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Let’s Play The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

☛ Gameplay spoilers for Tears of the Kingdom start on Day ≤1, and plot spoilers start on Day 1. The introduction, right below, has minor gameplay spoilers for Breath of the Wild, the previous game. Even bigger spoilers for BotW start at Day 6. You should expect the spoilers to get even bigger after that. ☚

A while back, but long after it came out on the Switch, I played The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. It was the first game I got for the Switch, and it, plus the DLC, was nothing short of fantastic. I figured that I’d have gotten my money’s worth for the Switch and the Pro Controller even if I bought nothing else for the Switch ever. At some point, I realized I like games where you could wander around and dick around; the joy of discovery was something I really liked, and Breath of the Wild delivered lots and lots and lots of Hyrule to explore. It also had a nicely gentle learning curve, which was very important for me at the time.

BotW was my first 3D modern-controller (A, B, X, Y, L, ZL, R, ZR, D-pad, left stick, right stick, −, +, camera, home) game, and it took me a crazy long time to get adequate at the controls. Even something as basic as camera movement took some getting used to, mainly because I had to figure out what I wanted, nearly from first principles. I knew that I wanted pulling back on the stick to look up (a carryover from mouse-based FPSs which was a carryover from flight simulators), but I wasn’t quite sure what was natural for the left-right axis. I eventually settled on reversing both the vertical and horizontal axes, but that was long after I’d gotten off the Great Plateau. While I was on the Great Plateau, I had my hands full trying to get good enough at the controls to get all three apples off a tree without making it look like I’m trying to dance around the tree instead of picking apples. Solo bokoblins? Yeah, that was a challenge. The talus? I figured out soon enough that I didn’t need to take it on then, and could come back to it.

Incidentally, a Switch controller’s front-button layout looks like this:

    X
   Y A
    B

L and R are index-finger buttons. ZL and ZR are middle-finger buttons. The left stick is opposite the ABXY buttons, while the D-pad is down and inside a bit, opposite the right stick.

Now then. I was in no rush to finish Breath of the Wild, and partway through I ended up buying the DLC for it. While I’d outgrown some of the outfits that the DLC provides, I got a lot of use out of the Traveler’s Medallion to warp back to where I was a moment ago, and it cut down on a lot of annoying travel.

Eventually I did Calamity Ganon in, and I figured I was ready for Master Mode, maybe.

When I started my Master Mode playthrough, I decided to do a written Let’s Play of it. For several surprisingly-uninteresting reasons, it’s not really publishable (and it’s even worse in gemtext), so you’ll be missing out on what amounts to mostly-boring travel writing that takes place in a location that doesn’t exist.

Not that what follows is shaping up to be any more interesting or different, mind.

The only thing from my BotW Let’s Plays worth publishing here is the following passage, written after riding to the Coliseum and cleaning it out of both koroks and DLC chests. I noted that there was a stable-and-shrine pair somewhat close by, and wrote this:

I left my horse, of course, of course, and I didn’t want to walk to my horse, of course. That said, of course, I could board the horse, and then mount him _there_, instead.

There, I just saved you hours of reading.

The snowclone makes more sense if you know that you can talk to a stablehand to board your horse, regardless of where it is on the map, and then pull it out of the stable, ready to ride.

⁂

Now then. If your Gemini client has a way to skip around to different headings, you might want to use it. If you don’t know if it does, you might want to poke around and find out.

Day ≤1

I try to finalize spoilers policy.

• I’ve been trying to avoid story and gameplay spoilers. I haven’t totally succeeded. I gather that one can build things. People have been building things, and sharing videos of them.
• I’ll try to avoid looking stuff up on the Internet. I’ve already played BotW, and I should be good enough at these sorts of games to not need that sort of thing until late.
• I will keep trying to avoid both story and gameplay spoilers.

Day 1: 2023-05-13

You start out with both rows of hearts filled. More than you could end the previous game with, IIRC. Wonder where Link picked up a couple extra heart containers.

Ever since the end of the Calamity, the castle has fallen into neglect.

I know this is still post-apocalyptic Hyrule and all, but…were Ganon and his minions half-decent caretakers…?

The Master Sword seems longer. Either that, or the camera’s closer in than I’m used to it being.

OK, the Zonai lived in the sky, and were the earliest civilization on record. Good thing Skyward Sword DX came out a short while ago…

Keese? In MY abandoned forbidden basement?

Zelda has a Purah-made camera in the style of the Sheikah Slate, but what happened to the real one?

Well, there goes all but three of my hearts. And the outside of my right arm.

Oh huh, green sky. I should expect a lot more green in this game where I saw blue before.

OK, I understand we got a new arm…but what happened to Link’s clothes…and earrings?

Oh, they’re back on after the cutscene ended.

Decayed Master Sword

[one-handed sword] 1

The sword that seals the darkness. Its sacred

power has been diminished after being

ravaged by the gloom beneath Hyrule Castle.

Man, this thing went from 30 or 60 damage to…1.

OK, cut some vines. I can do this. But first…wander around.

It’s crazy weird how pressing X in midair does nothing.

You still get decent AoE if you hold down Y. Way longer than you’d expect from a stub of a sword.

Yeah, yeah. Green glowy thing with a hand icon on it. Is this water deep enough to swim in? Yes.

New underpants. This one has an obvious fly, of sorts, plus the pair has…a belt. Actually two.

Oh hey, a blue thing to stand on. Maybe later.

I wonder if one could tell the difference between BotW and TotK screenshots just from the blue/green balance.

Jump in water.

Climb up a bit. I know how to do this to get out of the Resurrection Chamber!

Landing in water, even from a great height, will prevent you from taking fall damage.

Guess I’m not getting a parachute anytime soon. If ever. Rip in peace.

Archaic legwear. Looks like I’m ready to be an extra on Ben Hur or something.

[important cutscene]

Tree Branch

[one-handed sword] 2

Wooden branches such as this are pretty

common, but it’s surprisingly well-balanced.

It doesn’t do much damage but can serve

as a weapon in a pinch.

This tree branch is twice as powerful as the Master Sword.

…I should have done the skydiving in my underpants. It’s not like I needed the armor.

…I had to use TWO sticks to kill this Zonai thing. What is this, Master Mode?

None of this lifted Hyrule looks like it’s from anyplace I’ve seen before.

“Purah Pad”. Looks like a Switch, kind of like how the Sheikah Slate looked like a Wii U.

Fake news. I’ve been to the Temple of Time. It’s a wreck.

Oh. Maybe the one I was at earlier was the new one.

Let’s press ⊖, shall we?

45°F

0453, -1312, 1535

I can’t tell if the map’s internal boundaries are the same as what I remember from down below. Where I am now seems a bit south of Hyrule Castle, and a bit east of where I remember the Great Plateau being.

Korok Seed

This small seed was given to you by a Korok.

It has a distinct smell. If you gather a bunch

of them, you never know what may happen…

The first of many, I assume. And I think I know what’ll happen.

You know, I was _not_ rewarded for breaking pots and taking their contents in the previous game. Evidently this one is a return to form.

Well, I can’t Magnesis this plus sign into the right place. I wonder what I’ll have to do.

The cold part was interesting. I learned about making green things go. Having to cook beforehand gave me at least a little bit of simulated danger, but it’s nothing I haven’t handled on the Great Plateau. I got some arrows and a bunch of spicy peppers, but that was about it.

Wooden planks…and a grind rail…with hooks beside it. This is definitely mechanic foreshadowing, but I’ve managed to keep myself spoiler-free enough to not be sure how I’m going to put tab A into slot B.

OK, enough farting around. Time to actually go to where Zelda is supposed to be.

Oh, no! This one has a shield!

…I finally won by baiting him to spin his horned neck around, and he had his shield down for that. Phew. I spent quite a bit of time trying to Perfect Dodge, and whiffed it every time, probably by pressing the wrong button.

“Visit the shrines”, says Link’s new right-hand man.

OK, I’ll leave that for tomorrow.

Two hours today.

Day 2: 2023-05-16

I’m going over to where the obvious shrine is. It’s 6:30 PM all of a sudden. Did the existence of time creep up on me after I got to the Temple of Time?

…well, that’d make sense. Kind of.

Let me see what’s down there, below the hard-to-get rushrooms and…whoops, that was a second too-far fall, and then my corpse ragdolled over the edge. Game overed in the tutorial zone.

“Ukouh Shrine”. They really ran out of easy-to-pronounce names in Breath of the Wild, didn’t they?

OK, is this non-Euclidean space, like a TARDIS, or…?

Anyhow.

Mr. Right-Hand Man again:

I believe this light will restore an ability your right arm has lost.

Like, it seems fully functional to me already. I can swing a sword with it, hold apples with it, and probably flip people off with it. I forget which hand Link used to trigger bomb detonations from the Sheikah Slate, but it probably wasn’t the arm that holds the sword or moral equivalent.

Wouldn’t want to pick my nose with it — the nails look menacingly long and thick.

Anyhow. Continuing…

Ultrahand

Grab and move objects, rotate them, and

stick them to other objects.

Hm. Press L (left index finger, not left thumb) to activate the ability in my right hand. I guess this ability is the start of all the “look what I built” videos I’ve tried to avoid on the Internet.

Oh cool, an eight-item radial menu! Anyone else remember RadialContext for Mozilla and then Firefox? No? Damn.

I guess this is how you’ll get abilities to you doled out, one per Real Dungeon that Breath of the Wild Lacked™.

OK, so it’s like Magnesis…but for anything. And you can rotate things horizontally in 45° increments.

First one down.

Second one…let’s see. I’ll just stick the first one on the far side, so the center of gravity is on the far ledge, and then figure out a way to stick the second one to it…

Well, huh. There’s some green goo sticking the two together now, and the whole thing’s center of gravity was in mid-air so it all fell. Thankfully, the angle isn’t so steep that I can’t just run up it. Inelegant, but good enough.

Wiggle R (right thumb) to unstick. Feels like shake-to-undo. Seems…out of place. Not sure I like it.

OK, I got over. I don’t see a then-obligatory chest. Maybe it’s way up high, in the example sliding monorail raft, but I don’t see a way to get me up there from here.

Burned off a little red there. Nice.

⁂

A freezing-climates tip in the loading screen. Foreshadowing!

The fact that their labor no longer serves any purpose, yet they perform it still…it is disquieting to me.

Someone should make a game about that.

Anyhow, cute sailboats.

These apple trees are for babies. The BotW apple trees, canonically had three apples:

• one that you could pick up by standing next to it
• one you had to jump to get
• one you had to climb the tree to get

These trees only have the first two.

Anyhow, I assemble a long bridge made of like three parts. Seems like I can’t lift things as high as I could with Magnesis — I’m having to weave this thing in between trees instead of lifting the whole thing over all of them like I figure I could.

Hm. The Zonai have…floating boxes. That just stay wherever you leave them. They look climbable, too. I should test this out after I get one over terra…well, firma-enougha.

8:40 PM already. I’m not going to have to deal with stal-anything up here, am I?

Amber went on a diet.

Sunset fireflies are still around, I see.

Peered over the edge and I see Nazca ruins-type things on the ground below.

“Ancient Arowana”. I guess that’s a good name for a fish I have to hunt for with arrows instead of bombs.

A 2-pack of korok seeds! Totally new mechanic!

These chuchus are backing up. Are they getting smarter…?

“In-Isa Shrine”. Oh hey look, a bombable wall.

Fuse

Attach something to an equipped weapon

or shield to enhance it. You can undo the

fusion, but that will destroy whatever has

been attached.

Attach rock to rusty big-ass sword, smash rock wall. Got it.

6 rusty-claymore damage, +2 from the boulder.

OK, I can make my arrows…fruity. Hot.

Constructs and chuchus fight each other. Interesting.

Oh hey, a “you got a weapon, you can drop something worse” interface. Nice QoL improvement.

Interesting. A ceiling-walking frog that isn’t obviously hostile. I’ll leave it alone, and hope it does the same.

It left me alone. It probably won’t need these glowing seeds…or the ruby behind a stone wall.

Archaic Tunic

[shirt] 1

Old-fashioned upper-body wear. It’s got some

holes, but the soft cloth feels good to the

touch. It’s hard to keep it wrinkle-free.

Oh, huh. I can just yank shrooms off of inaccessible places. Getting loads of rushrooms is probably gonna be way easier now.

OK, I’ve got the amber, killed the captain, gotten the stambulbs…how do I get back? I can’t lock on to any of the floating platforms.

Finally, once I got up high enough. Spooky. Small indie company?

Backtracked a bit, then set up a hovercraft. I ended up getting blown into the guardrail on the left, but I ended up crossing before my battery ran out. I thought about maybe adjusting the fan direction, but didn’t really get to it in time, or at least it wasn’t totally necessary.

“You should cook”, it says, so I do.

Scorching Meat Skewer

♥︎♥︎½ 🗡️☀️ Hot Weather Attack 01:30

Grants a low-level attack enhancement in

hot places.

A juicy, filling snack made by grilling small

chunks of meat on a skewer.

“Ups damage only in hot places”? Did we need this mechanic? Really?

89 arrows already.

I tagged where I’m going with the red beacon, so now’s a good stopping point.

Another two hours, for a total of four.

Day 3: 2023-05-17

OK, up the hill. I’ll get all these rushrooms and…

Well, glad I cooked a bunch of stamina food. Let’s eat the smallest possible meal…

OK, I might make it to the top…if I jump at the very last second, I can maximize my stamina…

…fuck. No parachute. Oddly enough, I’m down to a half heart remaining, not a quarter like I’d expect if one-shot protection were enabled.

Fuck it. I’m walking. There are stairs here.

⁂

OK, a hole filled with bombable…uh…rockable rocks. How can I smash them? Let’s see if I can climb up on a wall close by and do a midair smash…

…nope, that wasn’t it.

Big sticks with rocks on the end get used like mining hammers from the old game, right? Can’t I just do the spin-and-ground-pound move?

Yes, we can!

Fuck, that’s a beautiful sunrise.

Onward and upward…

…three captains? And there’s all kinds of stuff around them. I’m going to have to use tools.

Should’ve eaten after the first whack. Good thing I saved manually right before this.

Opal. Sweet.

OK. You can smelt zonaite into things.

Charges…crystallized charges…crystallized charges are raw materials for making energy cells…

And now, for a mine-cart ride. Uphill!

…now, that’s the biggest gumball machine I’ve ever seen.

Korok, and…

now, a mine-cart monorail. Cool.

OK, this is a nice little hill. Shield-surfing still works, right? Hold out your shield, jump, and then press…what is it…A?

Yes!

A…single-use pot. Best on flat surfaces, it says.

Up and around through the cave, and…

It’s cold up here. I’ll do speedrun strats and only eat the hot food when I’m about to die.

Interesting. There’s a giant dandelion here. Let me whack it and…

…darn. Didn’t see where it landed. Maybe it’ll respawn if I go back up again.

After like ten attempts, I figure out that the winning play is to stand where it’ll probably land, shoot it with an arrow from there, and then grab it as it falls. I almost got filtered. The hand stuff I have doesn’t help me at all.

Uphill and…

Oh shit, this one’s got one of those flamethrowers I got from the gumball machine.

One whack from full health and I’m at a quarter heart. Good thing I’ve got one-hit KO protection.

Got cocky. Game over.

Killed him after I came back. Good thing I booked it to the cave entrance and got a free autosave. You know what beats trying to Perfect Dodge a flamethrower? Headshots.

Bomb flowers. I remember this mechanic.

Another bubble-blowing glowing frog.

…what the fuck WAS that thing on the wall with a testicle dangling deep behind its maw of teeth?

Like Like Stone

OK, one of those. Haven’t seen one of those since the 8-bit days, so no wonder I didn’t recognize it.

Climb up some more, and…

…two captain constructs, and another Game Over. Kill them both on the second time, and…

…there are two flame heads here.

Hmm.

I’ll stick one to a sword and another…to a shield? Sure.

The shield works like a flamethrower if you just hold your shield out. This could be fun.

I’m within spitting distance of the shrine I’ve been trying to work myself towards, so I’ll stop at the 90-minute mark.

1½ hours today, for a total of 5½ hours.

Day 4: 2023-05-19

Climb up a bit, and…gutentag…er…Gutenbach? (I checked after finishing and it’s “Gutanbac”.)

Ascend

Move upward through solid material and

emerge on top of it.

Is this the mini Revali’s Gale I’ve been hearing about?

Not really. It lets you go up, but you have to get through a wall to do it.

I don’t really like it. It feels constrained, like an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.

Anyhow, that’s done. My right-hand man says to go to the Temple of Time.

There’s a fantastically suspicious circle of what are probably stones on this mountain, so I’m going to walk down the normal way instead of climbing up the roots draped over the top exit to the Bottomless Cave.

Now for a cooking session…

…and to go up through this very obvious “use Ascend here” overhang and into the hollowed-out giant tree…

Archaic Warm Greaves

Good thing I didn’t make loads of cold-weather food.

Got the obvious korok on top.

…gliders…? Let’s check out the local gumball machine and see if I need anything on it other than a fan.

It gives me at least one wing if I dump five Zonai charges in. Also fans and other stuff.

I’m going to save now.

Fan on, and…

…steady as she goes…

too high, gonna have to kill some altitude by looping around…

• sploosh*

Like Launchpad McQuack didn’t say, any landing you can swim away from is a good landing.

Climb up the steps, sometimes literally, open the door, and…

Ooh, wow.

Man, princesses have a weird life.

Recall

Reverse an object’s movement until it goes

back to where it was. You can stop the

reverse movement at any time.

OK, this looks very game-mechanicy. I wonder if I’ll be able to use it in combat.

Pray

I want goodies, not to just get smiled upon.

I am not yet vital enough. I cannot open the bigger door. Evidently this door is a giant Master Sword.

OK, NOW I can TP to previous shrines. It’s all coming together now.

Let’s just check out this one gear thing, and…

…damn, my timing sucks.

…Oh, this is the shrine. I was supposed to do this.

Nachoyah shrine. I think they’re having a giggle.

“100 crystallized charges”

Well, then. I’d better get to collecting. I only have 10 now.

Anyhow. These shrines look way bigger in caves.

Easy enough.

Now then. Back outside. Let’s peer over the edge, and…

Wow, the Temple of Time is far below. I probably don’t need a fan for this. I’m still saving the game, though.

Well, I didn’t need a fan.

I do need to dive way more than I did, though, because the thing dematerialized way over my target and I fell to my death. I didn’t realize that pressing the Dive button would have let me Pilotwings my way to a different landing zone, possibly over some water.

Second time…nailed it. Somewhere in the giant body of water, but still. Close enough to swim to the entrance without drowning or having to munch stamina foods.

Guess I’m getting a heart container now.

Heart Container

A rare item that restores some of the life

force you lost to the gloom, increasing your

maximum number of hearts by one.

And that burns off everything, not just my funky arm.

Odd that this is phrased as restoring what was taken, as opposed to adding to what was there already.

Aww, cute. The dragons kissed.

…and that’s the last I’ll probably see of my right-hand man.

Zelda gets the sword. She looks like she’ll hang onto it for a bit. She seems relieved, somewhat.

I get a mentalgram from her like in the last game, saying “Link — you must find me.”

The cutscene ends with the clouds clearing a bit.

There’s Hyrule Castle.

There’s a big pond below.

Hyrule Castle is now covered in red…smoke? As opposed to the old purple crud.

There’s a red glowing crater south of Hyrule Castle.

There’s a very deliberate spiral cloud way over in the Hebra region, to the northwest.

I’ll just check over on the other side, and…whoops.

Nice view while falling. I’m going to have to eat some stamina food to make sure I don’t drown before I get to the shore…

…done.

Pick up a rock, get a mystery item known as a “green rupee”.

That’s enough for today.

1½ hours today, for a total of 7 hours.

Day 5: 2023-05-20

Now that I’m on the ground, let’s see what’s new.

The map, even when you haven’t explored an area, shows bodies of water. I trivially recognize Lake Hylia, Zora’s Domain, and a few other places. Makes sense, since landing in water from up high is a thing now.

OK. I remember seeing a shrine. I want to TP up and down, and not just have to skydive to get from Up There to Down Here. Let’s go that way.

Damn. Lots of random chunks fell from the sky.

Hyrule Restoration Materials

Use this materials cache for all your building needs. Come find us if you’d like a dream home! —Hudson Construction

Some ad.

What does the game expect me to do, build a cart and put a fan on it? Isn’t this what horses are for?

Also, I’m used to TotK dialog boxes having some kind of flair on the left and right sides. Talking with the koroks and others up in the sky gave me, IIRC, buds with wings; this dialog box has buds without wings, like I see in the newfangled shrines.

Hyrule Herb

I remember these!

“Tajikats Shrine”. Probably not the worst name, and it’s right by a stable.

Building With Logs

Got over the first hump.

…now what am I supposed to do?

I made a U-shaped thing with the three logs I had available and nestled the two tips on the metal extrusion. It stayed. Good enough for me.

This one? Just make a two-log bridge. Easy.

Now…hm. Maybe if I make a cube thing?

I’ve ended up with a square base, two poles sticking out the middle, and three parallel logs up top roughly going between the two up poles. Let’s try this…

Darn. Too top-heavy. It just fell over in the water. Guess three logs up top is too much.

OK, I reinforced the bottom and took off one of the logs up top. I’ll just set this extra log on the ledge I’m going to go to and…oh huh. I can stick this contraption to the log that’s dangling over the edge, making it more stable.

Now for the final everything. There’s a chest over on the left that I want. I don’t know what’s in it, but I want it.

I think I’ll put a fan on on the diagonal and see what happens.

…why am I being given two fans?

OK, don’t put it on the back. That just makes it spin…

What if I have front fan drive?

Nope. That just spins it ’round right around.

Two fans, in front, and I whack one or the other to make it go where I want.

OK, they both went at the same time, and I can’t individually target them. It got me to the end, though, and let’s see if I can just swim sideways against the current…

Got it. A spiky shield. A shield with green plant spikes on it.

Swam back to the raft, whacked it again to turn the fans on, and went forward and left a bit. Jumped off, had a harrowing one-stamina-ring swim to the middle area, and…now I’m on ground again.

⁂

Riverside stable.

Riverside stable…well.

Well.

I’ll circle around back to that maybe.

Beedle.

I have…one rupee.

Moving along.

A Malanya bed. I wonder what sort of sweet nothings Malanya might whisper in my ear. That said, this stable doesn’t have any beds in it, so I’m not sure how well I’d sleep…

Oh. I need something called Pony Points. Every time I use a stable service, I get Pony Points.

This seems like weird gamification bullshit in my video game.

At two points I can get a…towing harness.

OK, that’s moderately interesting.

And…my first blood moon. I’m ready to cook!

Just saw a chunk fall from the sky. I wonder if it’s the new Star Fragment. Too far away for me to get to soon.

I’ll just cook this…and that…and these…and try making some potions out of these crickets I’ve been picking up…

[piano music intensifies]

…and some spicy mushroom dishes…

[clock strikes midnight]

Well, that’s spooky. All these enemies seem to have some kind of spike on their heads now. Nice to have the preview, I suppose.

That’s enough for today.

One hour, for a total of eight.

Day 5+i: 2023-05-24

Haven’t been able to find the time to sit down and actually play the game, but it’s not like I’ve totally stopped thinking about it.

A series of thoughts:

• I’m at a stable in, roughly, central Hyrule.
• If my memory isn’t trash, I should be able to go south to where the Great Plateau was. Of course, the Great Plateau might not be a thing anymore.
• The north side of the Great Plateau had a bunch of horses just milling around. I remember them because I tried to jump off the Great Plateau directly onto an unsuspecting horse’s back, and failed, repeatedly, because the game doesn’t let you do that.
• The only other places I remember getting horses from were around the horse monument out west, and just east of Dueling Peaks to the east, where the local shrine is surrounded by water and also spikes the first time you show up at it.
• I have ice chuchu jellies. I should be able to stick them on arrows and turn them into ice arrows, right? I wonder if the BotW speedrun strat of “freeze the horse with an arrow, stand right next to it, then mount it when it unfreezes” still works in TotK…
• I wonder if one of the things Malanya whispers in your ear while you sleep is “it is valid to eat fingers”.

Still at eight hours of gameplay.

Day 6: 2023-06-06

Heading south.

They still have enemy outposts. They look fancier. I think I see some new enemy in there. Not going to go after them yet. Let’s sneak around the perimeter and collect dragonflies…

I don’t really see anything that looks like the Great Plateau. There’s the reddish mountains off to the right still, but…I don’t recognize what’s right in front of me.

At least I see some green glowing stuff ahead. At least I get a shrine this way.

Sundelion

Huh.

And now there’s one of those moblins with a giant four-tipped spike in his head that I saw during the Blood Moon sequence.

…I’m avoiding him.

…a red wizzrobe…

…I’m definitely avoiding him.

Kamizun shrine. I’ll take it.

…now this is a proper shrine name.

…where’d my clothes go?

Proving Grounds: Beginner

Is this a miniature Eventide Island?

…more like miniature Trial of the Sword. Lot of enemies here.

Well.

Gonna have to not tick them all off at once.

Did that. Got ’em anyway.

Hm. The unpicked red hot chili peppers (firefruit?) disappeared, too. Not just the things I picked up.

Chest with a thing in it…and a little bit of evil cleansing.

⁂

Now then. More south.

Well, here’s the Great Plateau, or what’s left of it.

Your friend is on the top of that thing. Hm. I don’t even know how to get myself up there yet, little buddy.

Oh, hey. There’s this newly-fallen sky rock that I can Ascend through. That should take me about halfway up…

Great Plateau

Hyrule Field

And a rushroom.

⁂

There’s the old (new) Temple of Time.

A giant bokoblin off to the left, across the pavement…

…and, going up the stairs to the Temple of Time, a normal-ish bokoblin with a thing on his head.

He’s armored.

On one hand, a bomb flower was a good idea.

On the other hand, a point-blank bomb flower was not a good idea. RIP.

Hooray for autosaves.

This second time, the bomb flower took off his armor — I think, because his HP bar isn’t yellow anymore. It’s back to the red I’ve come to know and love.

Man, this guy is tanky. Feels like Master Mode without the HP regen.

Black bokoblin horn.

I guess I’m supposed to compensate for weak damage with things like this.

…and that was one of those creepy tree monsters that the loading screen warned me about. Good thing I have a shield with a flamethrower on it…

And one more bokoblin.

…and now there’s dragons in the sky. Did they pop up because I got close, or because it’s nighttime?

Anyway. One trio of stalbokoblins is enough. I’m starting a fire.

⁂

Yup. Dragons still here.

I still do not have a horse.

This spiky shield might be handy if these things try to grab me…

“Aerocuda”. They go down in one arrow.

Oh hey, there’s that pond.

And there’s still a(nother) korok here.

Temple of Time Ruins

Looks about the same. Let’s pray…

I am trapped…under the water…behind

the stone gate…of the great plateau…

Well, I didn’t expect that. I expected to be told that I only have 2/4 Monk Boogers and to come back later.

Uphill, I saw the gate to the cold part of the Plateau. Maybe I’ll go up there. I’ve got the pants for it…

This part looks Ascendable.

Man, I’m getting high up. I sure hope the ladder outside is still there…

OK, I think this is where King Rhoam told me what’s up…and hey, there’s a chest here!

Nostalgic Fabric

Tough fabric bearing a nostalgic design. It

looks like it could be used to make a

paraglider.

The design looks like my old paraglider. Seems I won’t have to fear falling forever.

The music here is exactly as it used to be.

Oh wow, there’s a dude up here. At the gate.

Traveler

Step right up—come and chill!

Hot bananas, fresh off the grill!

Oh. These assholes again.

His stance looks like he’s about to fight. He does not seem like a traveling merchant.

He continues!

Traveler

Hold 'em in your hands, feel that heat!

Take a big bite, what a treat!

Em dashes and straight quotes. The last time I saw this particular combination, I was saving New Tristram.

Oh, more?

Traveler

And the flavor—like a dream! A little taste

of heaven, if you know what I mean.

Aw man, the line breaking failed. Maybe it’s better in Japanese.

Traveler

Stop right there and buy a pair!

• Grill one up for me!
• I'll pass. B⃝

“Buy a pair”. Heh. Heheh. Heheheheh.

I’ll press B to doubt.

His incredulity is breathtaking:

Traveler

What sort of icy heart does it take to turn

down a hot, freshly grilled banana?

The persistence of this guy!

Traveler

Are you going to be a lookie-loo, or will you

buy a banana or two? Just one bite and it

all begins!

I mean, one banana is only a snack. It’s probably for the best that he’s trying to feed me bananas, plural. If he were a weaker salesman and trying to sell me on eating only one banana, all I’d need to do as your humble narrator is faithfully relay his words and then turn to the camera.

• Grill one up for me!
• I'll pass. B⃝

This guy doesn’t realize I have, like, three rupees to my name.

Traveler

There’s only one place for those who deny

the joys of a grilled banana…

You know, I’m not sure if that’s a proper ellipsis in the game or not. I suppose it doesn’t really matter if I can’t tell.

Traveler

Beg the banana's forgiveness!

He wants me to get on my knees and try to please the banana?

[poof]

Now comes the inevitable fight. Wish me luck. I don’t want to get beaten by a banana. Yakov Smirnoff jokes had their second wind years ago, and now they’re doubly passé.

⁂

Take a hit, eat a snack.

Take a hit, eat a snack.

I need to get better at Perfect Dodging again. Or parrying.

Mighty Bananas

1 Fuse Attack Power

½

This fruit grows mainly in tropical forests

of the Faron region. When it’s used as an

ingredient, the resulting dish will temporarily

increase your attack power.

I’m back to automatically curling quotes. Imagine they’re straight in the game.

Blue rupee. This more than doubles my cash reserves up to…7.

Purple rupee. This takes me up to 57.

Eightfold blade. This “yields more powerful sneakstrikes” than ordinary blades.

Is this a mechanic we needed?

Wasn’t there supposed to be a lake? Seems like there’s another one up here. Oh, and I got bodied by a ’lectric Wizzrobe on the way up.

Quite honestly, I’m not sure what I’m doing out here. It’s not like I’ve seen any green glowing shrines.

Oh hey look, it’s the new red crap. Looks like it’s where a shrine used to be.

Great Plateau South Chasm

Looks about as deep as Kohga’s well. I’ll get that glider first.

8 PM. I’m going to skip past the stal phase and fast forward until tomorrow.

⁂

…and it’s 5 AM…and it’s raining with lightning. And of course, I wanted to climb.

I am not a speedrunner. I am not even a streamer. I will wait.

8 AM now. Here comes the sun.

Climb to the top of the tallest thing around, avoiding the aerosomethings with stones, and…

Royal Claymore

[two-handed sword] 14

A large sword, now decayed, issued to the

royal family’s guard. It’s tuned for skilled

users and yields a powerful flurry rush during

a perfect dodge.

So ad-libitum flurry rushes aren’t a thing anymore?

I’ll check on this other red hole.

I will also avoid the moblin. Looks like he has a pineapple on his head. Can’t be good, considering how much trouble I’ve been having with mere bokoblins.

Great Plateau West Chasm

I have a thing on my map for it now.

That’s enough for today.

I still don’t have a horse.

And that’s two more hours, for a total of ten.

Day 7: 2023-06-08

I could jump in. I’d die, and it’d be dumb, but I could jump in.

Let’s go around the rim, check everything out, see what’s behind that moblin, and…icefruit? And a lake?

Ice Fruit

Nailed it.

[…] and increases attack

power in cold temperatures.

Seems like a lot of the buffs in this game got nerfed.

Three arrows pointing at this lake. They have got to meet at a point. These icefruits probably make ice things I can walk on, but what do I do when I get to the middle?

First, save.

FUCK, that’s cold. Lost two and a half hearts there.

Korok. Not bad.

I’m going to move these ice blocks around with the Ultrahand. I do not want to nearly die again just because I fell in the drink briefly.

…and then the wind picked up, and now the three fused ice plates (they’re only about a foot thick) are drifting in the wind.

Oh hey, there’s a shrine in the distance.

Seems I’m not seeing very many at-ground shrines. Maybe there’s a bunch underground or something.

…aaaand…a rock just fell from the sky and landed. I can see where it is. It looks like an ordinary rock.

…and that looked like a, um, the yellow thing. Super expensive. Falls from the sky. I forget the name. No way I’ll be able to get to it in time, though.

Oh, neat. I whacked an ice keese into the water, and its corpse made an ice step.

Ice Like. Me no like.

River of the Dead Waterfall Cave

Another one of those chill wall frogs.

Brightcap

[…] Cook it into a dish to

give a glowing effect to anyone who eats it.

Oh, damn. Another Like Like.

…and there’s a shrine behind it. Buckle up, I suppose.

OK, I can’t just blast it with fire from my shield. Guess I have to use bomb arrows or something else.

…yanno what? That didn’t do a lot of damage. I’ll just run by it.

Fire and Water

Tadarok Shrine

Step 1: Don’t take a bath with a plugged-in toaster…or ball-and-chain.

Something tells me I’m going to need to keep this block.

What’s this pool of water for?

Oh, I can’t block the fire and spawn the wooden block. Gotta put the fire out.

Slightly melt the ice block, and…

Mighty Zonaite Shield

[shield] 50

[…] more efficiently use an attached

Zonai device.

Holy moly. 50 durability.

…you can climb ice, but not a wooden crate. OK then.

[probably 30 minutes of carefully maneuvering the only climbable block upwards]

I wonder if I’m expected to balance one of these extra blocks on the electricity source.

Can I stick a spare block over the edge up top? Enough to ascend through?

FUCK YEAH!

This one’s done.

⁂

Yanno what? I don’t want to bother with this like like a second time. I’m going somewhere else. Like, to farm bombs. They’re at the Bottomless Cave up in the sky, right?

Optional like like…

Semi-optional like like…let’s see if I can surf past it…

OK, don’t try to shield surf with a shield that has giant plant spikes on it.

Three more bombs. And some chicken legs. Back down.

Cook up some more at the one stable…

Let’s go to Kamizun Shrine and see if I can’t get that horse I wanted.

⁂

A Gerudo.

[…] I suggest you try going north

to Lookout Landing.

There. Here’s the Great Plateau again.

And there’s water leaking from a pile of whackable boulders…

A pathway opens. Oh, and free fish. I could always use more fish.

A⃝ Examine

You who hear my voice…

Come to me… In the Temple of Time

Ruins…up the road on the plateau to

the south…

Been there, bought the T-shirt.

Back to horse.

Silent Princess

Handy.

Oh, and it’s on a thing.

I dedicate this monument to the memory

of the souls lost to the Calamity.

-Zelda

Someone forgot the em-dash button?

HORSES!

Which ones were the fast ones, again? Unspotted, right?

And it’s raining. I’m gonna try the speedrun strat of shooting one with an ice arrow.

It worked!

Chugged a stamina potion in the nick of time…

Now to make the horse like me. With loads of apples. Hopefully it won’t just up and run away if I dismount.

Gatepost Town Ruins. I didn’t come this way. I’m saving. I do not want to lose my horse and almost ten apples.

Went by the shrine I saw. I am not dropping by here until I register my horse.

Finally get back.

Stats:

Strength: ★

Speed: ★★★

Stamina: ★★★★

Pull: ★★★

Temperament: Wild

Bond: MAX

It is brown.

The first horse is free.

I get one Pony Point. One more point until the next reward.

I have an idea. Let’s check Wikipedia…

All 143 episodes were filmed in black and white.

So much for “Mr. Ed”.

Gold hair, so not a palomino.

Nine characters allowed.

I kind of made a beeline to this guy — for some suitably elastic definition of “beeline” — so that’s what I’ll call him.

Yes, him. He’s a stallion. I checked underneath.

I type in a B, and here’s what the autosuggest suggests:

• Baba is you
• But
• Been
• Back
• Be
• Best
• By
• Business

I don’t get those kinds of suggestions from my phone. Certainly not the first one. The first one doesn’t even fit.

There, I’ll board the horse.

Kakariko Village is (still) out east. There are ring-shaped Zonai ruins that landed there.

Sounds like something to do tomorrow. Well, after I get a fourth monk booger from the shrine I tagged and later rode by.

Two more hours today, for a total of 12.

Day 8: 2023-06-09

I’ll go visit that shrine I rode by. In the morning.

5 AM, and it’s raining. Good. Makes me sneaky.

Killed my first-ever bow-wielding bokoblin. Man, that guy was hard.

All these guys are hard. I need better weapons. Maybe I should stop gluing rocks to sticks.

A rock just fell from the sky right in front of me. It seems ordinary.

Some guy told me to go to the meeting place. I’d rather see old haunts and get my ass beat.

Oh hey, there’s the Coliseum.

Let’s just go around south, and…

More bokoblins. And aerosomethings. I get into a fight with one bokoblin, I take one hit, and then I save. 750ms later, he gets me.

I’m just gonna run right past them.

…OK, the fight music is dying down. Guess I’m getting out of their jurisdiction…and the shrine I saw from the Plateau is the one right next to the Coliseum shrine I mentioned in my BotW playthrough.

I chat up a woman wearing mushroom clothes. Misko’s treasure. DLC gets mainstreamed.

Woodland Stable in Eldin has a fairy close by.

…and not two seconds later after talking with the woman, I see a giant onion bulb-shaped thing up the hill past the stable. I am not in Volcano Zone, so I don’t…maybe I am in Eldin?

Nope. This is Outskirt Stable.

Oooooiii!

Myti asks me if I’ve come to see the Great Fairy Kaysa. The answer’s “no”, but it’s nice to know where the rupee sinks are in the game.

Kaysa’s into flute music. Hmm. By Pyper. Part of the music group. Guess I need to get to Eldin.

“Tsutsu-um Shrine”. Well, that’s a name.

The Stakes Guide You

What am I supposed to do with this fan if I don’t have a parachute?

…I did all that spike placement for a dinky li’l 5-pack of arrows? I feel robbed.

I don’t think I can do this yet. I need to get up to the level above me, and…

…oh.

Now the ball is trapped in the rails. Maybe I can just shove it out…

Nope. Can’t reach that low.

Of course, it’s too far away to be ultrahanded.

Screw it. I’m coming back later. Maybe there’s an Ultrahand range upgrade.

I don’t remember any BotW shrines letting you get softsoftlocked (that is, needing to exit to reset to get the shrine back in a winnable state).

⁂

Let’s check up on the fairy. Maybe she just wants rupees.

Nope. Just flute music.

Let’s check up on one of these tall towers back past the Coliseum.

Oh, and there’s a guy putting up a sign by some piles of wood and building supplies.

Addison

I think I know where this guy is from.

OK, this guy wants some support, and I’m not fast enough with the Ultrahand. Let me try Recall…

Nope, that doesn’t work either. It’s not Recall-targetable. Do I need to git gud?

