💾 Archived View for cosmic.voyage › DJ%20BiggiePants › how-ya-feelin.txt captured on 2023-11-14 at 07:45:35.
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-09-28)
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[ speech-to-text enabled, QEC unit ready ] [music] LIKE A DUECE roller in the night, BLINDED BY she said I'll turn you on sonny to something strong she got down but she never got [unintelligible] she's going to make it ... through the night [music] Awwww, yeah... that's right everyone we're definitely gonna make it through the night aren't we? Isn't that just the sweetest thing you've ever heard, Mindy? Yes, sir. GREETINGS STARDUST RIDERS! DJ BiggiePants comin' at you QEC style from Touchdown Point on the planet Backhoe, way out here in the Triangulum Galaxy. How y'all doing out there in the Big Empty? Last time, the intergalactic news was sparse, but you rascals are definitely up to stuff now, so let's get to it! [music] Wow. Mindy, you composed an Intergalactic News Jingle? Yes, sir. It's very good. It sounds both serious and urgent. Thank you, sir. Alright: Intergalactic News! [music] Wait wait wait we don't need to play it again, m'kay? Yes, sir. Ahem. After a discomforting hyperspace journey, Captain Atticus and the crew of the Lavaleer have discovered a new Earth! Ain't that something? Captain, I congratulate you. Backhoe isn't a backyard picnic, if you know what I mean. You won the lottery, and good on you. Chief Scientist Nyugen personally wishes you the best of luck at your new home. You've earned it. The ship telitru sent a mysterious transmission reading, quote, "i mi na djuno i steba" and further explained "selzgaka'erfau ku sutra kaicne." And I have to say, back at ya, buddy! Hope it works out for you. Ron, a reanimated Israeli from twenty-first century Earth -- can you believe it? -- gave an interview at out-world-colony277 explaining, among more important things, how he misses his King, who used to hand out burgers to the people. "Burgers," according to Mindy's research, were a delicacy made of ground animal meat, grilled and placed between toasted hemispherical bread called "buns." That sounds delicious, doesn't it Mindy? Yes, sir. Back in Local News, [music] Holy stars you made another jingle? Yes, sir. You're very talented. Thank you, sir. I mean, what the heck are you doing here out in the middle of nowhere assisting a hyperactive DJ? Wish I knew, sir. Okay, Local News. The "Touchdown Incident." Chief Scientist Nyugen hypothesized that the plasma snakes who attacked us at Touchdown Point were a natural electromagnetic effect caused by swirling ion particles in the dust storm. However, further research established that the plasma snakes were PLASMA SNAKES who ATTACKED us. Turns out, Stardust Riders, we're not settlers on this planet. We're immigrants. Apparently the snakes were trying to, ahem, "kill" us so to speak, by brewing up a hurricane. Naturally, we're on shaky terms with them. Doctor Nyugen encircled the camp in an electric field disruptor, so the snakes are being kept at bay for the moment, until the Yangs figure out a way to communicate with them. On a personal note. Mindy did some heroic things on touchdown day. She saved my bacon. Yes, she got a little roughed up in the fight, but I think the scar is completely unnoticeable. In fact, it makes her more attractive. Thank you Mindy. You're welcome, sir. In lighter news, little Stephen planted the first seed in the camp! It's a pomegranate tree, so it will take a while, and that little [unintelligible] didn't have the focus to put it in the hole properly, so who knows, right? ... But! Things are looking great Stardust Riders! If we can make it out here, YOU can make it out THERE, and don't you give up, right Mindy? Yes, sir. Until next time, here's another great classical piece. Mister DJ BiggiePants signing off, but first I’m gonna “do my hair toss,” and ”check my nails,” because gosh darnit, everyone on Backhoe is feeling Good As Hell! [music] Baby how you feeling Feelin' Good As Hell [music] Woo child [music] some new sh-- Captain, we have contact. Captain... Captain! Oh my GOD Dennis, I'm on the air, it's "DJ BiggiePants." Um... Mister Dee. Mister Biggie... I'm sorry, but I'm not saying that, sir. We made contact with the "snakes." You need to come right now, they're getting a bit... animated. [music] Boss up and change your life Mindy, I hate to ask but the music's running and -- Yes, sir. Thanks, you're a dream. [music] Baby how ya feelin? Feelin good as hell! Huh, a ten-meter sphere of glowing tentacles. Is it safe, Dennis? Probably not, sir. Ha! Alrighty then! Let's get er done! [music] Baby how ya feelin? Feelin good as hell! [music]