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I am a language model

ChatGPT is a language model. It outputs text token by token based on its prior input. It does not consciously consider what it's writing, it merely melds parts of its input into novel combinations.

This is how I've been approaching writing lately. Instead of considering the context of what I'm writing and expressing a coherent point, I throw words together until they appear to make sense. As my writing becomes more detailed, I use more idiosyncratic word-choices and think less of how to share a point and more of how to impress the reader.

I've become my own text generator. I've lost my soul and replaced it with a language model.

I used to share things because I was genuinely interested in them. I would explain the details of functional programming to my parents because I couldn't stop thinking about the magic of composing programs through combining little machines. I'd repeat lines from Shakespeare's plays, giddy over the cadence.

That joy is gone, replaced with momentary happiness in between the waves of misery.

The way I write feels as if I'm inside of a language model, too. When I write a word, a dozen possible continuations of the thought appear. Most of them syntactically valid, but more or less half-baked recombinations of things I've previously read. I don't understand. I just write.

I've loved writing since I was little. I would mostly write sci-fi about imaginary superheroes I imagined. This progressed into writing about narsissistic lords, and now existentialist nonsense.

How can I solve this? I need a foundation. I need to know that knowing is possible. Without any epistemology, my ideas are all vanity and grasping for the wind, as the Preacher put it. If I were grounded, I might be able to find joy.

But how can I find truth? I've been reading lots of philosophy, but I can understand little of it without that prior grounding. Without the foundation, it's only exacerbates the problem. Reading more philosophy without any guiding principles will only add to my internal chaos. I've received more input, but no soul.

One other solution is to learn from first principles. I could look for the logical pieces that make up the universe and try to fit them together myself. This would be difficult, but I'm sure it will be far more satisfying.

Where do I start, though? How can I discover these pieces initially? At least a puzzle comes with all of its pieces and an image of the end goal. This world doesn't come with that; we're left to figure it out ourselves.

I realize these are the questions that have haunted humanity for ages. Philosophers have tried to answer them in all kinds of different ways.

One thing that the most successful philosophers seem to have done is connect their philosophy to math. Aristotle, Descartes, and many others all wrote books on math along with their well-known philosophical writings.

~ Josias, 2023-02-28 (published 2023-07-08)