I make a structure containing a couple short flats at a 90° angle, stick a big flat on top, and then stick a 4×4 out between the two short flats, and then add a vertical 4×4 on the front side. It holds up.

Guess I just needed to git gud a different way. Took me about ten minutes.

Red Rupee

I was disappointed briefly but then I remembered I’m poor.

Oh, there’s more?

Veggie Rice Balls

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

…premium collection?

Sleepover Ticket

Free night at a stable.

Now it’s 9:25 PM.

Oh huh, it looks like most of a Zonai…car.

Let’s put the fourth wheel on in the same direction as all the others, shall we?

Lightning beast in the Coliseum. Got it.

Continuing on with my new ZONAI CAR.

Can I cross Manhala Bridge with it?

Sort of. It fell off but hung by a wheel. I was able to jump off, and now I’m portaging it across the bridge.

Wonder if it’ll be able to go up this hill…

Yes. Don’t let the moblin see me…

…oh hey, this is where the horse statue is.

One korok, a few mushrooms, and a shrine sighting later, I’m on my way again.

Another sign going up. The hooks on the back of the sign are different.

Well, that was way easier. One big flat in the hooks, stabilized with 4×4s at the base.

Red rupee, energizing mushroom rice balls, and something called a puffshroom. It sprays spores. You don’t eat it.

Drove up the rockslide end of Satori Mountain. These wheels have great traction, even in the rain.

Sonapan Shrine

…that’s a lot of apples.

Blood moon.

A pack of hightail lizards sunning themselves at 1 in the morning.

…and…shit. Wizzrobe noises.

…and he’s electric.

…and he’s not leaving me alone. Guess I’m fighting him.

…guess I’m saving now.

On one hand, that was way easier than doing it in the snow. On the other hand, his wand rolled downhill to a bokoblin. I’m not going for it.

It likes fruit? I’ll give it a golden apple.

Glowing light. let’s go to the close-by one…

Satori Cave. And it has a bomb flower in the entrance.

And a scary freaky-fast blue moblin cousin. Fuck it, I’m out.

Jeddo Bridge…I’m portaging again.

There are eight cherry-blossom trees in the world.

Dazzlefruit

A flashbang. Got it.

This might make that sneakstrike booster thing worth it…

Moving along. When the fork in the road comes, I turn left so the old perma-rain spot with the weird “trees” is on my right. I don’t go into the gash in the world.

Addison again.

Bomb flower. Not bad.

Makurukis Shrine

Still not abandoning my car.

Glendo

It’s just… I saw sunken treasure in a

pond on the hill near Ludfo’s Bog!

Good to know. I like treasure.

Addison again.

There’s a notch cut out. Let’s see if I can wedge something in there and hold it up…

I assume the wheels aren’t for this particular puzzle.

Done.

Another red rupee. I’m making bank off this guy.

Dude in a crater. He’s playing a musical instrument. I don’t recognize the crater from the first game, plus there’s an Ascendable ledge over the edge.

Looks like I’m assembling a hot-air balloon.

Well, I’ve got the right idea — it’s just that I run out of Zonai juice too fast. Maybe if I just use the balloon and blow it out the side with my fan…

Oops. The whole wagon caught on fire.

I need more Zonai juice. I’m putting a person pin here in the map and leaving him.

No wait, don’t I have Zonai-juice replacers?

Oh. I need to take him, too? All at the same time?

OK, fine.

I got up out of the hole, but too high, and I’m not sure how I’d get down. Luckily, Eustus missed the particulars of how we got down.

He’s rejoining the band.

Now then. Dude, where’s my car?

It must have de-spawned when I messed up the pit escape. Drat.

A whole three hours today, for a total of 15.

Day 9: 2023-06-10

Now then. On to Rito Village. I hope there’s a shrine handy.

Potential for falling rocks. Gabe Newell says nobody looks up. I will be a nobody and look up.

Didn’t see any while I HAD MY CAR.

Cute windmill off on the right.

Well, there’s Rito Village. It looks frozen solid.

Addison again. This one’s tall and skinny. The sign, I mean.

Spicy veggie rice balls and a bomb flower. Score!

⁂

I see a green glowing thing at the base of Rito Village. Good. If I freeze my arm off getting there, I can just nope out and come back later with warmer clothes.

First octorock.

Ahead, first lizalfos. Two of them. I’m going around.

Oromuwak Shrine

Good. The spikes catch fire, even in the cold.

There’s a stable down there. I don’t remember the local stable being down there.

Brightcap Cave. Those things on the walls spook me. I’m easily spooked.

On the other hand, I have unlimited save slots, and also homing arrows if I want them.

Sticky Lizard

The suction of its toes allows this lizard to

easily cling to walls. It could be an asset

for a climber on wet surfaces if it were mixed

into an elixir.

Score!

Man, I’m picking up these mushrooms from like 20 yards away. Why can’t I pick up rushrooms from like 5′ above my head?

The cave narrows. I save again.

One of those fast blue fuckers. Fuck it, I’m outtie.

I have six brightcaps. Sorry ladies, you’ll have to wait until the next blood moon or I grow a pair.

Shit, all this downhill and I don’t have any shields I want to burn.

Lucky Clover Gazette

Tabantha Frontier

Ooh, flint. My kleptomania will have to kick in after talking with this guy…

Oh, welcome. This is Rito Stable.

No, it’s not. It’s the Lucky Clover Gazette.

I’m sorry. Old habits die hard.

Throw pinecones onto a fire to get a whirlwind? Handy.

Traysi. The first person here who actually recognizes me. Unlike that vai trio back by the coliseum stable who expect The Hero to be super-tall and carry a giant sword.

Purah’s at Lookout Landing.

She says it’s better if I don’t tell people who I am.

…a full set of…froggy armor? I haven’t dressed up like a frog since Super Mario Bros. 3.

Traysi

With that on, it’s easy to cling to wet

surfaces—no slipping!

Oh, I have to work with Launchpad McQuack first. Fair enough.

Visit every stable. Sounds good to me.

OK, the normal Rito bridge is out.

…Addison?

There’s no pile of building materials around. New sign design, and there’s a stalnox off in the distance.

Anyhow, I’m dropping a marker at (-3556, 1549, 0137).

Pass the pile of stalnox bones, and…

…huh. A cherry tree.

That makes for the #cherry-tree:tabantha-frontier.

I’m going to start logging with tags here. In addition to #cherry-tree:satori-mountain.

West Lake Totori Cave

Big drop. I should save.

There are glowing mushrooms where the cave narrows. [waggles finger] That’s bait.

Downhill…Zonai constructs, an ice wizzrobe, and building materials a fair distance from the nearest Addison (like, on the other side of the lake Rito Village is in).

Also, a lot of bokoblins. More than I’ve ever seen in one place.

Oh, and an Addison.

Two short flat pieces at a 45° wedge and that’s enough for the wide sign.

Biting meaty rice balls. ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎, 🗡️❄️ 3:30. Could come in handy around here. How do you make meat bite, though?

⁂

Hebra Mountain Climbing Path

Lotta Rito guards.

Harth

…Do I…know him? Teba told him about me.

Oil jar

Hm.

Look up, ascend through tree stump on underside of rock, receive korok seed.

…aaaand back around to Lucky Clover Gazette.

Back to Oromuwak Shrine. “A Launching Device”.

OK, that was a fun, non-OSHA-compliant mine-cart ride.

Two rockets up, one out. Seems about right.

Nope. Mostly just takes me up. Maybe two on the back.

Behind and above me, there’s a chest. I’ll come back to it later.

Two back rockets did the trick.

And that’s four monk boogers.

Back to Makurukis Shrine. It’ll take me closer to the climbing set of Misko’s treasure.

Combat Training: Archery

Oooh, this sounds fun!

Headshot training.

That was easy.

Haul the korok back to his friend, and then…missing white goats?

…oh. I still have all my horses. They never left.

I haven’t found a replacement source of white horses, so I’ll take my first one, a perfectly adequate horse.

Runakit Shrine

I don’t want to misplace my horse, so I’m not going in.

Hyrule Ridge Chasm

I don’t want to die, so I’m not going in. At least I got the map marker.

A tower on an island in the middle of water.

I’ll save now so I can rewind time if I chug all my stamina potions and still don’t get to the top.

A Rito named Billson.

The good news? I don’t have to climb it. The bad news? I need to talk to Purah first to activate it. I’m going to savescum back my ⅖-wheel stamina potion.

Can I portage my horse? No, I cannot portage my horse.

Cado says Impa is in a hot-air balloon, and is at New Serenne Stable, to the northwest of Central Hyrule.

Spooked Juney. Figured out midway through that gluing the seals together and then taking them all back was the winning play. Had 0.00 seconds left on the timer when the buzzer whistled.

Now, to pick up those mushrooms and herbs that distracted me…

Kiuyoyou Shrine

Boy, making me work to figure out the syllable breaks for that one.

Impa’s still alive and well, and standing.

The Nazca Ruins-style things are called geoglyphs here.

Apparently this doubles as a balloon-lighting tutorial.

Looks like a Zonai sticking out its hand to the side to shake hands, but it’s looking toward the camera.

Dragon tears are marked with these.

“Near the geoglyph, or within its borders”.

Impa

If you would like to examine the geoglyph

from ground level, you can float down

with a paraglider.

Don’t rub it in, lady.

Did I…

Shit. I didn’t visit the local shrine before talking to her. And my horse is down below. Fuck.

Nope, can’t get to water. Good thing I can TP out…

Splatter, my first horse, TPs back to the stable system as mentioned in the introduction. Wild Blue, my second horse, comes out.

Oh hey, these pinecones might be leading me to something. They’re leading me into the previously perma-rainy part, and…

Goats.

I continue back around counter-clockwise around the previously perma-rainy part, and then to another Addison, who’s by where a Sheikah Tower used to be. There’s no trace of it.

Sinakawak Shrine

Back to where Impa did me dirty.

New Serenne Stable

Go south. The artist’s rendition of the beast was with one of those Faron trees around, so I guess that’s where I go if I want to tug on that thread.

Zumi got some wheels — literally — but that’s enough for today. I can get her a horse tomorrow.

Three more hours, for a total of 18.

⁂

OK, that was a good lunch. Let’s see what happens for another hour.

More horses. Now, for somebody else.

There’s a hole here.

Speedrun strat still works.

100 rupees!

Inside…tomatoes and those glowing shrooms.

X marks the spot, and…there’s a bluepee. Just sitting there. Out in the open. In broad daylight.

I shoot it once and get one blue and a few greens. It runs off to a cave that I didn’t notice before.

Gladis

These Bubbulfrog creatures are supposed

to live in caves, eh?

Oh, so that’s what they’re called.

North Hyrule Plain Cave

There’s a like like at the door.

Two. Fuck ’em. If I want to go frog hunting for some weirdoes in Eldin, I can do it elsewhere.

Fuck. Misko’s shit is probably in here. I’ll have to come back.

Across the bridge with the hinox on it. I’m not ready for something like that, and I’m not about to get baited by the stuff by him.

Oh, and there’s a shrine on a mesa. Of course, it’s raining. Fortunately, I’m not a speedrunner, and I’m typing all this up anyway.

Ishodag Shrine

There’s a nest up here. There’s a chest in the nest, but I can’t get to it because the nest has thorns in it. #undone:ishodag-shrine:just-outside

And now, a blood moon. I can get more purple glowing shrooms now.

Also, Addison.

There’s a fort. Surrounded by spikes. Sticking a diamond pin in at (-0911, -0022, 0077).

Susuyai Shrine

Looked suspicious being in the middle of a flat paved area, but I didn’t get ambushed on the way in.

Korok noises.

Zonai…wheeled heads…?

I’ll make an ATC, not an ATV. Although I really wish I had a control stick in a can…wish me luck.

I had trouble aiming down, so I figured that doing a ground pound was a good idea. Unfortunately, the plank of wood I was on couldn’t handle the SMAAAAAASH.

Fuck it, I’ll just haul his ass on foot and TP back to the shrine where I left my horse.

⁂

Oh, a big pit…and a hot-air balloon.

I got baited once before. Never again.

Jiosin Shrine

There we go.

By sheer coincidence and possibly good placement, I ran on top of some Gloom while I was standing by someone who could explain the stuff to me. You’ll auto-recover topside, but not when you’re Down There.

Finally get to the Meeting Point or whatever it’s called. Talking with Purah will wait until tomorrow.

19 hours.

Day 10: 2023-06-11

It’s technically tomorrow. Let’s see if we can fit in an hour of lore dump and horseback riding.

Everyone knows me. They want me to talk to Purah.

Now I kind of want to hear what everyone says when they tell me to buzz off and go talk to Purah.

Lurelin has a pirate problem.

Kind of a shame Mubs isn’t selling proper armor. What she has is cheap, though, and I’m still dirt-poor.

Free eggs, though. Glad I went around the top.

Poes…

Man, seeing and/or hearing about all these enemies really drives home how few different enemy types there were in Breath of the Wild compared to even Zelda 1.

Upstairs, and there’s some young girl. Oh, this is Josha.

And…well, that’s an entrance. Now I know where the racy Purah art on the Internet comes from.

I hear [ɹɑ:ɹu].

Go see a Hoz, who’s looking for me and the Princess in Hyrule Castle.

Hm. Ancient tech on top of her post. Only 10,000 years old. Comparatively new!

Purah Pad upgrades come from underground.

…do I really want to spend 120 rupees for some pants that’ll get mogged by probably anything else soon?

…nah.

Emergency shelter. Pretty cool!

Atmus basically levels the playing field between us old hands who’ve been around Hyrule and the newbies who don’t know where things are.

Oh hey, Garini. I remember that guy.

Now then. Time to pray. For stamina.

And now we head north through the gates.

⁂

I see some partially-rebuilt houses (basically only foundations at this point), and…Addison.

Kyononis Shrine

Not going in yet. Place sure looks different without all the purple crap and Guardians around.

Now, to get around the massive closed door…

…whoops, fell in the drink. Back to Kyononis Shrine.

Eventually make my way to Hoz. I see Zelda. She flies off. “Go tell Purah”, Hoz says. OK, fair enough.

She and Josha are going to boot up the Skyview Tower.

…tomorrow.

One more hour, for a total of 20.

Day 11: 2023-06-12

Let’s get this tower network up and running.

Flares. Hmm.

Purah

Only thing is, you need a paraglider when

you’re scanning.

Hoo boy.

Paraglider

This item, given to you by Purah, lets you ride

the wind and glide through the sky. Press X⃝

in midair to activate it.

The design’s different. The bit of cloth I picked up at the Temple of Time ruins looks like my old one. What’s the old cloth for, then?

Watching Purah and her mannerisms makes me think of John Scalzi’s Old Man’s War.

Uh-oh. Ancient tentacles.

…aaand, well, I think the Purah Pad’s AR technology beats what’s on even the best iPads of the current day. Pretty impressive.

OK, can I go for another ride?

I CAN! Sweet!

There was a fantastically stiff westward breeze just now midair, but I’m not seeing any of the torches blow in the wind. Not sure if it’s the game, or minor joy-con drift.

Pretty sure it’s the game.

OK, the weird stuff is happening mostly in four regions. Hebra (Ritoland), Gerudo (Gerudoland), Eldin (Goronland), and Lanayru (which is actually east of Zoraland?).

They want me to go to Rito Village first. Also, talk with the newspaper lady.

⁂

Ooh, eggs in a tree outside!

Oh, it’s raining.

…can’t I just Ascend through a branch?

I can!

⁂

Zonai ruins fell right on top of Kakariko Village. Dang.

Also, Robbie is going to be my Purah Pad upgrade guy.

Robbie says he’s going back when Josha gets her Depths Investigation sorted out…

So to upgrade my slate, I need to put together a slate jigsaw puzzle. Got it.

And Robbie’s going down there. Escort quest?

Camera?

OK, chasm to the south.

And Hoz is doing stuff. Could use some help. I’ll do that later.

⁂

The Depths

Dang. Peacock trees.

Let’s just check my map, and…

Dang. There’s an entire another world down here, just like in the sky.

How do I throw brightbloom seeds…?

A very helpful Polygon article says “hold R first, then press up on the D-pad”. I wonder if I’m going to accidentally throw any weapons doing this.

Nisoij Lightroot

Oh, nice. now I get at least a little bit of a map. I don’t think 1/d² works like this, though. I’d expect to be blinded.

Nope, can’t ascend through it. But I do get a TP point.

Brightblooms counteract gloom.

Bomb flowers!

…deep bokoblins?

(dying to a second set of deep bokoblins and a deep moblin)

Iayusus Lightroot

Ooh, these lightroots clear gloom.

Robbie

This statue… It’s standing tall on two

legs, one arm raised high…

Goal body.

Robbie then reenables my camera:

Robbie

If I remember correctly… You press this while you

pull this, and then you tap that, and…

Reminds me of remembering the difference between screenshots vs. locking vs. sysdiagnose on my phone.

Hm. No “exclamation mark in red circle” emoji.

⚠️ Statue with raised arm

Nice QoL bit. Imagine hiking out to one of the Seven Sisters and flubbing the picture.

Go back to the enemies’ base, take them out, one by one, and then take all their zonaite.

Get whacked once. As long as I can make it back to a lightroot, even if it’s already been activated, I’ll get my gloom cleared.

Back to the Lookout Landing Skyview Tower to show Josha pictures of stuff.

⁂

Robbie

Listen up! Big update here.

Your Purah Pad can be equipped with a

sensor that detects shrines.

…

Come on! Act more impressed!

Sorry, man. I’ve seen too much.

He needs to get to Hateno Village. But he’s tied up here until Josha releases him.

…whom is Josha referring to by “Doc”, again? Purah?

⁂

Back to Oromuwak shrine to get more free brightcaps.

Spicy Tomato Mushroom Stew

Not the worst food.

Something else in the north of the Hebra region, these women leak.

⁂

I never did peek into Jiosin shrine. Let’s.

Shape Rotation

Make your own roon joke.

Almost forgot about Ascend. Got the hasty elixir in the chest.

Seems like the shrine difficulty fell off.

⁂

Let’s peek in at Susuyai shrine.

A Spinning Device

Five arrows? Lame.

Although I kind of had to use one of ’em at the end there.

Another two hours, for a total of 22.

Day 12: 2023-06-14

Let’s see if we can bang out an un-done shrine or three.

But first, bomb flower farming.

I can get to more now that I have a glider.

Let’s check in on the mining cave…dang, I need 90 more. I’m starting a shopping list.

And here’s a Magnesis-able chest…some kind of mega zonai charge.

What’s this spinning eyeball…?

Flux Construct I

Oh, a Talus-tier enemy!

Your rock hammer is badly damaged.

Oh, it’s going to be one of THOSE fights, eh?

Maybe not. I pulled out a rock axe and that was enough to finish it off.

Micropanicked a bit when it did the Rubik’s Cube thing and put the vulnerable block on the inside.

It left some Zonai charges, some boxed fans, and…this rotating thing.

Maybe I should glue it to that one Zonai stick…

Sweet! And it’s one-handed, too!

OK, back to the Zonaite forge.

This guy can pump out 10 crystallized zonaite per blood moon.

Off to Sinakawak Shrine.

⁂

Oops, a bit too far away from the edge…good thing I have my GLIDER.

Lifting the big ball with two hot-air balloons at 90° away from each other gives me…an opal.

Hey, it’s my first in years. I shouldn’t sneer at it too much…

I still have no idea why they’re throwing torches at me like I might need them. Can I snuff out the candles accidentally?

Four Lights of Blessing. Nice.

Let’s try Runakit Shrine next.

⁂

Built to Carry

Yeah, I’m expected to have the glider for this one.

OK, it rolls down…

Hey look, a giant stone lollipop!

…how do I get the chest?

Put the ball right there, then see if the flat pieces are long enough if stuck together…

That’s it.

…aaand I should’ve jumped off the ball onto the ladder. There goes a heart.

…and I jump off the ball, miss the ladder, and lose another heart.

Construct Bow

Bleh. At least I got the cheevo.

Stumped again.

…maybe if I make a three-part, open hook?

Yup. That was superlatively satisfying.

Now for another monk boo…Light of Blessing? Light of Blessing. I’m learning!

That’s enough for tonight. Note to self: cash in the Lights of Blessing for another fifth of a stamina wheel.

One more hour, for a total of 23.

Day 13: 2023-06-16

OK, let’s cash in our Lights of Blessing at…oh hey, are all those horses black?

Different hair, but seems so. (-2527, 1278, 0161).

Let’s get to eight LoBs and then cash in. Next: Kiu[look at map entry]yo[look at map entry]you Shrine.

⁂

Fire and Ice

This block is too big. My first reaction is to complain, but there aren’t any upperclassmen around to complain to.

Finally getting the hang of having Ascend — stick the ice block on top, then Ascend through it.

Zonaite Spear

Finally a good chest drop. I’m going to drop my torch. Watch me regret this.

…that was easy.

Weird, when I entered, it was raining. It’s still raining. I guess I didn’t spend much time in there.

Ishodag Shrine now.

⁂

A Windy Device

Do I just…stand on it?

No.

…should I have brought something with me…? That’s not their style…

Yes. But pointing up, and I use my glider.

Opal

Not bad.

Man, these are easy. I really went out-of-order for a while back there.

Seven!

Now then, to Kyo[look]nonis Shrine.

⁂

Combat Training

All right, finally some action!

Let’s use their stuff. I can pick my stuff back up later, right?

Side hop. ZL-target, then strafe, then jump with X.

I triggered a flurry rush. Nice to know those still happen whenever — a previous powerup scared me for a bit there.

Of course, I went ham, and now I don’t have a rusty broadsword anymore.

Backflips. Same thing, but press…?

Dang. I did it, but forgot the button already. Jump’s gotta be X, right?

Next up: Perfect Guard. ZL-target, then parry with A. Have a shield.

Charged attacks. Hold Y, then release.

Special Controls (New!)

Yeah. Back up with the left stick, then press X to flip backwards.

Two more unlisted techniques. I wonder if I know them already. One’s between “charged attacks” and “backflip”; the other’s at the end, beyond “perfect guard”.

Another zonaite sword.

Eight Lights of Blessing.

⁂

I’m gonna YOLO it and get two Stamina Vessels. This isn’t Master Mode, so I can’t die in only one hit from anything.

⁂

That chest underneath the emergency area is bugging me. I wonder if I can get to it from this scary-looking monster cave to the west.

…there’s a dude.

He’s doing pull-ups. I’ll paparazzo him and then book it.

Horriblin

So that’s what they’re called.

I want to make darn sure I’ve collected all my pony points. I’ll start by checking in at all the stables I’ve visited.

⁂

Tabantha Bridge. Couldn’t get this korok when I didn’t have my wings.

Outskirts. I get horse-god fabric for a glider, and a pointer to some Zonai ruins close by.

The Hateno Dye Shop works with this stuff.

Owlan Bridge. Maybe Gotter’s people have gotten held up there. I’ll take a disposable horse. Don’t tell Malanya I said that.

Addison just past Owlan Bridge.

I meat, uh, meet Agus and his crew. They did not perform the recipe to fidelity the first time around.

Meat, rice, rock salt.

Back across the bridge, and…blood moon. Nice! Time to go shopping!

Let’s pee on the side of this shrine to make sure we can come back to it.

Teniten Shrine

You need to reach your friend?

OK, I’ll stick this ball on the DIY fan skateboard, and…

Oh. It was a bomb. And I had fewer than all hearts.

I can’t steer this shit.

I’ll just walk him and call my horse repeatedly.

⁂

Now then, to what looks like the closest, um, bouncy tower. I’ll get the names right eventually.

I guess I have to get to this one from the enemy tower right next to it.

The first guard is a bokoblin. I beat him off the edge.

The second guard is a moblin. I figure I’m going to have to get a better bow and arrow for this guy, so I futz around in my inventory and pull one out. The moblin above me picks up not a sword, but a bomb barrel. I shoot him, and he drops it.

So much for the second guy!

The final challenge is a couple of bomb barrels…and a spiky ball being rolled down at me.

I let it pass and settle.

Only then does it occur to me that I could send it right back at them. How far does Rewind (or whatever it’s called) work?

Surprisingly long! It goes back up the hill and whacks a couple blue bokoblins for maybe a fifth of their HP. I’ll take it.

Oh, and an armored one. The spiky ball…it’s following him…

…and it doesn’t dent the rock plate he’s wearing. Hrmph. Guess I gotta bomb him.

Bombed him, got whacked by him and his buddy with flaming logs, died.

⁂

Respawned, tried to sneakstrike the first bokoblin, didn’t work, and the moblin bombed himself to kingdom come without even me shooting at him.

More bomb flowers, and…

Shit. Boss Man is onto me. The music even changed.

More bomb flowers. When in doubt, bomb arrows.

Boss Man threw a fucking boulder at me. It hurt.

Luckily, they’re kind of hung up on the right corner here, and aren’t chasing me.

I fight Boss Man, he throws a bomb barrel at me, and I catch the edge of it and I don’t have a full four hearts. Whoops.

⁂

I get back up. One of the bokos bombs his ally who’s rushing to close distance to me.

A bit more arrowing and…they’ve all come to greet me. At once. Grouped up.

OK, Boss Man got wind of me again.

Let’s try a puffshroom…ok, it’s more like a smokebomb for monsters.

The dazzlefruit made him drop his weapon. Good to know.

I come up closer, he walks by a couple bomb barrels, and I have plenty of fire fruit.

Big head. Easy to hit.

And he’s down. Dunno if I got a picture of one.

Save, and kill the last lookout.

Lot of bomb barrels around. I’ll just lift them into the fire to dispose of them.

…oops, held that one too close with Ultrahand. And I didn’t have full hearts.

⁂

Finally clean up all the stuff in boxes. There’s not much, other than freshly-baked apples. Time to go reverse bungee jumping, or something.

Surface map updated.

Sky map updated.

Let’s see if I can get to this rock…

South Hyrule Sky Archipelago

Got a couple golden apples and a stambulb and a sundelion.

A little bit lower, and…FAIRIES!

Also a floating platform. With rockets close by.

⁂

OK, that was a short rocket ride.

What kind of bow does this soldier construct have, anyway?

Shit. Most of his stuff fell off.

Pick up more stuff…

Ascend through to the next spot…

Another soldier construct…he’s firing rockets…

…and another one bites the dust…after a long fall down to Hyrule below. Argh.

I’m going to the Temple of Time ruins. I’m mostly above them. See if I can finish off that one random quest.

⁂

…aaand that’s one easy way to get the korok at the top of the Temple of Time spire.

⁂

Where are these eyes?

Anyhow. Down the Eastern Abbey hole, to…a bunch of…poes.

There are ghost knights around. One of them is holding…a spear.

Traveler’s Spear✨

It looks untouched by the, uh, Calamity, no, the most recent thing that chewed up all the weapons topside.

Traveler’s Sword✨

Same.

Traveler’s Claymore✨

OK, I get the picture.

That looks like a glowing root off in the distance. I’ll shoot a giant glowing bulb as far as I can. Hopefully that’ll be halfway between here and there, and I’ll see what’s what.

Well, it looks like if I take a fan-assisted mine-cart ride, I can get there in no time, and bypass a trio of bokoblins.

Well, the mine-cart ride took a turn, and now I’m at that castle construct.

I still want to get to the root down here.

Koradat Lightroot

OK, back to this temple…

Wow, there are a lot of poes around.

And there’s that guy’s face.

“Drop the tears in”, he says.

And there’s a chest down below his face.

Might as well save and open it up, right?

A mere large zonaite. I’m undoing this.

I’m glad I did the root recon.

Here’s a forge. No forgemaster, though.

Hylians!

…probably Yiga.

Yeah, I’m gonna have to deal with them somehow. However, they’re not going aggro on me, so I’m not sure what to do.

Researcher

“This ability will allow you to commit any structure you create to memory.

“Any object committed to memory can be instantly reproduced.”

Coooooool.

Three hours is enough for one sitting. We’re up to 25.

Note to self: don’t forget to get ten more crystallized zonaite, since we’re on a new blood moon.

Day 14: 2023-06-17

Technically Saturday is the best kind of Saturday.

I don’t want to activate these bananas people. On the other hand, I want the ability. So, here we go.

Eat a shroom, get back up to all four hearts. And save.

A TP spot. Handy.

Autobuild

✋ 🗡️ 🛸 ⏪ 🤲 📷

Instantly re-create your Ultrahand projects,

using nearby items and zonaite. Autobuild

records your previous creations.

I guess this is the final ability I get.

Now they want me to fix their cars.

I guess I’m being railroaded into being an idiot. Breath of the Wild didn’t do this to me.

…I wonder what Thyphlo Ruins is like. The dark isn’t nearly as scary anymore now that I have so many tools to deal with it.

Now then, to get railroaded some more…

[DK64 voice] OOOOOLD BANANA

Great work, both of you!

stranger

Wait, I thought only the main character is supposed to get amnesia in games. Not the goldfish-poop boss.

Oh, he finally remembers.

If there’s one foe I’ll never forget it’s the

man who cast me from my Gerudo Desert

hideout into these very Depths.

Depths. Not Underdark. One day I’ll get this name right.

Depths.

Anyhow. Now we know what’s at the bottom of that big pit.

Interesting camera shake in time with the foot stomping. I don’t think BotW had this kind of camera control.

⁂

Anyhow, I get teleported a short distance away and now he wants to run me over with his car.

I get a good picture of him, and he throws a ball in my face. Fair trade.

OK, after being briefly stumped, I’m getting by with headshots and whacking him in the ass with a polearm. Is that all I need to do?

His car is getting more defenses, so there’s that.

His final form comes out. Cute, but not a hard fight. Just tedious.

Master Kohga

I’ll grab that power you cheated me out

of for MYSELF, off at the Southwestern

Abandoned Mine!

Are Zonai arms just…available? I figured I had the only one.

Huge Crystallized Charge

Nice. Guess I’m getting my battery upgrade early with this 100-pack.

To the southwest is…an old Gerudo mine. It was busy.

Statues point the way. Step 1: follow the light.

I then get a schematic for a fanplane.

…aaand it takes me right to the Koradat Lightroot.

I think I’m done for now. Time to do my Blood Moon dailies, so to speak.

⁂

100 crystallized charges gets me my first energy well.

A second one takes…another 100.

Back outside. I’ll see if I can’t get back to the Great Plateau.

⁂

Turns out, this water beside the Abbey is only about ankle deep. There goes a fairy.

Seems weird without the Guardians here.

Anyhow, his eyeball is right in the destroyable-rock wall. Guess I should’ve not just gone around.

Anyhow. I think I’ll retrace my steps, this time with an eyeball glued to the minecart.

Works for me. Now up to Tadarok Shrine.

⁂

Bypass the Like Like with a bomb arrow, and I’m out. Now to get to…someplace…

Ascend is a thing. If I go up through to water, I pop out on the surface.

Now, out west.

That’s a scary lookin’ lizalfos down there.

Maybe he has an eyeball.

On one hand, nothing says “hello” quite like a bomb arrow.

On the other hand, nothing makes enemies say “aaaaaaaaooooiiieeeee” while they fall over a ledge quite like a bomb arrow.

However, if I overshoot the bomb arrows so he gets flung towards me and away from the edge…

Nice.

The black moblin was similarly easy.

Now back up to the hole down below. The eyeball is pretty close. Probably. Which one of these icicles has it? Probably the one that won’t just accidentally let the eyeball fall someplace off the Plateau.

One small fire later, it’s freed.

⁂

Down below. There’s a tank on top of this one minecart. I don’t know what it does. External power?

Yup.

A bit more minecart riding, and I’ve got him his second eye.

Back to Tadarok Shrine.

Can I just Ascend here and skip the Like Like?

Maybe if I get to the small hill in the corner…

…at least I’m getting a red…

It blipped green.

…let’s see if I can get through it while it’s green…

…nice, I’m heading through, and…

…it leaves me on the side of a cliff. Better than nothing, I suppose.

Wander around to the remaining hole, and…hm. No obvious place for an eyeball.

Oooh, the Old Man’s Hut is still here. And it’s surrounded by fuck-off wooden spikes.

…and it’s decorated with Yiga Clan markings. This’ll be interesting.

I got my ass kicked, but it was interesting.

Poke around the side, and there’s a secret memo in there. Also a Yiga Clan mask sitting on a stand, like it’s to be taken and worn. By me. Now I REALLY want in.

I’ll try some speedy food. At least Link can get faster on short notice.

That worked out better. Not great, but better.

Eightfold Longblade

[longsword] 8

A longblade that no longer cuts as well as it

once did, due to its decayed edge. However,

when wielded by a proficient fighter, it cleaves

the wind and creates a vacuum.

OK, now that’s an interesting mechanic. How do I shot wind?

There’s a fashion person inside still. Almost certainly Yiga. I’m saving again.

Pitar

Those Yiga guys were forcing me to make

weird outfits for them. It was awful!

Yiga Mask

Interesting…

Pitar wants to meet Nobo, the woman of his dreams.

Learn Earthwake at the training area. Wherever that is.

I’m stuck. To the Interwebs.

Oh. Use Recall on these long-settled rocks to get them to go back up.

Throw it in, go for a glider ride, stick it in.

Back to In-Isa shrine, then a long fall down.

⁂

Nogukoyk Lightroot

Fight the baddies, let’s see if there’s something else to do here…

Hm. Grove of Spirits.

Long climb up.

Large Poe. Basically a 5x poe.

Grand Poe. A 20x poe. Oddly red.

OK, four-eyes. We’re done.

I choose more stamina.

Doesn’t he want poes?

He sells stuff for poes.

He also has brothers.

⁂

Let’s go back to Teniten Shrine.

Combat Training: Throwing

Zonaite Spear. I’m not taking it. I’m banking it.

As much as I’d like to continue, three hours is enough.

26 hours total. I need more arrows.

Day 14bis: 2023-06-17

I’m gonna take an hour and see if I can get to where Hestu probably will be. Worst case, I get to the Lost Woods and nothing happens. I’m sick of not being able to pick up things and needing one slot per special weapon.

Tajikats Shrine seems to be the closest place to get to the Lost Woods from. I’d rathe do it on horseback anyway, and hey, this is where that guy is waiting for Agus to show up with the meat-bowl recipe.

Weird. It’s like I haven’t done the quest yet.

Fall into a well. It’s not very deep. Fera is here, and says there are 58 wells. 10 rupees/location if I tell her. I’ve been to the tops of 6, even though this is the first well I’ve gone in.

She goes to Lookout Landing. I get on a disposable horse and go riding north with the horse mostly on autopilot.

Addison. I stick a human-shaped pin in my map as a to-do.

Yamiyo Shrine

I’ll come back to this.

Orsedd Bridge

What in the hell…

…is that a giant talus with PLATFORMS on it?

Crenel Road

Battle Talus

It’s the talus music, too.

I veer off to the left and onto not-road. My horse takes a rock to the rear, but it doesn’t spook.

Crenel Hills Cave

There are luminous stones here. My first.

A bit more going uphill through unmarked territory to the closest bridge. My horse just stops in the middle of a wooded enemy camp, but none of the monsters attack me.

Thims Bridge

I don’t remember this one.

Woodland Stable

Gimme my pony points.

Oh, there’s a violinist and a conductor.

And there’s a Great Fairy here, too. One that’s shut herself away.

Penn

Of course, we can’t put anything to print

until we’re sure it’s true, so we have to

talk to the Great Fairy, first.

I’m sorry, I find this sentence utterly charming.

I’ll play dumb and pretend to not know what Great Fairies are.

They want me to put their wagon back together and then haul them up the hill. OK.

Karsh

Poor woman. She’s not having much voe luck.

Let’s just tag this shrine…

Ekochiu Shrine

Enough. Back to horsing around. In a group.

The military training camp is as it was.

And we’re here.

Looked like Zelda…but wasn’t. Maybe.

Makes more sense than “Zelda spooks white goats for fun”.

Launchpad gives me a purple (50) rupee for my work on two stories.

She breathes on me to bump up my Hylian hood from 3 to 5 points of defense. I wonder if she’ll give me a snatch, hug, and dunk while I’m wearing the shield with spikes on it…

My horse disappeared. And I didn’t actually unlock Ekochiu Shrine. Guess I’m backtracking.

And…I’m here. At the entrance.

⁂

Lost Woods

It’s now purple. And thicker.

It’s really not letting me in.

Fuck. And that’s my hour.

27 hours total.

I still need more arrows.

Day 15: 2023-06-18

Technically Sunday, like Technically Saturday, is the best part of Sunday.

I’ll head back to Kiuyoyou Shrine. I think there was a bouncy-house tower back around there. Worst case, I scope it out there, then come back on horseback.

Yeah, I ain’t walking. Back to Sinakwak Shrine.

Pull out a horse, talk to Penn, and…oh hey, a blood moon, and there’s a cooking pot right here!

And now, it’s 11:30. The cooking begins.

Bright Meat and Mushroom Skewer

♥︎♥︎♥︎ 🌟 Glow 7:30

Grants a low-level glow effect, illuminating

your immediate surroundings.

A filling dish made by grilling various

mountain ingredients with meat.

Interesting.

Warding Meat Skewer

♥︎♥︎ 🩵🩵 Gloom Resistance 03:00

Grants midlevel gloom protection.

A juicy, filling snack made by grilling small

chunks of meat on a skewer.

Interesting.

Sticky Elixir

💧 Slip Resistance 15:20

Grants a low-level slip resistance to keep you

from slipping on wet surfaces. Its highly

absorptive ingredients make it a must-have

for sudden rainfalls.

Interesting.

You can’t carry any more meals.

Fuck.

The blood moon happens. Where’s my horse?

Really, the bouncy tower is just as easy to get to from here. I’ll just go direct.

Is that…HESTU??????

Shalalaka…

This guy was a crap fighter 100+ years ago, but boy oh boy, am I glad to see him here!

He’s scared of trees.

I…

…do not have an axe.

But I can drop this round rock and put a pointed rock on it. Good enough.

Two dead tree things later…

…Hestu introduces himself like he doesn’t know who I am. I’ll be charitable and say he doesn’t recognize me in the Yiga mask.

If I had only one seed […]

Is he in luck!

He’s headed east next. He wants to relax. Around people.

He still smells korok seeds on me. Why yes, I do want a bigger pouch.

He only makes my shield pouch bigger before running off. I should’ve asked for…

…where was my last save, again?

The last autosave was too soon, but a few ones back, I didn’t see Hestu at all in them. I load the save, and Hestu’s back to crying again. I take a picture of the scary tree — an Evermean — and ready a rock axe.

Lindor’s Brow Skyview Tower

And, on the way down, I see a flying column.

And a Stargate on it.

Courage Island

Hyrule Ridge Sky

I’ll save first.

Oh. It’s literally Pilotwings, as the kids say these days.

A shrine appears. Coooool.

And we have fairies. Right handy.

No courage yet. I’ll check in at the shrine first.

