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[Print out and pass this file to every married person you know!
It has changed my marriage, and I hope it helps other people as
much as it helped me. -Servant]
____________________________________________________________
Cultivating Affection in Your Marriage
a textfile from a booklet by
Willard F. Harley Jr., Ph. D.
(c)1987 Focus on the Family
Typed by Servant
____________________________________________________________
When Jane fell in love with Richard, she knew she had found her
prince. At six feet three inches, Richard's 195 pounds were as
lean and muscular at age 23 as they had been when Jane admired
him on the basketball court in high school. Ruggedly handsome,
Richard was the strong, silent type, which only made him more
intriguing to Jane. Dates with Richard felt exciting, and when
he held her in his arms the passion level went right off the
scale.
"We've got the right chemistry," Jane assured herself.
However, after just a few months of marriage, the passion began
to pall. Jane started noticing something a bit odd: Whenever
she cuddled up for a hug or a little kiss, Richard became
sexually aroused almost immediately. Almost without
exception, physical contact led straight to the bedroom.
Jane also learned that Richard's "strong, silent" courting
style had covered his tendencies for extreme moodiness and
keeping almost everything to himself. Before they married,
Richard had told Jane that his mother had died when he was
just 10, and his father and two older brothers raised him. She
hadn't thought too much of it. "That's probably why he's so
rugged and manly," she told herself.
Jane didn't realize that Richard had grown up in a home where
displays of affection were not frequent before his mother died,
and afterward they became almost nonexistent. He literally
didn't know how to give affection, because he had received so
little himself. For Richard, AFFECTION in marriage was
synonymous with SEX, something that left Jane feeling
disillusioned and used. As their marriage approached its first
anniversary, Richard's account in Jane's "Love Bank" barely
held its own. (before the story continues, let's define the
term "Love Bank." To help my clients understand how powerful
and all-consuming a person's needs can become, I have invented
a rather artificial little device that I call the Love Bank.
Figuratively speaking, I believe each of us has a Love Bank.
It contains many different accounts, one for each person we
know. People make their deposits or withdrawals whenever we
interact with them. Pleasurable interactions cause deposits,
and painful interactions cause withdrawals. As life goes on,
the accounts in our Love Banks fluctuate. Some of our
acquaintances build sizable deposits. Others remain in the
black, but have small balances. Still others go into the red.
In short, their accounts in our Love Banks are overdrawn. Now
lets get back to our story.) At work, Jane was transferred to
a new department, and there she met Bob, a warm and affable
fellow who loved everyone. Bob had the habit of draping his
arm over the shoulder of whomever he walked with--male and
female alike. No one took offense. He was just a friendly man
who liked everybody.
Jane noticed that she started to look forward to Bob's
occasional hugs. They always made her feel good -- warm and
comfortable and cared for. One day they met in the hall.
"Hi, Jane, how ya doin'?" Bob greeted her as he gave her a
little hug.
"You know, Bob," she said. "I've meant to tell you for a long
time how much I appreciate your hugs. It's nice to meet a man
who likes to do that."
"Well, then, come here!" he laughed and gave her another hug
and a little kiss on the cheek.
Jane tried to act calm, but that little peck started her heart
pounding. It continued pounding in the following weeks as she
started receiving little notes from Bob. They were always
tasteful and sweet. One said, "Good morning! Hope your day is
full of blessings. You're a fine person and you deserve the
best. Your friend, Bob."
Jane began to reciprocate with notes of her own. Before long
she began to look forward to the arrival of Bob's latest note
as the high point of her day. Sometimes he would bring her a
little bouquet of flowers. That made her feel like a true
princess.
They lunched together several times, and Bob's account in
Jane's Love Bank climbed steadily. Jane found herself craving
every expression of the gentle affection she received from Bob
-- the hugs, the smiles, the notes. Finally, she wrote a note
to him: "I can't help it. I think I'm falling in love with
you."
