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I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time, ~impulse. I second what others have said about the troubles that come with examining your gender in greater detail. For whatever it's worth, I find it helpful, in tending to my own well-being, to remember that every human being has intrinsic worth, including me, and that there is always some portion of my being, however exhausted or diminished, that intends upon nothing other than for me to be healthy, content, and to love myself; and furthermore that sin does not exist, and therefore I have never sinned. (To have made a mistake, or even to have done wrong, is not at all the same thing. I reject that notion of an infraction which is metaphysically transcribed on your soul, like a stain which can never be expunged.)
You have intrinsic worth. You are not stained. You are capable of love, and there is love in you now. (Such are the sorts of things which I try to say to myself, whenever I remember to do so. I like to think they make a positive impact. They say that gratefulness is both cause and product of contentment, and that you must be trained in gratitude, if it will not come naturally.)
I know this is a bit of a late reply, but thank you so much for your words. They meant a lot.
This is fantastic