Taunhiy Shrine

I can’t even begin to guess the syllable breaks for this one.

Now then. I’m gonna get a new outfit. Since it doesn’t look like outfits are relevant, I’m gonna wear no hat and my archaic gear.

One Zonai charge. A bargain.

Well, don’t pancake on a thing. You’ll just lose a freshly-picked-up fairy.

I’m going to not do any kind of dive speedup. I’ll just fall, spread out. That should be fast enough, really.

I dove at the end and got 33.03 seconds. That’s enough.

Glide Shirt

[shirt] 2 ↕︎↔︎ Skydive Mobility Up

The cloth sewn to this shirt helps it “catch”

air, increasing the wearer’s ability to glide

while they plummet from the sky.

It wants me to beat a 20-second time. I’m going to put my new shirt on.

Now to have a moose tell me to watch him pull a rabbit out of a hat…

22 seconds. Closer!

19.93!

I get…a large Zonai charge. Yay?

I really don’t know how valuable these things are.

There’s a gumball machine…uh, device dispenser here. I check it from the map, and the map entry says it dispenses four different things, all of which are mysteries.

• Balloon
• Time Bomb (the bomb that I stuck to a car a couple days ago)
• Fan
• Portable Pot

Now then. Let’s hop in this shrine.

Combat Training: Archery

Nice!

Fans in the floor. Good thing I boosted my stamina.

Pick up all their stuff…and the arrows they missed me with…

Two Lights of Blessing total.

Make it to the little island with the fruits growing on it. There’s a korok-leaf tree stump here. It goes over the edge.

Guess I’m putting on my new shirt.

Dive and catch mid-air. Got it.

Now I’m in the middle of the air…

Thundra Plateau is pretty chill now. There’s a hinox sleeping a ways away, but this place isn’t nearly as magical as it was.

⁂

Ekochiu Shrine

Rise and Fall

Seems like the time-rewind mechanic doesn’t get used much, especially with other mechanics.

Tera’s close by.

I’m wearing a Zonai shield. I only get breathed on. I want my surprise hug. At least my flying-squirrel suit is upgradeable.

⁂

Combat Training: Throwing

Yamiyo Shrine

…didn’t I already?

tl;dr you can throw fire fruits too.

Four. I’m getting a fifth heart.

⁂

I’ll see if I can get east to Kakariko Village. I wonder what it’s like.

I try heading east too north and I can’t get to Dueling Peaks. Screw it, I’m TPing back.

There’s more than a few soldier constructs right next to a monster camp. It’s like the game’s designers are waiting for me to get them to fight each other. I have my horse with me, so I’ll pass.

New shrine just dropped.

“Give keys born of water to the three

altars. The sacred shrine will appear.”

Ah shit, the bridge is out. At least there’s another bridge to…a Great Fairy. Huh.

OK, I’ll take it.

Cotera here wants to hear drums.

Beetz is near Kakariko. Where the road bends around Bonooru’s Stand.

If I use a sleepover ticket, I don’t get pony point. Poo.

There’s a picture of apple pie on the wall. Wheat, sugar, butter, apples, and…those yellow things that grow in swamps?

I TP my horse by pulling it out here. Check where the local shrine used to be, and there’s…corks?

I don’t get it. I’m going fishing with a bow here and then heading out.

Korok. I stamp it.

The drummer!

Honey crepes. All he needs is the honey. I get a silver (100) rupee for them.

Back to Dueling Peaks Stable. On hoof, because there’s no local shrine anymore.

I need to fix this bridge.

No. I’m crossing the river, I guess.

I’ll stick this wagon on a pallet, then add a couple of fans and a control stick and an extra battery.

…that did it.

Cotera was the one in the desert with the most personality, right?

…probably.

Let’s hold off a bit. I need two more blue bokoblin horns (two-pronged) to get to 10, which’ll let me upgrade both my hylian hat and shirt (I never bought the pants).

I update my shopping list and head back, once again, to Kak.

Hm. Porridge is rice, milk, and wild greens. Do I have anything that clears Gloom…?

OK, Cottla is still tiny. Also, she responds differently to the Yiga mask.

They’re still selling sheikah gear. Also the lucha-libre set.

Man, the whole town is in a holding pattern. Let’s see if I can find a new shrine to unlock.

Makasura Shrine

The local gumball machine has canned Big Wheels. Score!

…what’s a stabilizer for?

Anyhow, I fight bokoblins. A couple people get back to their day jobs.

Sahasra Slope Skyview Tower

Billson, dude, I probably got all your mushrooms on me already.

Down below, there’s a Battle Talus.

They’re harder to mount than the normal ones. You’d think you could just Ascend through one, but you need to stun it somehow first, pretty much.

A bomb arrow to the weak point does it.

Get to spinning…and…it’s dead.

Get to the cave.

There is at least one horriblin in there. Luckily, I didn’t open much of the rocks in the way. I can just poke ’em all.

I went there. Billson isn’t doing anything. To the Internets.

Oh. Third path.

Boing.

Josiu Shrine

Seek the crystal connected to the beam…?

Oh. Outdoor shrine.

Rauru’s Blessing

Oh. So this is what newfangled freebie shrines look like.

⁂

(omitted narrative)

Drop the pill into the whirlpool. OK.

En-Oma Shrine

Mighty Zonaite Sword. I’m saving this.

⁂

Bail out Elmerson.

I’m kind of close to the Faron stable. Let’s see if I can just fly there…

…it’s taking a lot of stamina potions.

Joju-U-U Shrine

Building Bridges

I don’t want to play with an erector set now. I’ll check out the local stable.

Malanya’s in northeast Hyrule. Near a stable in Akkala.

Sifumim Shrine

They want all the pirates dead.

That’s a lot of three-pronged head spikes.

Rabella Wetlands Skyview Tower

It’s rainy here. Procedurally rainy. And the thing is covered with burnable spikes.

More stuff.

Eshos Shrine

I’m going to Hateno.

Monster Forces. Hm.

I’m at Hateno. They love mushrooms here.

Hey, my house is still here.

Ain’t my stuff inside, though.

Read Zelda’s journal?

Yes.

Zanmik Shrine

…mayoral election? I need to think this through. I ain’t handing out mushrooms to nobody yet.

Milk. And rice. And a sundelion. Porridge. I’m gonna get Kak back on its feet yet.

OK. All this stealth stuff still costs an order of magnitude more cash than I have on hand, but at least it’s not 5K rupees a piece.

I lost track of time. I’ve been at it for…4:45+2:10. 6 plus change…so…seven hours. Holy fuck.

On top of 27, that’s…34 hours.

I really should pace myself, or at least not stay way up past my bedtime. I wasn’t feeling it as much as I do when I’m playing the game in small bursts while I’m still well-slept.

Day 16: 2023-06-23

Yeah, so I’m not buying here in Kakariko.

Let me review all the stuff I got shanghaied into doing in Hateno with the mayoral election…

Oh, I can report back to someone and finish a quest. Let’s do that…

Endura carrot. Supposedly not as common as they used to be.

I wanna go on team Reede. Is that even an option?

Checked the lab. There’s nothing there but a diary. Also, Purah accelerated her aging, so she’s back to 20.

Now, let’s get this korok downhill…

Now there’s a message in a bottle. Some guy got stuck in a cave-in, and has dropped a bunch of brightbloom seeds.

The trail…leads to Eventide Island.

This smells like a trap.

Screw it, I have unlimited saves.

No. Away from Eventide Island.

It’s going around to the west side of Hyrule. I’m going to use these pocket juice bottles so I don’t have to go backwards while my own battery recharges.

Mapla Point Cave

Lot of great stuff.

Fusing the boulder blocking the cave-in seems to work nicely.

Oh, and there’s a donut hole above me. I guess there’s more cave above.

I save the guy. Another Lurelin refugee with doubly-bad luck.

There’s a Bubbulfrog above.

Let’s try ascending where the refugee was.

On top of a small mountain, and there’s a rock.

Ya-ha-ha back atcha, buddy.

I’m going up the big mountain. The tower is that way.

Oh boy, it’s REALLY cold. Time to munch my spicy food.

Take a picture of a Blizzrobe. I don’t have enough empty slots to make use of his weapon, so I’m doing without.

An ice like, just…chilling…I’m used to seeing them be guards, but this one doesn’t seem to be guarding anything.

Enemy camp here. I’m putting on my Yiga mask and hope that buys me a couple extra feet of Not Being Seen.

…the HELL is that? MOBILE gloom?

Guess this isn’t going to be the cakewalk I remember.

There’s a guy up here. Is he Yiga?

Evidently not.

Nazbi

“Skim across snow, from the spring high

in the heavens to the mountain below.

“Pass through the rings of light to see the

Light of Blessing.”

Guess it’s snowboarding o’clock soon.

Let us pray.

Can’t get a feeling from the Mother Goddess statue in the canyon.

The one where you get the classic Link outfit with shorts?

I ascend further. I don’t get spooked by moving sludge piles with hands sticking out of them.

The music changes. Phew.

Mount Lanayru Skyview Tower

The Purah Pad enabling goes off without a hitch. I sure hope its AR sensors can cut through this snowstorm…

There’s an archaic Test Your Ballsiness column around here. I wonder if I can get to it…

There’s a fan thing. Three down, one at a 45° angle out and to the back. This might do it…

Yup. Let’s not scare the fairies…

And a gumball machine.

Beam emitter. That’s new.

Hydrant. Also new.

Oh, the phrase is courage, not ballsiness. The youth of yesteryear didn’t have archaic headphone jacks, did they?

OK. I get a free magic TP up top, but I’m free to do whatever up here. Let me step off the platform, and—

Valor Island

Am I going to be told that my valor is unsurpassed, and then be told that my valor is in the second quintile of all valor displayed?

Probably not. This isn’t Sanctuary. This is Hyrule.

Anyhow. Yaaaaa-hooie.

Taking the free ride down gets me a shrine. I want the squirrel outfit.

Sihajog Shrine

26.85 out of 35 seconds.

Eugh, that’s an ugly mask.

The record is 25 seconds.

26.06. Faster…

25.36…

23.45. This one’s done. Another large Zonai charge.

Let’s see if we can get to that one shrine we saw on the way up the hill…

Jikais Shrine

Check in, TP out, because it’s too frigging cold.

Let’s go get that Misko’s climbing outfit. I wonder if it’s just Ravio’s hood.

⁂

Woodland Stable in Eldin has people who’re looking for Bubbul Gems. They have a mystic robe? Sounds neat.

OK, I have a way better Like Like strategy. Bait the grab, then shoot the bulb with an arrow. Go to town with a poky stick.

The horriblin went down easy with a bomb arrow.

Get a Bubbul gem.

Fly through the waterfall to get past the water.

Pick up shrooms and a bomb flower, and…

Climbing Gear

I remember this!

…where are the other two pieces?

I’ll head to the base of Hateno Village and see if my horse can hear me.

Nope. Guess I’m going up to the dairy.

…there’s a bottle in the water.

I can’t just pick it up. Guess I’m going to have to Ultrahand it out from an ice block in the middle.

New specialty…with mayor…cheese…

fermentation… Can’t name…too early.

???

At least my horse can hear me from here. That’s a further distance than I would have expected — the research lab is a major hike up the hill.

Two hours is enough. The total’s up to 36.

Day 17: 2023-06-24

Oh, it’s a message from Grandpa on how to get the farm back on its feet.

Oh, and another sakura…uh…cherry-blossom tree. I’ll go there while the rest of the town wakes up.

Hateno cheese. Springy on the outside, melty on the inside. Sounds delicious.

On the wall of the new cheese shop is a poster with wheat, tomatoes, and cheese. You can have pizza in Hyrule now.

Up to the cherry tree. There’s a pinwheel. They’re not moving, but some of them are far away and I don’t have a phrenic bow or moral equivalent.

Maybe I should try sticking something to the arrows…

Oops. Wings go phrenic. Eyeballs make ’em heat-seeking.

Off to the left/south, another shape-rotator puzzle. This one wasn’t trivial.

Evidently red apples work just as well as golden ones, and I can take them back right after.

Mayahisik Shrine

I’ll do this mañana.

Walnot Mountain Cave

There’s some horriblins…and a like like…and…hmm, what’s this…something in ice.

OK, now I’m interested. How do I not fight three horriblins all at once…

What? No! Bad horse! I didn’t mean for you to hear me whistle!

OK, they’re all dead.

If you drop a weapon on a brightbloom, it activates. I could’ve used that ginormous brightbloom elsewhere.

Ice like…obvious weakness is obvious.

Oh huh, another Misko thing.

It’s frozen. Now I wish I had a fire rod.

Wood, an arrow, and fire fruit.

Hm. Now there’s a fire in the way.

Throw a splashfruit, and…

Barbarian Leg Wraps

Weren’t these in one of the mazes before?

This looks like a frozen moblin.

Do I want to unfreeze a moblin?

No. I only want to unfreeze the chest-shaped thing next to him.

And there’s a boko patrol up ahead. Black.

I’m going to get up to full hearts and equip myself for a real fight.

I had a real fight. Off on the far end of the thing is that one shrine on the far side of the mountains. Cool. No, cold.

And now, a blood moon…and I’m in enemy territory. At least I got a soldier’s bow out of the ice like.

Screw it. I’m TPing out. I’ll do Tsutsu-um shrine, the one with the stakes that I had to bail out on, and then pick up my horse there.

⁂

OOOOHHHHHH, stick a stake into the rotating part of the wall to get the ball up and over.

Now, three Lights of Blessing.

⁂

Oh wait, this fairy’s still waiting for her flute player or something. Drat.

Pyper’s somewhere around Faron, around Highland Stable. Wasn’t I there on my marathon day?

That’s Lakeside stable.

Hm. Lake of the Horse God, to the east. Where Malanya used to be.

Haran Lake looks familiar. That’s probably where you show off your horse-riding skills.

And there’s a stable-shaped building around.

⁂

I’m at the Bridge of Hylia. There’s a three-headed dragon on it.

I probably can’t deal with this.

In-universe, I’m supposed to be the Triforce o’Courage guy.

Out-of-universe, I’m hearing “DON’T BE A WIMP” from the You Don’t Know Jack series of games. What’s the worst that could happen, I die in-game?

Oh, it’s too hot for me. Guess I can’t just load up on a +damage thing.

I have…ten icy meats, and six frozen bird drumsticks. Hopefully I can get this guy gone in 16 minutes.

Wait, he was able to get me from halfway across the bridge? Fuck, I’m going to have to get my weapons set up from further away.

Ice keese eyeballs — homing and ice — are the way. I don’t have many of them, though…

…and I’m gonna run out of arrow shots anyway.

I don’t think this one’s in the cards yet.

I’ll TP to Lakeside Stable and go from there.

⁂

West, at the Menoat River, is Captain Flaxel. He’s killing bokoblins and, hopefully, doesn’t afraid of anything.

⁂

At the stable. Noises coming from Fural Plain to the northwest, only at night.

“Leave the…rms… Leave the…rms…”

Penn wants to go with me at night. Interesting!

Flute player to the north. A pyromaniac, too.

Highland Stable Well

Weird animal in the forest off to the east.

Utsushok Shrine

Head back to the stable, and…Pyper’s in the trees.

Oops. The things a boy will do to impress a girl.

Ten fireflies. Don’t I have that many already?

Nope. Six.

Dang. Ten fireflies wouldn’t have made much of a difference, kid.

OK, let’s get Kaysa out of her shell.

⁂

Great Fairy Kaysa

Perhaps your reward should be ME

joining you as a co-adventurer, hmm?

I tried that a while ago, lady. Your style is too weird for me.

Do I get the hug if I strip down to my underpants?

I got a finger kiss. That’s something.

Second thing upgraded to level 2. Finger kiss again.

First thing upgraded to level 3. I get the REAL kiss.

I guess, in this game, hugs are finishing moves, so to speak.

⁂

Let’s have a look at that mysterious woman. I want the frog suit.

around…good thing I did this at night…

up the cliff…

over to the Great Plateau…

…disgusting, unwavering commitment to do “good”…

…Great. Yiga.

Let’s climb up the backside of the Coliseum and see what’s there.

…a…what? A game?

Whack a bell. Hard. Hmm.

Use a spike, get a big flat piece, stick a spring on it, bounce into the air, come down with a hammer.

46 on the mega-ding scale.

“Pretty OK”, he says.

Throw something heavy and fast.

I built a tower to get a rocket to fly straight at it horizontally.

57 on the mega-ding scale.

I’ll stick four metal barrels to the rocket.

59 on the mega-ding scale.

Not enough? I’ll come back later.

⁂

Dropped down. Thunder Gleeok, not lightning. Took a picture. TPed out.

⁂

I’m going to go for that Misko stuff.

Nothing like an evening flock of keese to give you loads of keese wings…if you have a bomb arrow.

There’s a fire Wizzrobe here. He has…a ruby sword. Works like a flame wand. Fine by me.

Just finished off the #stone-talus:crenel-hills-cave.

Got the barbarian armor here.

Now to Teniten Shrine to get the last marked Misko item.

Got the #bubbulfrog:whistling-hill-cave.

Fire burns the vines.

A…rock-spitting Like?

A…shock like?

Rubber armor.

Let me see if I can open up the last fairy.

Malanya says there’s a golden horse in the northwest. Go to Snowfield Stable.

Oh hey, it’s Pikago.

Oh, Pikango.

…holy shit, the frozen maze is in the sky.

Frost Gleeok

I’m here at the fairy, but there’s no stable in sight.

Orochium Shrine

There we go.

Slap a roof on that baby, and…

One tense but uneventful wagon pull later, they’re all at the fairy.

You know, “Eustus” is a pretty good name for a guy who plays something that looks like a French horn.

Great Fairy Mija

I would have liked to be released by

someone…bigger, but…

*snerk*

…

Well, a slim little lad like you is fine, too,

I suppose.

I upgrade what I can and update my shopping list. There’s a tower off in the distance, so I TP back to the stable and get a horse.

One ride across a plain later, my horse starts slipping downhill. Guess the hoofing will be done by me now.

Reassemble the bridge, and…

Pikida Stonegrove Skyview Tower

There’s some sky islands here.

Cool safflina.

That was an adventuresome block ride.

Taninoud Shrine

Oh. This one’s outdoors.

Gumball machine. This one adds sleds and carts.

Let’s see if I can get to the floating island Pikango was admiring.

It’s etched with ancient Hyrulean text.

You cannot read it.

Fudge. Get the camera.

Don’t think it helped.

And the bouncy pad I saw off in the distance is smack dab in the middle of Thyphlo Ruins. Isn’t that Yiga territory?

Get the block out of the way, and…I’m getting to the tower before I talk to the guy just sitting there. He’s probably Yiga.

Billson! Glad to help you out.

Ooh, there’s a valor test to my south!

Oh, it’s also called a mettle test here.

Everything moves.

Simosiwak Shrine

21.32/35 seconds.

Glide Tights

…aaaand the Large Zonai Charge. Sweet.

Let’s see what the gumball machine has.

“Construct Head”. Huh.

“Battery”. I’ve seen these.

I drop by Kaysa and she upgrades my tights, but nothing else. I update my shopping list.

TP to a shrine and I see a rock falls down. I can rewind it…

Rocket ×3

That’s a real × in the game. Sits a bit low for the “3”, but it’s not italicized like the rest of the in-game text.

Kilton has a brother. He eats bubbul gems.

I got the #bubbul-gem:pico-pond. They’re going to Tarrey Town.

Sawson.

Fall in through the hole in the top, and that’s enough.

Fall down a bit to the South Eldin Sky Archipelago. There’s a minecart ride available.

Sage’s Will

…huh?

Kadaunar Shrine

OK, I thought I’ve been here. I haven’t. The layout looks too similar.

And another gumball machine…

Nothing new here.

There’s another five-pointed sky island like Pikango was looking at. It has more text I can’t read.

And there’s another skyview tower down there.

And a fire gleeok, not quite in the way.

That’ll be a fun battle.

Upland Zorana Skyview Tower

There’s a chest in some muck. It’s stuck. Completely.

Water washes the muck.

No room for your spear, bud. Sorry.

Oh, yuck. A lot of the water around here is green.

And look, there’s a That’s No Moon.

It’s rotating. Maybe there’s an open hole.

Jirutagumac Shrine

Nothing new at this gumball machine.

And underneath…a Sage’s Will.

Let’s get the northeast tower.

⁂

There’s a lightning gleeok at the top of that one tower out here. Akkala something?

I have not seen any lynels.

Mayachideg Shrine

Ulri Mountain Skyview Tower

Aerocuda stole the terminal.

Easy enough if you can aim with a bow.

Not sure how much I’ll be able to see in all this rain, though.

Caught a star fragment…in midair. Cooooooool.

I think I’ll TP back and take another crack at getting to Robbie’s old haunt.

Or maybe I’ll fall almost directly on top of the local stable and get a horse.

Malanya’s moved to Bloodleaf Lake to the north.

Blood moon noises, and I’m right by a cooking pot. Sweet!

One egg and one normal shroom gives me six hearts.

Chabi says Lynels are still around. Sweet.

Yiga-clan-style frogs block my way toward the Akkala Tech Lab.

I’ll just go to the shrine.

Jochi-iu Shrine

There’s purple spew off to the side. Looks like a fifth fairy. I must investigate.

Oh, it’s gotta be Malanya. Still going anyway.

OK, so I can get more stats for my horses, but boy howdy, can this guy pack it away. Going from 3 to 4 speed takes:

• 3 glazed veggies
• 3 steamed tomatoes

4 to 5 strength takes:

• 3 vegetable curries
• 3 hot buttered apples
• 3 carrot cakes

OK. Back to Jochi-iu.

Courage to Pluck

Archaic Jenga.

Rewind the ball, then picking it up is easy.

I’ll get the chest later.

Oh, moving platform. Now is later.

Large Zonaite

Nice.

And that’s four lights of blessing. Finally up to two full stamina rings.

The stealth chest guard is here. Also at 700 rupees, not 500.

HESTU!

15 weapon slots. That should free up some space.

Kilton’s brother says where the nearest bubbulfrog is. I find it, go up through the ceiling, and there’s a korok. Nice.

Mystic Robe

[shirt] 3 💎 Rupee Padding

A robe acquired in exchange for Bubbul gems.

Woven with prayers to spirits, it protects the

wearer, allowing them to lose rupees instead

of health when hit.

Weeeeeird.

Next Bubbul frog: east of here, near Crenel Peak.

Went and fought some bokoblins and their master. Freed a guy who was studying blood moons.

⁂

Courage to Fall

Constructs here. I go around to the left. Sure, I could try and open the front doors with Ultrahand, but what’s the fun in that?

There’s an Ascendable platform here.

Hm. I just have to get a ball up here somehow.

The secret: trigger the lights at least once. That gets you the key.

⁂

Back to Joju-u-u.

Building Bridges

You don’t have to use all the bridge.

⁂

Back to Sifumim Shrine.

Proving Grounds: Flow

I’m naked.

Did OK the first time. Still died.

Won the second time. Now for a fourth Light of Blessing.

⁂

Now back to Utsushok Shrine.

Long or Wide

Whack the ball in. OK.

Got a cart out…what do I do?

Oh, I guess this is the “or wide” part.

Snagged the chest, too.

⁂

Let’s go to Kakariko. I want to pick up the ninja suit, and they also have a shrine to pray to.

Got two pieces of ninja suit.

I’m gonna sell my diamond. 500 rupees is a lot, and I don’t need a diamond for anything for a while, probably.

Some aerocuda farming, and I think I’ll finish up clearing the Yiga out of the Akkala tech lab.

Got the Yiga shirt.

Travel Medallion Prototype

NIIIIIICE.

Kimayat Shrine

Killed my first fire lizalfos. Need more.

Gut Check Rock isn’t what it used to be. There’s yellow ore and a korok, though.

And now to where the shrine used to be on top of the eyeball in skull lake, or whatever it’s called. There’s a hole there now.

Skull Lake Cave

Stalnox. I’m not sure what I expected.

Misko’s treasure.

Fierce Deity Mask

Attack up. For your face. I’ll take it.

Got the Bubbulfrog.

Ascend, and…here’s the shrine. Nice.

Kamatukis Shrine

To the local skyview tower, then Tarrey Town.

…I think I’ll go to the shrine instead.

Got another midair konpeitō.

Rasitakiwak Shrine

Mattison needs a nudge, I guess.

Cute drawings. She’s got the feel of the place already.

Puffshroom the vendor. Heh.

Sundelions? We got that.

Free ride to Gerudo Town? Sure.

Oh, it’s just straight up and down. Darn.

Drive a thing.

Got a korok. Found where the stone goes.

Jochi-ihiga Shrine

Got a diamond. Nice.

Let’s spend a night in the local stable.

Get to the top of the horse’s head with fractions of a second. I figure out “tunnel through the head” at literally the last second.

Hm. A little girl wants to be a horsey when she grows up. Isn’t there a term for that?

Oh. I can show a picture of a bokoblin.

I’m not sure if Kilton is a parody of a particular kind of person.

Next: horriblin.

10:15 now, plus two hours. 12 hours and 15 minutes. All in one day. Dang.

36 plus 12¼ is…48 hours and 15 minutes. A quarter of that was all today. I had no idea I had the stamina for this sort of thing.

This definitely wasn’t a quarter of the writing, though. Gonna have to ponder why.

Day 18: 2023-06-26

Let’s try and grind out shrines for 45 minutes. That will make the numbers less weird.

First stop: Rasitakiwak Shrine.

⁂

I’m in my underwear. Guess it’s THAT kind of a shrine.

Proving Grounds: Vehicles

I’m not sure how having a car will help me any unless I can run these guys over.

Neat, a free beam unicorn. It’s not great on a sword, though. I probably should have stuck it to a shield.

Darn. Got sniped while I was trying to Ascend on the far right end.

For my second life, I tried to vehicular-manslaughter one of the constructs over on the left. With the fan cart. He gave me a good whack and that took out the majority of my hearts.

Third life…carticular manslaughter works on the wimpy bow-only construct.

Let’s try this stone slab with snake wheels, shall we?

It’s working well enough against most of these guys, but this one tall one with the curvy-spike head is just slowing me down and won’t get run over. I’ll have to take him away from his buddies and clean him off my grill, so to speak.

Ah shit, his spiked-ball buddy followed me. Luckily, Spike Head with the flamethrower is pinned into the corner on the left (as you enter) wall…

If this thing can only be steered but not stopped, why don’t I put the fan from the cart onto it…oh darn, they’re all fixed pieces. Can’t break them apart.

“Pin them to the wall, then shoot them in the head” seems to be a winning play. This might be the run.

Ooh, that’s an intimidating deathmobile in the cage in the middle. Let’s check on the Ascendable-to ledge…

A glider on a cart. With lots of fans. Hm.

I drop off the glider, fail to land in the cage, and lose a few heart quarters falling too hard to the ground. The glider lands near the entrance.

I try again. The glider is able to get high enough to deposit me in.

Holy hell, these cannons are something else.

The dragon head with a nose looks like it produces a continuous jet stream.

OK, this gives me ideas of what to do with vehicles.

Magic Rod

[one-handed sword] 6

A small and intensely magic rod, it’s said

to have been wielded by an ancient magician

who awoke maximum latent power in gems.

Gem not included. I wonder what happens if you stick a diamond on it and wave it around.

Come to think of it, I’m not sure what happens if you stick a minor gem on it, like an opal (water splashes) or an amber (is that even a gem?) or a luminous stone (definitely not a gem) on top. I could try fusing with lesser sticks.

Two lights of blessing.

⁂

First thought: I’ll go way back to Eshos Shrine. It’ll probably have an easy puzzle that I’ll be able to finish up in ten minutes.

Second thought: Eh, maybe not, and I want to pack it in. Where was the Yiga Clan hiding out?

I dig out the picture I took of the Yiga Clan hideouts. I’ve got the mask from the Plateau and the shirt from Akkala. The main hideout, of course, is still in the hills of the Gerudo Desert, but there’s this other spot to the west of some woods north of Hyrule Castle.

Seems like Kiuyoyou Shrine, west of Mekar Island (and also the Lost Woods) is more likely than them camping out right in front of Thyphlo Ruins, like I thought previously.

I’ll go there in preparation for an assault on where I think the Yiga Clan is.

⁂

There’s a hinox sleeping. Just to the west of Kiuyoyou Shrine. In a mini-woods.

I’ll call that 45 minutes, even though it’s about 40 of gaming and 10 more of futzing around with maps. Up to 49 hours, now.

Day 19: 2023-06-27

Now then. On to see if I can get the banana-enjoyer outfit.

There’s a thing with a bokoblin on top. Not quite what I’m shooting for.

I walked around him with the full Sheikah suit on. The guy didn’t even see me. This stuff is magical.

Well, here’s the top of Mount Drena. Nothing’s really here except a korok-type thing, a glider, a fan, and a rocket.

Oh, I see. Use the rocket to yank the cork out of the hollowed-out tree.

Between here and the Thyphlo Ruins jumping pad there’s a shrine. Might as well go to it.

A rock fell from the sky. I stepped on it and rewound it. I didn’t get to where it came from. I wonder if my right arm can get upgraded. I assume Robbie can’t do that.

Kikakin Shrine

Later.

Let’s try Mekar Island.

Oh, a korok.

…that’s no korok. That’s a wizzrobe.

There’s an interesting spear here, but this place is mostly a nothingburger still. I’m going back.

Pikango again.

Maybe they’re in the Rowan Plain well?

Or maybe they’re in where the big goddess used to be…that would explain why the one statue was complaining about radio silence…

I’m running back south to the entrance. It’s bigger than their old digs. I wonder what it’s like inside.

Forgotten Temple

Tabantha Frontier

The entrance is all closed up.

But the lower entrance is open. I’m not sure I should have burned five arrows on the korok, though.

There’s no Guardian gauntlet, thank goodness. Just small collections of bokoblins down below. I’ll just avoid them.

Shrine further in.

Mayausiy Shrine

Hm. The big statue fell over. A small one is upright. No, that’s just a pillar.

I’m to report back to the statue at the Spring of Wisdom.

There is, however, a door behind it…

Sundelions…and a roundtable, of sorts…

…a MAP.

A tear with a tear

I don’t know how helpful or relevant this is supposed to be. I’m heading back up the mountain to get some help.

Get Naydra’s help. The blue dragon. By getting a claw.

I’ll take care of it. B⃝

Over by the Rabella Wetlands Skyview Tower. I think. Lucky?

Not too bad if you’ve got two rings of stamina plus a third yellow one. And can bullet-time. Now to get my fuzzy warm pants back on…

Free sapphire for my trouble.

Now to visit the other two statues.

Apogek Shrine

One’s in Faron. The other’s in Akkala.

Man, knowing where stuff is is great.

Next, Dinraal. The red one. Claw.

I guess I’ll go to the Thyphlo Ruins tower, since Dinraal used to start out where the Akkala maze was.

See a fancy construct. Sneak up behind it. It picks up what looks like an air sprayer. Spin-whack it with an ersatz hammer. It goes down easily.

Well, here’s the yellow dragon up ahead. Might not be able to make it, but it’s between the Great Plateau and Gerudo. I’ll TP to Tadarok Shrine, in the Plateau, and Ascend.

Please let that not be a scale since I hit its hand.

Farosh’s Claw

Phew.

Tumbleweeds.

The desert is…cold now?

Ooh, a flock of bats! Papa needs wings!

Nothing. I get a couple of ice Lizalfos, though.

Gerudo Canyon Skyview Tower

It’s on the fritz. Figures.

Elevator puzzle. Easy enough, especially when rewindable rocks are falling from the sky to take you up to where the heavy metal box is.

Wander off, find three fire lizalfos, ice two of them, beat the third one silly, and TP back to the tower because of the heat outside.

And hey, here’s Pikango again.

Let’s head to that tower in the distance…

Aerocudas. Very high up. They’re not much of an impediment, although I use up about 4½ stamina wheels to finally touch ground again where I want to.

Gerudo Highlands Skyview Tower

Uh…where’s the base?

There’s a cave.

Keese wave! Where’s my bomb flowers?

I have a photo of them all in my face as I’m semi-paused digging the bomb flowers out. I shoot the wall behind them and lose all but a quarter heart. Fuck.

Inside…Bubbul Gem.

The ice fruit just sitting around gives me an idea, and I make an ice platform and stick it to some of the other wooden platforms just sitting around.

I don’t recognize where the Yiga Clan entrance used to be. Did it get eaten up in the Upheaval?

Birida Lookout Chasm

Eh, screw this. Back to Gutanbac so I can get some easy zonaite.

Now back to Kiuyoyou Shrine to see if the Yiga Clan really IS in the well…

Mighty Bananas

Yup, I got baited.

Duplex Bow

[arrow] 14×2

Yup, they’re in a well. How far these guys have fallen.

Now I’m in the Underdark. How far HAVE these guys fallen?

Fight a small camp. It’s moderately entertaining.

Small Frox

I’ll take a picture of one, but I don’t want to fight them.

Uoyoyuik Shrine

This one doesn’t seem as big as most.

Head east.

Head north. A dragon’s coming out of a hole in the ceiling.

A red dragon. No wonder I couldn’t find one scanning the sky.

There’s a glowing root. Below me, there’s a manufactured pathway. Maybe the Yiga are using it.

Nikakik Lightroot

Drena Canyon Mine

Yup, duplex bows shoot double bomb arrows.

They have Gleeoks down here.

Gleeok Den

I can poke around. I get one free hit, right?

I don’t get one free hit. Game over, man.

TP back to the Lightroot.

Climb a…thing.

I think I see Yiga stuff.

I do. I do see Yiga stuff.

I take out the guard in the tank and the front door opens up. I go back for the untarnished sword and try out the cannon on some stalbokoblins. Takes a lot of energy.

Yiga Schematic

Hm…

Yisuayam Lightroot

There’s a thing here.

Cliff Bargainer Statue

“Tunic of the Depths”, you say?

150 Poes? A bargain.

Muihcoro Lightroot

Find the three branches to get into the Yiga clan.

This last one is a doozy, though.

Mayatat Shrine

Hm. Ancient orb.

Desert Voe Headband

I guess this is what I need for mild heat resistance. I wonder if I’m going to be cross-dressing soon, if at all.

Fashion Passion is where I get the rest of the outfit. Well, behind it. Just like last time.

Gerudo Bow

Built for distance. I guess this is the new phrenic bow.

Gerudo Town. And nobody’s turning me back.

There’s Gibdos here.

Soryotanog Shrine

I’m getting the spa plan.

Three hearts and an extra stamina ring. Not bad.

She wants a picture of stelae…

That’s more than enough for a weeknight.

Five hours today.

Kudanisar Shrine

FIVE HOURS TODAY.

54 hours total. I need arrows.

Day 20: 2023-06-28

I still want to hunt Yiga pants.

Off to Orochium Shrine.

Let’s try this cave that probably isn’t it.

Eh, Bubbulfrog. And fairies.

That’s it.

Let’s try the road along the north of Hyrule instead.

No Lynel here.

Get up to Thyphlo Ruins. A rock drops. I ride it up and see a shrine in the distance, toward Death Mountain.

Sikukuu Shrine

Downhill a bit, Addison.

Back onto my horse.

Made it to Aldor Foothills. Nothing.

Oh, frog statues. Nice.

Yiga Clan Maritta Branch

…margarita?

Looks like Sooga in there.

Just a blademaster, my camera says.

Can’t get a lock onto the footsoldier…drat, they noticed me.

Easy enough by now. I don’t think it’s player skill, though.

Steal their bananas and arrows. Back up to 40.

Follow the eyes of the frogs.

This pit? NOT following the eyes of the frogs.

Going up? Following the eyes of the frogs.

Jobs:

• mercantile division (can count, can hold a conversation)
• research zonai stuff (crafting, can make good names)

…see, normal people may not have to worry much about off-by-one errors and cache invalidation, but naming things? that’s hard for everyone.

Let’s continue.

• training (can Earthwake, or wants to)

Did Aliza a solid.

There we go. Hello, fellow banana enjoyers.

Down below? The bubbulfrog.

Before I forget, I think Brightcap Cave had Misko-style decorations. I should poke my head in and check now that I’m not scared shitless of Horriblins anymore.

Got a good picture.

A like like…and, when I look up and to the left, there’s some spikes. They burn…

Misko’s treasure.

Frostbite Shirt

[shirt] 2 🗡️❄️ Cold Weather Attack

Made for ancient rituals, this item’s cold-

absorbing cloth produces frost in low-

temperature environments.

Well, that wasn’t on my bingo card.

Let’s get a fourth ball o’light. Off to Makasura Shrine.

⁂

An Upright Device

I’ve been wondering what these things are good for.

…fling it over?

Yes.

…fling ME over?

So that’s what the top of a shrine looks like.

I didn’t see a chest.

⁂

Let’s see what clothes we can upgrade now.

But first, sell gems. My diamond goes bye-bye.

The Fierce Deity mask is weird. To go to the first level up, I need three hinox toenails and a Dinraal’s Scale?

I go down below and convert zonaite into charges and crystallized charges. Time for battery upgrades.

And now, two energy wells, bringing me up to two complete batteries. Six more to go.

Let’s see if I can see a tear by where Impa is.

OK, here’s a rock.

…korok underneath. Well, I wanted another weapon-stash upgrade anyway, so I’m happy.

Let’s try going for the head.

I get close to the head and everything sparkles. I hear this is what LSD can be like, in small doses.

Maybe it’s just the time of day.

So that’s what it’s like to advance the story. I’d nearly forgotten.

Impa mentions the Forgotten Temple. I guess it’s supposed to be one of those newbie-friendly places in this game.

I’ll just TP back inside…

…Impa beat me to it.

Back in the room with the map.

These seemed like nothingburgers to me when I saw them all. Now they’re being treated like some grand revelation. On the other hand, I think I have all but one air-puff tower unlocked, so my lack of surprise is no surprise.

Let’s talk to Hestu and close out for today.

…and…what was I going to do at Tarrey Town? Grantéson, the salesman, distracted me.

Oh, right. Kilton.

Hm. The statue won’t stick to the ceiling. I’ll just leave it on its head.

He wants to see Mattison. In Gerudo Town. That might be difficult. But it isn’t. Anymore. Well, it was difficult, but for entirely different reasons.

This guy wants a battle talus sculpture.

The stealthy green lizalfos statue goes well with the green. Makes up for the horriblin.

And there’s his brother. I should say hi before 5 AM turns up.

Fire keese eyeballs and a lizalfos mask.

Two hours today, for a total of 56 hours.

Day 21: 2023-06-29

Maybe some easy shrine doing today. Off to Zanmik Shrine.

Scoop It Out

Make a scoop.

It doesn’t auto-scoop. Looks like I’ll need to feed it myself.

There’s no chest. There’s probably a chest in the ball pit.

I’ll just attach all these balls together and…

…fudge. I can’t yank them out. The attached ones are too deep.