Bob didn't respond in kind, but he continued to show Jane
kindness and affection. The weeks went by, and one day they
found themselves alone together in a secluded spot they had
chosen for a hurried lunch-hour picnic. As they packed up to
leave, Jane's hand touched Bob's, and she gave it a squeeze.
Bob responded with an especially affectionate hug, and what
followed came so naturally Jane couldn't believe it. Making
love with Bob was the most exciting experience of her life
because she knew he cared so much for her.
In the following weeks, they slipped off together as often as
possible for passionate lovemaking. Jane believed that having
sex with Bob was wonderful, because she could release all her
emotions and become thoroughly involved. Bob's genuine
affection made her feel loved and cared for as a person.
What had happened? Did Jane's wedding vows mean nothing to
her? Was she just waiting for her chance to two-time her
husband? Hardly. Jane simply felt so starved for affection
that she was willing to have an affair! Of course, this does
not justify the sin she and Bob committed.
AFFECTION IS THE CEMENT OF A RELATIONSHIP
To most women, affection symbolizes security, protection,
comfort and approval, vitally important commodities in their
eyes. When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the
following messages:
1. I'll take care of you and protect you. You are
important to me, and I don't want anything to happen
to you.
2. I'm concerned about the problems you face, and I am
with you.
3. I think you've done a good job, and I'm so proud of
you.
A hug can say any and all of the above. Men need to understand
how strongly women desire these affirmations. FOR THE TYPICAL
WIFE, THERE CAN HARDLY BE ENOUGH OF THEM.
I believe hugging is a skill most men need to develop to show
their wives affection. It is also a simple but effective way
to build their accounts in a wife's Love Bank.
Most women love to hug. They hug each other, they hug
children, animals, relatives -- even stuffed animals. I'm not
saying they will throw themselves into the arms of just anyone:
They can get quite inhibited about hugging if they think it
could be misinterpreted in a sexual way. But the rest of the
time, across most countries and cultures, women hug and like to
be hugged.
Obviously, a man can display affection in other ways that can
be equally important to a woman. A greeting card or a note
expressing love and care can simply but effectively communicate
the same emotions. Don't forget that all-time favorite -- a
bouquet of flowers. Women, almost universally, love to receive
flowers. Occasionally, I meet a man who likes to receive them,
but most do not. For a majority of women, however, flowers
send a powerful message of love and concern.
An invitation to dinner also signals affection. It is a way of
saying to one's wife, "You don't need to do what you ordinarily
do for me. I'll treat you instead. You are special to me, and
I want to show you how much I love and care for you."
Jokes abound on how, almost immediately after the wedding, a
wife has to find her own way in and out of cars, houses,
restaurants, and so on. But a smart husband will open the door
for her at every opportunity -- another way to tell her, "I
love you and care about you."
From a woman's point of view, affection is the essential cement
of her relationship with a man. Without it, a woman probably
feels alienated from her mate. With it she becomes tightly
bonded to him while he adds units to his Love Bank account.
BUT SHE KNOWS I'M NOT THE AFFECTIONATE TYPE
Men must get through their heads this vital idea: WOMEN FIND
AFFECTION IMPORTANT IN ITS OWN RIGHT. They love the feeling
that accompanies both the bestowal and reception of affection,
but IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX. Most of the affection they
give and receive is not intended to be sexual. You might
better compare it to the emotions they exchange with their
children or pets.
All of this confuses the typical male. He sees showing
affection as part of sexual foreplay, and he is normally
aroused in a flash. In other cases, men simply want to skip
the affection business; they are aroused already.
Lets look in on a hypothetical couple we'll call Brenda and
Bruce. They have been having tension lately because Brenda
hasn't responded to Bruce's requests for sex. As our scene
opens, she senses Bruce has that look in his eye again, and she
tries to head him off at the pass: "Bruce, let's just relax
for a few minutes. Then maybe you can hold my hand, and we can
hug. I'm not ready for sex just like that. I need a little
affection first."
Bruce bristles with a type of macho impatience and says,
"You've known me for years. I'm not the affectionate type, and
I'm not going to start now!"
