💾 Archived View for gemlog.blue › users › modro › 1693779053.gmi captured on 2023-11-04 at 17:42:40. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
⬅️ Previous capture (2023-09-08)
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I was building my world on trust. And it all got smashed, cause i was building huge structures on some foundations that did not exist. When i was little i was looking up - towards certain people. It were some kind of role models for me, like inteligent (full of knowledge and wisdom), devoted to work, respected in the society... Now i dont look up, or down on people. I learned that i can rely only on myself and that i have to do things my way and on my own.
How come i could get so decieved? I think the whole society and the idea of, that things should be like, that people should be as, bla bla bla... Its not possible to talk in some general instructions and give prescription without knowing oneself. And i am sure, not many have read the user manual, or at least observe oneself. As a young person i was a fragile being and was damaged by people who i trusted. When older, similar thing hapened - i got violated by so many, close friends, family... And i dont even think some of them indended to harm me. They were just doing their own thing. And i was playing along - blindly. Not asking myself even once, not permitting myself to cast a shadow of doubt on any person or their action.
I am not super knowledgable about computers, but i do have some insight into the tech. Im working with the digital tools quite long. And technology - for example already the classical photography can be deceptive and misleading, and can be used in many diferent ways... Even more the digital photography. I know just that much, that im afraid of some violation that i even do not fully understand. I feel like this kid, that is being violated and it does not even understand what is hapening. And its not only FaceB**k or G**gle, it felt like that even when using Mastodont. I dont trust this federated admin stuff. To me it looks like the system is tailored, that every instance has a state-snitch in the admin team. And the instances that dont bend, are being exposed to diverse pressure...
This is what i have to work on more. I have to nurture trust. Build tools to denounce suspicion. Listen to myself and trust the >gui<dance.
Leave the GUI. Start dancing in the terminal.