Strong Zonaite Longsword

Nice.

Off to Mayahisik Shrine.

⁂

Rauru’s Blessing

Guess this one’s a freebie.

Magic Scepter

Like a magic rod, but longsword-based. I’ll leave it.

Off to Mayachideg Shrine.

⁂

Underpants.

Proving Grounds: The Hunt

Not today.

Kamatukis Shrine.

⁂

Fully clothed still.

A Precise Strike

Golf and harder golf.

Easy golf opens the door. Harder golf gets the chest open.

I’m gonna hard-golf wearing only the banana-enjoyer outfit. It’s not like I need to fight anything.

Oh, except to whack the new-ball pole. Darn.

Second try.

Mighty Zonaite Longsword

The Yiga longsword gets dropped.

Six lights of blessing.

To Kimayat Shrine.

⁂

Underpants.

Proving Grounds: Smash

Not today.

Off to Sikukuu Shrine.

⁂

Spinning Gears

Yes, I remember that Recall exists.

I can see the endpoint, but no chest yet. Hm.

Underneath…no?

Not from the outside. Turns out, turning the gears the wrong way initially gets you into the chest room.

Please let it not be a melee weapon.

Zonaite Longsword

…

I’m leaving it.

Seven lights.

Off to Kikakin Shrine.

⁂

It’s dark.

Shining in Darkness

I’ll have that Bright Meat and Mushroom Skewer, with one glow.

…this is just enough glow to illuminate my feet.

I could stick a glowing thing on a sword. I wouldn’t even have to swing it.

Oh, you do have to hit it on something.

Anyway. here’s the chest.

Luminous Stone

That wasn’t The Chest.

Lasers.

Opal

That was also not The Chest.

Amber

That was also not The Chest.

Small Key

…also not The Chest.

I could go up here.

Zonaite Bow

[bow] 30

A Zonai bow that draws power from your

Energy Cell. Power drains, and arrows can fly

much farther according to how long a shot

is charged.

Very much a sniper bow.

That was The Chest.

Back near the entrance, I use the key.

⁂

Scorpis, the emergency-shelter guard, sees right through my Yiga outfit.

Finally, I get a couple more heart containers.

One more hour, for a total of 57.

Day 22: 2023-06-30

I recalibrate my left stick which seems to fix my stick-drift problem. I should have done this a while ago.

More shrine grinding.

First up: Mayausiy Shrine.

⁂

Building Blocks

This is a Korok puzzle, blown up.

A captain construct. For no obvious reason.

OK, make a Rubik’s Cube.

Chest up there, too.

Large Zonai charge. Didn’t need to free up inventory. Nice.

Off to Sonapan Shrine.

⁂

Man, look at all these golden apples. Now that I don’t have to care that apples aren’t magnetic, I’ll just yank them off from the ground.

Odd that none of the trees are attacking me…

…I’ll just run around and pick up the apples on the ground…

…oops, one got triggered. Enough apple picking for now.

Missing Pathways

An Ascend filter. I pass.

A chest on the left. How to…

Oh. Stick something above your head, and Ascend through it.

Five arrows.

…that was The Chest™.

And one more obstacle.

I’ve had harder shrines in this game before, since before I got the glider.

One more Light of Blessing.

On to Mayatat Shrine.

⁂

A Sliding Device

OK, slides slide.

They can be made to slide in reverse.

In shrines, energy seems to be free, so I’ll stick both fans on…

Ten-pack of arrows. That was The Chest™.

Got the extra slide. Didn’t see that the one-fan slide went any faster than the two-fan slide, and it was easier to control.

One more Light of Blessing.

On to Soryotanog Shrine.

⁂

Buried Light

Fans and sand. I remember this mechanic.

I’m sticking the fan to my shield.

Small key. That was not The Chest.

My rusted shield isn’t dying. I think the shrine is magic here.

Your Fan Shield is badly damaged.

Guess it wasn’t magic.

Also, the fan won’t blow away this construct.

Get a new fan. I’ll use a different shield.

Man, these boko shields can’t take much fanning.

Ten-pack of arrows.

That was The Chest.

A bending-light 3D Zelda puzzle.

Four lights of blessing.

Let’s see what that thing was that I tagged from the local skyview tower…

⁂

Kitawak Shrine

Where’d that star fragment go that I passed on the way down?

Got it.

There’s an aerocuda here. With a chest in its claws.

Ten-pack of arrows. Nice. Up to 80.

And then three unsuspecting ice lizalfos down below. I’ll need their guts — figuratively — eventually…

Fire-breath lizalfos, too. And it’s tagged as “monster collection”. Not sure how or why. Sure, I need their parts, but I don’t think I’ve tagged them specially in the game.’

Hey, a lizal-only group. I have just the hat for this.

They give me the side-eye, but they don’t really figure out that I’m not them until I unleash a can of whoop-ass.

A three-pack lizal group approach me as I approach them. They seem to be fooled indefinitely.

More tails for the Great Fairies.

Man, I thought getting Kilton-style masks was dumb, but this one was fun once. At least I got an interesting story out of it.

This Wasteland Coyote looks proportioned like a wolf. Anyhow, one more picture for the album.

Raw Prime Meat. That thing was well fed.

Unbearable heat

I’m gonna have to burn a sapphire, aren’t I?

Well, my magic rod is officially In Use.

Gather ’round, everybody!

I’ll TP back to the shrine to see if I can get to the lizalfos making lizalfos noises uphill.

⁂

I look around. There’s a blue lynel down there, off in the direction of Taobab Whateveritis.

…do I want to now?

Eh, sure. What’s the worst that could happen? I Game Over? Biting off probably more than you can chew is what makes open-world games great.

I don’t really have anything good to eat. Best I can manage is speed-up food.

My album is full. Darn.

I should embrace the game I’m playing and set up a construct head with a laser beam mounted on its head.

I set it up, and it disintegrates as it gets far away from me and close to the lynel. I’ll try setting it up closer to the lynel.

It does jack fucking shit. Maybe I should have whacked it…

First perfect dodge against a lynel. He hasn’t hit me yet. Auspicious!

Man, this guy’s got HORNS on him. I also somehow manage to dodge, and I haven’t even seen this guy’s moves. Beginner’s luck? It sure isn’t veteran skill.

I backflip when he tries to headbutt-sideswipe me. I lose a fairy. The fairy doesn’t take me up to full health anymore. Boo, hiss.

Whoops, don’t backflip when he’s charging at you. There goes all but a quarter heart.

Screw it, bright omelet. I don’t seem to need things to defeat this guy.

Dammit, I lost my shield and didn’t re-up it. Now I have to refill most of my hearts again.

Did it. Lotta lynel parts, like always, and I was able to use up quite a few good weapons on an enemy that deserved it. Very satisfying.

Let’s go impress Chabi.

⁂

This lynel horn deserves to be put on something great. I’ll stick it on…

…hrm…

Knight’s Claymore✨

Perfect.

Oh weird, I got two horns. One saber horn, and one mace horn.

The mace horn is probably the kind of thing I’d want to whack a Battle Talus with…I’ll use that.

She gives me a silver (100). Not bad.

Let’s see if I can use all this lizal stuff to upgrade my Yiga stuff twice. It’s gotta have a special effect, right?

Still need fire lizal tails. Three wasn’t enough. Need three more.

Upgraded the glide mask to 3. To take it to four, I’m going to need…TWELVE gleeok wings.

Guess I’m gonna have to work for my hugs.

In the air, a blood moon happens, and I TP to where the constructs are. Maybe there’s a pot here.

…maybe not.

Mount Lanayru Skyview Tower?

Didn’t see one. Drat.

There we go. Dinraal is outside, north of Thyphlo Ruins Skyview Tower, at 12:20 AM. Perfect. I’m getting my claw now.

Nope, I’m not getting thrown off by a konpeitō. I want my claw.

Another midair catch. I’m not shit at this.

Now then. Back to the tower. I want my star fragment.

Not seeing it. Drat. At least there’s this sword geoglyph. The tear is probably at the tip of the sword…

…bingo.

⁂

Well, that kind of explained everything. I wonder what the other six can fill in.

I’ll set the quest for the Dinraal’s Claw so that’s the next thing I do.

Two hours today, for a total of 59.

Day 23: 2023-07-01

Time to give up the claw.

Wait, I don’t have one?

Oh. I need to drop it.

[Bzzt.]

What am I carrying that’s made of metal?

Oh. Ruby sword. I should have stuck the ruby on one of my Zonai things.

Oh. I have one just like that.

Gerudo bows are made of metal? Go figure.

Free ruby. Not bad.

Now to the lightning statue in Faron.

What’s the quarry like, now that it’s not crawling with flying Guardians?

There’s a pool of Gloom with hands in it. And you can’t take its picture. I’m out of here.

Off to Dracozu Lake.

⁂

On top of the head of the dragon/crocodile, there’s a get-to-the-rings korok. I think this is mostly a test of hustle and “is it raining or not”, because it usually rains here and it wasn’t too hard to get up to in a reasonable amount of time.

Ooh, mighty thistle! I’ll stick around until I get purplehandled.

Black lizalfos tail.

I’ll go up to the woods here and see if I can’t get more thistles.

No more thistles. Lizalfos and yellow chuchus, but no thistles.

Here’s a bunch of destroyable rocks…

…and inside, there’s some yellow mineable rocks…and better yet, a flock of keese!

There’s something weird and new here, like a construct is supposed to occupy it. It’s at, or below, (0655, -2732, 0060).

’lectric keese. I need them for something. Probably.

Back to the black lizalfos.

He’s got two blue buddies. Gather ’round, everybody.

Zonai Ruins

Faron Grassland

There’s a pack of bananas at an intersection here. That’s bait.

I’ll put my banana-enjoyer outfit on and see what happens.

Hey, don’t get so close to those in

uniform! Link will realize it’s a trap!

Get out of here right now!

Fun bit of flavor text. I’ll see if I can farm this electric lizalfos over to the side…

Oh. There’s two of them. Let me see if I can bait them past the bananas and where they won’t just fall into the water…

Got a bunch of useful things, but only two thistles. I’ll see if I can de-pirate Lurelin finally.

There’s a new sherriff in town. Everybody come to the entrance so I can beat your asses into poes.

Hm. I can fuse weapons to weapons? I might have to try this in the middle of a fight.

Hey, thistle!

Oh, they’re sleeping. It’s midnight.

Let’s bring out my massively overpowered sword and…two black bokoblins, made short work of.

Now there’s another lookout. Let’s see if I can pull him away with my mask…

Hey, I can pray here. I’ll pray for more hearts.

Sounds like that’s everybody on land. The cumulative monster heart total is about halfway down. I’ll head onto the boat.

I’ll try one of those pinecones for a mini-gale.

Three just blew up in a tornado. I’ll try ONE.

One just blew up. Hm.

Go onto the rudder, Ascend through the ship proper.

Now it’s fighting time.

The baddies on the ship were entertaining. If you back up while being chased — slowly — by a bokoblin, his boss will throw rocks on his head by accident.

Still some monster left. Not sure if they’re in the pirate ship, or what.

Island lobster shirt underneath the pirate ship. Cute.

There’s steam coming out of the well. I’ll see what’s inside.

A bokoblin. That was the last guy.

Numar — the guy with the thistles all around his house — calls everyone back.

Bolson

Sure, you look like a strong breeze could

blow you over, but you are as solid as

STONE. Knew it the moment I saw you!

Probably not the weirdest compliment ever, but close. I’ll take it.

Bolson needs logs. That I understand, but rice?

• 15 logs for foundations
• 20 rice for roofs

Just buy the rice at Hateno. Got it.

Logs. Not wood. Hmmm…

I need to stalk Cece, the fashionista. At night. I’m spoiled for outfits for this.

I’ll rework my paraglider. I’m feeling old-school.

Nostalgic Fabric

Talk to the mayor. I have cheese in my pocket.

100 rupees. Nice.

Reede, the current mayor, shuts himself in his shed every night.

“Dig a hole or something”

Challenge accepted.

There’s a huge network of caves around here.

Reede is trying to make a new kind of pumpkin.

Let’s check in on Cece…

Fashionable personnel only!

There’s hylian garb and some kind of king’s guard outfit inside. Supposedly it used to be optimal if you were jumping up walls.

I’m not a speedrunner. I’ll wait for Cece outside and then tail her. It’s 9 PM. I can wait.

She’s going into the condemned tower. I’ll peek in from above.

She loves the local produce.

Makes me dislike handing out shrooms to people less.

I’ll talk to the fallen statue just off Mayausiy Shrine.

Oh hey, it’s back up again.

She’s gonna give me a sword. Need to make room for it.

White Sword of the Sky

[one-handed sword] 24

A sword said to have once belonged to a

hero from the sky. Its beautiful white blade

stands out. When it’s wielded, a strange yet

heavenly breeze kicks up around you.

I have all kinds of new stuff. Let’s talk to a fairy.

I’m kind of low on money. Darn.

Where do I get blue nightshade?

Satori Mountain.

Apples.

Octorok!

Into the cave. The bluepee seems to be guiding me.

Even more into the cave. More bluepee guides.

Seems like the thing to do is head up from this weird outcropping. But first, the lakes and whatnot I skipped past chasing bluepees.

Maybe not. Seems boring.

I ascend from the head of the slug statue inside and arrive at the cherry-blossom tree. Not bad.

In-game, it’s 7:40 PM. Good time start hunting glowy blue things that pop up only at night.

This is three hours.

Lots of them at (-2298, -0466, 0332). I put a chest icon down.

I have enough. Back to Tera or Cotera.

Maybe there’s more octoroks at Pico Pond like there used to be.

I’ll go for a Malanya bed.

He wants steamed tomatoes for horse enhancements. Although I think he wants other things instead…

Anyhow. Need more blue things. And fireflies.

⁂

Back to Lurelin. Turns out, there’s exactly 15 trees up top, including the tree monsters. I wad all the logs up and take them downhill in the most boring possible way.

OK, I can’t count. Need two more.

No, I can count. Two logs just stuck around. Maybe they weren’t in his field of…something.

⁂

Let’s accompany Penn to the mystery.

Actually, no. Let’s convert more Zonaite.

Southwest, to the light. Follow the statues.

Off to Koradat Lightroot.

An adventurer. Actually a Yiga. Time to put on my 5/3/1 outfit, which is the armor values of my Yiga outfit.

Yeah, I’m thinking attaching the stack of springs to the car I assembled wasn’t the greatest idea.

Some Yiga asshole drives by me in a car with spikes on it. I run after him, hop in the back, possibly miss a sneakstrike attempt, and kill him and take his car.

Drive around the mini-base. Nothing happened. I’ll take the springs off and see how high three springs launch me.

Takes me above the Yiga on the glider doing circles. I land on his glider and give him a good whack off.

Monocycle autobuild schema? I could use cheap transportation.

It’s fast.

Kawatik Lightroot

There’s another adventurer down here. I’m still in uniform. I wonder what this person will say.

Phew, just a fellow Yiga. Need to stock up

on Zonai devices?

I ride the balloon up. I’m glad I had a second extra battery.

South Lomei Depths Labyrinth

Oh wow.

I’ll keep following the statues. Seems like they’re taking me to another lightroot.

Oh hey, it’s lightning dragon.

Evidently the lightroot is inside the maze. I'll just have to climb inside the maze and get to it.

Actually, it’s on top. The maze is sealed.

Sisustom Lightroot

That was my third hour today.

The maze goes up to the ceiling of the Underdark.

Got a Farosh’s Scale. Probably’ll come in handy one day. Back up to the local lightroot for elevation.

Anyway, I hope Link comes by soon. Pretending to be sick really takes it out of you.

I’ll leave him be.

Amakawis Lightroot

I’ll just follow the statues and…

Frox

This one is sized like a molduga.

He vacuums me up. Pity I don’t have unlimited bombs…

His lungs gave up before sucking me in. Not sure what happened to the bomb flower I was going to drop. I probably took it back.

When in doubt, shoot it in the eye(s).

Whacking its skin with a Captain III blade did nothing.

It has rocks on its back like a talus.

I’m out of things with rocks on them…

I’ll just bomb the rocks on his back.

One bomb arrow did it.

Now where’d I leave my fan-powered sled…?

Can’t find it. Guess I hoof it. With my own hooves.

Mihcihc Lightroot

An enemy camp just beyond.

Oh, that aerocuda had a bomb barrel. Ow.

Grand poes. I am being led.

Abandoned Gerudo Mine

Time to look like a Yiga again.

Oh hey, it’s Master Kohga.

The constructs are all locked down.

Killed the flying guards. I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do with anything other than a spring.

Let’s talk to Kohga in uniform.

He’s trying to talk to something with his hand. It’s not working.

Huh?! It’s YOU again. You can’t fool me,

looking like that.

Darn.

He says he’s gonna kick my ass and take my power. Him and what arm…y?

Sorry.

⁂

Back in that arena.

Keese eyeballs ought to work against this first form.

Oh fuck. Those rockets HURT.

Fourth hour.

Eventually he gets too armored, and I have to spring up to meet him. Landing on a midair plane isn’t all that difficult, though, thank goodness.

Urk! Bleh! This place has too much sand!

You’re only winning because it keeps

getting in my eyes!

…

He’s collecting crystallized charges. He’s going to the eastern abandoned mine, wherever that is.

⁂

The construct says he’s probably going to the Abandoned Lanayru Mine. Drop down from the wetlands or in a mountain village.

“schema stones”?

I pick up the chest. 100 crystallized charges.

Hovercraft.

Where’s the closest lightroot?

I guess there is none here.

Let’s head south on this new hovercraft, with a couple extra batteries.

I get into a fight with a small mining group and lose all but one of my hearts to gloom.

They’re all dead, but I’m at one heart capacity. What’s a good insta-pot recipe that uses sundelions?

Sundelions and meat is enough.

Can I bait this stalhorse with apples? It’s standing on gloom.

I can. And it likes me more now that I’m feeding apples to it.

And then some armored gloomy bokoblin whacks me off my horse. Drat. Guess that explains how I’m going to get down to the root.

I then decide to go back to the mine because there’s a lightroot there that I didn’t see while I was there. From this angle, it’s easier to see that it’s on top of the whole think kind of.

Tatayam Lightroot

Abandoned Kara Kara Mine

Miner’s Mask

It glows. One.

Instant Scaffold.

Goodness, that is handy.

Five hours.

Gonatoyros Lightroot

Gataharak Lightroot

Kimakarut Lightroot

…there’s a lake here?

There’s a gloomy blue-maned lynel down here, too.

Is this the same frox? No. There hasn’t been a blood moon.

It ate my glowing thing. Darn.

And I press the wrong button and don’t bullet-time him. Instead, I smack down into the gloom in front of him. Fuck.

Time to chug this Bright Elixir and see if it’s worth a damn.

It’s worth one damn. Not two.

Tripled bomb arrows makes short work of the frox.

Jadukakar Lightroot

Evidently rivers up there are walls down here.

⁂

Let’s go with Penn and investigate that creepy voice.

Leave the arms. For if not, I’ll do you harm.

Seek the storm.

Hell of a distorting echo.

⁂

Feed Agus what he’s been meaning to eat.

Blood moon.

…dondon? What’s a dondon?

This lady clears things up. Penn says Trayci is happy with my work, and showers rupees on me. Penn then goes back to tell ’er what’s been going on.

This lady has a bunch of really expensive gems on the table. I’ll save, then do my usual kleptomania…

Feed luminous stones to Dondons and they poop gems. Got it.

Heeere, buddy…

He doesn’t eat them out of my hand like a horse. I need to drop them on the ground, then he paces around a bit and then eats them.

This is not a speedrun strat.

After feeding him five, he loses interest in the stones.

But wait, there are more dondons!

Six hours.

You know, I think I’ll finally check in at Rito Village like the game is telling me to do.

Sahirow Shrine

I’ll do this one later.

Rospro Pass Skyview Tower

The geography here looks unfamiliar.

Easy in, at least.

Rito Village.

⁂

Gatakis Shrine

Walking around. There are ice pops. Chests are in them. All I need to do is stand by them.

Hot buttered apple:

• butter
• apple

You can add a spicy pepper to this.

Nutcake:

• wheat
• butter
• sugar
• nut (chickaloo tree?)

fish pie:

• wheat
• butter
• rock salt
• fish

…

“Song of the Stormwind Ark”

Flying ship. 100 years ago. I remember.

Rito-down bed. I want a full extra wheel.

Off to Harth.

I should upgrade these clothes. They probably need hot things that I might have.

…I have barely any money. Off to sell my…star fragments. Not all of them.

Red chuchu jelly? And I have only one? Argh.

Back to Hebra. I try finding the cave Tulin went into. I failed. Get to the tallest mountain around and I find him anyway.

Keese eyeballs. Gotta love ’em.

Seven hours.

I’ll TP to the closest tower. Tulin can follow me there, right?

Yes.

Tulin says I’m going the wrong way just as I bump into something shrine up here.

“Come to me?”

Sounds like Revali.

There’s a giant boat in there.

I don’t know how to go up. I don’t have Revali’s Gale.

Goflam’s Secret Hot Spring

Eutoum Shrine

Hm. Didn’t make it all the way to the construct pacing around.

What if I pull three springs out of my backside and then just jump on them?

Yup.

Tulin helps with the construct.

I continue onward and upward. Turns out, icicles are something you can glue to your sword or shield.

Do I want to do any cooking? I do.

I continue on.

Kahatanaum Shrine

Eight hours.

Boing. Boing.

I can’t really go forward in this wind.

OK, it looks like I’m almost at the top. Oddly enough, there’s no wind up here. My hair isn’t dangling at 40° from horizontal like it was on the way up.

Above the weather, and…in.

Wind Temple 1F

Ruby!

Stolen ruby!

Oh. Get Tulin to gust into the locks.

Hm. TPing from the temple to the temple respawns enemies.

Nine hours.

Enough physics to realize that you can use an icicle to transfer twisting, but not enough to know that it’ll break the icicle.

The music gets better as I start spinning the wheels. Nice.

That’s five. The music is getting properly orchestral.

“Colgera”. Like those sandworms, but in the air.

I don’t know where my stamina reloads are coming from, but I’ll take them.

,

Not Revali.

Isn’t the whole “your hand” kind of skating by a few technicalities?

⁂

The guy at Lookout Landing is a bridge builder.

Wao-os Shrine

Oh. Lookout Landing. Where Purah is. I thought this was some sort of coastal thing.

…what’s this thing that just landed in our pond?

Notes back at Kak.

Oh, it’s the trade guy.

Soldier’s Greaves

Got the #stalnox:royal-hidden-passage.

Get back out to the hidden place, and Blood Moon sets in. Time to start cooking.

Talk to Josha.

Oh, I already found the temple?

So, is Robbie free yet?

He is. Hot damn.

⁂

Man, this place is a mess.

Sensor

Ooh, he has a travel medallion ready?

And Hero’s Path? And Sensor +?

Dangerous trespassers? Already dealt with ’em, buddy.

Oh, neat. He can add more gates.

Map-data locations?

“Around 256 hours of gameplay”

Let’s get another battery.

Turakawak Shrine

Stacking a Path

The solid block weighs way more than the other two. However, it rotates in such a way that puts the other block above me, and Ascendable through. Just got to get it up a bit higher…

Done.

Gasas Shrine

Finally got Karson on the Rito bridge.

Golden horse.

“Shiny”? “Glitter”?

Shiny. Fast horse.

Oshozan-u Shrine

And the nearby geoglyph.

Mayaotaki Shrine

Says to go down below and defeat the dragon. I’m not up for that yet.

I’ll go up.

Activate four terminals.

• south
• east
• north

Fight the construct.

Evil Spirit Greaves

More stealth up.

Ikatoyam Lightroot

U-Nazohsu Lightroot

Colgera. Again.

Mu-ufatur Lightroot

That barely illuminated anything. And I made a cool glider for it, too.

Narusis Lightroot

Worihas Lightroot

I’m getting OK at building gliders and figuring out how much battery I’m going to need.

Trousers of the Hero

Kataki Lightroot

Penn’s at Dueling Peaks stable.

No, he isn’t. Trayci is messing with me.

⁂

Let’s get Lurelin back up. I have the rice. Finally.

Restaurant first, I guess.

All I’m doing is sticking trees in holes.

The inn is different. There’s metal down there.

Voltfruit. I need this for something.

Finally, the Money Making Game hut.

The owner gives me five bomb flowers. Score!

Finally end up upgrading my Sheikah set for the night speed upgrade.

Kyokugon Shrine

Remembered chuchu jellies are convertible.

Misko’s freezing-clothing treasure is in Lake Kilsie Cave, to the northwest of Lucky Clover Newspaper.

Penn’s at Wetland Stable. Across Rebonae Bridge, in eastern Hyrule Field. Close to Kakariko.

Never been here before.

Floret Sandbar.

Magda? The flower lady?

Foothill Stable, to the northeast. Between Eldin and Akkala.

Going in…in my underpants.

Did it. Eventually.

One, two, skip a few, eleven…twelve. That’s all twelve Penn things done.

There we go. I got the frog outfit.

Check in with a fairy…

The guy’s by the gumball machine…

19:20 plus 2 hours. That makes 21 hours and 20 minutes today.

59 hours previously. Totals 80 hours and 20 minutes.

Day 24: 2023-07-02

I’m gonna grind caves.

Ground some caves.

Eventide Island is rainy all the time. Good thing I have my frog outfit.

Twelve more hours today, for a total of 92 hours and 20 minutes.

Fun game.

Day 25: 2023-07-04

I’d like fire lizalfos tails. I’ll try the old way up Death Mountain, starting from Foothill Stable and working my way up.

Ooh, a Misko’s Treasure.

There’s, like, 30 chests in here. I’ll feed the dog. Good thing I have lots of meat.

Ember Trousers

[shirt] 2 🗡️☀️ Hot Weather Attack

Used in ancient rituals, this item is made of

heat-absorbing cloth that produces flame in

high-temperature environments.

Neat.

“Fierce Deity Sword”. Don’t I have this?

Don the form of the Fierce Deity, and

return to this place. There are three

keys you will need.

• beneath the bedchamber of Akkala’s red-crowned citadel
• skull’s left eye
• old stump in Hyrule Field

Not now. I’m going cruising for tail.

I take the korok across the way to his buddy. Everything that I need to take him is right here, so I just assemble a simple hovercraft. I spend lots of time with water up to my shins, but it floats enough.

More caving later, and now I’m getting the Lake Intentoch crystal into its proper place.

I should have tried to make a long rock bit for the extra buoyancy and then boated across the fire lake. Making a bridge with the fire hydrant wasn’t flashy.

Broca Island. I – wordlessly — collect the korok seed and a couple of local fauna. I also recover hearts in the hot springs.

Do I want to fight a fire talus? Suuuure.

Ember shirt.

Tunic of Awakening: Rayne, Piper, and Tanagar meet, ruined pillars stand together. Tabantha Frontier.

Moshapin Shrine

Yunobo, with the lucha-libre getup.

Sage temple ruins.

I can’t Earthwake when I’ve been stripped to my underpants in a shrine. Darn.

92:20

Six hours and 30 minutes today, for a total of 98 hours and 50 minutes.

Day 26: 2023-07-05

Lake Darman Monster Den doesn’t have a checkmark beside the cave icon, and I still need fire lizalfos tails.

Oh hey, it’s Toren, and he could use some help. Nice. I’ll finally see what actual teamwork is like in this game.

That was made easier by them. They’re off to the Akkala Span.

I want to get high. What happens if I glue a rocket to my shield?

Takes me about as high as a Revali’s Gale, and doesn’t quite use up my level-1 Lynel shield (brown, two blades). Not bad.

And…a Blood Moon. Time to finish my Lynel farming.

Hm. it’s starting to thunderbolt and lightning, and basically all my weapons are metal. I think I’m going to get a shockproof crown and then just use metal.

Er, Lightning Helm. This almost halves my defense.

I got one good zap around him, but I don’t know if it actually hurt him at all. Oh well.

On to the next lynel.

⁂

Ooops, this one’s blue.

“Extra damage during flurry rush” is a cheat code for lynels. This blue one’s going down faster than the red one I just beat up just now.

⁂

Now for the one north of Lake Illumeni.

Uneventful, really.

Now off to see the fastest fairy to get my stuff upgraded.

I upgrade what I can, and then finish the day by taking dead fish out of my pouch, dropping them on the deck, and then taking pictures of them. I do the same with some flowers that I’ll need to upgrade things (safflinas that are not cold), and that’s the day.

Also, I find out that if you take a darner (dragonfly) out of your pocket, it flies away. If you want to take a picture, take the picture BEFORE you capture it.

An hour ten today, taking me up to one hundred hours.

Day 27: 2023-07-06

Blood Moon just happened, so I want more red lizalfos tails.

I’ll go up from this local stable. I’ve never been up this way.

I take a reversed falling-rock ride up and see a shrine I’ve never been to, and also a building with a glowing rock roast on it.

A Gerudo says the rock roasts are inedible.

“Caves past the cart tracks?” Hmm.

East Restaurant Cave

I hope this is it.

Seems to be. Now to go back for the bubbulfrog.

Done. That’s four bubbulgems.

Let’s try finishing up Cephla Lake Cave in case Koltin wants five bubbulgems for his final item.

I spend 300 rupees looking up information on what is almost certainly Tingle’s outfit. Information I can look up for free on IGN.

These things sell for 500 rupees a piece in-game, so it won’t be a total waste.

I’ll get some more fire lizalfos tails since I’m around. There’s a TP point that I placed on the way up on the eastern side, so I’ll poke around there.

Three tails. One jump in the local onsen then I’m TPing back to Tera.

Set Bonus

Night Speed Up

I think two, three, and two levels is adequate for the red sheikah suit.

Let’s go see Koltin.

He wanted five. Good thing I got an extra.

He doesn’t have more treasure, but he’s still not a satori.

Well, let’s have a look at the outfit.

Kinda kabuki. The shoes are too small.

I could use some flamebreaker pants. I’ll ride to Goron City and see if there’s a local shrine there that I missed.

I kind of want to get rid of most of these extra horses.

⁂

Now, heading up to the top of Death Mountain. I take three tries to get a cart on the tracks going up (don’t hit your horse, and if you jump off while it’s moving, even if the fan isn’t going, it’ll still move faster than you do because it’s going downhill).

I’m going to wear my moblin mask on the way up. I don’t want to get shot at.

There’s no keese mask, though. Oh well.

Or octorok mask.

Ok, I need to kill these guys, and…

Hm. There’s a spike shield here. I guess I can power through this.

Let’s try using two fans. If that doesn’t work, I have rockets.

Rockets it is, then.

Nope, that didn’t do it, either.

Guess I’m climbing.

⁂

There’s lots of gloom in here, but no hole down to the Underdark.

Sitsum Shrine

I think I’m not supposed to be here yet.

I haven’t been to Akkala much.

Domizuin Shrine

Akkala Bridge Ruins…and there’s a bluepee here. Where’s the cave?

The entire castle is the cave. OK.

Guess I’ll go just jump in the hole outside…oh wait, a Snoo.

⁂

Niuzimod Lighroot

Let’s get to the next closest one with a fanplane on a cart, and…

Ooh, it’s hot. Time to get my hot-weather pants on, too.

Nipahsom Lightroot

Mustis Lightroot

The fanplane died a short way out, but it got me to the root.

Back to Nipahsom Lightroot to get to the other root down here.

Kisomom Lightroot

I need more carts.

Katijabis Lightroot

There’s a structure here.

Scorching Coliseum

Hmmmm…

I have nothing to lose except what, all my sunny food? This is what sunny food was made for.

All moblins. Easy enough. The silvers were easy because you can knock them off their feet with a second whack of a longsword.

Zant’s Helmet

Unfreezable. Nice.

What’s at Narusis Lightroot? Another coliseum?

Oh. Colgera. Screw this.

Let’s try the Drenan Highlands chasm and try to go north around the underneath of Thyphlo Ruins.

…and here’s Dinraal!

Dinraal’s Horn

I figure I’ll need at least one of every dragon part.

Can I get back up to where she is with a rocket shield?

No, but it got me to the lightroot.

Katenim Lightroot

Underneath Thyphlo Ruins is a gleeok den.

Uukukis Shrine

I’m heading back straight north to see that super tall column that looks Ascendable.

I set my controller down and type this message.

Oh, it takes me topside. Never thought that would happen.

Let’s go to Ekochiu Shrine, then jump down the hole, and that’ll take me closer to where underneath the Lost Woods is.

Cheese, wheat, and sugar is dubious food? Guess you really need that second wheat to make cheesecake. Maybe Hylians really like a thick, non-soggy bottom.

I finish up making more, but not all that I want to, Malanya food. I need more wheat. I end up at Kara Kara Bazaar and help Ponthos out of the sinkhole. I get…a ball. The kind you put into holes to make shrines appear.

3 hours and 45 minutes today, for a total of 103 hours and 45 minutes.

Day 28: 2023-07-08

I wanna take it easy today. I’ll finish up shrines.

Off to Taninoud Shrine, some assembly required. The green beam points to another thing in the sky a long ways away.

I need some carts and sleds, so this is a decent place to feed the gumball machine.

There’s a korok here. Already. I’ve been here. No, I haven’t checked Hero’s Path yet.

There are winterwing butterflies up here. I put on as many sneaking clothes as I can manage with a fire rod on my back, and collect what I can. I also get a horribly backlit orange photo of one of them that utterly destroys their coloring.

My picture of a local cold darner is way better. The time of day screws up the coloring, but at least it’s front-lit, not back-.

I need to get underneath this thing. I’ll stick a fan on one of these floating platforms and point it up.

…it doesn’t really go down.

However, I can see some burnable roots on the right as I look back toward it all. I’ll get the dangling chest on the other side first.

Hm. I can’t go down. What if I stick a rocket on?

That does it.

Now I’m way too low…

I’ll stick the rocket on the side and rocket up.

…and I knock into the chest. Score!

Oh, I need to snap the cord to open it. Phooey.

Old Map

Some spot east of the Abandoned Central Mine in the Underdark.

Just saw a…uh…konpeitō fall. I’ll set a TP point at the burnable roots, assuming I can just jump there…yesssss.

…but where did it go? Did it even land IN Hyrule?

Well, I saw a korok, but that’s about it. Drat.

Anyhow, fly the floating platform back, and that’s it. The platform doesn’t seem to appreciably go up or down.

Off to Kudanisar Shrine, because I don’t want another thing that makes me have to choose between all my weapons.

⁂

Bridging the Sands

Well, there goes my extra stamina wheel.

Took a while, but hey, sand. I wore the archaic outfit for this, so I didn’t really have the problem of sand in my boots.

Now to the Yiga backyard to finish up whatever’s here.

⁂

A Balanced Plan

Seems like Rewind will be my friend here.

Also: a child’s introduction to force cross distance, or whatever torque is.

I want the chest, though.

Large Zonaite

Worth it.

North to Gasas Shrine.

⁂

Well-Timed Cuts

Free arrows? Please.

Oh. Lift it up, put it back, then stand on it.

Large Zonai Charge

Always welcome.

Oh, I need a key? Where am I going to get a key?

Oh, on the left. And up.

⁂

Guess I’m gonna need to get this guy swinging, then snip.

That was easy enough.

Off to Iun-orok Shrine.

⁂

Aiming a bright light at enemies will blind them, causing them to drop their weapons.

Ooh. I would not have guessed.

The Right Roll

Bowling.

What if I glue these balls together?

[immature giggling]

They almost rolled off, but they went down the angle and hit the target.

Put ball on top, let it fall down, jump on it from the small-and-large ball pair. Works for me.

Arrow ×10

Underwhelming, but unequivocally useful.

I’m pausing in the middle of this. I can’t get my misshapen balls to roll right.

An hour fifteen today, for a total of 105 hours.

Day 28bis: 2023-07-08

I do NOT want to finish this shrine now.

Off to Gatakis Shrine.

⁂

Bought more groceries.

Ride the Winds

OK, one point of fall damage was too much. I’m putting on my gliding outfit with its Impact Proof set bonus.

Of course, this saves me no damage from here on out.

Eight Lights of Blessing. Let’s get four more.

Actually, two takes us to 15. Let’s get a Rito-down bed and see how far things go.

A Blood Moon happens overnight.

Guess what’s-her-face got a chance to restock wheat, right?

I now have 15 normal hearts, and three more yellow hearts on the same row. I guess halfway is 20 hearts, not 15.

Off to Wao-os Shrine.

⁂

Sweet, big brightbloom seeds.

Lever Power

Easy enough…except for the chest part.

Eventually, I give up on the chest and opt for maximum lever arm and drop the cube at the maximum height. This gives me the height I need to…loop back around and get the chest.

Spicy Elixir

I can sell this for at least one rupee.

Either that, or chug this when it’s −40° or whatever, and wear clothes with armor.

Off to Eutoum Shrine.

⁂

Underpants.

Proving Grounds: Infiltration

…not now.

Off to Minetak Shrine.

⁂

Rauru’s Blessing

Big battery. I wonder if I can get these anywhere else.

Off to Momosik Shrine.

⁂

Oh hey, an octorok. I could get my claymore cleaned. No, that’s not a double entendre.

…fuckin’ Tulin.

Anyhow, into the shrine.

Rauru’s Blessing

Big Battery

Not bad.

Off to Rasiwak Shrine.

⁂

Flotational Brilliance

There is absolutely nothing I’d be ok dropping for this longsword gem thing. The chest stays unopened.

Off to Gemimik Shrine.

⁂

Turbine Power

Mighty Zonaite Shield

Nice.

Spin to win. That was cool.

Off to Domizuin Shrine.

⁂

There’s a lightning gleeok down there. I’ll get to him one day.

A Prone Pathway

Time bombs would be useful here.

…I can’t use my own. Drat.

Zonai charge.

…that was not The Chest.

Arrow ×10

…that was not The Chest.

Mighty Zonaite Shield

…that was The Chest.

Off to Kisinona Shrine.

⁂

Wind Power

Mighty Construct Bow

Spin to win again.

Off to Timawak Shrine.

⁂

Against the Flow

Time for barbarian clothes.

Mighty Zonaite Shield

OK, that’s enough of these things. Any more and I’ll have to drop my pot lid.

Eight lights. Off to Mogawak Shrine.

⁂

The Power of Water

Batteries. Cute.

Opal

Not The Chest.

I didn’t even find the chest.

Off to Ihen-a shrine.

⁂

Midair Perch

Finally, I’ll get an idea of what these things are good for.

Seems like something you don’t want running on limited battery power, still.

The ball whacker is underpowered, so I just build a bridge and walk the ball across.

Off to Apogek Shrine.

⁂

Wings on the Wind

Oh, you can ascend through gliders. Neat.

I bumped into the far wall, but Ascended through the floor anyway. Probably not quite the intended solution, but hey.

