mom just made my dinner and then she

made everyone else’s.”

Food is not an issue for Evaleen.

“It’s not a problem for me,” she says. “It’s a problem for other people

that you meet. They’re always obsessed with what you’re eating!”

Evaleen says autistic people can be called fussy eaters or picky

eaters.

That’s not helpful. It’s not a choice for us.

she is refreshingly direct.

“I like things to happen fast!” she says.

“Some autistic people communicate very honestly, and they are very

open, which can be seen be seen as naïve or weak by others. We need to

stop putting value judgements on the way people act or behave.”

Autistic people can be deep thinkers.

“We can be deep thinkers, we can be amazing with colours and be so

creative, there are many amazing autistic artists out there.”

Evaleen encourages neurotypical people to engage with autistic people

more.

“We have more in common with each other than we think. Autistic people

face burnout, (because of masking), but neurotypical people also face

burnout. Neurotypical people also repeat certain physical movements or

vocalisations, such as flapping/clapping hands or pacing. These are all

human things.”

Evaleen is often frustrated by the amount of misconceptions and myths

relating to autism that exist in society, and she’s keen to set the

record straight.

“We (autistic people) actually have our own language and culture,” says

Evaleen.

“We communicate perfectly fine together. But when autistic and

non-autistic people are together the pressure is on the non-autistic

people to learn and be these other people.”

Everyone should be allowed to be themselves.

“If you’re not allowed to be yourself, it is a massive infringement on

your human rights,” says Evaleen.

She says autistic people are just people who are sensitive to the

world.

“Judgement can be intimidating, suggesting we are divergent in some

way. We’re not.

Take away all the anxiety and behaviour and we just have a different

sensory system.

"We interact with our environment in a different way which shapes our

thoughts and actions,” says Evaleen.

“Because of that we communicate differently to other people.”

Evaleen and her team, Gillian Kearns, (Early Childhood Educator and

Disability Rights Activist), and Stiof MacAmhalghaigh (Researcher and

Expert on Autism and Neuro-affirming models), want to bust the myths

about autism.

“The aim of the free Information Session is to provide parents and

carers with tips, resources, and insights on how best to understand,

support and advocate for their child,” says Evaleen.

“We are autistic and proud,” she says. “But we aren’t so different. The

medical model has made us different.”

Evaleen doesn’t have to perform anymore.

“I’m just me.”

The special neurodivergent session for parents and carers who are

waiting on a child’s diagnosis, takes place on Saturday, November 19

from 2pm to 5pm in Ballyphehane Community Centre. The event will be

interactive, and the trainers will cover a range of topics including:

Communication, Autistic Play, Sensory Profiles, Dealing with Schools,

Choosing the right Therapy, Reimagining Family Life, Celebrating our

autistic children, Courses and Resources.

Parents and carers will have an opportunity to take part in a Q&A and

to share their experiences.

The event is free and pre-booking is essential. Booking through