Does this sound incredible or far fetched? I hear versions of
it regularly in my office. That Bruce fails to see the irony
in wanting sex but refusing to give his wife affection would
seem amusing if it weren't so pathetic. A man who growls,
"I'm not the affectionate type," while reaching for his wife's
body to satisfy his desires for sex, is like a salesman who
tries to close a sale by saying, "I'm not the friendly type--
Sign here you turkey. I've got another appointment waiting."
Although they shouldn't have a hard time understanding this
simple logic, men lose track of Harley's First Law of Marriage:
/----------------------------------------\
| When it comes to sex and affection, |
| you can't have one without the other! |
\----------------------------------------/
ANY MAN CAN LEARN TO BE AFFECTIONATE
I believe almost any husband can be taught to be more
affectionate. His best teacher is his wife, if she can:
1. Put aside her pride. It will do little good to sit
and pout, "If he really loved me, He'd know I need
lots of affection."
2. Be patient. Remember that the typical male does not
gave a strong need for affection. Sex, yes;
affection, no. He needs to become aware of his
wife's vital need for affection.
Affection is so important for women that they become confused
when their husbands don't respond in kind. For example, a wife
may call her husband at work, just to talk. She would love to
receive such a call and is sure he feels the same. She often
feels disappointed when he cuts it short because, "I've got all
this stuff to finish by five o'clock." It doesn't mean the
husband doesn't love her; he simply has different priorities
because of a different set of basic needs.
When I go on a trip, I often find little notes Joyce has packed
among my clothes. she is telling me she loves me, of course,
but the notes send another message as well. Joyce would like
to get the same little notes from me, and I have tried to
leave such notes behind -- on her pillow, for example -- when I
go out of town.
My needs for protection, approval and care are not the same as
hers, nor are they met in similar ways. I've had to discover
these differences and act accordingly. For example, when we
stroll through a shopping center, it is important to her that
we hold hands, something that would not occur to me naturally
or automatically. She has encouraged me to take her hand, and
I'm glad to do so, because I know she enjoys that and it says
something she wants to hear.
When I try to explain this kind of hand holding to some
husbands in my counseling office, they may question my manhood
a bit. Isn't my wife "leading me by the nose" so to speak? I
reply that in my opinion nothing could be further from the
truth. If holding Joyce's hand in a shopping center makes her
feel loved and cherished, I would be a fool to refuse to do it
because I thought not doing it would make me look "macho." I
appreciate her coaching on how to show affection. I promised
to care for her when I married her, and I meant every word of
it. If she explains how I can best give her the care she
wants, I'm happy to learn, because I want her happiness.
Almost all men need some instruction in how to become more
affectionate. The men who are good at it learned how to do it
from good coaches -- perhaps a former girlfriend. So, unless a
wife wants to pay a counselor to do it later in her marriage,
early on she will understand she is the proper teacher for her
husband when it comes to teaching him how to be affectionate,
and she will take appropriate action.
Women find it hard to do this, because they want such behavior
from their husbands to at least appear spontaneous. But any
new behavior is not spontaneous until it is well learned.
Remember the two prerequisites already mentioned: Put aside
your pride and be patient.
First, help your husband feel good about displaying affection.
Whatever you do, never nag or hang on him or try to force some
affection out of him. This kind of negative reinforcement will
only make him more cold and distant. Instead create situations
that lend themselves to positive reinforcement.
Rather than waiting for him to slip up behind you to do his
customary caressing that usually ends with your telling him,
"Not now, I'm trying to make dinner," it might be better to
take the direct approach. One simple scenario, played out in
the privacy of a living room could go like this:
PEGGY: (after turning down the television): "I'm
interrupting this program to ask you an important
question. Do you love me?"
PETE: (a bit puzzled and anxious to get his newscast back):
"Of course, you know I do."
PEGGY: "Then give me a little hug -- just a little one so I
know you care about me." (She slips into Pete's
arms, gets her hug, and slips out again.) As she
turns the TV back up she says: "Thanks, I needed
that."