One more for 12. Off to Jikais Shrine.

⁂

Don’t I have enough seeds for Hestu to make my bag bigger?

Oh hey, they’re selling rice here.

And that’s two more hours today. 107 total.

Day 29: 2023-07-09

Mabe Village Ruins. There’s a something here.

Ranch Ruins Cave

Guess I was right.

Off to Tukarok Shrine.

⁂

Forward Force

I was briefly stumped at this first bit. Turns out, I needed to get the placement of everything just right.

For the water part, I think I accidentally knocked off part of one of my wood paddles, but I get there eventually. It’s very wobbly.

And there’s 12.

I get three heart containers and only the third extra heart container gets bumped to the second row.

⁂

Now for cooking for horse upgrades. I need more milk than what Pruce, over at Hateno Village, can sell me.

Rito? Nope. Kak? Nope. Didn’t I get in good with the farmer’s granddaughter?

Oh. She wants milk, and will give me cheese. That’s a nope.

Gerudo? Nope. Kara Kara Bazaar? Nope. Tarrey? Nope, although I should get some bomb flowers…

Guess I’m shut out of the aristocracy of pull until the next blood moon.

90 minutes today, for a total of 108 hours and 30 minutes.

You can’t carry any more meals.

Turns out, blood moon is new moon.

Veggie cream soup isn’t the same thing as cream of vegetable soup.

Fuck.

I want:

• Any Carrot or Any Pumpkin
• Rock Salt
• Fresh Milk

I don’t think there’s a culinary Pelison.

Maybe I can rewind to just the right time.

I think I can. I did all that cooking back in central Hyrule, whereas I was doing all my BM cooking in Tarrey Town. I got an autosave when heading back to the lookout camp.

⁂

That did it. Nine slots freed up in my food inventory. My white horse from the previous game, Pale, now joins the aristocracy of pull.

Another 15 minutes, so…108 hours and 45 minutes.

Day 30: 2023-07-12

I want Snoo horns. I’ll poke around in the caves around Eldin. Off to Sitsum Shrine.

Oh huh. There’s an evil red egg thing here. I’ll go elsewhere. Isle of Rabac?

Huh. I fly into a cloud after TPing back to Sitsum Shrine and the map changes to Sky.

Turns out, you can sneakstrike an armored bokoblin with a Cobble Crusher with a rock on top. I was worried I’d have to use bomb arrows at 2m distance.

This Fire Like looks like it’s guarding something, but it’s just an egg, probably blocking a passageway. I’ll have to come back later.

⁂

Isle of Rabac. I remember getting locked here. I’ll set a TP point…

I finally get to the main loop-de-loo room. After seeing a bubbulfrog and a shrine off in the corners, I get dumped in the middle with a bunch of moblins and an octorok.

Two octoroks. Now to turn this thing around…

I turn it around, but lose my footing because of the fire keese that have popped up. I fall, not take a dunk in the lava, and eventually scoot to the side where the closest hole in the wall leads to…the shrine. Not bad.

Lot of giant brightblooms here, too. And keese.

Jiotak Shrine

Let’s go back for the bubbulfrog.

Can I make it back into the cart…?

Yes, I can, with Tulin’s help.

I think I’m done here.

⁂

It still bothers me that I can’t see a shrine anywhere near Goron City. Back to Sitsum Shrine.

…oh, it’s just…there. At least the one I’m seeing down there doesn’t seem to be on my Robbie Pad.

Maracuguk Sh

[checks map]

Marakuguc Shrine

I wonder how many of these I’ve misspelled.

I then sit myself down in my first-ever hot-spring river, while first being careful to wedge myself in so I don’t float anywhere while I’m not paying attention.

Nab the bridge korok.

I’m going to try getting to a lightroot underneath the Lost Woods, which I can’t get into now.

🕳️

I decide to fly over to where I want to be instead of just falling to the ground like I dressed up for.

Korok Grove

Guess I’m under here.

On the way down, I notice a column to the Overlight. That must be the way into the Lost Woods.

I then get attacked by a puddle of hands.

Eknupup Lightroot

There’s a coliseum down here.

Rikonasum Lightroot

Seems like you can tell where the lightroots are because they’re in the inexplicably dark parts of the map here.

Sijnin Lightroot

Ramobnukas Lightroot

This one’s closest to the coliseum.

I’ll see if I can go up and stay up.

Korok Forest

Well, I’m getting a text prompt and not a TP to the entrance. This is something.

The Deku Tree says…

…

The koroks around me are similar:

…

I talk to Chio, who warned me about getting conned into being others’ errand boy years, ago. He says:

…

There’s a shrine up top here, at least.

Musanokir Shrine

I can go inside and pray, or fall down a hole with Gloom coming out of it. At the bottom of the hole is…the inside of the Deku Tree, and a hand-y mobile Gloom puddle. I Ascend to a giant mushroom growing out the side, and consider my options.

Looks like I can Ascend back up to the Deku Tree.

What if I go up to where the top of the head is…?

Oh, there’s a spot to talk to the Deku Tree from here. He says his stomach isn’t well. No disagreements there.

If I stop now, we’ll be on even hours again.

An hour fifteen today, which brings me to 110 hours.

Day 31: 2023-07-13

Pop into the game and I see a Star Fragment fall. I’m out of the Woods. It lands across the river from the stable to my south.

I cross the river, and…hey, there’s a Snoo! I’ll go back for him and his moblin buddy.

Got his horn. Now to upgrade my hylian outfit to so much armor, it makes the game stop being challenging.

…I don’t have 500 rupees on me. Truly a tragedy. Downhill to the local stable.

No, fuck you. I don’t want your shitty fairy tonic. Just buy my gems.

Lynel guts are in demand, as much as molduga guts. I’m not sure why. I’m holding onto mine.

⁂

I could’ve sworn Tera shifted her weight in preparation for her level-4 right hook even before I handed her the rupees.

⁂

I’ll go fight blue-maned lynels. Off to Kitawak Shrine.

Got him. I’ll get the one on the plateau in Banana Faron.

This one’s…white now. I’ve got 60 armor, for 15 hearts’ damage reduction, and this guy still hurts. Guess I’m not switching to barbarian armor anytime soon.

Do I have fairies? I don’t have fairies. Guess I’m gonna have to not die.

I didn’t die. I also picked up some free rice because this guy doubles as a lawnmower. It starts raining.

Now for the one in Lanayru Heights. I TP to O-ogim shrine.

⁂

It’s blue.

Goes down easily enough.

Off to find some razorclaw crabs. There aren’t many around the north part of the Necluda Sea, in the southeast, where the map says they’ll be.

Soka Point. There’s a boss bokoblin and his troupe. I avoid them.

…there’s a geoglyph here.

Maybe the drop is near the hilt, rather than the point?

I pick up a razorclaw crab. I then pick up another crab close by. A pair of camouflaged lizalfos notice me and turn in my direction. I notice them. I don’t bother them. They don’t bother me. I like lizalfos.

The base of the hilt is basically in Lurelin Village. Maybe if I try the easternmost point of the guard.

Bingo. The pointy bit was it.

⁂

• manbun = evil. Got it.
• They should’ve worked on his facial expression for that laugh a bit more.

⁂

I have ten razorclaw crabs and six blue-maned lynel SABER horns. I only have four blue-maned lynel MACE horns, though. I need nine each of the horns, which means I probably can’t get them all in one Blood Moon cycle. Phooey. On the other hand, I could stand to get more weapons before taking these guys on again. They tend to use up weapons.

An hour and a half is good enough.

111 hours and 30 minutes.

Day 32: 2023-07-14

There’s another blue lynel — according to the IGN map — in Lanayru Wetlands.

https://www.ign.com/wikis/the-legend-of-zelda-tears-of-the-kingdom/Lynel_-_Map_Locations_and_Tips

Of course, it could be another, higher color, like the white one was.

I warp to the local bouncy tower and Bazz finally gets a chance to give me that spear that he’s been meaning to give me.

[…] yields a high attack power when it gets wet.

Seems to be south of Kincean Island.

…I’m out of my two natural rings of stamina and I’m still not over shallow water. Guess I’m getting out my flying-squirrel outfit to make up the rest of the way.

Yup. He’s in the shallow water. What am I going to land on him with…?

The 55-attack-power sword suffices.

Ah, shit. Barely any of the weapons I should use have toppers on them. Let’s see how fast I can drop them on the floor in the middle of a fight…

I drop a couple three-pointed bokoblin toppers in the water and fuse them. I get whacked in a run-by, but blue lynels only do roughly a quarter heart per normal attack.

Another one down. How upgradeable is my stuff now?

Five mace horns.

There’s another blue one waaaaay over in a part of Hebra I’ve never been to in this game. Hebra West Summit sounds easily parachutable into, though.

On the way down, I see a shrine I’ve never been to. I mark it with a colored pin.

I get to where the lynel should be after using up a little bit of my yellow extra stamina ring. There is…a bear here. I am disappointed.

Oh, here’s the camouflaged blue lynel.

I keep trudging in the snow towards it. It’s surprisingly…not noticing me. Guess this one’s kind of deaf, or maybe the snow muffles my walking.

There’s a rocky patch here. I make note to try and retreat to it during the battle, because walking on cold dirt is way faster than walking through snow.

Mostly-uneventful battle. I get my six horns and head north.

Two popsicles here. One looks like it has a chest in it. The other looks like it has a bokoblin in it.

Ten normal brightbloom seeds.

Let’s thaw out the probably-bokoblin.

It’s white. Time to wreck a Snoo.

Pencils need toppers again. I use my freezing lizal-horn tip and accidentally whack him twice. Tulin then joins in, making sure he’s definitely thawed. Grr.

Tauyosipun Shrine

−⃝

Nailed it.

Anything cool around here? I’ve got a ruby rod out and my climbing gear on already.

Uphill, there’s an aerocuda flying around with a bomb barrel in its clutches. Below, there are ice-cold lizalfos that have body parts…somewhere…that I could use.

I kill them and farm their parts.

Up at the local peak, there’s a run-fast korok. I learn that you take two quarters of a heart in tumble-downhill damage while you tumble downhill, every so often. Tulin pushes me to the finish line in the last 250ms on my third attempt, though, right after I relocate a TP point.

There’s a hot spring to the north. I have about half my hearts. This could be fun.

Sherfin’s Secret Hot Spring

There’s a korok here. Just gotta get far enough away from the ledge where I can shoot it to make it come down…

Stalboks. Er, bokostals. Whatever they’re called. You know what I mean.

I make short work of them and then get to where I need to be again and…ice keese.

Good thing I don’t care about losing a heart or two because the hot springs is right here.

Ya-ha-ha! You found me!

Finally.

I wonder if there’s anything interesting in Icefall Foothills. I think there’s a giant skeleton here still, too. Didn’t that one lady want to meet up with me here?

No. East of here.

Around east of here.

There’s three popsicles here. One looks like a lizalfos with a really long horn. I whip out my fire rod and thaw him out. I add to the risk by putting down my controller and taking a stretch break.

Now for a white moblin, and…I can’t tell yet.

The moblin’s head is outside of the popsicle. If this were real life, he could probably glare at me and I could shoot him in the head.

Now for the third popsicle…I’m not sure there’s anything in here…

Large Zonai Charge

Nice.

Up to the peak, where there’s a popsicle.

There’s a rock in the popsicle.

There’s a korok under the rock. Ya-ha-ha back atcha, buddy.

It’s kind of weird how the land to the north of Hyrule is about the same altitude as the snow-covered peaks of Hebra, but is full of flat rolling hills. I wondered what was to the north of Hyrule in Link to the Past, too, where you could look down and see an out-of-bounds forest, but somehow the lands outside Hyrule seem…slightly more real than the ones in LTTP. Only slightly, though.

Let’s reset the floating travel medallion here…

⁂

Looking at my map around where Loone said the giant skeleton would be, I notice an oddly-shaped body of water. I remember the bowling minigame from Breath of the Wild. I guess I need to go down there and open the same doors, possibly with a different method.

Well, there’s no bowling bullshit already set up. The ground looks less…mogul-ly. Oh, and the door’s open already.

Hebra Great Skeleton

Nice.

Your rock hammer is badly damaged.

Oh well. They’ve got lots of rocks worth breaking, though.

Diamond!

I look up and see the bubbulfrog. Didn’t hear it.

Missing fin bone, and one missing spine bone.

There was a lot more ice-cold water in here the last time I was here.

Now then. Let’s be careful archaeologists and slowly melt the giant block of ice surrounding what is probably a giant misplaced bone. Similarly, let’s not use bomb arrows on the bone that’s probably stuck in rock.

[Final Jeopardy! theme]

I think it took longer to thaw out the white moblin outside.

The spine bone snaps into place magically.

As for the hand bone, I dig it out with rock-tipped swords. I end up standing on it to dig it out. Finally, I get to where the hand is, and have to try all four orientations before the game accepts its combination of upside-downness and turned-aroundness.

Let’s go back to Loone, who said she’d pay anything to see it intact.

Purple Rupee

Hey, she’s not rich. Nothing wrong with not being rich in post-apocalyptic Hyrule.

Now she wants to see the one in the Gerudo region. I’ve been there plenty back in the day, but the weather’s changed a bit since.

they

Trust me, lady. There’s only one.

Back to the summit to make an easy drop to Icefall Foothills.

⁂

Cave entrance here. Lots of popsicles.

I get drawn away by fight music started by an ice chuchu. There’s more inside.

Icefall Foothills Cave

The popsicles inside look like they have enemies inside them.

[elevator music]

Can I sneakstrike this one? Nope.

For my next enemy, I try melting a bokoblin with my flaming talus heart. I sneakstrike him with that.

Bomb Flower ×10

Yesssssss.

On to the next room.

⁂

There’s breakable floor and breakable ceiling here. Can I just melt them with my hot weapon? No. Darn. Guess I’m using one of the bomb arrows. I’ll just shoot my 3x arrow up, and—

[KA-BOOM]

Climb up, and…there’s just the bubbul gem here. Bugger never knew what hit him.

Down below, and…boko party.

The white one has a nice shield.

Royal Shield

There’s a popsicle here.

And there’s a shrine just beyond it.

It would have driven me crazy if I had the shrine finder enabled.

Otak Shrine

Nice.

Back to Ekochiu Shrine so I can get some upgrades from Tera.

⁂

My horse is here. I whistle and he comes. He has a lot of trouble getting straight up the hill, so he advances at like six inches per ten seconds and eventually makes it up.

794 rupees

Am I going to get filtered by my puny petty-cash stash again?

Maybe not.

Two big ol’ smooches later, ⅔ of my barbarian outfit is upgraded to level 3. I still need more lynel mace horns. I also find out I need exotic beetles for the next level.

I don’t have any beetles in my Compendium. Hrm.

Or fairies. I should fix that.

I remember seeing fairies up in the sky around a pool of water. Probably to dive into. I’ll see if…Ah. Courage Island. This will probably do it.

⁂

Yup, they’re here.

Let’s see if I can get some of these tiny sky islands…starting with the one over Lookout Landing.

Odd. I don’t see it in the air at all, but there’s this thing that fell to the ground. I wonder if that’s it.

I also wonder when the next Blood Moon is. Last I checked, it was some kind of half moon, but I don’t know if it was waxing or waning, and that was in-game days ago.

“Talk to Harth”, the researcher says.

Harth says nothing useful, except that they’re usually close to bouncy castles.

Let’s go turn zonaite into something usef—

10 PM, and I see the blood moon rise. To the kitchen!

Let’s try rice, salt, and lots of different meat. That should give me a beef-and-chicken bowl, right?

Yup. 11 hearts using mostly bottom-tier meat. During Blood Moon, mind.

Meaty rice balls for one rice and two of the same meat (beef). Weird. I’m not sure how to tell whether I’ll get a meat bowl or a jelly donut.

Oh. The rock salt, probably.

The rock salt doesn’t seem to add HP to the dish. I do a Prime Meat and Rice bowl, and it’s still at 11 hearts.

Remove the rock salt, and I get jelly donuts, healing 11 hearts. Both recipes say they heal eight hearts normally.

There’s a recipe on a wall for cheese pizza at the cheese granddaughter’s house, and I think I’ve put meat on the pizza and everything’s still fine. I kind of wonder how Brazilian my pizzas can be, but I don’t want to clutter my recipe list turning wheat (a scarce resource) into dubious food.

I have a lot of glowshrooms and a handful of glowfish. I should make glowfood.

Use at least one glowfish in an all-glow meal and you’ll get level-3 glow. Nice. I have way too many glowshrooms already.

Let’s pick up some floating islands.

I land on one and…the bottom falls out. It’s falling faster than I can dive. It’s…going to go into the hole just east of Thyphlo Ruins, where Dinraal just dove into an in-game hour ago.

Frox here. Obsidian. I think I need its body parts for something. It’s in a well-lit part of the map.

Back up to Akkala and its bouncy house. There’s a floating island close by.

…it’s too high.

Below me, though, is a flux construct stomping ground, or what looks like it. I’ll drop by.

Yup.

I blow it up with a triple bomb arrow, and…

Old Map

Cool.

In the Underdark, eastnortheast.

Now, back to whacking this thing into submission.

Homing Cart

I’ve used these before. Cute.

I kill it and graft its Flux Core II to a zonaite sword that’s had a topaz stuck to it. I’ll probably have Pelison pull it off later and stick it on something more permanent.

⁂

There sure are a lot of fans here.

Oh. There’s a machine designed to go pretty much straight up. A lot. I’ll stick more batteries to it.

Two more batteries makes four. I run out of batteries and have to power the thing myself for a battery and change before I jump off and land on the thing.

Hope the scribe wrote down “cheese”.

⁂

I’m slightly higher up than, and kind of close to, where all the gunk pouring into Zora’s Domain is coming from. Can’t I just…fly there?

Let’s see…

A cart…three fans…a control stick…no, use a sled instead of a cart…maybe a fourth fan…

OK. I’ve got a cart with a control stick. Two fans stuck to the side, pointed down. Two other fans pointed down and back at a 45° angle.

Let me step away from the edge, SAVE, and then whip out a big-ass battery…

I’m worried about the weight of a second, so I don’t. Worst case, I use those zonai charges that protect against battery depletion. Plus, I only have three of these monsters, and no idea of where to get an unlimited supply of them.

OK. Here goes…

It’s working…it’s working…

I have to pull back on the stick constantly to not nose-dive, but I’m going across. The big battery is about ⅖ full by the time I pass over South Lake Akkala.

I hit a mid-air invisible bubble, and go up. I think I’m in one of those low-gravity zones.

Water Temple

Holy fuck, I think I bypassed a lot.

I fall into the bottom part of B1, and find an underside to Ascend into.

I’m probably going to need Sidon’s help for this, but this is fucking cool.

Large Zonaite

Nice chest puzzle.

OK, I solved a puzzle and…opened up a water wheel.

I definitely need Sidon for this.

Ascend.

OK, this looks like a good arena for a boss fight. There’s also a place to put my right hand.

It does NOT like my hand. Guess I’m going to have to bring a buddy along.

I spend some time collecting TP points that I haven’t used in a while. They’re kind of hard to pick out. I place a TP back at the dungeon that I haven’t properly opened yet, and then jump down.

Wellspring Island

OK, it has a name. Let’s visit the local shrine.

Igoshon Shrine

There’s a gumball machine close by.

This one has:

• hover stones (new!)
• fans
• wings
• stabilizers

I have loads of fans and wings, and I’m not all that interested in hover stones. Maybe they’re great if you want to go straight up, though.

Let’s go talk to Pelison.

That was painless. 20 rupees isn’t much. Sell two diamonds, and I’m not dirt-poor again.

Fyson’s much more of a company man than when I last talked to him.

Let’s see if I can upgrade any other clothes.

I can upgrade my…spooky-ass Fierce Deity Mask. And nothing else.

Fuck it, why not?

Says here that stealthfin trout are in Great Hyrule Forest. I’ll try and see if I can pick up another one this Blood Moon.

I get teleported back when I try to escape Korok Forest.

I’ll go into the local shrine. Maybe it’ll explain how to clean stuff off.

Swing to Hit

Maybe not.

I’ll drop down and see if I can just kill it.

…phantom GANON?

I forget to take a picture. He’s sluggish and doesn’t do loads of damage, but I keep missing dodging his attacks.

I get called Mr. Hero again. Yay.

Gloom Sword

[one-handed sword] 41

This slender sword has an ominous presence.

It is said to end the life of anyone it touches.

Its gloom will gradually wear down the body of

its wielder.

41 attack base. One-handed. When you need your DPS at all costs, you can use this.

Demon King’s Bow

[bow] 34

A magical bow prized by the Demon King.

Its performance reflects the power of its

wielder. The higher your maximum number of

hearts, the more its attack power increases.

I remember this mechanic from FF3…er…6.

I also pick up a few leftover Dark Clumps.

Now I’m beginning to wonder if all packs of hands are important like this. There’s at least one around all three springs.

Back up to land.

⁂

Oaki…name sounds familiar. Didn’t I have to escort him back in the day, without him knowing?

I chat with the Deku Tree.

The Master Sword is…moving. I did not see that one coming.

Hestu’s here. Drat.

Kula wants to see a big, whirly circle. Even a picture.

“Go into this tree’s mouth to go back to the entrance. I promise it won’t eat you.”

So I do.

There’s still a very directional breeze here. I’m wearing the Tunic of the Depths, so I can just watch the straps sway in the breeze.

…spoke too soon. Did just that and got TPed back to the entrance.

Must not have been paying attention to shifts in the wind. It works just fine.

Off to Simosiwak’s shrine to see Maca’s special place.

Ninjis Shrine

I pop into Oaki’s secret room. I help him decorate and I’m given korok fabric for a paraglider.

Up further, and I’m talking to Walton, the guy who wants to play.

• forest dweller’s sword
• forest dweller’s spear

Higher than the tree’s face.

I had the spear. Then I threw it away.

I find another one.

Shield…BELOW his face.

I get lost, run into Damia, and hand him five golden apples, bypassing the bog. Crystal get.

Pupunke Shrine

Don’t I need fire keese…? No.

Zap Like…ooh, a forest-dweller shield inside. Well, I suppose it’s below the tree’s face.

Back to Walton.

Cool bow.

Sakunbomar Shrine

Where’s the stone?

“Seek the crystal connected to the beam”, it says.

Oh. It’s in a TALUS.

One good heart deserves another.

I stick the new heart on the Gloom Sword. I’m not getting gloomed. Probably because I’m topside.

Off to Sikukuu Shrine to see if I can get sneaky fish there.

⁂

Nope. Kikakin Shrine?

⁂

I make a boat with a fan, control stick, and a big wooden plank. It takes me around the water around the great forest. That is, Lake Mekar. Pretty much all the stealthfin trout are on the west and south sides, not the north.

Drop by the military training camp…snag a gotta-go-fast korok.

Well, I can two-out-of-three my stealth outfit.

Off to the shrine I spotted.

Rauru Settlement

This is new.

Domidak and Prissen? Not new.

Bomb flowers. These guys will be disappointed.

Sepapa Shrine

I’ll check and see if I can get into the castle grounds via the docks.

Yup. Still can.

Hands attack me. I attack them harder. It’s way easier to do for some reason. A Ganon attacks me, this time with a spear. He’s easier.

Lighting the fire summons a chest.

Hylian Shield

[shield] 90

A shield passed down through the Hyrulean

royal family, along with the legend of the

hero who wielded it. Its defensive capabilities

and durability outshine all other shields.

Hyrule Castle Chasm

Nice. I can see a lightroot down here.

Camobatures Lightroot

Dare I mount the gloomy lynel?

I don’t get gloomed. Go figure.

Easy enough.

I go for the Ascendable outcropping. I go in a bit, and it gives way. I get out of the way. I’ll go up the other way.

This room reminds of of the place way down below Aperture Science where you (re)learn to jump into two portals to mega-jump for the first time.

This way has…ice likes.

I almost fall down. Then I decide to jump down. Slowly.

I get to the bottom and see a couple lizalfos of indeterminate color.

The power of a sage cannot reach you.

Cool.

One of the lizalfos is hopping mad.

They take a while to defeat.

I pick up some Zonai weapons in a side room.

In the next room? Hands down below.

Nothing like 5x bow with bomb flowers to make short work of anything, grouped or otherwise. A Ganon shoots at me with his bow, then teleports up to the ledge I’m on.

I make short-ish work of him. I get a fantastic picture of him coming right for me with his spear. I wonder if a statue of him’ll stay upright in Kilton’s Tarrey Town diorama.

Climb up to the far side of the big room, and there’s a white moblin with a bow. He shoots me more times than I want because I don’t have a weapon prepped. I knock him over the ledge and then move on.

There’s a rock wall. Bombing the thing gives me…a ten-pack of bombs. Hooray for 3x bows.

I go down the tunnel to the left and…isn’t this where I was at the start of the game, before I lost all my health?

I stunlock a Snoo. Whee.

What are these? Gloomy stalgibdos?

My camera says they’re just gibdos. Gloomy, but there’s no “stal” in the name.

Here’s the mural.

Imprisoning Chamber

Woo.

There’s nothing here except a big drop to red underdarker and some finger-and-nail protrusions from the walls. I can either jump down into the abyss and maybe die or maybe trigger the final boss fight, or I can Ascend and see what’s above me.

Save, and then down I go.

Gloom’s Lair

There’s a torch here.

The music is slight, but menacing.

I go on. An autosave triggers.

The music is less slight and more menacing. There are unholy breathy sounds.

I get to the end of the tunnel, and walk onto a ledge. There is a rounded jump-from-here point, like I saw at the very beginning of the game…and also in the courage tests.

 X
Y A⃝  Jump
 B

The music is not at all slight, and the animal vocalizations are strong. Down below me, there’s a nice, large round arena. One side of it is flat, and has spooky-looking red rocks in it.

Seems like a good stopping point.

Eight hours and 15 minutes today. This brings everything up to 119 hours and 45 minutes.

Day 33: 2023-07-15

Yeah, I ain’t jumpin’ down now. I’m not that good.

I TP back to the top of the column with all the lizalfos in it. I’ll make my way back past the Ice Like cavern and, I dunno, fall down somewhere I avoided falling down.

There’s nothing interesting down there. If you fall, you’re expected to Rewind the brick that fell, or you have to climb up the hard way, or TP back someplace.

I back up to where the horriblins are. I’m kind of not intended to go back this way.

I kill the horriblins, take their stuff, and keep going back to where the Zap Likes are. I’m really not intended to go back this way.

I’ll TP back to Camobatures Lightroot.

…and there goes my gloom. I should have done this earlier.

Back to the Zap Likes and…I farm them. I’ll probably need their stones for something.

I want to explore the castle.

⁂

It’s raining, but I have my frog outfit.

I get past the first gatehouse. I notice a pinwheel. One more seed.

There are multiple Bolson Construction piles here. I get the impression that I’m meant to whip out a pile of fans and stick them to a piece of wood.

Hyrule Castle B1

I should’ve stuck at least one battery on this thing. Four fans drains a lot.

Four batteries last long enough, and I have a fifth.

Second Gatehouse

Let’s drop in. See if anything ambushes us.

Nope, just some weapons.

I approach the inner chamber up top. An autosave happens.

Sanctum

Hyrule Field

There’s basically no enemies here. Getting here was kind of a pain, but the resistance is nil. You just need to have plenty of stamina.

Dusk Bow

Interesting.

I keep going up. There’s probably a korok at the top of the spire.

…yup.

Also, Hyrule looks pretty cool at 9 PM, slightly after sunset.

The moon rises. The light part is on the right. That must mean it’s waxing. Blood Moon won’t happen for a while yet.

Serutabomac Shrine

Shard of Dinraal’s Spike

New item.

King’s Study

Royal Guard Boots

Nice. Finally something interesting. Says they’re a replica, or recently re-made, or something.

Here’s Zelda’s tower.

Nothing interesting. Korok on top.

That was kind of underwhelming, honestly. Back to the Lookout for sleep and reorientation.

…and a blood moon happens overnight. You know what that means — it’s time for some FISHING!

⁂

I whip up a fanboat and head out. Heere, fishy fishy fishy…

…where are the fish?

I get all the way to the military training camp from the Yiga hideout. There is a total of…one fish along the way.

Fuck.

I also need to whack more blue lynels. I guess I’ll go do that, then.

I’ll also give up some hearts and see if this hot-weather gear is worth wearing. I sold all my icy meat, so I can’t just munch that and stay cool while my outfit lights up everything I whack with.

5 PM. It’s not that hot anymore. I briefly saw fire come out of me in an AoE thing after whacking a bit, but that’s not the kind of fighting I do much against Lynels. I put the outfit away and continue.

Not that hard, really. Off to Hebra.

⁂

This one gets fixated on ground pounds with his spear. It doesn’t work well for him.

⁂

I use the last of my yellow stamina ring getting to the one standing in the water south of Kincean Island, in Lanayru Wetlands. I don’t even make it the whole way, and have to stop on some skull sitting on top of a mountain.

I use my unused Colgera Reaper ((24) White Sword of the Sky + (36) Colgera Jaw) while mounting the Lynel. It’s still sparkly new afterwards.

Now for the one in Faron.

⁂

…this one’s white. Argh. I mean, I’ll need to kill lots of them eventually, but still.

Gloom spears don’t last too long.

Anyone else blue? The one in Lanayru Heights, north of O-Ogim shrine?

⁂

Still blue.

I have four and need three. TERA!

Time to refill my petty-cash account. BEEDLE!

Now I don’t want to walk uphill. KISH!

⁂

I upgrade a thing and that’s it from her. I’ll head to [checks the Internet] Necluda to look for bladed rhino beetles chilling on trees.

⁂

I get sidetracked and jump down the big gloomy hole. I notice off to my left that there’s a lightroot, so I arrest my fall and glide on over.

There’s lava falls, but I’m not roasting.

Yikot Lightroot

There’s zonaite deposits around. Don’t mind if I do.

I decide to go northward a bit to an X on my map. Only afterwards do I realize it leads to something beyond an impassable barrier down here. Still, there’s a structure up ahead, so I’ll check it out.

Rozudo Canyon Mine

Easy zonaite is always nice.

I check all over Eastern Necluda. I find no beetles. I check on the Internet again, and a different site says they’re all in Faron. In Bronas Forest, where the glowing luminous-stone munchers are.

I get eight and scare one away at the top of a large tree, where a korok is. Argh.

I slow down at 4 AM. I guess that’s when nighttime ends.

I wander around towards the ruins and bump into Sarjon Cave. There’s Misko decorations, so I’m definitely going in.

I drift right by the Like Like. It doesn’t even notice me until I fire at the wall of vines.

Rubber Helm

Nice. Makes for two out of three.

⁂

I see banana bait. In Faron. Surrounded by banana trees. They’re not sending their best.

I put on the uniform, touch the bananas, and get yelled at.

I think this is a good stopping point.

Four hours and 15 minutes today, for a total of 124 hours.

Day 34: 2023-07-16

I want to kill a gleeok.

First, white lynels. I want a fully-upgraded barbarian outfit.

I get to the one in Akkala Highlands. I land, whack the ground beside him, and he…walks away from me, like he’s chicken. Weird.

Nothing too interesting about all this, really.

⁂

I go to the one that’s supposed to be in Nautelle Wetlands. On the way, I see fire coming from where the dubious-food lady was. I wonder if she’s still perfecting her craft.

Tumbleweeds.

There are fans here. I think that’s the game giving me a hint I want to ignore.

I put a pin in the location and continue on.

⁂

The fight starts uneventfully. I notice a thin sliver of moon on the right as it rises (🌒). Blood Moon was recently, right?

I’m getting a little too good at these. At least, I’m making boring errors.

Off to the next, in the Yiga backyard.

⁂

Man, I can’t see shit down on the ground.

Ooh, star fragment! I ought to spend more of my nights skydiving.

Otutsum Shrine

I find the lynel. I notice that I miss the fast-draw aspect of my other bow. I think I’ll keep those for fights like these.

⁂

I can’t get up to Gerudo Summit with a sled with only one fan. I stick a second fan on top to see if it gives me the oomph I need.

The two-fan sled takes me all the way to the top…except for the last couple meters. I ditch it.

There are gliders and sleds up here.

Into the hole.

Gerudo Summit Chasm

Ooh, a close-by lightroot.

Mustuto Lightroot

My lack of colored pins is getting to me. I’ll finish up a bit of Gerudo stuff and that should reclaim two pins.

⁂

I TP to the shrine above Gerudo Town. I see a…structure off into the distance. It looks glideable-to. The heat gets to me even more, and I end up pulling out not just my voe headband, but also my…island shirt.

It’s way less hot inside the sandstorm, but I’ll rock this outfit as long as I don’t need to take a punch.

Anyhow, this structure has what looks like a breakable floor. And a conveniently-placed rock.

It shines a mirror off into the distance.

If ever there were a place for trying out a hot-air balloon, this would be it.

I get there. It’s not aligned. There’s no light going into it. Seems like a long-distance puzzle. I head off to a shrine in the distance.

Oh shit, the sand’s moving! I Ascend right under a bokoblin’s nose.

I can’t see anywhere from here. This was bait. I’m TPing back to Gerudo Town.

⁂

OK, back to the light starter. I’ll make a fanplane, on a cart for takeoff, and add a fan at a 45° angle for added lift. Hopefully it won’t mess up my pitch.

No. This was a bad idea. The plane always goes down.

Arbiter’s Grounds

Irasak Shrine

Kind of a dead end.

Back to Gerudo Town.

⁂

I check up on the mushrooms to the southeast and they’re inert. No gibdos spawn from them.

A bit more fiddling around, and I resolve to align the southern mirror so it points back to the origin. I then notice that the too-short mirror has a twistable pushable nearby, so I fiddle with that and raise it up.

A sound plays.

Nothing in the middle. Hmm.

I TP back to Gerudo Town. Seems one of the mirrors is cockywobble. I fix it.

The game tells me in no uncertain terms to go to the middle, so I do.

Zelda’s here.

Lightning Temple

Eventually I figure out that the big purple blob is zappable by Riju.

…well, this is a first. Boss-fight first?

A bit. I beat it easily, and it chickens out to the top floor.

⁂

I get inside and use a fan to clear the sand. I take a torch down for atmosphere and look around. It’s dark down here.

I need to charge four batteries. I’ll do that…later.

⁂

Baddek wants to see a giant horse.

I find it, register it, and show it to him.

⁂

Kasari Lightroot

This was covering a tiny black space. I wonder what it was hiding. There are gibdos here.

⁂

I break for a meal. I think it’s waning-moon time, and…yup. Blood Moon. Now to cook in-game.

An Addison in the highlands. I actually help him out.

You know, I could probably construct a way to dump all the sludge that’s coming in from Mipha Court down into Ulria Grotto.

⁂

Pristine sanctuary.

Secret entrance behind the waterfall, between here and Ploymus Mountain.

⁂

Man, Muzu’s gone back to being a li’l bitch about how Mipha died under my watch.

⁂

A droplet…oh, NOW I see it.

⁂

A…sludge like?

Sludge Like

Actually nailed the name. Not bad.

I just use the opal sword to clear the sludge. Hopefully I don’t need to learn Sidon’s mechanic right this second.

⁂

Events occur in a cave with sewers. They’re “Ancient”.

A waterfall occurs.

Wellspring Island

There’s not much gravity here.

I have a hunch Igoshon Shrine is going to teach me something useful.

Orbs of Water

I already know how to use these, right?

I finally get up to the Water Temple with Sidon. My hand doesn’t get rejected.

Events occur.

I cleanse the taint. Fun boss.

I finally talk to Cleff. I miss the chance to take a proper screenshot of me saying “I have the crabs”.

10 (!) hours today, for a total of 134.

Day 35: 2023-07-17

I coax Mei off the flying fish and get the Zora helm. I look up the answers to both online. I am not proud.

Off to Tarm Point, for “True Treasure”.

On the way over, I pass over that blow-wind-through-holes puzzle that I remember from BotW. Good times. Sort of.

Finley and Sasan…didn’t I help these two penpals hook up in the last game?

Anyhow. With some moderately-well-timed korok-frond puffs, I get Sasan to where his girlfriend is. She doesn’t come up to his waist height yet.

Cute.

Yomizuk Shrine

I notice that I can’t take pictures. It’s probably because I took my SD card out of it slot and deleted a bunch, but not all of them, since everything else seems fine…like TotK itself, which is on the card. Totally deleting the entire albums directory makes everything right again. I then decide to copy BotW to the SD card and TotK to the Switch internal memory. AFAICT, it takes more time to copy TotK to the internal memory than it did to copy BotW to the SD card. TotK is slightly smaller than BotW, so I figure that the SD-card read speed is…slightly slower than the read speed on the internal?

Anyhow. The new hotness deserves a place on the internal.

I go back for the bubbulfrog. It’s not where the guy on YouTube says it is. There’s a shrine right there, though, so it’s not like it’ll be a huge hassle to come back and get it, especially since I have the full Zora armor. It makes swimming fast. Really, Sasan needs this more than I do.

I go to Akkala Citadel to get the Fierce Deity something, and see a Star Fragment fall right in front of Gemimik Shrine, off in the Akkala spiral out west (the Rist Peninsula). 200 rupees is worth the detour.

I pick it up and head off to get the other Fierce Deity outfit bits. It’s mechanically identical to the barbarian outfit, but looks WAY cooler, and is more straightforward to farm for.

Misko left me a sword in his ultra-seekrit hideaway. I don’t have room for it, of course. I leave it.

⁂

More lynels, I suppose, to finish off my pants?

I have trouble keeping mane color and lynel color straight.

• [black] lynel, red mane.
• blue lynel, blue mane.

I get a blue-maned lynel and take a better picture for my compendium. Eventually, I see a star fragment fall off in the distance. I don’t find it. I shoot out of the closest reasonable bouncy tower and a new one falls in its place.

…between me and it is a flaming gleeok. Way in the air. There’s no land around. I guess I’m supposed to ride the heat like one can around a Good Dragon.

Not today, Ganon.

I make it to the Star Fragment, pick it up, and then head uphill to what looks like a Purah Pad.

Mineru, the female Zonai (probably), gives some mostly-bad news.

I am compensated for receiving this bit of story with more map clutter.

⁂

Ishokin Shrine? Not sure what color Lynel is there, really.

Silver lynel. Dark mane.

I get a good picture of him, although it doesn’t have a good picture of his mane. He kills me in one hit. I’m getting more fairies.

I got three total. They’re holding out on me.

On the way to Kamah Plateau, in Faron, I pass a ledge with gloom hands on it. I’m going back to see if it’s guarding anything.

Nope. I guess gloom hands are the new random Yiga encounters.

⁂

Now to that one geoglyph on the western side of Lake Hylia. I get even MORE story and map clutter.

Off to Kaysa, in preparation for that Gleeok I’m gonna try and kill.

…I need more money. Argh.

