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ultraviolence

12 june 2020

Okay, folks, I've found it. The story this blog was created to contain. Listen up kids, because this is wild as hell.

This rich/summer-person type looking dude comes into the store today, walks right up to me, holding in his arms a pile of trash -- coke bottles, plastic bags covered in dirt(?), McDonald's bags, beer cans, a clear plastic bag full of soggy leaves (wtf?), several fucking WOODEN STICKS, and a sock. He proceeds to ask me if I'll put it in my trashcan up front for him. I answer no, because obviously I'm not going to fucking do that. Fuck you. But I'm apologetic about it: "I'm sorry, I can't take trash..."

He grumbles something pissy, then says, "You sure that's how you wanna play this?"

I reply with "Yeah, I mean, I think so."

He throws all his shit into a cart and grabs a six-pack of beer. He then asks me for twenty dollars worth of quarters. What the fuck is he thinking? This guy thinks I'm gonna give him eighty quarters. I tell him that I can't.

Circling back to the trash, he tells me that I want to take his trash, which I answer with, "I'm sorry, but I really don't think I do."

I tell him his beer will be $4.61, and he replies with, "Well, US money isn't backed up by anything anyway, so who cares?" and throws down one of several $100 bills visible in his wallet.

He tells me he wants his beer double-bagged, despite the fact that we use paper bags now.

Did I mention that he's wearing a thin blue line shirt? Yeah, that's what he's wearing.

As I'm fucking double-bagging his beer, he turns to the woman behind him in line, who is wearing a mask (oh yeah, did I mention that he's not wearing a mask? He's not wearing a mask), and tells her that masks cause the coronavirus and that he's going to outlive her because she's wearing a mask and he isn't. After one last plea for me to take his shit, he storms out the door, pushing his cart full of shit and his six-pack of beer.

The woman after him, who looks to be in her seventies or eighties, just wants the paper, so she's through in like twenty seconds. On her way out, she makes some comment about how she's not a child like the guy was.

She makes it through the first automatic door into the entryway, and the second out into the parking lot. I don't have any customers so I watch her go as I ponder the fucking weirdo I'd just served.

Just as she steps onto the pavement, I shit you not, she gets smashed into by a shopping cart at maximum velocity, causing her to completely wipe out. The shopping cart hits her with such force that it doesn't even stop, but merely bounces off her, and flies out of what view the window affords. A moment later, a car alarm starts blaring.

I run around the counter and head outside, where I find her on the ground, squirming, trying to stand up. The cart has smashed into the side of a vehicle, seriously denting it and breaking a window. How did the window break? Because several fucking WOODEN STICKS flew through it.

And to the side is the dude, who runs over to the old lady and proceeds to fucking YELL AT HER. I SHIT YOU NOT. THIS HAPPENED.

At this exact moment, my manager and supervisor pull into the parking lot, returning from the bank -- oh yeah, did I mention that I was fucking alone? only the three of us were on shift at that time today, but they needed to go to the bank, so they left me alone like 5-10 minutes.

Bystanders in the parking lot have already begun calling 911. My manager pulls the dude away from the old lady, who has managed to stand up now.

From there nothing really cool happened. The chaos cooled down. The lady whose car got owned came out of the store and freaked out. Local police showed up and looked at our tapes. Ambulance squad came for the lady even though she was really just kinda scraped up.

I've watched the tapes and it looks like the guy was pissed I wouldn't take his trash, so he tried to whip the cart away from the building full of his trash to be a pain in the ass to me, but his angle was fucked and it ended up hitting the lady, who only even left the building _after_ he threw the cart.

The cops talked to me for like 60 seconds and I told them what I saw. I have no idea if this is going to go to court for like assault or something or if he's just gonna like pay someone damages or what, but if I have to be a witness in a court case I'm gonna be so pissed. I think the cops heard everything I saw, and there are other witnesses, and the whole thing's on tape, so I shouldn't have to? Wild shit tho lol