Another approach to affection lessons can be make in the semi-
privacy of the family car:
ALICE: (sliding over on the seat): "Remember when we were
dating and you used to drive everywhere with one
hand?"
AL: "Yup, it's a wonder I didn't get a ticket or in an
accident."
ALICE: (snuggling close and putting her head on his
shoulder): "Could you see if you haven't lost your
touch? If we get stopped, I'll explain everything
to the policeman."
There are other approaches, of course. Every wife needs to
develop one that will work for her. It could be something as
simple as:
* Slipping your hand into his as you walk into church.
* Mentioning how cool the movie theater's air conditioning is
as you gently tug to get his arm around you.
Follow this cardinal rule when coaching your husband in the
fine art of affection: Keep it casual. Listen and watch
carefully. If he communicates any feelings of discomfort--
verbal or nonverbal -- just back off and try again later.
Remember to build your strategy on positive reinforcement, and
aim at helping your husband develop a habit of displaying the
kind of affection that doesn't always have to lead
automatically to sex.
SEX BEGINS WITH AFFECTION
Over the years, I have seen nothing more devastating to a
marriage than an affair, because it destroys the one-flesh bond
of a husband and wife. Sadly enough, most affairs start
because of a lack of affection (for the wife) and lack of sex
(for the husband). It is quite a vicious circle. She doesn't
get enough affection, so she shuts him off sexually. He
doesn't get enough sex, so the last thing he feels like being
is affectionate.
I constantly deal with couples caught on this kind of merry-go-
round, but it is anything but merry. I STRIVE TO GET THEM TO
STOP THE MERRY-GO-ROUND, GET OFF, AND START BUILDING A
RELATIONSHIP ON MUTUAL CARING, NOT MUTUAL NEEDING.
Some husbands don't feel too happy at first when I explain that
affection is the ENVIRONMENT of the marriage, and sex is an
EVENT. But even the most sex-hungry husband will agree that
you can't have sex ALL the time. You should, however, have
affection all the time, because it forms the canopy that
lovingly covers a marriage and provides shelter for the lover's
couch.
I work diligently to get such a husband to see that he must
shower his wife with affection, but without sex. I explain
that sex can come naturally enough and often, IF THERE IS
ENOUGH AFFECTION.
I have a simple plan. The husband sets as his goal making
affection his ordinary way of relating continuously to his
wife. He doesn't just turn on affection now and then in order
to get some sex. Whenever he and his wife come together, a
big hug and a kiss should be routine. In fact, almost every
interaction between a husband and wife should include
affectionate words and gestures. Am I saying they have to
constantly hug, kiss and whisper sweet nothings? Not at all,
but I do believe every marriage should have an atmosphere that
says, "I like you, I'm fond of you, I really do love you, and I
know you love me."
Women need affection regularly and often, at least several
times a day. A hug in the morning before getting out of bed, a
kiss good-bye as he leaves for work, a call during the day, a
card now and again in the mail, a big hug and kiss upon
arriving home, seating her at the dinner table, holding hands
in front of the television set -- all these create the
environment of affection.
Sex, on the other hand, is an event, and in and of itself, a
special occasion. There should be a time and a place for it.
In that setting, affection comes into play as a part of sexual
intercourse.
At this point many men become confused. If I want him to save
sex for special occasions, what does a husband do with his
natural feelings of arousal, which can be triggered simply by
looking at his wife in just about any setting? When
counseling husbands on this, I teach them how to discipline
their thinking and reorient their behavior so they no longer
make a direct connection between affection and sex.
Some men don't find it easy. They want to know if they have to
go back to the "just take a cold shower" routine they got when
they were courting their wives. I reply that they need not
take the cold showers, but it wouldn't hurt to remember how
they acted toward their wives when they dated. They showed
plenty of affection and attention then. The usual routine
included dinner and perhaps a show or some other form of
entertainment. Throughout the evening the young man treated
the young lady with respect and tenderness. On the way home
they often stopped to park and admire a lovely view. He
slipped his arm around her and both of them seemed to enjoy the
physical contact that followed.