Now then. Barbarian leg wraps, please?

I get the snatch, nuzzle, and hug. Hallelujah.

Cook up some grub…

I think I’ll have a double heat resistance meal and wear the barbarian outfit.

That was…actually way less difficult and time-consuming than I thought it would be. My allies helped out a little bit to stun the thing and having lots of keese eyeballs made it so I just had to use ×3 bows and aim them in the general direction of the gleeok.

Oh, and it only took one level of heat resistance.

I’ll try and get the lightning gleeok in the coliseum next.

Lightning helm on.

That was also surprisingly easy. As long as you have a giant pile of keese eyeballs and a ×3 bow.

Also, I got to eleven stealthfin trout. Kaysa, hook me up.

I get hugged. That’s a good stopping point for today.

Of course, I can’t help myself do One More Thing and I go diving in the final dungeon for zonai equipment. I head to Pelison to have him pop construct horns off and put them on the new things.

🌗. Blood Moon soon. Not that I really need it for anything.

Let’s call it five hours today, for a total of 139.

Day 36: 2023-07-18

🌘.

I wander around and eventually figure that I want to unlock the sky northeast Akkala labyrinth. I set off in a balloon with a fan on the back and it takes me up and in the direction I want. Not bad.

Gikaku Shrine

I burn roughly three stamina wheels to get to

Mogisari Shrine

but I’m here at the sky labyrinth. The low-gravity thing is in effect.

I think I’m only here to farm Dinraal parts easier.

Anyhow, the maze is kind of easy. All you really need is to be able to read maps. It helps a lot to have the full level-2 skydiving outfit (reduces the chance of too-hard landings to 0) and also to keep your minimap oriented so north is north. I don’t change my settings for this; I just keep the camera pointed northward and fly by the minimap.

Down to the hole. There’s a Flux Construct III here. Pretty easy if you spam a couple 3-packs of bomb arrows.

Evil Spirit Armor

Free 500 rupees, I guess.

Kuhsagi Lightroot

This lights up my surroundings. As I figured, I’m boxed in here, completely cut off from the rest of the Underdark because Water Up There means Walls Down Here.

Back up, get a Dinraal claw. It lands in the middle of the water. A lizalfos swims toward me, guarding basically nothing. I grab the claw and TP out.

Not seeing Dinraal anywhere. I’ll jump in the local hole and see if there’s a lightroot close by

There’s a big-ass Frox here. Good for farming, I suppose.

I think I’ll do some shrines to pass the time since I’m hung up on Dinraal.

Off to Serutabomac Shrine.

⁂

The Way Up

Eventually I figure out a way how to get a Ultrahanded item up higher in some cases. Sometimes you need to break it apart and lift it up higher, item by item.

Off to Sihajog Shrine.

⁂

Rauru’s Blessing

Another diamond. Nice.

Off to Taninoud Shrine.

⁂

Rauru blesses me with a topaz.

⁂

Rauru blesses me with another diamond. True treasure, indeed.

I also get the respawned bubbulfrog.

⁂

…

⁂

Miryotanog Shrine.

Proving Grounds: Lure

More like How To Bait. Surprisingly, I didn’t die once.

Now, to sell to the Gerudo lady who’s in Goron Town.

…she wants diamonds. Ten of them. Maybe I have had ten diamonds pass through my hands. Sorry, lady.

For posterity, she wants 10 diamonds for 5,500 rupees. Normally, ten diamonds would get me 5,000 rupees, since they’re 500 apiece.

“Sell ten, get one free” isn’t BAD, but having ten diamonds around is a high price to pay in liquidity. Having ten of the other gems just sitting in your inventory is way easier.

Three hours today, taking it up to 142 hours.

Day 37: 2023-07-20

I think I’ll give mushrooms to people today.

I want to do this in one swoop, so I’ll start at the tech lab and head downhill. Trouble is, it’s 10 PM, so I end up picking apples with my new right hand to pass the time.

The cheese lady’s dad heads out at 5:30 to shepherd cuccos.

You know, I think that one golden apple is always on that one tree close to the cooking area.

Also, I pick up my first armored carp here.

I do some research on Ivee, and I hand over ten hot-footed frogs. I get…ten rushrooms in return.

I don’t think I get as many rushrooms in this game as I did in Breath of the Wild, so I’m happy with the trade.

I check in with Symin at the school. He’s probably not fashionable. He definitely isn’t fashionable. I’m tasked to take a picture of the Calamity that’s sitting around Kakariko.

Of course, I was there, but, yanno.

I take the picture and haul it back. As I arrive, the children are leaving at around 2:30 PM. Drat.

Interesting. The Sheikah were exiled because they were a threat to the rest of the kingdom. That explains the Yiga-clan branch.

Anyhow, there’s a live cooking pot out here.

Also Tamana. I do what comes naturally, and kill the mood. She accepts a ’shroom.

Symin finishes his lecture-slash-recap of the past 10,000 years. I get ten bundles of rice.

Teach Me A Lesson I (complete)

There’s more?

Sure, I could use more ten-bundles-of-rice-tier quest rewards.

Monster curry. Monster extract, Goron spice, and Hylian rice.

I’ve got the extract, but no goron spice. Not sure where to get that, what with everyone under 60 munching evil glowing rocks. Foothill Stable? Nope.

Goron City. The shopkeeper has red eyes, but he’s still capable of selling spice.

Temporary residents like Sheikah researchers don’t get mushrooms.

Oh. Nice to know I’m not being blocked by Symin.

I make monster curry and…

Oh, that’s Azu. It’s 4 PM. Class is out already. Back to the cooking pot.

I get…a farm plot of my own?

My choice of:

• pumpkins
• carrots
• tomatoes
• wildberries
• wheat
• rice
• melons

I’m basic. I’ll go with tomatoes.

She doesn’t know much about endura carrots and hearty radishes. I should fix that, maybe…

I’ll do my one hearty radish.

You can’t expect them to thrive while you

kill time at an inn for bonfire. That ain’t

how things are done. The veggies know.

Hey, I’m not a speedrunner. I could let this game sit while I go eat lunch.

Sayge, the guy I barely ever talk to in these games, wants to see a picture of a blue chuchu.

• Tokk
• Koyin
• Worten
• Uma
• Tamana
• Medda
• Leop
• Dantz

I get Polygon to help me find the last two people.

Oh, hey, chuchus. Not big ones, but Sayge wasn’t picky.

Your album is full.

64 / 64

Album −⃝

Fuck. Can I just delete everything, or do I need to be picky?

I’m all caught up with floating old-history pictures, but there are a couple of enemies that Kilton might want to see. I leave those and nuke the rest.

Oh wow, my first chuchu picture.

I’ll help Addison while the rest of the town wakes back up again.

That was fun. Why did I stop helping this guy out, again?

⁂

Back at Cece’s. She gives me a hearty truffle for all my work handing out shrooms. Not bad, really.

Let’s do some democracy!

⁂

Sophie calls both candidates on their bullshit. They’re both in favor of (combined) freedom AND responsibility, and declare that it’s a VERY groovy time. Or something like that.

Cece gives me her fancy hat. She also says to talk to her if I sell something too rare.

I can re-buy archaic duds for 50 rupees apiece. Soldier’s greaves are 200, climber’s bandannas are 800, but the exotics like rubber helms and barbarian helms are 4,000 rupees apiece. I’d rather farm poes.

Oh, and I can get another Hylian Shield (you know, the one with the traditional Zelda-game design) for 3,000 rupees.

There’s a Royal Guard outfit. I hear it’s great for jumping up walls, but…I check IGN and its armor goes up to 24, not 20. (Soldier’s greaves go up to 28 at level 4.)

I’m trying desperately to not need the extra defense of the soldier’s outfit. I feel I should be better at this game than that.

Now for more Addison. I TP to Dueling Peaks stable so I don’t have to walk as far. I then dress up one of my lesser-used horses in preparation to let the monsters have their way with it.

There’s another Addison on the way that I hadn’t seen before. I should have gone for the towing harness.

I get back and load up a cart with all the 4×4s and also a bunch of wooden flats.

I avoid the fire wizzrobe. There’s also a hinox here. Go figure.

I build a thing. It doesn’t hold Hudson upright enough, although it is stably cockywobble. I’ll try making something out of the logs and big rock sitting around.

It takes a 4×4 on the bottom for extra stability (or so I figure), but Hudson doesn’t budge.

Now to lose my horse in a hinoxing.

The Hinox dies. My horse doesn’t. I’m not very good at this.

I happen upon a bunch of enemies chilling along the river. They kill my horse good. Now Malanya will be less kidding when he talks about eating my fingers.

I now have two slots open in my horse list.

I take Jell-O out and dress him up in his funeral clothes. You know that battle talus that was on the way to Kakariko? Kilton wants a picture of one, and I figure I can get the picture and also oops my horse at the same time.

Goodness gracious, splattered horses are slow.

Aaaand here’s Addison.

I keep getting sneaky mushroom rice balls. I wonder if this changes if I change my outfit.

Anyway, did you know that if you shoot a rushroom off a wall, you can recover your arrow, too?

⁂

I take my horse beyond the hole to the Underdark. Except he doesn’t quite get past it, as there’s a dropoff. Oh, and this isn’t where the battle talus was, either — that was over by the bouncy tower at the normal entrance. Fudge.

Anyhow, there’s an unmarked Addison here. Off in the draw distance, there’s a silver lynel.

Rapid meaty rice balls

OK, that’s definitely not inspired by my outfit.

Back to Kak.

⁂

I take the picture and lose my horse in a stoning accident.

This stage is too small for everything on it. Plus, the Battle Talus is smaller than original size, and somewhat hidden behind the boss bokoblin in front of it.

Kilton wants a Frox sculpture next. Not sure where he expects me to put it, even shrunk.

I help out Addison some more and find a couple more koroks.

Three hours today, plus one extra later, for total of 146 hours.

Day 38: 2023-07-21

Today, more random baloney. I’ve got a computer window up showing different fabric-inspiration monsters that I ought to take a picture of. I’m also looking at my map with an eye towards bypassed koroks and Addisons.

I head into the Byroad to Lanayru Wetlands, which is a cave accessible by water only. It’s downstream of the water that goes under Kakariko Bridge, which goes from East of Dueling Peaks up to Kakariko.

Implausibly, the water flow stops once you get inside the cave.

Killed a Shock Like. Got a Phrenic Bow from its chest. Not bad.

Also bagged a glowing-rock talus.

As I get out of the cave and help myself to the loads of Hyrule and staminoka bass, I aim my makeshift boat into the rock outcropping. I can’t stand someplace else and turn it around with Ultrahand. It takes me a bit before I realize I can just move the fans around where they’ll blow me out of the wall instead of into it.

…come to think of it, an icefruit arrow would also have given me someplace else to stand to set this right again. That’d be useful if the entire boat were prefabbed and I couldn’t just move the fans wherever I wanted.

Goodness, there were a lot of fish there. I’m starting to think the killer app of a three-piece stealth suit is to be able to fish and just have the fish let you swim up to them.

I check out the Rikoka Hills Well. The house around here would’ve looked great back in the day.

Down below is…the Dubious Food lady. She turns failed food into…edible food. I’ll have to come back.

I snap a picture of an aerocuda and drop into East Hill Chasm for the very first time.

⁂

I make sure to halt my descent when I get into the Underdark. I see a couple lightroots, in addition to a Yiga hideout.

Arusakam Lightroot

I suppose this is as good a time as any to close the blinds and switch this computer to dark mode.

There’s a zonaite processing something here, just to the south. Last time I was at one of these, Master Kohga himself was complaining about the unfairness of life.

The Yiga hideout is right next to it. Guess I’m putting my other ninja outfit on.

Abandoned Kakariko Mine

There’s a “researcher” here. He talks to me like he doesn’t even notice I’m dressed like a bad guy.

There’s some Yiga vehicles here. Some of them have pretty interesting designs if you’re horseless.

The Forge Construct opens up to me after I, uh, hand it to him. I’m over 300 crystallized zonaites now.

Now, to talk to the “researcher” and get this party started.

I tell the “researcher” that I don’t know how to activate constructs in an attempt to pull his leg.

Researcher

Liar! You just think I’m suspicious and

don’t want to tell me!

The font size is larger than normal. I think this guy’s under a lot of stress to perform for his boss — think Shou Tucker, but without the easily-available incentives to win the anti-Father of the Year award.

The battle starts. I should wear something more appropriate than 8+12+12 armor that I get from my Climbing Gear.

The schema stone has a launch pad.

…oh, this is interesting. A spring is attached to a very heavy base, at a 45° angle. Glued to the top of the spring is a small wooden platform, parallel to the heavy base (and the ground). It’s pointed at the chest way up high that I already got, giving me an idea of how far it throws.

It’s not Revali’s Gale, but it flings me about 50m horizontally. Of course, I could always add more springs to the design.

I think I’ll duck out to the crystal refinery and give myself another battery.

⁂

Six batteries, of eight total.

I think I need more ice keese wings. Just so happens I’ve kept the TP deep into the final dungeon that gives me an unlimited, day-round supply…

⁂

I spend some quality time with Kaysa. We get my Zora outfit to level 2 across the board, and my odd-man-out soldier’s greaves up to level 4, making them the most armored boots that I have. I’m trying to resist getting the rest of the outfit so I’m not incentivized to wear just that instead of fun and/or useful outfits like the barbarian outfit or the dark tunic.

The Coliseum’s right here. Let’s help inspire Sayge.

Dinraal’s horn is 300 rupees. That’s pretty good money.

⁂

I’ve got a travel medallion up above Gikaku Shrine, which is way above the spiral in eastern Akkala. I’ll see if I can use it up — that is, do everything there that needs doing.

There’s a Death Star over here that isn’t moving. I wonder what it’ll take to get it moving again.

I check back in the Death Star and there’s a giant switch that needs like a literal ton on it to make it go. I’ll have to fling a block from the giant piles of blocks outside into here, somehow. The only question remaining is how to get the block flinger working again. The springboard that I just made to get here from the luminous-stone island won’t cut it.

I try the local unused gumball machine. It has uninteresting things.

Activating the Stargate at the bottom island gets the pumpers pumping. I’ll TP back to the luminous-stone island and—

Sky Mine

OK, sky mine.

Anyhow, I head up to the thing. After orienting the launcher and placing a block on, the block bounces off the side. The second one, though? Nothing but net.

I follow. After putting the block on, it turns itself around a bit and now it’s spinning entirely horizontally. However, there’s no obvious entrance/exit anymore other than by TPing out.

There are pillars here. Maybe I can Ascend from one.

OK, that works.

Where’s the entrance now, though?

I get to the entrance by going around the bottom and getting a little boost from Tulin.

Zonaite Shin Guards

[shirt] 3 ⏻ Energy Up

Shin guards forged of Zonaite. Wearing

them awakens the magic of their creators,

improving efficiency for Zonai devices.

Huh. That wasn’t on my bingo card. I didn’t even know this sort of thing existed.

Also: Weirdest thing. U+23FB, ⏻, does not have a name in the Apple Unicode picker. U+23FC, ⏼, also doesn’t have a name in the picker. I should file a Feedback. I was sure Unicode had code points for at least ⏻ by now.

Man, these things look AWFUL. Underpants and sandals and shin guards should make Cece cry.

I know I booted up at least one other Death Star. Didn’t I get the item from the other one? Why is this kind of item new to me?

I TP to the top Akkala maze to wait for Dinraal. No-show, so I’ll go to this shrine that’s on the ground, but not on my map, close to this giant gaping hole.

I go down the giant gaping hole. There’s a Yiga outpost that evidently I’ve never been to.

I get a Wagon autobuild schematic after sniping the pilot flying around.

They have some pre-assembled gliders here, and a launch rail as well. Very handy…

Ui-ihcoj Lighroot

Phoning the names in again, I see.

I try to go to the northwest lightroot. It’s way up high. I end up making a hot-air balloon. Turns out, you can fit a control stick in the opening, and then stick a fan on that. Makes for quite a bit of forward and upward propulsion, although I’m not quite going to get there without using some zonai charges.

I pass a gloomy luminous-stone talus. I’m not sure how I’d defeat it, other than by spamming bomb arrows.

⁂

There’s an Ascendable column that leads into the Akkala tech lab. I take it, and…I’m right inside. I’m wearing Yiga duds, so they don’t pay me too much mind.

The weather outside is…cloudy with a chance of Dinraal.

Off to Niuzimod Lightroot. There’s an X marked on an old map there.

Ancient Underground Fortress

I bypass the lizalfos up by the grand (20) poe, but on my way down, there’s all kinds of enemies. Luckily, the mark on my map is fairly obvious, so I drop right down to a treasure chest without anyone fully registering that they’ve seen someone who ought to be attacked.

Trousers of Twilight

[…]

The insides are lined with cozy wolf fur.

Free 500+ rupees, then. Definitely not a waste.

Back to the local lightroot. I want the other things here.

Ploymus Canyon Mine

I didn’t even catch the name of the lightroot here.

A-nehi Lightroot

Oh.

There’s a chest down here.

Large Crystallized Charge

Nothing fancy, always welcome.

Now to head to the lightroot for Joniu Shrine.

Kawa

…yeah, I changed my mind at the last minute. I got up to a mushroom growing out the side of the lightroot and decided to go this way instead.

Interestingly, there’s a way to get to a mostly-surrounded structure from here that’s right underneath Tarrey Town. No obvious way (yet) to get to the Underdark under the islands to the east, though.

Agi

[−⃝]

Agihi-ihcoj Lightroot

Phoned this one in. I wonder how these names work in Japanese. Probably better, unless syllable-final [n] gets thrown in.

Man, there’s a frigging CAVE on the way in to Underneath Tarrey Town.

Let’s do the dumb thing and try gloom resistance. The smart thing would be to ride over it all.

Abandoned Tarrey Mine

No Yiga here. I’ll play dress-up anyway.

I pick up the poes. There are a lot of poes. I have a lot of poes. Over 800. Been ages since I’ve met a bargainer statue that has something worth buying.

There is a rock wall here, and a construct that wants me to to stick my hand out. I get a schema stone.

Instant Cannon

Ooh, this looks fun.

It is fun. When it doesn’t hit a squib and go boom in your face. Maybe the balls are solid to my ghost allies.

There’s a large crystallized zonai charge in there. Always nice.

⁂

I approach the space below Torin Wetland. It looks like there’s an underground molduga here.

Oh, it’s that mudshark. Uh, mucktorok. There’s a locked chest.

Eh sure. Why not?

⁂

That was easy. Of course, pretty much anything is easy if you stick a silver lynel saber horn on top of a poky stick. In this case, the soldier’s spear✨ that I got at the entrance. 65 damage a poke, and it pokes fast.

Huge Crystallized Charge

100-pack. Nice. I wonder how close I am to my next battery.

⁂

OK, time to get up the hill again to the Rist Peninsula spiral, or at least underneath it. I’ll try a square slab of concrete or whatever, stick two big wheels on the ends, slap a control stick in the middle, and a stabilizer on the back.

…it seems to do the job.

It’s easier to get back onto than a monocycle, but it also rolled ass-over-teakettle downhill and I had to snatch it with Ultrahand.

On a very steep hill, though, it can still get tilted such that you can’t really get back on the stick and make it go. You just climb on it.

Anyhow, there’s a gloomy hinox here.

He dies quickly because I have a very powerful two-handed sword equivalent and only one of his legs is shielded. I don’t even have any gloom after the end of it all.

Looks like there’s a hangar up ahead.

Rist Mine

Weirdly shaped, but then again, this is a weird shape for the land.

I continue on. Slowly. It’s a slog with a lot of weenie enemies (mini-frox and bokoblins and the occasional moblin). There’s lots of farming to do, as well. I end up sticking a rock-tipped club to my cart so I can carry it along and keep mining.

Tunic of Twilight

[…]

There still seems to be some hair clinging

to it… Looks like it may be from a wolf?

Cute.

Kimimeg Lightroot

Finally.

That was kind of a fuckin’ slog.

I drive back out. I think I’ll go south to where another lightroot is.

Things are cramped out here. Lots of tall walls that need climbing.

There’s a Yiga outfit here. I put on my Yiga outfit after I get spotted, but fall back down. Eventually they lose interest. Hooray for battle music to tell me so.

There’s a fuckin’ light show going on. It’s like there’s a disco ball up top with the lasers.

I get a schematic for a triple cannon. Cool.

Looks a long way up. I’ll whip out a hot-air balloon.

OK, there’s no way to get to the X-marks-the-spot on the islands to the east from down below. I’ll need to go to the surface and probably go down from Tingel Island (northernmost) and fight my way down to Davdi Island (southernmost).

Let’s check on Kawamit Lightroot. I left a green marker here and I’m not sure if I should delete it or not.

There’s an igneo talus. That’s not nothing…

Oh right. I can’t bomb-arrows if I’m in an area where the air is on fire. Do I just suck it up and get gloomed?

I don’t get gloomed standing on him. Weird.

There doesn’t seem to be anything at the green marker. Weird. Just a minor zonaite mining operation.

Back around to…the mudshark? Guess I didn’t trigger the local lightroot.

Now to underneath Zora’s Domain. There’s a finned statue down there. I snap a picture of it.

Yiga stuff around a zonaite-processing facility with a lightroot next to it. Time to dress up.

Abandoned Lanayru Mine

Oh look, it’s the big banana himself.

I’ll go turn on the lightroot. That way, when the inevitable boss battle happens, it’ll be with better lighting.

Kawagom Lightroot

There’s a chest with a 20-pack of crystallized charges in it. A suspiciously linear arrangement of octoroks lead up to it. Wonder what the schematic will have in it.

I should dye my yiga outfit and see if anybody notices.

⁂

I am told I am a cowardly sneak. That hurts, dude.

⁂

Fun water battle.

⁂

Now for the post-battle gloating and chest-puffery.

They found the demon king!

I’m pretty sure I did, too.

The Northwestern Abandoned Mine awaits.

Wonder if it’s cold underneath, too. Probably not.

Abandoned Hebra Mine

The construct sets me straight.

• You can’t go from Hyrule Ridge.
• But there’s a chasm that connects directly to it.

I clean out the forge construct’s inventory. I have enough for two more batteries all in one go.

Now for the schema…

Bolt boat

A sled with wood on top. On top there’s a control stick dangling off the back edge and a fan stuck to it, pointing backwards. There’s also a log pointing out front, and on it, is a…one of those dragon heads. Probably one that’s electric.

I am definitely done with the Underdark for now.

I discover that my batteries can double up in power. Guess I’m not done collecting zonaite yet.

I run around to the various forge constructs and get crystallized zonaite. I get to 200, which is enough to blue-out my entire first battery.

Now to talk to Josha. Maybe she cares about the Zora-ish statues down below.

I give her a good scare because I’m still in my Yiga outfit. Hey, it’s nighttime and I gotta go fast.

Josha’s already probably seen it. Darn. She did say there’s a chasm open on the Rito cliff face.

I talk to the poes-guy head. I give him a poe. He gives me a dark clump and says his brothers have made…dark trousers.

I want a Pants of the Depths, for the gloom resistance.

I offer up poes, 100 at a time. This guy has more brothers than I thought.

Let’s go spook Purah.

She doesn’t even blink at the outfit.

After we talk, I get thrown for a curveball at the end:

By the way, don’t you think that mask

is in poor taste?

The font is larger than normal.

You’ve got a lot of people who look up to

you, so while I appreciate you exercising

freedom, maybe show a little restraint.

Still a larger font than normal. I think.

⁂

I find the Rito chasm. The fire from the guy helped.

I jump down and beeline to the lightroot.

Sikatag Lightroot

Abandoned Hebra Mine

I get a picture of Master Kohga meditating. I replace his previous picture.

Eight hours today, bringing the total up to 154.

Yanno, it’d be fuckin’ funny to beat Kohga dressed as one of his lackeys. Trouble is, I have 5+7+5 (17) armor on it compared to 60 for a normal outfit and 48 for my Sheikah outfit (where the Yiga outfit tops out at).

Day 39: 2023-07-22

I’m not gonna do a meme fight. It’s not like I’m a Twitch streamer or anything like that. I’ll just dress up as a barbarian once the fight begins.

⁂

…

Wow, he’s letting me get super duper mega close.

He shows his weapon off and tells me where Ganon is, as if I didn’t already know.

The party then starts.

⁂

He puts up a red shield when I draw my bow.

…but not fast enough all the time. I headshot him and he flies out the back. Where’s my highest-DPS longsword…

…ok, that didn’t last long. Do I have a Yiga bow? I haven’t changed out of my Yiga outfit yet.

…No Yiga bow. I think I’ll stick with this 32×3 savage lynel bow.

I shoot him out again. This time, the leftmost arrow snags him. I’m glad I stuck with the three-shooter.

After a bit, he puts up a blue shield…and starts flinging giant spiked balls at me. I’ve learned — however slowly — to hold L and move the stick left when this happens. One more spin-to-win and now he’s at death’s door.

Is there any defense for the laser attack? Whip out a mirrored something?

I guess I’ll have to find out in the next life.

⁂

I stay in-uniform. I am called “a little twerp”, not for nothing.

Evidently he has some control of green things, otherwise his rocket wouldn’t aim when he points…right?

Poor guy. Kind of. He disappears through a hole, although in this game, it’s up through a giant hole. Maybe he’ll be the first Hylian whose body makes it to the moon.

⁂

A construct comes over to tell me what a swell guy I am and that Kohga isn’t coming back anytime soon. He then directs me to his buddy who’ll give me a schema stone.

But first. Chests in front of me.

Diamond

Nice!

Huge Crystallized Charge

Also nice. Not as nice, but still, pretty damn nice.

I talk to the schema-stone buddy. He shows me a schema for a “rocket platform” (a floating platform with a rocket on it and also a battery).

Seems to be a bit higher than a Revali’s Gale.

No wait. This is significantly higher than a Revali’s Gale. It’s as high as the local forge, which may or may not be taller than forges elsewhere under Hyrule. This’ll be handy.

I’m gonna go see four-eyes’ brothers.

⁂

Wellspring of Power

“Gaiters of the Depths”, you say? Gimme. 200 poes? Maybe not a bargain at TWICE the price, but still, very doable. The Fierce Deity Sword — no idea how long it lasts — will run me 160 poes, and it’s a consumable.

Hm. Fudge. That was the only guy down here that was new to me and was also in pre-lit territory.

Off to Nisoij Lightroot. Seems to be the best place to start.

⁂

I’ll aim for the spot underneath Tajikats Shrine.

Frox along the way. Do I? Sure. I guess.

Stakijat Lightroot

Off in the direction of the statue, I see an untarnished-weapon statue…and also, further off in the distance, a flux-construct beamos-like eyeball.

Plains Bargainer Statue

This guy isn’t getting all the light. What part of this rubble is his head…?

dark hood

Not my bag.

The next bargainer statue is right underneath Mount Lanayru. I’ll drop down the local hole and head back toward the mountain.

…but first, there’s a shrine up here that I don’t have on my pad, which means there’s a lightroot down below. First things first, I suppose.

Usukaz Lightroot

Man, this didn’t light up much.

Screw it. I’ll jump down the hole again and fly toward a different lightroot.

…or no, I won’t. All the closest ones are further away than, and in the wrong direction from, the local bargainer statue. Fudge.

I eat a meme two-brightness meat-and-shrooms snack and put on my miner’s helmet so I’ll get half a second of advance notice if I fly into a wall.

I notice differing dark colors and dodge a stalactite before I run into it. I even get to see that it’s a stalactite because I’m glowing. Score!

I land on a something. I’m either too high or too low. Let me see if I can GC a TP point…

I can. I re-set a local one and then leap down. Apparently there’s a big rock of nothing around here. After spiraling around it (hooray for glowing level 3 and three stamina wheels) I land at

Wellspring of Wisdom

I get the Pray prompt before I finally figure out where the face part of the head is. When the camera finally moves into place for the conversation, I only see some light off to the right, presumably me. The statue’s face is completely dark still.

hood of the Depths

I’ll take one, please.

300 poes? Half of what I have, but OK. It’s not like I need them for anything other than bombs to keep the rupee burn at Fyson’s…

…wait, don’t I need Dark Clumps to upgrade these things?

15 total. I have 26 because things I’ve killed have dropped them. Phew.

Time to see the last guy. Starting at Popla Hills Skyview Tower.

⁂

I jump into the hole. There’s a Yiga light show down here. I’ll have to deal with them later. I still want my glowing to go to something useful.

I start in the direction of a close-to-the-statue lightroot.

The music changes to music I haven’t heard before. It must be coming from the structure close by. It looks like there’s some kind of weird fairy bud at the bottom.

Muokuij Lightroot

Anyhow, let’s get the lightroot on.

There’s a very clear bargainer statue. Also a bridge with…blood on it. Gloom is purple…

No wait. Gloom on brown is red.

Left-Leg Depot

I get a hand prompt. It doesn’t accept my hand. Hmm.

I climb up. There’s running water and…a gumball machine. Go figure.

I try to find the easiest Ascendable ceiling. I find one, and get around to the bargainer statue.

Wellspring of Courage

Guess I gotta get up higher…

I ascend through his armpit and then walk from his shoulder to the giant chin that functions as a ledge.

Tunic of Memories

Ooh, I want it. Trouble is, it’s 400 poes, and I’m 90 short.

I see a bunch of poes in the distance. I’ll bop around here and collect them. Plus the building with the new music has green (5) poes all around it and in it.

Sijotu Lightroot

Dracozu Altar

Yeah, I got baited by the red (20) poe.

…do the other shrines have altars like these?

Then I collect two red poes on top of the new-music building.

I’m almost to 400.

Uisihcoj Lightroot

Light is always nice.

Construct Factory

Oh, wow.

I have no idea how to make it go.

Let’s try ascending behind it. It looks like there might be something there that’s between the ground floor and the rooftop…

I spook a still-working construct, briefly.

Parts delivered here from the depots

are assembled into Crafter Constructs.

The finished products produced here are

shipped to Dragonhead Island.

I have no idea where that is.

He then says stuff that flies over my head, and then:

The issue seems to be that no parts are

being sent from the depots.

Oh. Left-leg depot becomes relevant again.

I wander around. I can’t figure out how to make any of it go.

Eventually I get back up to Mount Lanayru so I can activate shrines.

Zakusu Shrine

There’s a korok here. I build a stabilized two-wheeler, and then give up midway and just Ultrahand the thing up to the buddy on the hill.

Anyhow, Naydra’s here. What do I need from her? Claw.

I snag a star fragment on the way down. Score!

Interestingly enough, you need to get the actual claw. If you just shoot the hand, your arrow will pass right through.

Now to spend money on touchy-feely women.

Afterwards, I sell my two Twilight pieces. Having money is nice.

I check in with Grantéson. I forgot I need to talk to Rhondson first.

Now, to Pelison. Let’s yank these gems off these wands and use the weapon slots for something useful.

And to Rhondson…she says it might be a little hard to see in the sun, which is accurate — the sun is blinding there now.

⁂

I step away from Rasitakiwak Shrine. The music is different now, and entirely novel.

The nets keep me from going inside, but there’s only one way to arrange things so they all connect to each other on the inside. I hope I don’t have to do weird things to have a large interior space — one thing I dislike about Hudson construction homes is how cramped they are for me and the camera behind me.

…flower bed?

Anyhow. I purchase an unfurnished four-square room. On one side is the foyer, and on the opposite side is the bed. The northwest and southeast sides are open.

I kind of like how open this is.

I talk to Grantéson a bit more to figure out the rules, and I’m told I can bank rooms that I don’t want to use by putting them outside the ropes.

I don’t seem to need a connecting anything…or a foyer…yet…if ever…and so I stick the lone bedroom all by itself with an opening open to the world. It’s oriented toward the local shrine so I can just paraglide in for a nap.

What’s the term? “Open concept”?

Now to see what the shrine is just below around Purifier Lake, off to the west of the Naydra Snowfield Chasm

⁂

I’m here. This is where my first lynel used to be.

I kill the enemies sitting around a fire and then take their stuff. While I admire the view, I get attacked by gloom hands.

Eventually, I try going over the hill to the north and looking around. There’s a huge cave here.

Jogou Shrine

Big cave. I finally get a disc horn.

I go over to Trotter’s Downfall. It should be important because it has a name, right?

I think I remember this place from Age of Calamity.

A Yiga just attacks me out of the blue. I think they’re pissed. I should drop by the hideout and listen to the scuttlebutt.

I kill the local silver lynel and chew up a bunch of underused weapons and get a fresh new ×5 bow that replaces my ×3 one. I then TP to Moshapin Shrine to finish it off, and then go pee. When I come back, I’m dead. Turns out, it’s actually hot in there.

Rauru’s Blessing

Not bad.

Off to Jiosin Shrine.

⁂

Rauru’s Blessing

Always nice.

Off to Jogou Shrine.

⁂

Rauru’s Blessing

…hearty elixir? Full heart recovery, plus four extra. Maybe I should start making these.

Off to Jirutagumac Shrine.

⁂

A Flying Device

Oh, I guess I’m going to have to work for it now.

Cute chest location. I can always use a large zonaite.

⁂

I sleep in a Malanya bed to get an idea of how many hearts I can get before they start going onto the second row…one. Good thing I only have six Lights of Blessing.

⁂

“The master sword is moving.”

And I need one of those scales from the white dragon…

I look around for the white dragon. A star fragment falls. I go to pick it up, and when I do, the dragon is even closer to the Lindor Brow bouncy tower. I need a scale.

I land on the dragon. There’s a sword sticking out of its forehead.

 X
Y A⃝  Grab
 B

I stand around and admire the view. The dragon crosses over to Hebra — traveling entirely horizontally — and the air goes from “fine” to “fucking freezing”.

The dragon’s eyes look around, but they do not blink. Creepy.

It’s a stamina test this time around. Given that I have three rings, I pass with flying colors.

The dragon blinks.

The cutscene is touching and all, but I REALLY want to know if I can get my scale now.

…no. I get dropped off on a sky island. Fuck.

The Master Sword does not have damage or a weapon type, although Link’s shown holding it one-handed.

You know what? I’m fucking rewinding. I don’t need the sword now, and having a white-dragon tracker is going to be fucking handy.

I get the scale on the way down. Unfortunately, this means I don’t get a good photograph of it first.

I do the lockup thing in Hyrule Castle. The rocks above the stalnox lockup give really good gems, but only when you whack it with a rock on a stick. I shot at it from underneath with a cannon and didn’t get anything but rocks and rotten claymores when I tried to clear out the rest after falling through.

⁂

I also decide to go to bed, and then also decide to go on for two hours after that. Because of this mis-ordering, I basically decide to stop writing things down.

⁂

What I remember from last night:

• the perpetual thunderstorm area in Faron is the new Thyphlo Ruins.
• I got a weak headache from squinting in the thick cloud cover.
• There are at least two, and probably only two, shrines in there.
• I used two different portable TPs in there at the same time.
• occlusion seems to be cylindrical rather than conical — look up, and you’ll be able to see way further than if you look horizontally.

• there’s a bird statue almost in the water in Tobio’s Hollow. The muck has been cleared somehow. It doesn’t seem to do anything — at least, not like a statue of Hylia. Reminds me of the Thyphlo Ruins aesthetic.

• There’s nothing wrong with reusing an entire Hyrule and having a proper sequel to a game, but “Zelda warns the king that the guy named Ganondorf who’s pledging fealty to you is bad news” is…an oddly specific retread. Then again, this kind of is a time-traveling game, at least for Zelda, so.

Seven hours today (well, yesterday), for a total of 161.

Day 40: 2023-07-23

I get a diamond from a Rauru’s Blessing inside the New Thyphlo. Also, my headache comes back as I wander around outside.

I’m going to take some pain-relief pills.

Now to finish up with Riju. I’ve left her in there for multiple Blood Moons now.

⁂

The visibility in here is kind of shit, too.

⁂

OK, there’s lots of light stuff, and one of the constructs around here used a light redirector as a shield.

⁂

The constructs know not to go into the downward-crunching spikes. Smart.

I uncover the upward draft right when I don’t need it anymore. Also, the bottom (1F) battery is the last one I figure out how to get into.

I’m not the best. Hey, I didn’t ask the Internet.

⁂

Riju and I right the elevator up to the Room of Glorious Light. There are gibdo mushrooms here.

They’re all under sun lamps…

I knock Queen Gibdo out.

The first round is made very easy because I have a really good longsword and I know to spin to win in between legs — and this baddie has way more legs than a hinox and a molduga combined.

Second round, I go for a gibdo mushroom after getting chased by an army of them. This turns out to be the winning play — they can’t stand the sun, and it works like a bug zapper. They get up to the edge, take damage, and then bleach white.

I kill off the rest of the mushrooms, ensuring no more can spawn unless the game starts getting sneaky about it.

Queen Gibdo is easy enough thereafter, especially with Riju’s help.

⁂

More cutscenes happen.

Finally, I’m out in Gerudo Town, and I don’t even have to cross-dress like I did seven years ago.

Of course, I check out the Gerudo Secret Club. Unfortunately, their door is blocked tight and one of the workers’ backs is acting up.

Maybe I can descend from below?

Nope. There’s water on top…and Bozai, the guy who thought I was super-fetching in my vai outfit.

I head down underground and don’t find any way to get under the Gerudo Secret Club (GSC). Eventually I figure I should drop down to where the water goes, and I eventually find some spot that looks like it’s underneath. I go up, and Greta’s doing…business stuff.

A-a voe… But the door is blocked…

How did you…

Never mind. It’s our rule not to pry into

the business of our customers.

The shock of me popping up randomly fixed Perda’s crick in her back.

Perda’s husband is Wabbin. Maybe he’s still in the lockup.

Snow boots and sand boots, for 1,300 and 1,200 rupees each. I have enough cash on hand for…one.

The Desert Voe Spaulder is 1,300 rupees, too.

Maybe I can sell stuff.

Greta

Sav’saaba. Elsewhere it might be sav’otta

or sav’aaq, but here it’s always sav’saaba.

I should look into this.

I don’t need Midna’s helmet anymore. I’ll also ditch the Evil Spirit Armor (two parts of three). I already have a full sheikah suit, and being left alone by stals is not something I really care about.

Not enough rupees for the snow boots after I buy the voe “shirt” and the sand boots? Phooey.

I could sell my hylian outfit. Everything else I have is strictly better unless I’m trying to look normal.

I can’t hear any of the children, so it must

be nighttime now…

That might account for the time-of-day-agnostic greeting. Assuming it is.

⁂

Now to get (blown) kisses from Cotera.

⁂

I get to the maze of boars (South Lomei Labyrinth). It’s locked. I have to go to the ground-level one first. I complete that, and now I can kind of be around Farosh.

I get to Farosh…from Gerudo Canyon Sky Tower. Oddly enough, it’s no more inhospitable on the dragon’s back than it is on the healing dragon — assuming you don’t let the zap balls hit you. Which is easy enough to avoid.

