💾 Archived View for gem.raysand.xyz › gemlog › 2023-10-19 captured on 2023-11-04 at 11:31:48. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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I have ADHD. I probably have my entire life, everyone else around me knew. Fuck even I had a feeling growing up something wasn't right. I just recently got my diagnosis this year, at the age of twenty-two. I always wondered to myself "why can't I sit still like everyone else can?", "they can finish projects, why can't I?", "why is it so hard for me to remember things?", or my favourite, "why can't I keep my house clean?". For the longest time I rationalized that I was lazy, unmotivated, or just plain stupid. It was none of those things in retrospect, and I wish I would've been nicer to myself growing up.
Having ADHD as a programmer is interesting to say the least. I always wondered why I hated debugging old code, or why I started many different projects I never actually finished, or why it was so difficult for me to learn new languages (which is hard even if you don't have ADHD). I swear this last month, a lot of things have come together. Now I can learn how to manage these symptoms.
I'm still sort of coming to terms with it all if I'm being honest. All my poor grades, impulsive choices that I'm not too proud of, a lot of things could have been different if I was diagnosed at a younger age. I guess I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, I got through high-school, albeit barely.
With my diagnosis, I recently started taking Adderall. Although the side-effects do suck, I'm happy I can sit down long enough to write. I wasn't much of a writer until very recently. Over time I grew uncomfortable with social media on the web, and I never felt like I could express myself authentically on those platforms, either. I thought about starting a blog instead of shouting into the ever growing void that is modern social platforms; I never got around to doing that, however.. I feel like Geminispace is a wonderful platform for me to focus on my writing, or anything that I find interesting enough to 'post' here.