A lot of husbands do remember the passionate encounters of
their courting day and want to know, "Why doesn't she get
turned on the way she used to, now that we're married?"
I patiently explain that she isn't getting turned on NOW
because he isn't treating her as he did THEN. Does he think
getting married suddenly eliminates the woman's need for
affection? A man should work as carefully and patiently at
showing affection in his marriage as he did when he and his
wife dated. This sounds simplistic to some men; they think I
am chiding them for not "being romantic enough." Don't I know
that the romantic stuff is impractical and unnecessary when
you're married?
I respond that I know no such thing. In fact, I suggest they
have put things in total reverse and could be asking for real
trouble. Wives treated with little or no romance are ripe for
an affair.
Why? In most cases, in order for a woman to willingly have sex
with a man, she needs to feel one with him in spirit. A couple
achieves this one-spirit unity through the exchange of
affection and the passage of time. A woman's need for one-
spirit unity helps us understand how affairs develop. Only
after a woman has received affection for a time will she become
one with a man physically, but affection MUST come before sex.
In the typical affair, a woman has sex with a man after he has
demonstrated his love for her by showering her with affection.
Because her lover has expressed such care for her, the physical
union is usually characterized by a degree of ecstasy otherwise
unknown to the woman in her marriage.
All this misleadingly makes affairs sound like forbidden fruit
and far more exciting than marriage could ever be. In truth,
any marriage can have the sizzle of an affair, if it has that
strong one-spirit bond.
Husbands will have little trouble interesting their wives in
sex if they have laid the proper groundwork with plenty of
affection. When you face such a troubled marriage, look for
the lack of groundwork. Without the environment of affection,
the sexual event is not predictably pleasant for the woman.
All too often, she reluctantly agrees to have sex with her
husband, even though she feels she won't have that great a
time. In an affair, however, the conditions that guarantee a
good time -- the bonding that comes with affection and caring
-- are met. Her lover has taken time to create the right
environment. Consequently, she feels sexually aroused just at
the thought of him.
In most couples I see during counseling, I try to help the
husband to see that for his wife, affection has meaning far
beyond anything he can imagine. A woman experiences
immeasurable pleasure from the sensations she receives through
affection. Although these sensations are not the same ones she
enjoys during sexual arousal and intercourse, they form a vital
part of the relationship, because without them she usually
cannot get the most from a sexual experience.
Many husbands have this all backwards. Because they can become
aroused without giving it a thought, they think women can too.
Most women give sex quite a bit of thought and usually give
themselves permission to become sexually aroused. Customarily
they make a deliberate, conscious decision.
When counseling wives in troubled marriages, I usually have
little difficulty talking them into having more sex with their
husbands. For a woman, having sex is a decision, more mental
than physical. Husbands who remain unaware of this basic
difference in women often feel troubled when their wives
suddenly become sexually responsive to them as a result of
talking to me. They suspect that I must use some charm or
technique which they lack. They often ask me, "What did you
tell her?"
Just as women prefer that their husbands' affection be
spontaneous and not learned behavior, so men would like to
think of their wives' sexual response to them as being
spontaneous. Understand that meeting each other's needs is
seldom a spontaneous, "natural" process. You need to learn a
new behavior. I must add, however, that I find it much easier
to "talk a woman into having sex with her husband" if he at
least makes some kind of effort to be affectionate.
Women have a choice when it comes to sex, but when offered
affection they have little resistance, because it is perhaps
their deepest emotional need. In describing their need for
affection, I realize I've confronted men quite strongly about
learning to become affectionate, and that may seem rather
one-sided. But all I've said here will prove of little value
if a wife fails to understand that her husband has an equally
deep need for sex. To the typical man, sex is like air or
water. He doesn't have any "options."