Three hours and 30 minutes today, making for a total of 164½ hours.

Day 41: 2023-07-26

Bring peace to Akkala? Sure. I’ll take a disposable horse. Beeline is already dressed to die, so I’ll take him.

I head south from South Akkala Stable. Evidently all the baddies are here on the bridge (Akkala Span), and all my guys are south of them. I ride through the enemy forces. Too bad I can’t really set up a pincer attack.

Just as I arrive at our camp, they — without me getting off and prompting them — run north to kill bokoblins and shit. Guess it starts now!

Wasn’t too difficult. Shining bright light in their faces helped, even though it really shouldn’t be all that bright near sundown.

Also: it helps if you need to just knock them off the bridge, and they’re not all standing near the center of the bridge.

Toren gives me a silver (100) for doing most of the work. Suits me fine. Easy money.

My horse is not dead. It’s just standing while sliding downhill.

No, wait, horses aren’t supposed to flop over like that when they hit the flat ground. Guess it really is dead.

I didn’t even notice whether my Tunic of Memories gives HP totals for enemies like my old blue shirt did. Maybe not.

Off to YunoboCo HQ. Maybe I can prod this quest line along a bit.

THIS Zelda is bad news. She’s controlling Yunobo with his mask and lucha-libre outfit.

⁂

A fight begins.

Clearly Not Himself

Yunobo

Really, the light-touch sense of humor that Zelda games have had since Link to the Past has been a treasure.

I whack him a little bit with a black boko reaper. Turns out, it’s got a gloom sword underneath, and I’m at full health. Oops.

Yunobo’s mask cracks a little bit.

This is a standard “bait the baddie into crashing into the wall” fight. Also, it seems like he has 1 HP per mask crack — dropping down to a much wimpier sword didn’t mean I had to whack him a second time per round.

Finally, he comes to. I notice he’s got a goatee, or soul patch, or something going. Not the worst look.

The only thing that breaks the marbled rock roast rocks is Yunobo’s charge attack.

I can now bowl with Yunobo.

…he’s only just now noticing the red haze from Death Mountain? And I thought I had trouble keeping up with what goes on around here.

⁂

Yunobo, as a companion, says that carts are useful.

Can I just TP to Sitsum Shrine, though? And take him along?

Guess so. Nice.

Moragia

Cooooooool.

It’s real big, and we can’t charge at it from down here.

While the cutscene was happening, a fanplane with wheels and two big batteries just pops up. Guess we’ve got some flying to do.

The rocks don’t damage me. Yunobo damages the heads, though.

There’s now a hole to the Underdark in Death Mountain.

Yunobo dashes off into the hole. I follow. It’s pre-brightened down there, courtesy of me.

Straight down is a lava lake. The closest lightroot is Mustis, so I go there. Yunobo is waiting for me. There are lots of marbled-rock rocks around.

There’s also a gumball machine between us and the voice that’s calling to us.

Every time I get on a Zonai vehicle, Yunobo acts as a hood ornament that can fly off and slam into things. Handy.

…weird to see a Snoo — um, white bokoblin — with zonai equipment.

Off to the closest lightroot.

Misisi Lightroot

Good, that took care of a lot of the gloom.

Now to kill the boss bokoblin and his minions that I drove through and over to get here…

Done.

I get to the fire temple and give it my hand. I get the red-X treatment. Phooey. Maybe it’s because I parked my car right on the TP point…

[X]

Nope.

Maybe I need to go back and fetch Yunobo — and check out the chest in the alcove I saw when I made my entrance.

Yup. Zelda walks in where I just came from.

Yunobo has not yet asked why she’s doing OK wearing just a toga and sandals, while I need to suit up in at least one level of burst-into-flame-resistant clothes (and possibly two).

Zelda gets trapped in rocks. I unlock the gate control, but the gate won’t move enough.

Lots of minecarts all around. This is gonna be a fun dungeon.

I get a minecart going. It gets blocked. I get the first of five padlocks.

⁂

I continue on with the mine carts. I go back for a chest. It has a pack of arrows in it. I am now stuck without a way to get back to where I should be. I remember that the game says I can shield-surf rails. I try shield-surfing, but Yunobo is in the way. However, holding my shield out and jumping repeatedly lets me travel along the rails, and I don’t fall off. Good enough.

⁂

This dungeon is remarkably linear. I got way more lost in Link to the Past dungeons.

Fourth gong. Not sure where the fifth one is.

I get back to the central hub by going up the elevator that I turned on previously. I think I’m supposed to use rockets to go somewhere new. I rocket across, and go a bit cockywobble — but I parachute to where I need to get to, even if my two-rocket cart doesn’t make it.

Hooks attached to carts here. That’s a hint.

I can’t take the hint, evidently. I suppose there’s a way to get Yunobo to shoot himself up and to the ceiling, but I can’t find an easy way to shoot him up at an angle like that. I wimp out and jump on an instant scaffold. This isn’t tall enough, so I…jump on another instant scaffold. This gives me enough height to Ascend to the next floor.

I should avoid getting used to this. 12 zonaite isn’t much, but it can add up, and I don’t have all eight batteries blued.

OK, let’s get it on and bang a gong.

All five open.

⁂

I end up shooting it in the eye a lot. I’m not sure how you’re supposed to Rewind to get blocks back in its eye once it’s up on the ceiling. They go back to where it used to be, not where it’s going to.

Cutscenes occur.

The Goron’s mastery of fire

Apostrophe in the wrong place. Sad.

It’s like Yunobo doesn’t even remember how useful he was seven-ish years ago.

Oh, that’s five rings. Who’s the fifth? Rauru’s sister?

I’m told to talk to Purah.

I get an ancient-hyrulean stone tablet way above the Gerudo Highlands. To my surprise, the whole thing is in a low-gravity bubble.

I get to where Purah usually stands. She’s not here. In her place are Gerudo, Gorons, Zora, and Rito all looking in the direction of the castle.

Three hours is enough for one day, especially when the usual background music is completely silent.

167½ hours total.

Day 42: 2023-07-27

OK, time to move the story along, I suppose.

A blood moon happens. Midday. This isn’t a panic blood moon, either.

The Regional Phenomena quest is now complete.

…The music around here is now different.

Eh, guess I’m moving the story some more.

I TP to the local shrine. Zelda talks to me. She sounds weird. I use an Autobuilt rocket platform to get up to the Sanctum, and then walk through it. I set a TP point because hey, why not. I might have to come back this way soon.

The weather report says that it’s lightning weather, but it’s not even raining.

I drop into the Second Gatehouse. She looks at me from behind, then monsters spawn.

Pro tip: don’t attack a bokoblin from his behind if he’s got a backpack full of zapfruit.

I see a star fragment. I’m not tied here. I’ll go hunt for it.

⁂

I don’t see it from the local tower.

I don’t see it from the Faron-ish tower, either. I do get a good picture of the Lake Hylia whirlpool from the floating island containing old scribe text, though.

This one doesn’t fall out the bottom when I stand on it. Weird. Did the ones that didn’t fall out before I got the quest — were they a fluke? Does it not matter whether I stand on them before or after I get the quest?

Anyhow, back to the castle.

⁂

You know, I think it’ll be easiest to go back to the shrine for this one.

I get quest-beckoned to the library.

Free hinox.

Then back to the stairs.

Gibdos. Basically an advertisement for using my Goron buddy to help out a bit.

Now, Princess Zelda, in her own room.

Fire-breath lizalfos are summoned. None of these fuckers have tails. Fuck.

Next, into some…room. I am ambushed by a white moblin…and some keese.

Four allies, and I have to openly wonder if someone will rid me of these troublesome keese.

I’m really glad I wandered around previously. I’m not in the mood for wandering around a castle now.

Finally, I get a room full of Zap Likes.

Zelda says she’s waiting for me. She still sounds messed up…or fake…or both.

Back to the Sanctum.

⁂

Yup, puppet.

I fight a Phantom Ganon, only this one has a sage tear in his head. Should be fun.

It was.

Yes, I’m not just a right hand, dude.

Did I stumble into the final boss battle? Was the other thing deep below just bait?

Nope. Ganny just puts on a show for us to try and scare us, and then leaves. Riju Notices™ that he’s not finishing us off now.

Oh hey, a heart container. Nice.

⁂

I think the music back at the lookout is back to normal.

Undiscovered ruins? Like the donut at Kakariko that a Zelda told world+dog to not go near?

Another Blood Moon. To the local kettle!

I tell Gralens I killed “the” molduga. I don’t think I mentioned that there’s more than one.

One of the Gerudo who joined the center says you can stick a shield to a sword and it’s useful. I should try that one day.

Kula now wants to see a whirly sand circle.

Hestu’s here. I’m here. We should have him dance.

I get a weapon slot and a shield slot. I don’t have enough seeds for anything else. Weapon slots are getting mega-spendy.

I remember roughly where the quicksand sinkhole is. It’s kind of easy to spot on the map.

Five endura carrots? Nice.

Mineru…constructs…

Well, we’re not staying away from the magic donut now that we know Zelda hasn’t been Zelda.

Of course, it’s completely sealed, with no way inside.

That’ll be for tomorrow.

1½ hours today, for a total of 169.

Day 43: 2023-07-28

Right. Ring ruins.

Are these just rocks, or are they gravestones? You’d have to bury people vertically to get this kind of density.

But first, the Rikoka Hills well is right here. I’m going to get that lady to fix up my defective cheesecake with only one wheat in it instead of two.

Moza

What do you have to do to make such a

thing? What did those ingredients do to

deserve this?!

Lady, I just wasn’t a big fan of thick crusts on my cheesecake. I was blind, but now I see.

Five rupees for a first time.

Chop it! Pound it! Steam it! Throw in a

Hyrule bass! Boil it! Cook it! Add that

raw meat!

Surf-and-turf cheesecake? Ewwwwww…

Now just a pinch of the secret extract, aaand…

I get a four-heart Monster Stew. Underwhelming, but I really shouldn’t have been expecting miracles.

Back to Kak.

⁂

I Ascend in easily. Everything’s tilted 90°. I guess I’ll just hold my Purah Pad 90° when I show people the slab inside.

He didn’t just…did he?

I did, Tauro.

Off to Faron.

But first, let’s kill that talus.

Oh, it’s a stone-on-back kind. Guess I’m not getting use out of my gloom club today. Away goes the Of the Depths outfit.

One three-shot bomb arrow takes away most of its health.

Another three-shot bomb arrow blows up in my face because I’m standing in a grass fire while setting up my arrow.

Before I get a third shot off, one of my sage buddies stabs the talus in the stone, and it’s dead.

Now for that hinox on Trilby Plain.

⁂

I fly over it from the base of the local bouncy tower.

…I’m still high up. I could whack it from way up here.

Set Bonus

Impact Proof

The glide outfit can be fun.

I tell Gralens. I get 100 per dead beast, plus an extra 300 for getting the set.

Gralens has a new set. The Gleeok on Hylia Bridge is one of them. I’m not sure what the flying rock thing is, though. Third huge thing is probably a Frox. Which I guess I’ve defeated. I guess Link’s memory for this is better than mine.

As for the mystery thing…

Surveying the west sky archipelago in Hebra. I don’t know how our guys get up there, but OK.

Yeah, the music’s definitely different back at home base.

Off to Rospro Pass Skyview Tower.

There’s a shrine here…and a construct elsewhere here.

I learn that a hot-air balloon apparatus can provide enough lift to get a steel hover thing to travel upwards.

Ijo-o Shrine

The local gumball machine — um, device dispenser, has kinda neat stuff. I still don’t really get time bombs in this game, though.

I keep wandering around. There’s a pool here with water in it, a chest, and some bass.

It’s tits-cold (−20°, with two levels of cold resistance needed to not freeze) here, but swimming in the water doesn’t damage me.

I got a better hearty-bass picture.

Also an Old Map. I get an X north of the Abandoned Central Mine, well within well-lit space.

Now I get to the island all by itself. On its backside is a tree stump. Usually I just Ascend through these, but…do I just…need to touch it?

I am denied the “climb down” prompt, slip, and fall. I TP back to the shrine. All my sage illusions saw it, too. I blame them.

There we go. I just need to touch these things.

This one hears that Korok Forest got weird for a while — but then got back to normal. I wonder how long this guy has been up here.

I drop down to the construct level. It’s…a level-1 construct, judging from the one-rotating-spiked-rolling-pin add-on that it left after one triple bomb arrow. I didn’t even land before it died.

Anyway, another Old Map. This one’s just a little bit south of the Abandoned Central Mine.

At any rate, I have a few minutes more of attack-up food in me. I’m going to spend it at Mayachideg Shrine, since it’s one of those Proving Grounds shrines.

⁂

Underpants, as expected.

I die once. All this is an opportunity to put spikes on a Zonai roomba and have it run into enemies. Pretty fun, if you like the slow life. Setting the robot after the constructs will aggro pretty much all of them at once, though, so expect to do a lot of your own fighting if you finished it like I did.

⁂

There’s a land bridge between Mount Gustaf, across Regencia River, to below West Hyrule Plains. On top of it is a skull. There’s a bokoblin crew. I snipe the lookout, the rest go back to sleep, and then I send all my sages away because they’ll probably get in the way of me killing them all in their sleep.

I screw up killing the last one and make noise, waking the boss bokoblin. I pull my sages back for the fight and Yunobo whacks him off the ledge after a good wind-up. The battle music stops.

I want his body parts, so I follow afterwards.

While I walk to where his corpse was, a yahahaha gets in my way. He doesn’t even manage to touch ground before I turn him into a pile of sundelion, bananas, and loose rupees. I already have too many bows, so I don’t even bother with that.

Gralens gives me another 100…and a diamond. Nice.

I’ll go get the Menoat River pirate ship.

I sneak on from the stern of the ship. I kill one bokoblin in his sleep, but the white moblin…well, one sneakstrike from a 50something damage spear doesn’t do it all in one go. I’ll have to use a Yiga blade or something next time.

After I kill them all, Flaxel calls out to me. She’s got at least one Gerudo and one Goron with her.

They’re all going to South Tabantha Snowfield in Hebra next.

I’ll go back for that korok.

He wants to go where I just was. I’ll just walk him there and whistle for my horse. Or not.

I TP to the stable and freeze briefly. There’s another korok here, and he wants to travel a long distance horizontally. I stick a towing harness on my favorite horse and just drag the korok behind my horse. His pack must be made of some great abrasion-resistant material.

Back to Flaxel. She’s worried about the iron ball. I’ve dealt with iron balls before.

I rewind it back up the hill. I go down to check on Flaxel mid-fight. She’s still worrying about the iron ball.

I should have just Fused it for all the good it did to roll it back uphill.

They have the Snoo surrounded. The Gerudo lady gets knocked out. I get a silver rupee.

I also support the local Addison. Enough.

Then I pack up all the materials to go help another Addison further north.

I help a bunch. Feels good to get a bunch of icons off my map.

I also go farming for Captain Construct II horns at Thyphlo Ruins, but I can’t find any of the captains to scalp. It seems I’ve pretty much aged out of them.

I talk to Kazul. He finally opens up to me.

Display the power of the Sage of Wind to

the owl protected by many dragons.

Zonai ruins, Hylian script. Hm.

Display the power of the Sage of Fire to

blaze through the space between two

dragons, from head to tail.

Kazul helpfully says he saw this when he arrive.

Display the power of the Sage of Water in

the presence of the six dragons.

Kazul says there was a small ring somewhere.

Display the power of the Sage of

Lightning at the end of the long dragon

that protects the mountain of death.

I hear dragon music while doing all this and look up. Dinraal. I need parts.

What parts? I, uh, let me check my notes while I’m halfway back down to terra firma…

I shoot for a fang. It falls down into the gloom along the rim of the chasm, and then I never see it again. I pick Dinraal clean of shards and then get down to see an ancient-hyrulean tablet and a frox.

I need to spin to win to satisfy the six dragons.

I show the wind to the owl…that’s still upright.

Let’s gloat to Kaz.

I—we—go downstairs. Kaz reads. I get a large zonai charge for my trouble.

…and a big battery.

…and a diamond.

And there’s something called a “Dusk Claymore” here. I’ll throw it on a rack at home.

I go home and buy more rooms, then pick up some hearty radishes, and then drop by Sayge to show him a picture of a grizzlemaw.

…the fabric is tough, but the bear faces on it is too cute and smiley for even a middle-school mascot.

I get to the Underdark again.

I don’t know how a stalhorse got into the middle of a underground lynel den, but here it is. It goes mostly unbothered by the rest of us.

I clear out a bunch of bokoblins. Start swinging my sword to free up the zonaite. I’ll just go up to this one, and, oh wait, I see “bomb fl—

[kaboom]

Well, that was embarrassing.

Into the Secluded Coliseum, with lizalfos.

Let’s get some tail.

I get some tail. Never enough, though. Also Ravio’s Hood. I like money still, so hooray for getting money.

⁂

I go topside. To what I eventually learn is Zonaite Forge Island. I land up top on a craft made of a big wood plank, four downward-pointing fans, and two sideways-pointing fans.

At maximum tilt-forward, it goes forward and goes down slowly. At maximum tilt-backward, it goes up slowly. Very versatile. I go downwards most of the way — eating up three or four big zonai zap charges — and pull up at the end.

It’s locked up top.

I jump down and pick up koroks.

Then I open it. Fans start.

I get back up top the manual way. Then I fall down the middle and avoid the lasers. Fun.

I get a frost emitter for the first time.

And there’s a shrine in here. Shockingly, it’s not a Rauru’s Blessing. I walk in wearing my underwear.

Proving Grounds: Low Gravity

I glue a rocket to a stick. I’m not sure if this was a good idea. I meant to glue it to my shield.

It does nothing except maybe give a durability and damage boost.

“Wear the electric garb hidden at long-necked dragons along the wide-mouthed forest serpent.”

“Offer a zonai charge to the altar at the tail.”

The storm around the place in the sky clears.

Well, I certainly had a story to tell. I don’t know if I told it here. I basically went around and unlocked two shrines up there barely able to see a meter in front of me.

Back to Joku-u-u-u-u-…whatever, I should have stopped now.

There’s a room here with vines I can cut. I didn’t see this at all the last time.

There’s even a fully-functional statue of Hylia here.

I’ll push on it. After eating.

It takes about ten hearts.

There is a mask here.

It turns on and points.

It looks very heavy. I’ll put it rear-center of mass on the glider.

Tobio’s Hollow. Go figure.

There are four rushrooms in this cutscene. I’ll have to get them all.

There’s a chasm here?

It’s an elevator. How civilized.

“We must meet”? And I thought when Zelda was holding the door open for 100 years — that was a long time.

I am directed to the construct factory, which is right in front of me. Maybe now I can get it to go.

It’s missing arms and legs.

“min-uh-rue”.

Looks like Kohga’s.

She calls this “face-to-face”?

Link can ride on Mineru’s construct.

I did not expect a mecha minigame.

Eat shit, red mecha.

“Give enemies the middle finger with Mineru”.

I get a history lesson.

There’s also an endgame zonaite sink here. I can just TP to right before the final boss for these, so I’m not buying.

One ancient blade per 50 pieces of zonaite. Interesting, but I don’t need high-DPS arrowheads. I don’t think. Seems like a speedrun strat.

Oh, there’s a quest completed if you buy one? OK.

Eleven hours is enough for one night. 180 hours total.

Day 44: 2023-07-29

I look on the Internet for where to find Captain Construct IIs so I can farm their horns.

I’ll bum around Lanayru.

You already found the treasure on this old map.

Oh, so that’s what happens. I wonder if I’ll get another one. I probably will — I definitely don’t have everything, like all three pieces of the ⏻ outfit.

I basically farm for parts and fiddle around.

Turns out, if you go back to a Proving Grounds (show up in underpants) shrine, you can take all your stuff in and also take farmed items out. There are Captain Constructs II that are there procedurally, and even a Captain Construct II horn that’s attached to the weapon of some other construct (ask Pelison to help with that one), even when the game only throws IIIs and IVs at you. You do, however, need to know where to look. I had trouble in the previous game because I needed red-lynel parts for…something, and the game had decided (rightly) that it would only throw blues and up at me, and so the stuck-at-red lynel was something I had to hunt around for.

The ugly-as-sin ⏻ pants go up to 28 points of defense at level 4, just like the hyrule-soldier pants. These might end up being my go-to “waaaah, I don’t want to die over and over, I’m bad at video games” pants.

People answer “Where can I find a Captain Construct II?” on Reddit

Also, the Internet (probably IGN) says it takes 10 wall-clock minutes of in-game time passage between when dragons drop parts when you shoot them, and it also takes about 30 minutes for Dinraal/Naydra/Farosh to complete a loop each. It’s surprisingly easy to stay on a dragon, and they move at about the same speed you do while walking. Me walking backwards along a dragon ends up meaning that I don’t change my X/Y coordinates much at all.

Let’s call it four hours today after all the typing at the end. 184 hours total.

Day 45: 2023-07-30

I rescue Spot. I ride around Hyrule Field for about ten minutes before asking the Internet where it is. After bringing Spot back, I leave him to go TP to the closest shrine to a fallen star fragment. He’s still there when I come back. I don’t need another custom horse.

The wandering around wasn’t a total loss, of course. There are fire fruit growing around fallen sky rocks and I uncovered a yahaha while I was around one of the local lakes. The other type of yahaha popped up right as I got back on my horse, and I just booked it and left him in the dust.

⁂

I wander around looking for the geoglyph shaped like a castle in southern Hebra, east…somewhere…of the Rito Village. I bump into Impa, who is…disappointed I’m still wearing the Yiga mask I had on when I was trying to sneak up to Spot. She does concede that they’re less likely to bother me while I’m wearing the mask, though.

…I wonder if the mask is enough to keep the yahahas from popping up.

…I also wonder why I haven’t been assaulted by any buff guys with the Earthwake capability. It’s just been the shrimps with the bows.

⁂

I pop up to the top of Vah Medoh’s old perch. There’s a rock up here. Suspicious. Korok underneath, as expected.

I get around to the flame gleeok up on the hills in the Ancient Columns, in Rayne Highlands, in the southern tip of not-really-Hebra Hebra. It’s nice having a big stone something to block the wind and fire beams. Eventually, I figure out that you kind of absolutely need keese (or other eyeballs) to get the gleeok when it flies up high out of reach and rains giant fireballs down at you. I killed the last one too fast to really see that behavior.

Oh, there totally is a thing here where the shrine used to be.

I’ll just jump along the top of the columns, looking for ya-ha-has, and…

Oh wait, one of them had a switch on top?

Ancient Columns Cave

Let’s see what Misko left me for Christmas.

Tunic of Awakening

So, free money. I already sold the bobblehead mask.

There’s also a — solitary — white or silver moblin up here. He’s equipped all-wooden gear. A fire fruit spices up the fight.

I find a couple more ya-ha-has and stumble across Ornest while I go to an Addison marking that I’d actually finished a while back.

I go back and attach a couple wooden boards to weapons, turning them into fans.

…this was not the winning play. The serves are too far to the right or left for me to just puff the balls back in.

Another insufficient idea is to use Ultrahand to catch them mid-air; Ultrahand just misses too often. Maybe I could pause them with Return and either Ultrahand them back in or Return them halfway…

I get…one blue rupee. Ornest is impressed I got even one rock back in.

Typing all these thoughts out seems to have given me a rubber-duck-debugging idea. I shell out another red rupee for a second crack.

12 points the next time. This seems to be the way to do it, but there are timing issues involved and there’s at least one time where you need to make sure the rocks don’t bump into each other. I’m not sure how to solve that.

I am told that 12 points is “not half bad”. I get my red rupee back.

I get to 18. There’s a star fragment beam in the background that distracts me somewhat.

I get a “real reward” of 100 rupees. I’m happy with that.

The game fully stops. I don’t see the beam. I’m going to the base of the Cliffs of Ruvara, south of Lake Illumeni, to see if it’s dead or just resting. It’s not like the night is over.

No wait, the skyview tower is better.

Yup, there it is.

I take off my cold-weather clothes and go all in on the dive suit. The lava-talus heart strapped to my back only slows the chill.

I blink — or let Link get between the camera and the fragment — and it disappears. A new one falls down on my head to take its place. I dive after it, and pick it up mid-air. Mission accomplished, I guess.

All that reminds me I have ten diamonds. Time to impress the diamond-buying Gerudo lady with my wares.

⁂

There’s actually a story to the “make a cobble crusher+”. Seems I’d be helping the marbled rock roast muncher and his mentor by buying one. I’d need three diamonds, though — hard to come by.

Ramella, the diamond buyer, says “sarqso”. She is not materially more impressed than when I sell her ten topazes.

I tell her ten-packs of topazes, rubies, then topazes again. I stop when she wants a second ten-pack of diamonds. All this leaves me with 16 rubies, 26 sapphires, and 12 topazes.

I finish off with a dip in the restorative hot water.

I get home and decide I want to dump this falcon bow I picked up. I’ll need to get a place for it. This takes me to 11 out of 15 rooms.

Two hours today, for a total of 186.

I should farm Captain Construct II horns.

Day 46: 2023-08-03

I farm Captain Construct II horns. The construct on Wellspring Island — just below the Water Temple — is the first construct you see after taking the glider ride over to the other side.

I also do some arrow farming because constructs that shoot arrows at you tend to have lots of arrows themselves. I used to have 400ish arrows. Now I have 285.

Let’s call it 30 minutes, even though it was more like 20. Goodness knows I’ve gone over in the other direction by more, more often than just once.

Actually, I drop by Hateno (to check on my radishes) and then Kakariko (to see if Wordsworth has seen everything I’ve taken pictures of). He hasn’t seen one. I delete all my pictures afterwards.

This is actually 30 minutes.

186½ hours.

Day 47: 2023-08-04

I saw a geoglyph heading north from the [checks screen] Sahasra Slope Skyview Tower. Might as well knock that one out.

⁂

Dead moldugas.

⁂

I help the Addison to the west, just on the eastern side of Owlan Bridge. There isn’t a pile of wood and stuff nearby, so I see what I can do out of a bunch of tree trunks. I try making what amounts to a giant comb to keep everything up.

It works fine.

I also see the Addison on the north side of the island. Easy enough.

I get to Floret Sandbar, mainly because it looks unfamil—oh, this is where Magda, the crazy psycho flower lady, spends all her time. I pick up some safflinas in different flavors and then notice a star fragment fall off to the west.

I teleport to a shrine in that direction.

I see another star fragment fall. I teleport to the Lindor’s Brow Skyview Tower and pop out the top to see where the thing fell.

OK, so the new one fell just west of Hyrule Castle in one of those spooky no-mans-land parts that used to be infested with ambulatory and flying Guardians seven years ago. I’m not sure if I can make it from here, but I’ve got my full wingsuit on, so I’m making decent horizontal progress.

…another star fragment falls. Will I be able to pick up both?

…no. Once the new one lands, the one I’m aiming toward disappears. I then tag the new one’s location with my scope and TP to the local shrine — the one right by the big-ass hole in the middle of Hyrule Field.

This star fragment, I get.

Didn’t I see a castle-shaped geoglyph as I was heading west from the skyview tower…?

⁂

Yes. I head towards it. It gets cold. I put on a ruby rod. That’s not enough. I’m about there, so I don’t need the horizontal travel quite so much. I put on a Rito headband to make the cold bearable, and land right on the geoglyph.

…with EXACTLY the bad habit I figured I’d get into from wearing the flying-squirrel suit with the level-2 magic power. I smack right into the ground at spread-wings terminal velocity and burn a fairy.

Really, my ego is bruised more than anything else.

At least I nail the droplet location this time.

⁂

I guess the precipice outside where the resurrection chamber is really is a great spot to see all of Hyrule. I should go back to see what it’s like.

⁂

I head to Ramobnukas Shrine to see the local coliseum.

I turn in the direction of the shrine, and…there’s bananas. Just lying on the ground.

I put on the outfit and take some. Nobody yells at me for ruining the trap.

They’re in a VERY clear path. The path takes me to a monster mining encampment. I really should take a quick detour…

I take a detour. And another one. I’m kind of low on sunny dishes. I have a gazillion instant pots and sundelions, right?

Right. I make some uninspired sunny steamed fish from two pots and head in, still in my Yiga outfit. Let’s see what happens.

There’s something big and glowing behind the opposite locked wall. Also, there isn’t any chest in the middle to bait me.

Oh well. I’ll take all the bananas. That should trigger something.

Yiga Footsoldier

You must be Link!

After some more introductions, a Black Hinox pops out. My posse mostly keeps it occupied. It dies easily, especially after I light its wooden leg guard on fire and spin to win.

After it dies, I get no parting words from the Yiga. However, there is a glooming chest that stops glooming when the hinox dies. I open it.

Korok Mask

[shirt] 1

A mask inspired by those fun-loving Koroks.

It shakes when one is nearby. It’s a rather

rare find.

I got spoiled about this. Glad I finally got it.

I wander around for what should be Tenmaten Shrine. I have to resort to the Internet to tell me to drop down a well and stop looking for a cave with a bluepee in front of it.

I try the fishing trawler. GENIUS. It’s kind of expensive in terms of zonaite because I generally don’t have wood like that lying around, but it’s frigging handy for scooping up fish.

Rauru’s Blessing.

I thought it was almost time for blood moon, so I TP to my house. Thing is, I can’t see the moon.

I wander around Tarrey Town looking for koroks. I find one, hunt for another, and — is that Dinraal coming out of the local hole to the north? Don’t I need…yes, another horn.

⁂

I get a horn while it’s still stuck to Dinraal. I then TP to the top of the Great Plateau. No Farosh, so I go to check up on the Shrine of Resurrection. It’s seen better days — it looks like any old cave on the inside, but the shape of the hallway is mostly kept the same. There’s a bubbulfrog here.

And a hot spring. Didn’t expect that.

And more hole behind the hot spring.

And a bomb flower growing in the hole.

And upside-down Sheikah eyes beyond that. Guess I’m changing my outfit.

I go down. There’s a very scared construct down here, as well as a bunch of random Yiga crap and a very prominently placed bunch of bananas. The construct does not open up when I talk to it.

I am bitched at for attempting to take the bananas in uniform. Time to wear something else.

After beating some Yiga clowns, the construct opens up to me. I get a schema stone for a…beam cycle. The beams are wooden, and seem to stabilize the thing. I’ll have to try it out when I’m next to some beams.

Oh, and the talus that was here on the Great Plateau? It’s now a battle talus.

I get to Riogok Shrine. It’s where the giant enemy skull was in the corner with the dried-out grass.

I go back to the rest of the Plateau and I’m attacked by gloom hands. I shoot a 5x bomb arrow, and they all burn up and die in the grass if they’re not killed outright. I really should get a second 5x bow from some silver lynel before too long.

I wander around.

⁂

Yiga Blademaster Station

Huh. Wasn’t expecting this.

❗️ Is there no one capable?

Interesting. According to this, normal Yiga are front-line men. Blademasters are back-line men. Maybe they’re all busy doing middle management — that’s why I’m not seeing them assault me anymore.

One banana offering spot is where the old tower was here around some bogmuck. There is…now a talus here.

I offer all five bananas and get into the inner sanctum. My Purah Pad is beeping loudly because I’m approaching a shrine in there.

Nice: ruby.

Nice surprise: the eightfold longblade✨. I gotta make room for this.

There’s a shrine in there. I’ll actually go inside one day eventually.

A long while later, I get assaulted by a Yiga blademaster while running around not wearing the outfit. Guess I’m important enough to get harassed by middle management now.

9 hours and 45 minutes, bringing it all to 196¾ hours.

Day 48: 2023-08-08

I start off by buying rushrooms from koroks and then TP to the shrine that’s under 50 meters from the rushroom wall north of the Great Plateau.

I then mostly haul koroks around by gluing them to the hitch behind my horse for the rest of an hour and fifteen minute gaming session. I manage to stop in the middle to kill another lightning gleeok, and then I finish up by farming a replacement 5x bow from the Nautelle Wetlands lynel.

I also farm a scale off Farosh that I don’t need for anything in particular, but I’m pretty sure I can use it to make 30-minute potions like I could if I wanted to in the last game.

198 hours total.

Day 48+i: 2023-08-09

Let me show you my house.

HHMM
 M••M
 M••M↑
 K•• ↑
 K••

hhBB
 S··m
 S··m↑
 Z·· ↑
 Z··

Legend (ground floor):

• H: stable
• M: melee-weapon showoff room
• K: kitchen
• ↑: stairs up (outdoors)
• •: 2×2 empty room

Legend (second floor):

• h: stable below
• m: melee-weapon showoff room below
• B: bow showoff room
• S: shield showoff room
• Z: bedroom
• ·: the roof of a 2×2 empty room

The whole house is oriented slightly cockywobble relative to its plot so I can just fly in from the local shrine. Because all the rooms are just open, it’s easy to get into and out of. As such, “up” in the ASCII art above is roughly “east by northeast”.

I can’t help but think about the neighbors, though. Sure, Tarrey Town is just a glider ride away, the Yiga-clan hideout in the remains of the Akkala Tech Lab that I can see off in the distance unnerves me a bit. If they had any sense, instead of trying to ambush me every so often and bait me with bananas, they’d steal my fancy weapons, bows, and shields, and, I dunno, throw toilet paper over everything as a gesture of dominance. They wouldn’t even have to open a door.

Day 49: 2023-08-11

I think I’ll just go around and collect korok seeds.

Actually, Ulria Grotto is close by my house. I ought to check it out. Last game, it hid one of the harder-to-find shrines because you’d get a BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP while wandering around and you’d need to mid-air bomb-arrow a bunch of rocks in the wall while getting blown upwards.

I get the horse out, and…I’m on my way.

I bail Nars out of a bokoblin fight. The local lynel is within line-of-sight.

Get a couple korok seeds, and…

Ulria Grotto South Cave

This is new. Bomb flower right by the entrance.

A lot of bright-eyed crabs past the blue rocks…and hey, it’s bubbulfrog noises.

Looks like a good place to fight a talus.

I stick a silver moblin horn on a gloom club and get 83 points of damage per spin-to-win hit. The luminous-stone talus dies in four hits. I get three points of gloom damage, but I have something like 20 empty hearts after getting whacked a couple times too many by the blue lynel outside.

⁂

I head into the Ulria Grotto East Cave. There’s a hinox. It goes down in like five hits.

Gatanisis Shrine

Oh, it’s over on the east coast.

I poke around the islands and get a couple more ya-ha-has and get ambushed by an ohohoho. He doesn’t seem to care that I’m one of them now, despite my slight height and build.

Time to TP back out now that I’ve seen it all and the lightning is starting up—dude, where’s my horse?

I check back at the mini-stable at Lookout Landing and my horse isn’t anywhere to be found. Guess I’m gonna have to offer a pinky finger to Malanya.

Roasted Endura Carrot 0 / 1

That’s all?

Lemme make a fire…oh, it’s raining.

Looks like it’s going to rain for another hour in-game. I think I’ll just go pee out-of-game and maybe the rain will be gone.

⁂

That did it.

Pro tip: Don’t throw an endura carrot onto the ground in a middle of a grass fire. The carrot will fly up, onto the wind.

Malanya respawns Pale.

…where’d the fire go? It was right where Pale is standing.

The dialog with me and Malanya ends and the fire finally catches up to my horse. It leaps over the edge to the far side of the bank.

I’ll have to pull it to safety with a stable.

Did that. Got another korok from the spiral sculpture. Found another one on a small ledge, this time buried under a pile of leaves. Trouble is, it’s raining again.

I think I’ll just wait.

…

…well, that was a surprise. The tree I was standing next to got hit with lightning. I got hit, too — glad I had a fairy on me. The tree bit the dust, of course, but the dry leaves covering a rock did, too.

I notice Dinraal is coming out of the local Akkala hole. I miss him, and double back to Octorok Lake. It’s more like a puddle that hasn’t dried up completely, but it has a bundle of dry leaves in the middle. I make darn sure that I’m not standing in water, and I call for Riju’s assistance with an arrow.

Foomp goes the leaves, and I’ve got another rock with a ya-ha-ha underneath.

⁂

I head back northeast to the stable and notice that Dinraal is underneath the local air maze. I drop down from the top and notice that the winning play is to just land on Dinraal’s horn, whack it with a melee weapon, and then pick up the horn bit before it goes flying off to the ground. Of course, if I stick around at all, I’ll want to keep the fireproof clothes on; it’s ERROR hot here.

Down to Tumlea Heights. There’s no torch-gauntlet anything here anymore, just a korok on top of where the furnace used to be.

I’ll wander around and see if there are more koroks here.

Not really, but there are a few around. There aren’t any at the base of skull lake, though.

I check up on the Addison in Akkala Wilds. There are a couple of levitation stones around. I use one, and it keeps the sign in place perfectly.

…I don’t know why I didn’t try this before.

⁂

I do some lightroot seeking-out.

I get to a Yiga outpost.

Instant Kitchen

They’re not writing down their best.

⁂

OK, I’ve found the Crenel Peak lightroot, but not the shrine it’s connected to. I should fix that.

I get to Kuzimoy Lightroot. There’s nothing here. Yawn.

⁂

Bridge

Simple, yet effective.

I get to the closest Yiga outpost.

Liftoff Glider

This looks interesting.

…lose your soul if you stand around huge statues…?

⁂

Sundelions are bitter. Huh.

Well, it’s not like the guy who horks them in front of my face will tell me.

Dirigible

I had no idea schema stones would help me play “Faerie’s Aire and Death Waltz”.

Oh, this is actually way more interesting than I gave it for. You can turn off the heat from the flaming Zonai bits and it’ll still go up slowly if you’re not on it because of the torches. Not sure what it’ll do if I’m still on it, though.

I talk to the local “researcher” out of uniform and I get gloried to Master Kohga. Well, at least they try. One of them teleports into the air about two meters above the ground and gets a fatal punch from Mineru.

I do the Crescia Pit Mine. I drive up to it with a flatbed (four big wheels, long stone slab, control stick). I drive it into the water, and it…mostly sinks. Link’s up to his waist. I get Link off of it, stick two fans on the back, and drive the whole thing back into the water.

It goes forward. Slowly, but I can stop anytime and recharge, since there’s no current. I may be onto something.

I’ll dye my Yiga-clan outfit yellow. With BANANAS. Let’s see if anybody notices.

For my final act, I go up to the island above Eventide Island. This was a mistake this late in the day — it’s a King Gleeok. One head of each kind. I’ll wear my shockproof helmet and my Fierce Deity rest-of-outfit.

Good weapon sink. Finished off two of my gloom clubs.

There’s a new style of chest here. Interesting.

Sage’s Will

…and that’s my fourth.

I decide to get my own personal Hylia statue in celebration. I stick it on the second floor, to the right of the bow-display room as one ascends the outdoor stairs. Its right side has a one-story drop to the ground, but, hey, Hyrule doesn’t need a building code just yet.