If a wife fails to understand the power of the male sex
appetite, she will wind up with a husband who is tense or
frustrated at best. At worst, he may start looking for
somebody else and, tragically enough, find that someone all too
easily. All this need not occur if men learn to be more
affectionate and wives respond with more eagerness to make
love. As Harley's first law says: WHEN IT COMES TO SEX AND
AFFECTION, YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER.
QUESTIONS FOR HIM:
1. On a scale of one to 10, with 10 being "very
affectionate," how affectionate am I toward my wife? How
would she rate me?
2. Is affection the environment for our entire marriage?
3. In the past, have I tended to equate affection with
getting sexually aroused? Why hasn't this worked?
4. In what specific ways do I show my wife affection?
5. Would I be willing to have her coach me in how to show her
more affection in the ways she really likes it?
QUESTIONS FOR HER:
1. Is affection as important to me as this booklet claims?
2. If I'm not getting enough affection from my husband, and I
willing to put aside my pride and patiently coach him?
3. Would I find it easier to make love if I felt he were
truly interested in me and affectionate toward me?
CONSIDER TOGETHER:
1. Do we need to talk about affection? If so, what exactly
do we need to share?
2. Is there enough affection in our marriage? What examples
can we give?
3. How can we have "affection practice?" What is comfortable
for both of us?
_____________________________________________________________
Dr. Harley has over 20 years of experience as a marriage
counselor. He is a licensed clinical psychologist and director
of a network of mental health clinics and chemical dependency
programs in Minnesota.
The above material is excerpted from Dr. Harley's book HIS
NEEDS, HER NEEDS (c)1986 by William F. Harley Jr., and was used
with permission of Fleming H. Revell Company.
_____________________________________________________________
More Booklets from FOCUS ON THE FAMILY:
The following booklets are also available from Focus on the
Family for a suggested donation of $.35 [Yes folks, a big 35
cents!] per booklet.
Write out a list of which ones you want, and enclose the list
with your return address and a check or money order in an
envelope addressed to:
Focus on the Family
Pomona, CA 91799
Booklets for which no author is indicated are by Dr. James
Dobson.
1. Prepare for adolescence
2. Fatigue and the homemaker
3. Stories for the children's hour -Dr. Kenneth Taylor
4. Busy husbands, lonely wives
6. Self-Esteem for your child
7. Understanding your child's personality
11. Questions parents ask about discipline
13. Materialism: enemy of the family
14. Overprotection: the error of dedicated parents
16. The plan of salvation
17. The impact of TV on young lives
18. Abortion: a moral outrage
19. Overcoming the marriage blues
22. The scourge of sibling rivalry
24. A checklist for spiritual training
25. A fresh look at husbands and wives
26. Questions parents ask about self-esteem
29. Low self-esteem in adults
31. The heavens declare God's glory
34. Music in the home
35. Teaching children to be kind
36. Mother's employment: Implications for the family
37. A new look at masculinity and femininity
39. Dr. Dobson talks about families
40. Advice to pre-teenagers about self-confidence
41. Human emotions: friends or enemies
43. Setting your adolescent free
44. My father and a dog named Benji
45. The strong-willed adolescent
46. Don't nag your teenager
47. The hyperactive child
49. Surviving the crises of life - Virginia Watts
50. The unproclaimed priests of public education - Timothy
Crater
52. Values in the home
53. Hormone imbalance in mid-life
54. Discipline from 4 to 12
55. Making sense of wills, trusts, and estate planning - Lloyd
Copenbarger
56. Motherhood: it helps if you smile
57. Thirty ideas for husbands and fathers
58. A guide to family budgeting - Larry Burkett
59. Launching the young adult
60. The straight life
61. How to preserve your marriage
62. Eating disorders: an epidemic of self-induced starvation
63. Developing your child's devotional life - Mary White
64. Sex and communication in marriage - Dr. Kevin Leman
65. The miracle parenting tools
66. Treating your child's allergies - Doris Rapp, MD
67. A new approach to planning family vacations - Tim Hansel
68. A Woman of influence: How to pray for your children - Jean
Flemming
69. The loving leader: A man's role at home - Dean Merrill
70. Help for the alcoholic and his family - Sharon Wegscheider
71. Preparing for the arrival of a newborn - William Sears, MD
72. Creative ideas for grandparents - Norman Bowman et al
73. Hope for the hurting parent - Margie Lewis
74. Divorce: coping with the pain - Andre Bustanoby
75. A christmas sampler from the Dobson's
76. The balanced life - Key to managing stress - Jan Markell
77. Working at home: ways to supplement family income - Jay
Levinson
78. Your child's physical fitness - Martin Lorin MD
79. The power of encouragement - Jeanne Doering
80. Pets and your family - Frances Chrystie
81. Restoring romance to your marriage - Ed Wheat, MD
82. Safety Tips for the Home - Bryson Kalt et al
83. The read-aloud guide - Jim Trelease
84. Lets make a memory - Gloria Gather & Shirley Dobson
85. Helping the hurried child - David Elkind PhD
86. Coping with frustration
88. Ministering to the aged - David Oliver PhD
91. A guide to creative hospitality - Marlene DeFever
92. Advice to parents of preschoolers - Dr. Paul Meier
93. Creative mothering - Jean Fleming
94. The approachable father - Gordon McDonald
95. You are great in God's eyes - Anthony Campolo
100. Traveling with young children - John Taylor
101. A family guide to outdoor safety - David Richey
96. A woman's guide to reaching goals - Mary Crowley
97. A primer on home schooling - Dr. Raymond & Dorothy Moore
98. Preparing your children for school - Dr. Cliff Schimmels
99. Widowhood: are you prepared? - John Watts
102. Making the most of your time - Edward Dayton
103. Resolving conflict - Josh McDowell
104. A parent's guide to storytelling - Ethel Barrett
105. Christmas is for kids - Alice Lawhead
106. You can make a difference (US) - Richard Cizek
121. You can make a difference (Canada) - Richard Cizek
107. Discover a new beginning - Ted Engstrom
108. Advice to newlyweds - H. Norman Wright
109. Tough Love for singles
113. Shape up and feel great - Marie Chapain
114. The church and the family
115. The value of motherhood - Brenda Hunter
116. Making lifelong friends - Ted Engstrom
117. The decision of life
118. Taking time out to be dad - Wilson Grant MD
119. Help for the pregnant teen - Linda Roggow & Carolyn Owens
120. Coping with anger
122. Advice to single parents - Virginia Smith
123. Questions parents ask about school and education
124. What Works
125. Eating Right: a guide to family nutrition - Dr. C.
Kuntzleman
126. Interpreting God's will
127. Why wait for marriage? - Tim Stafford
128. Christmas -- a time for family - Alice Lawhead
129. Coping with depression
130. Selecting a marriage partner - Dr. Neil Warren
131. Successful stepparenting - Dave & Bonnie Juroe
134. Getting the Job: A guide for employment seekers - R.
Laughlin
135. Queen of hearts: the role of today's mom - Jill Briscoe
136. A guide to adoption - Douglas Donnely
137. Questions women ask about middle age, menopause and
maturity - Joe MIlhaney, MD
138. What every man should know about fatherhood - W. M.
Hardenbrook
140. What the bible says: Ten reasons why you should get
involved in the fight against pornography - Dr. Jerry Kirk
141. The power of the picture: how pornography harms - Dr.
Jerry Kirk
142. Hard core already illegal: the case against hard core
pornography in America - Dr. Jerry Kirk
143. A winnable war: How to fight pornography in your community
- Dr. Jerry Kirk
145. Living with an unsaved spouse - William Deal
146. Help for the postabortal woman - Teri Reisser, MD
147. Responding to a woman with a crisis pregnancy - Teri
Reisser, MD
148. Crisis pregnancy centers: how you and your church can help
- Pamela Pearson Wong
149. Cultivating Affection in your Marriage - Willard Harley
Jr., PhD.