In exchange for four Sage’s Wills, I will

make your bond stronger with any sage

you choose.

I’m gonna ask the Internet. The obvious choice is Tulin.

Polygon says it ups the sage’s damage. The obvious choice is still Tulin.

Solemn Vow of Tulin, Sage of Wind

The strengthened vow of Tulin, Sage of Wind.

Your reinforced bond with Tulin has increased

his avatar’s attack power.

Nine hours today, so 207 hours total.

Day 50: 2023-08-12

I find the last geoglyph. A new drop from the white dragon falls on Rist Peninsula, the spiral over east of Akkala.

I TP to Gemimik Shrine.

⁂

I’m impressed by Zelda’s swallowing abilities. I have trouble swallowing much, much smaller pills.

The game heavily signposts me to the next action in case I’m, like, nine years old and don’t figure stuff out good.

I also get a giant crop of silent princesses. Too bad they’re not really good for anything I’ve noticed. I go to 122 silent princesses from 70something.

I go under Hyrule Castle again because I want to see that bubbulfrog. I wave hi to the bargainer statue as I walk by.

I get the soldier helm, which makes it my first 28-at-four-stars hat. I must have had trouble banging out the rocks that led to it from the stalnox covered in rubble.

Soldier’s armor, too. I shoved all my items over by two items. I’m not sure if this is an improvement. I wish I could manually sort my clothing.

⁂

I do other things.

⁂

I’m in the “Voe and You” class. The adults are having trouble with real, honest-to-goodness man. I’m wearing the Sensible Voe Outfit — the headband and spaulders from the set, but also four-star sand boots.

The teacher says it might make it easier if I’m not showing my face.

…a yiga mask hides the face… 😈

“Thief! Seize him!”

Boy, I didn’t get a chance to do anything after coming out of the inventory screen.

Katta recognizes me once I’m behind bars and gives me a thoroughly deserved tongue-lashing. I’m not going to be allowed out until I change my hat. I put on the Vah Rudania Divine Helm. If the ladies can handle looking at the “face” of a 10,000-year-old four-eyed lizard robot, they should be able to look at Hylian men without a problem.

Fuck, wildberry crepes sound really good about now…too bad I’ve already eaten today. Nice that she’s good with exotic ingredients — wildberries and wheat seem hard to come by in the desert.

Pritana’s up next.

I…I can’t do it. I think I need that drink

from the canteen to give me energy…

I don’t think she’s talking about the new vehvi-and-vaba-safe version of the Noble Pursuit.

I head up and land in Patricia’s pen. There are gibdo parts free for the taking. I feed Patricia a splashfruit and get a sealquence — (−3888, −2972, 0033).

Anyhow, I talk to Furosa and she gives me a VnV-safe Noble Pursuit. Hopefully this’ll calm Pritana’s nerves enough, or at least give her enough of a sugar high that she won’t notice them.

It works. She then tells me about how you can meet neat people in canteens. I heard some of the backstory about the guy in lockup and his wife and kid, so I can’t disagree there.

…Necluda-village accessory…?

I have no idea. I’m looking it up on the internet.

Ring garlands from Kakariko. I thought there was a Cece thing that sold non-Gerudo accessories.

Oh, and the kid isn’t out selling at 9:40 at night. Slacker. Where’s the cooking pot…?

I get back with the donut on my shield. Deltan lightens up a bit.

All three seem to be perma-loosened. Good for them.

Hm. (−3888, −2972, 0033) is very close to where I am already. I should go check it out.

Oh, it’s the comma ball.

I stick the colon ball in. I don’t get Rotana to say anything about it when I do, making me wonder if the game will actually keep the colon ball in place.

I go and get more sealcret numbers from Patricia. These are (−3781, −2900, 0047). This one’s in Gerudo Town.

Next up, I skip Patricia and go get the one in Kara Kara Bazaar. The blue-flame one goes over the desert easily enough, but it’s heavy — my one-fan sled can’t handle even shallow inclines with it.

Next sealquence is (−3813, −2872, 0043).

I need to talk to Dalia first. Who’s Dalia?

Oh, she’s right there. After I walk around town trying to find a Dalia.

She hides the seal. I get preemptively frustrated and consult the Internet. The internet misleads me, but directs me to the emergency-spa room, where I find the S ball…and a topaz.

I find the seal in time by searching for where the soldiers were. It’s in a cubbyhole on the right as one enters.

Now for the pause ball. Patricia? Help me out.

(−3800, −2969, 0058)

It opens. Go to North Gerudo Ruins.

The big orb by the 8th statue is the key that opens the way.

⁂

I help Loone by assembling a baby leviathan. I got the torso direction wrong at first. Now she wants to stay with them forever and ever. I think she ought to take the “Voe and You” class.

⁂

Things happen.

⁂

I re-set my Uma’s Radishes TP point to a place in the Dueling Peaks just so I could get…TINGLE’S SHIRT???????

“He treasured this shirt, and so will you”?

I’ve got over 10,000 rupees. The 600 I’ll get from this trash won’t nearly cover the hassle anymore.

For my final act, I re-set the not-Thurman Uma TP point and collect my radishes.

For my penultimate act, I slip Sayge 20 rupees and get my paraglider reworked to the chuchu fabric after I got bored with the gleeok one.

It zooms past “unbearably silly” to “laugh-out-loud funny”. I did not predict I’d have this reaction to it. Didn’t I sneer at it when I first got it?

207 hours previously, 10 today, so 217 hours today.

Day 51: 2023-08-13

I’ve got a couple things on my map in Necluda that I need to check out again. Two are diamonds (could be koroks before I started using the leaf stamp) and one’s an Addison in the middle of nowhere.

I get my horse from the Dueling Peaks stable and set out.

Fort Hateno has a monster group there. Boy, I’m glad I have a posse.

Oh, here’s that house left over from the previous game. I think I’ll take a nap.

OK, so the diamond is a korok on a hill between Ovli Plain and Fir River. Where’s his buddy…

…looks like I need to haul him all the way to fucking Hateno. I use the spyglass to set a red glowing stamp, but I don’t think I got it.

Yup. The green smoke is coming from just outside the village.

Now then. Back to the horse loop that looked like some abandoned idea back in the previous game. I want to see if anything’s become of it.

There’s a phrenic bow in the house. That’s a pleasant surprise.

I get attacked by purple hands. That wasn’t present in the last game.

After looping around…nothing big. Just three koroks and the phrenic bow and the Gloom Sword drop.

Further along, I get another korok who wants to meet up in…Oakle’s Navel. I haul him with my horse to an Evermean-infested camp with monster extract just sitting around, and then figure that I can’t take my horse any further. I set a TP point where my horse is and then fling the korok downhill.

…There’s a bluepee here.

…and a cave crystal.

…and something interesting ahead.

I pull out a hover stone and stick the crystal to it on the grounds that it’ll make a good shield for the balls rolling down the sides. This seems to have been a winning play, although I barely got the stone nicked from one of the boulders.

The next challenge has me going up against a rolling boulder (think Indiana Jones, but coming at me). The hover stone blocks it, and I’m able to stick the boulder to the stone and push the whole thing up.

At the end, I do notice that the combined weight of the boulder and the crystal are too much for the hover stone; it sinks to the ground when I let it go. I figured there’s some amount of force more than one fan and less than one rocket that will move a hover stone a bit, but I had no idea what that might be.

I manage to find a place to Ascend up. There’s a hot spring close by, and also a korok. I’m not sure where the korok is, though.

Turns out, if you so much as TOUCH a korok balloon, it pops.

I help out the Mount Taran-ish Addison.

…there sure are a lot of trees that could be cut down here. Oh well. Whip out a hover stone and get on with my day.

There’s a stalnox here at Hanu Pond, but it’s not waking up yet at only 9:20 PM.

It’s 11 PM and this thing still isn’t waking up yet.

Screw it. I loop around the ponds and collect more koroks. The horse only goes past the shock like in the western cavern after it gets shocked — figuratively and literally — past the monster on the wall.

I get baited to go to Hateno again after I see a star fragment that way. I leave a TP by my horse and head off. Yup, star fragment. I had no idea they were so bright kind of close.

Anyway, there’s a stranded korok by my old house. I haul him underneath a Three-Wheeler up the hill without much of a problem.

I also look at the Internet before realizing that the “whistle to open” cave was the one I was staring at. I got Tngle’s tights. I cannot believe that this was super-important pirate booty.

Two hours today, bringing me up to 219 hours.

…I think the winning play is to set my watch for an hour, then 30 minutes, then 15 minutes, then 15 minutes. The taper clues me in that I shouldn’t start anything big.

Day 51bis: 2023-08-13

More.

I have a horse up in Hateno. Let’s try and get over to Nirvata everything and do more exploration that might be handier if I have a horse.

Naydra flies by. I stick two rockets to a floaty stone and shoot it out horizontally. I come in below Naydra, but I’m close enough to get to the updraft and pick a scale right off her back.

Addison here. I get a second 20 rupees and no munchie. I check my inventory, and…I have no food slots available. That explains why he gives me a second red sometimes.

As I climb up to the Peak of Awakening korok I wonder why I’m doing this the Breath of the Wild way instead of assembling a couple fans with something. I don’t have a good answer.

There are multiple Queen Gibdos down in the Underdark.

I get 600 crystallized energy charges. Of course, I book it to my favorite crystallized-zonaite smasher on the surface.

It tells me that it can’t upgrade my battery pack up from blue, but it will accept crystallized charges “for my choice of zonai device”.

So, like, instead of playing the lottery with the gumball machines, I get to pick and choose?

Yup. Everything costs 3 crystallized zonaite (except for the Big Battery at 30), and it has ten of each in stock.

I check in on Koltin. I have 50 extra bubbul gems sitting in my pouch. Koltin senses…51 more out there.

Fuck.

I mean, “see every cave” isn’t the worst collect-em-all out there compared to, say, getting every korok seed, but still. That’s a lot of work I’ve signed up for.

After all, I do want to see all the caves.

Since I’m here, I ask where the next bubbulfrog is. He says west, near the Sage Temple ruins.

…the one with the giant Hylia statue? Nope.

Fuck. I can’t find it on the map.

Another three hours is enough. Hopefully by the time I pick this game up again I’ll have forgotten about the mystery bubbulfrog.

222 hours total.

Day 52: 2023-08-14

I spend an hour checking out the underside of Hebra.

There’s a third Colgera here. I wonder if it gives me anything cool, other than the jaw.

Doing the Underhebra crawl points out a couple of surface-level shrines I missed. These are mostly uneventful (yes, getting the crystal out of a talus counts as “uneventful”), except for the part where I haul the crystal to the shrine for Rutafu-um. I decide I don’t want to fight a bunch of mostly-lame bokoblins when the snoo horn has a 50/50 chance of falling into hypothermia-inducing water, so I puffshroom the dinner party and haul the crystal to the end of the beam. The cutscene is done before they finally figure out that there’s an enemy nearby again.

223 hours total.

Day 53: 2023-08-16

Partially inspired by seeing a fully-lit-up Underdark map and more lightroots found than shrines, I check in with Gralens at the Lookout Point.

He tells me:

24 flux constructs remain.

7 gleeoks remain.

28 froxes remain.

62 taluses remain.

44 hinox remain.

1 molduga remains.

Interesting how it’s “froxes”, but “hinox” for the plural forms. Note that he capitalizes all these names, while I don’t.

That’s a lot more of everything than I anticipated, except for the molduga.

I wanna get the molduga.

Oddly enough, I wrote down only two dead moldugas. I’ll try for the one at the base of…no, that’s gotta be the East Barrens molduga.

I’ll head for the one south of Kara Kara Bazaar and hope I haven’t gotten that one yet.

There’s a ya-ha-ha who got ditched by his buddy. Let’s see if I can help him out…

Fucker wants me to go south. Guess I’m making a two-fan sled.

…if I glue something hot to my shield, does that raise my temperature just like a hot thing glued to a sword?

Fuck, I’ve attracted the previously-defeated East Barrens molduga. Guess I’m getting more guts than I bargained for.

…well, that was a weird fight. I threw a bomb in front of me by holding the throw-weapon button (R) and selecting a Zonai item, but that didn’t take the bomb out of its packaging — it just…got plopped out of my bag like it just came out of the gumball machine.

Of course, gumball-machine items are round, and so this rolled away from me. The molduga ate it, and just…stayed on top of the sand while I spun to win.

Weird win. Guess I’ll get a chance to try it again soon, I suppose.

Yes. Gluing cold things to a normal shield keeps you cool. I glue a Naydra’s spike shard to a zonai shield (for all-weather durability) and it cools me down a bit.

⁂

Lesson learned. You cannot shield surf on a shield with a queen gibdo wing attached, even though it’s probably smoother than the shield it’s glued to.

Also, you can’t start, at least, shield-surfing on sand that’s flowing downhill.

⁂

All my sages get into attack posture for this one chest. Probably they know that it’s an octorok…

⁂

OK, there are a lot of holes in the East Barrens. Let’s set a TP point up top and then go down a few.

…there’s Misko stuff here.

⁂

I do the sky part of the desert labyrinth. Always facing north is the winning play.

I go down and beat up on a Flux Construct III. As my reward, I get the helmet part of the Ganon cosplay. I’ll take 600 rupees.

There’s only one thing in the Gerudo sky. It takes me a little over 8×4 full batteries to get up to it, and that’s with one refill from a big Zonai zap and the no-drain time that it has in the middle — that is, with four fans pushing me up.

It’s a King Gleeok (one head of each type).

I put on my anti-zap helmet and munch some plus-three damage food. It dies easily enough, and I get a Sage’s Will. I break my Gleeoks Killed list into sky/land/underdark.

Two hours today, for a total of 225.

Day 53bis: 2023-08-16

I get to the space where Usazum Shrine is. I need to go fetch the crystal. The beam points to a cave nearby.

I get inside. The beam is moving. This was not something I expected.

There’s a hinox pacing back and forth here. Mystery solved.

I TP to Sepapa Shrine. Oddly enough, I haven’t gotten to a lightroot underneath. However, it’s an island, and there’s no obvious way to get down there. I assume the hole is in a cave or something.

I wander around. I can’t find anything. I type “lightroot under ” and my search engine of second choice suggests “lightroot under sepapa shrine” as its first guess.

Guess I’m not alone then. I would have figured this out — maybe — except I didn’t take a close look at the topo map and figured this island was beach all around.

⁂

I do some more diffing of the surface and the underdark by pressing the D-pad up and down repeatedly. I find an unpaired shrine and lightroot (not pairs of each other).

⁂

Dye the white pattern black when the

sun awakens in the sky. Then will the

sacred shrine appear.

Guess I picked the wrong time to chug a 10-minute run-fast elixir two minutes ago. I’ll set a TP point and come back.

A researcher says he can’t figure out how to turn on a lightroot and says I ought to head back to the surface. He does not seem to flinch at my Yiga outfit.

I touch base with the lightroot.

You found every lightroot. They have

dispelled all of the darkness.

Well, that’s one thing 100%ed. I’m not going to 100% all of the things, but I want to get all the shrines and lightroots.

Let’s check back in with the “researcher”.

Dispelling Darkness Medal

An award for one who has conquered the

darkness by lighting up every lightroot. This

special item commemorates blessings

received.

This is way more achievable than getting the big korok seed from Hestu, I tell you what.

I don’t remember getting a pat on the back for unlocking all the shrines in BotW, though. Of course, monk boogers are their own reward.

I throw the spear through the hole. Explains all the keese.

⁂

I take Pokki to her spot. The ladies standing in a circle look like they’ve been through quite a bit since the last time I was here.

⁂

I come back to the Iun-orok shrine. This time, I try a solution I saw and fail to get it to work. I check Polygon and it says I can use a bomb arrow. I do.

I get a bunch of other shrines.

Another three hours, for a total of 228.

Day 54: 2023-08-18

I think I’ll try to kill the king gleeok in the Gleeok Den.

⁂

That was fun. I got a lift from the icicles this time — the upward air gusts didn’t take me up very high.

Last time I came in here, I hid behind something and died.

This time, it’s perfectly illuminated, and the four corners are ancient Rito, Goron, Zora, and Hylian statues.

⁂

I notice an unpaired lightroot.

Taki-ihaban Shrine

I get assaulted by gloom hands as I walk away from the shrine. I figured that they regenerate if you leave them alone — and they do. They go from like two hands back to five if you let them.

I get a Rauru’s Blessing from it all.

⁂

I finally duck inside Siyamotsus Shrine.

“Unlit Blessing”? Looks like Rauru’s, except there’s fire fruit. And arrows. And a mighty construct bow (yawn) inside the chest.

There’s stuff down below.

I approach the altar, or whatever it is. I get moved down below, or the stuff down below moves up.

I light the unlit. I get a way to go back up.

…I might have spent a lot more time figuring this thing out if I hadn’t stared at the shrine name and also seeing “Unlit Blessing”.

⁂

I launch triples of bomb arrows at the Tabantha Sky Archipelago construct. Its important part falls over and teleports back up. So does the crystal glued to it. Fuck.

I turn around to keep fighting the construct and the crystal silently teleported to the arena. Phew.

The rest of the fight is uneventful. I give Mineru the second triple-grinding-gear of the day and replace the fan on her back.

I haul it up on the front of one of the supplied four-fan lifts. I then jump off the thing when I arrive at my destination — but I forget that I need to get the green pellet to a shrine and not just my body. I catch the bouncing conveyance with Ultrahand right before it falls off the ledge with the crystal still attached.

I get myself to the local Death Star. There’s a long staff with a Star Fragment attached. I wonder what it’ll do.

I get outside. It flings light. Interesting.

There’s still another locked-up thing in this Death Star. A Sage’s Will. Not bad.

⁂

I show the final old tablet picture to Wordsworth. I get glider fabric. The compass and color scheme reminds me of the Safari icon in macOS and the rest of the family.

…I’m still sticking with my chuchu fabric for now.

⁂

I get an X in the Underdark. It’s on top of what’s probably a coliseum.

It’s called the Floating Coliseum.

It looks like it has lynels.

It has LYNELS 😈

Papa needs more ×5 bows.

Red one down. The AI clearly doesn’t know how to avoid an immovable chest in the middle of the battlefield.

DAMMIT MINERU, I WANTED TO MOUNT THE LYNEL, NOT YOU

This last guy has armor…and a big spiky ball.

I get…Majora’s mask.

⁂

OK, Kilton. The horriblin statue is an eyesore because it doesn’t glue to the ceiling. Even if you throw a shitfit because I tried to throw it over the side of Tarrey Town, I’m still going to shove it behind the diorama where nobody has to see it.

8 hours and 45 minutes today, for a total of 236¾ hours.

Day 55: 2023-08-19

I had a couple beers with dinner. Let’s see if I can clear up some shrines I’ve tagged, but never bothered to finish.

Eutoum Shrine

I enter in my underwear.

…this ought to be VERY interesting.

I remember watching a couple Mega Man X speedrunners play the game drunk. It was super fascinating — sure, they knew all the literal speedrun strats, but their reflexes were more in line with what I could manage on any given day…at least in my prime. So, I got a better idea of what I could try myself and what I’d leave up to the obsessives.

Proving Grounds: Infiltration

Well, they don’t have a free Yiga outfit. What do they expect me to do?

I try Ascending to the ledge outside. I go around straight, over the construct in what passes for a front.

It notices some kind of noise and goes apeshit. It doesn’t know where I am, but it knows something’s up. The combined HP bar for all the constructs appears.

I gotta kill ’em all anyway, so I’m not sure why I should care about being all that sneaky above and beyond my usual sneakiness.

I land in the room with the fire mouth thing on a stake. I capture it, and now it works for me. I bait constructs into coming to it, and they get roasted.

Lesson reinforced: Try and skulk around up top before dropping down. It helps if you can just come back up again easily, which Link can do in this adventure here.

I head off to Otak Shrine.

⁂

Proving Grounds: Traps

Oh, I see. There are candles. On ropes. Suspended over dry leaves. Stuff like that.

I bait one construct and miss the rope. I end up having to spin-to-win it.

I successfully do that kind of trick to another construct.

I stick another bomb barrel next to another arrow-shooting construct, then light an arrow at a lamp and then shoot the barrel. Ka-boom.

Fun little shrine. Might have actually been hard, I dunno, at five hearts total, but not now. This shrine is in the far northwest corner of Hyrule, too — there’s no way I would have gotten to it soon after, say, enlisting Tulin and solving his local problems.

Now to…

Tau…

…yosipun…

Tauyosipun Shrine.

⁂

OK, I got by the first thing, and I got the chest, but how in the everloving fuck am I supposed to get past this second thing, and how does having a ball right here help me at all?

(a few minutes pass)

OOOOOOH, use a Rewound ball to shove the OTHER ball right beside me into the switch dish. I was about to leave without solving it — a weird choice in the Internet age — and the solution came to me.

That was satisfying.

OK, the next one is just killing momentum mid-air. I luck out and get nothing but net.

Final one is the same idea.

Off to Karahatag Shrine.

⁂

They give me a torch. I’ve basically used these never in this game, even though they were all the rage in Breath of the Wild. Normally, for this kind of thing I’d just fire an arrow — do they expect me to throw this thing?

Hey, throwing the thing works.

I get to the next room. I need to have this bodyweight switch pressed down, and that dangles lightable things from the ceiling. Trouble is, I don’t have anything handy that can weight this thing down while I go around.

…Hold ZL, go left?

…nope. Fuck.

Oh, this fire thing. It moves. Looks about as heavy as I am, too.

…fuck. It’s not as heavy as I am.

It, and a rock hammer, is as heavy as I am.

You know what? That’s good enough.

I feel like I cheesed it. I wonder if there’s another good solution to this.

I check IGN and they say to haul the lit thing over where the dangly fire lamps are going to come out, and then use Recall.

Sounds decent.

⁂

I’ve got five Lights of Blessing and most shrines done.

I notice there’s an unpaired lightroot on Crenel Hills. I head to the shrine in Crenel Peak to finish that one up and put me within spitting distance of the missing shrine.

⁂

I enter wearing underpants.

Proving Grounds: Rotation

…I ought to put flame emitters on stakes with an aiming thing in the middle and point them at enemies.

⁂

Oh. It’s just sitting out there. Ren-iz shrine.

⁂

I am wearing all my clothes.

Jump the Gaps

The ball makes a novel, pleasant whirring sound as it goes past.

The second ball makes a pleasant whirring sound as it goes past, but it doesn’t go in.

I try again, changing nothing. It goes in.

The light streaming in from the grate in this particular have-a-lightbulb room is novel and pleasant.

⁂

Off to Uinoj lighroot. There’s an arena here.

I kill the mucktorok. I was faster at this the first time around. I wonder what I’ve forgotten to do.

⁂

I solve the “keys born of water” puzzle. I learn that if you can shield-block in waist-deep water, you can make ice blocks.

I killed a gohma. The Demon King has decent taste in bows.

⁂

I rescue Selmie. She is about to give me a shield, but I don’t have space for it. I free up some space by setting a TP point and dropping by Hestu.

…no wait, fuck. I don’t set a TP point, and TP to Hestu anyway.

Guess I’m interrupting another monster dinner party.

I get a strong zonaite shield.

…It’s the thought that counts.

Let’s do some surfing. I equip a Shield of the Mind’s Eye and get instant praise for it from Fin, the dark-skinned student with the aquiline nose and duck’s-ass hairdo. I know these are good from my time watching speedrunner-adjacent Breath of the Wild people.

…I wonder what he says if I put on other shields.

My savage lynel shield is…OK.

Mighty zonaite shield? OK.

“A fine balance between sturdiness and its ability to sliiide” he says of my royal shield.

I want him to say “oh god, that’s awful”. What do I pick?

My kite shield is OK.

My forest dweller’s shield is OK.

I wonder what he’ll say about my royal shield with an armor shard that’s stuck to it.

He says the mod makes it harder to slide. No surprise.

Let me stick a sled onto one of these things…

I get instant praise:

Whoa. You’ve attached a sled. Way to

expand what’s possible! Crafting a shield

that way will really make it slide.

That’s a shield surfer for you—stayin’

flexible. Yeah, forget the old ways of

doing things if you need to!

I hand Selmie a red one and do the beginner course. I finish in…0:49.70. The time limit was…50 seconds?

I do the beginner course again, trying to see what the limit was. I do the beginner course again in 0:52.06, using a very different route.

⁂

I do the course again. I come to a spot where I need to paraglide over a body of water. I don’t think Selmie does this on the regular.

I make it — barely — and then hoof it in the snow to the finish line. I get a time of 1:40.76. I have no idea if this great, awful, or bang-on average.

Selmie takes me back and is shocked that I beat her record.

I get a commemorative knight’s shield. Not bad.

⁂

I drop by Hateno. Turns out, the Hylian Soldier set is mega cheap (way less than 4,000 rupees apiece). I could get rid of it now and re-buy it if I wanted it. I’ve fully upgraded the legs, but I suppose I could do that again if I needed.

I sell the random caps and clothes I’ve collected to Cece’s assistant for something like 4×600 rupees.

⁂

I talk to Reede. He’s having night assaults. Turns out, the monsters are all stal — and I have a giant pile of dazzlefruit. Turns out, they instakill stalbokos and ALSO stalmoblins.

Previously, I wondered if I could stick a healing thing from the white healing dragon and healdamage the undead. Turns out, I don’t seem to need to do that — I can just AoE Fenix Down them and they just die.

Back to Reede and the guy who’s head pumpkin man. I get the fruits of their labor:

Sun Pumpkin ×5

1 Fuse Attack Power

½

A new variety of pumpkin that soaks up the

sunshine in Hateno Village. Baked into a dish,

it can help heal the effects of exposure

to gloom.

I wonder if this is better than sundelions, or just another kind of sundelion.

I then get the korok right next to my house by going to the…open-sides shed thingy and putting the roof back together properly.

I also pray to my own personal Hylia and get a heart container. I’m missing three hearts from my second line.

One nice sleep in my bed, and I’m ready for my next adventure. Or farming chores, as a Blood Moon happened the last time I killed any captain constructs I–III.

Four hours and 15 minutes today, for a total of 241 hours.

Day 56: 2023-08-20

I meet Rahdo, Hyrule’s own Wim Hof.

Standing around all night will take a while. One hour in Hyrule is one minute here, so…seven minutes of standing around? The password to get into Master Belch’s lair was only standing around for three minutes.

I probably should keep an eye on the screen. Rahdo says stuff.

It’s midnight and my Dinraal’s shard and fire chuchu are keeping me on the warm side of normal.

Man, I’m glad I don’t have stick drift to worry about anymore. Otherwise I’d have to work to keep Link on the pillar.

The Switch dims the screen after five minutes to reduce TV burn-in. I pick up the controller to wake the thing back up again.

This guy is fucking impressive, though. He must have loads of brown fat or something — I have to rely on warm clothes and warm swords and the occasional hot meal, but this guy can just stand out here for in-game hours on end and, at worst, shiver.

He passes out. Don’t try this at home, kids — hitting your head on a rock is really bad.

I ditch the fire chuchu jelly on my rotten big boomerang and put an ice chuchu on. I accidentally whiff, though, and whack the thing instead of gluing it to the boomerang, freezing myself. I head to the flat part a little higher up to find a level surface to drop the chuchu jelly onto before gluing it to my boomerang.

Anyway, he makes it to about 1 PM before he starts staggering, feeling the heat. Meanwhile, I’m as cool as a refrigerated cucumber even though it’s 108° in the shade. And in direct sunlight. I think this model of temperature is a bit wrong. It models shade from rocks and giant bones, but not clouds. Maybe.

Rahdo collapses again. I get my 150 rupees back, doubled.

He says he’s going north. I wonder if I’ll actually see him again.

⁂

I head south. I recognize the outline of some house where I had to hold a ball up in the air at the right time of day to open a shrine. It was snowy up here back then, but now it’s not.

2½ hours, for a total of 243½.

Day 57: 2023-08-21

I do Mayachin Shrine. This is the baseball shrine. I resist the temptation to cheese this with a bomb arrow. I’m glad I did — once I got the set-up right, I got it right on the first try for both the normal target and the chest target. Too bad the chest only gives me a lame stamina elixir.

I do Nouda Shrine. Pretty easy now that I have almost all the hearts.

⁂

I go to where Sherfin’s, Goflam’s, and the Sturnida Hot Springs meet. It’s up on a hill. There’s a korok puzzle. I solve it.

…This isn’t what I set out to do, but I’ll take it.

I do the land racing to free up Tali and what’s-her-name.

Then I do the advanced course, skipping the beginning and intermediate water courses, and get five batteries and salt-grilled crab. I wonder what the tenth fisherman thinks the best way to eat crab is.

2½ hours today, for a total of 246.

Day 58: 2023-08-23

I upgrade the Zonaite Helm to its final form. I am done scalping constructs. Hallelujah.

151 shrines out of 152. Looking at the Internet, I’m not missing any sky shrines. That means I haven’t found one on the surface, or I’ve found it but not completed it.

I switch between the surface and the Depths repeatedly to diff one against the other. I look for unpaired lightroots, since the game told me I got them all.

Ah-HA.

Stamayam Lightroot is unpaired. Not surprised I missed this one — the “what level are you at” indicator on the left kind of covered it up.

I change my sensor to Shrines of Light for the very last time. It’s probably underground.

…it’s right on the surface. Alrighty then.

Mayamats Shrine

Still got my clothes.

A Route for a Ball

This is gonna be my last shrine. I want to look cool doing it. Fierce Deity Outfit, unadorned Strong Zonaite Sword, Shield of the Mind’s Eye, Phrenic Bow.

I get the big metal ball over to the chest. Slowly. It has a large zonai charge in it. Whee.

I through a ball, get the other ball, make a snowman, and send it down the rack. It doesn’t fall in the gutter at the end.

I get my fourth and final booger and am told to go to the Temple of Time. I assume it’s not the one from my time, but the one in the sky. I was born over 100 years ago, remember?

⁂

I get into the Temple of Time. I saw a speedrunner bomb-shield-jump this. Might as well try now, right?

First time!

⁂

I pray. I mean, I might as well get my last heart container, right?

As the camera moves to the side, I notice a chest behind the statue.

Two glooms remaining to burn off.

You know how the charged outfit is barefoot? And that Link stubs his toe when he kicks chests from behind, if he’s wearing only underpants?

What happens if he’s behind a chest, and wearing the charged outfit?

Oof. I wince sympathetically. Consistency!

Ancient Hero’s Aspect

[shirt] 12

This item is said to contain the spirit of a hero

who once saved Hyrule. That hero’s aura will

envelop the wearer.

I put it on.

I press the right stick down and move the stick left and right to look at the whole thing from all sides.

Looks like what would happen if Sonia and Rauru had a baby and dressed it up in the lower two thirds of the zonaite outfit.

Then again, “if Sonia and Rauru had a baby” doesn’t complete the picture at all. While it has a Tom Wolfe-tier neck with its length disguised by four gold rings, and the coloring mostly matches Rauru’s, complete with matching scads of body paint, there’s a bunch of other things about it that don’t match either would-be parent. This thing is a redhead (and red-tail-tipped), and its feet are more canine than anything — four toes, with the heel up in the air.

The sandal design is fascinating. While they’re superficially similar to the sandals Link wears for the zonaite outfit, the leather on the bottom only seems to go to the middle of the foot (leaving the toes touching the ground directly), suggesting a near-required midfoot strike. I figure that Link mostly goes for a midfoot or forefoot strike — have you tried walking in leather shoes with a heel strike? I did for a few hours one day walking around town, and holy moly — my legs were fucked up for MONTHS.

Anyhow. Sandals. Even more interestingly, the sandals have a stiletto heel in the back. Link isn’t resting on them while standing, which makes me wonder what they could be for (or if they’re just meant to look cool and/or androgynous). If I were knocked back in a fight, I wouldn’t want a spike — I’d want something flat and stable. Landing on these looks like it’d just twist my ankle. Maybe they’d be good to kick with (in a pinch) in the middle of a brawl, but that’s a stretch.

The native arm looks a bit thicker than Rauru’s borrowed one. Might be a trick of the light.

The big hoop earrings are a distraction. I can hear Edna Mode saying “No hoops” while a cutscene of would-be heroes getting ear chunks ripped out plays explaining her reasoning.

The whole thing would creep out H. P. Lovecraft. Not that he isn’t easily creeped out, but still.

Finally, there’s the issue of armor. I usually run around in 20 + 20 + 20 points of armor (60 points, or 15 hearts’ worth of damage reduction). This entire thing has only 12 points of armor, or damage reduction of a whopping…three hearts.

I’m fresh out of terrestrial ones until the next Blood Moon, but I’m tempted to take a Silver Lynel on, get hit at least once, and see if the one-hit KO protection kicks in. Wearing this, I’m basically running around naked.

Let’s see what Uma and Cece think.

Uma says they’re healthy and ripe, but the radishes aren’t there. Hm.

Cece gives me the full 100 points.

I also learn that a well-worn hair band costs only 20 rupees to replace.

Got my second Light Dragon talon. I wonder if Kaysa still recognizes my smell.

I smell the same to her.

…ooh, it’s upgradeable. I might stick with this if I don’t need something warm or something for sand or something that starts moving and jiggling when a korok’s around. At any rate, 12 armor gets upgraded to 21, which is…5¼ hearts. Still awful, but less so. I’ll feel at liberty to take on blue bokoblins in addition to red.

⁂

I head towards a random sword sticker on my map. I’m not sure what’s there anymore. On the way there, I take a korok across Gleeok Bridge (there aren’t any gleeoks around) to his buddy.

My mask starts twitching across Mandala Bridge. Hooray for TP points.

Oh, it says “Manhala”. I suppose they don’t really want people looking up old Zelda 1 maps on the Internet, do they?

I get to the sword stamp and there’s a redheaded Lynel. I’ll try taking him on, as one redhead to another.

An arrow shot does like 3¼ hearts of damage. Doable.

He bumps into my spiky shield for the final blow. Hooray for spikes. Maybe those Yiga guys were right.

Three hours today, for a total of 249 hours.

Day 59: 2023-08-25

There’s a korok here in Dalite Forest that I’m having a hell of a time finding.

Maybe if I try to come at it from the other direction, I’ll be able to triangulate it a bit better.

There’s a hinox here. With guts. I could use his guts.

I don’t think he had guts.

I find the korok around some statues.

I farm a [checks list] light dragon’s fang. After ten minutes of doing stuff, I try to farm another, and it’s not time yet. Darn.

I go to Hebra North Crest. I kill the hinox there, too. He doesn’t have guts.

One hour today, for a total of 250.

Day 60: 2023-08-25

I go hunting for hinox guts. Most hinoxen do not have guts. And I’m talking about the already-live ones, here.

It takes me 30 rupees to get to one star of the Ancient Hero’s Aspect. Fair enough.

Now, for the next level, I need more frox guts…and all ten of my large zonaite.

Meanwhile, if you shoot a dragon’s snout instead of from underneath, you’ll get a scale. Lesson learned.

⁂

I farm the frox guts, getting to 9 from 4. Now I have 45 large zonaite, and I haven’t run down my supply of silver moblin horns much.

The Ancient Hero’s Aspect now has 36 defense. Two pieces of barbarian armor (or moral equivalent) and a korok mask has 41. Getting respectable.

So, do I get a set bonus?

Master Sword Beam Up

I’m still using the thing as a light-dragon beacon, but it’s nice to know that I have a toy waiting for me when I finally get to it.

⁂

Since I have all the frox stuff I need for now, I drop by where Vah Ruta was. Maybe there’s something for me there.

A good zonaite spear? That’s all? Pfeh. Where’s my elephant hat?

⁂

I check the internet and the internet says that only dragon horns make 30-minute buffs, at least for Breath of the Wild. Naydra pops by, so I get in her hair and give her a trim.

One last horn from the light dragon and I’m off to Cotera for an underwater hug. My leathers are now 100%.

             Have / Need
Molduga Guts    5 / 9

Fuck. There are only three moldugas in the entire desert. I hope the guts droprate is 100%. I think it might be.

Four hours today, for a total of 254.

Day 61: 2023-08-27

Molduga guts.

I kill one. It has guts. Good.

I kill a second one. It has TWO guts. Even better.

I have 11, and need 9. Time to get a hug.

Oh, just a real kiss this time. Hug comes next.

The Ancient Hero’s Aspect now has 54 points of armor, whereas a fully-upgraded normal outfit (Hylian Outfit, Barbarian Outfit, etc.) has 60 points of armor.

To get a proper hug, I have to get gleeok guts. Have 5, need 9. Which ones am I missing…? Off to Gralens, I suppose.

currently, 4 Gleeoks remain.

Alrighty then.

I check my list:

# Sky
- Necluda Sky (king)
- Above Eventide Island (king)
- Hebra Sky (king)
# Land

	
Lake Hylia Bridge (fire)
	
Columns (fire)
	
Biron Shelf (ice)
	
South Akkala Plains (lightning)
	
Herin Lake South (lightning)


# Underdark

	
Coliseum (lightning)
	
Gleeok Den (king)

I look through the IGN map:

The IGN map for Tears of the Kingdom

“Spectacle Rock” is clearly missing. I remember it from Link to the Past, and it’s kind of the same here, sort of. However, as I approach from the rare-rock talus where the local Ancient tower used to be, I notice it’s way up high. How am I going to shoot it in the head?

⁂

I go underneath it. It doesn’t notice me at all.

I Ascend up to it. It finally notices me, and whooshes me off with its wings.

Back to keese eyeballs and a 5x bow, I suppose.

Fuck, the heads dangle over the edge and I can’t get a good solid whacking when I spin to win.

On the second round of keese eyeballs I notice that I’m fighting a mono-elemental gleeok, and switch to ice-keese eyeballs. It’s super effective.

One guts for this gleeok. Phooey.

Off to the Gerudo Summit. I don’t think I got that one.

⁂

This one’s on a ledge, but it’s a bigger ledge, so I can whack its heads and get a satisfying thwack sound.

When it comes to the final part where it goes up in the air, I’m momentarily stumped on how to get up to where it is — icicles keep falling, and I don’t have fire-gleeok updrafts to get on top of them or anything. Eventually I figure out that some of these things drive in deeper than others, and I hop on one of the short ones and reverse it to get up into the sky high enough.

…this fucker didn’t have ANY guts. Fuck.

Have I really not done the Tabantha Tundra one?

⁂

Easiest one of them all today.

No guts. Fuck.

There’s a final gleeok in above the middle of the desert. I could’ve sworn I got it, but I guess not.

⁂

I burn a big zonai charge to get up to the ledge with the King Gleeok flying over it. Turns out, eight blue batteries and the Zonai outfit isn’t quite enough to get up there with four fans pushing me up from the local shrine.

█████████████████████████████████████████████ ★ Defeated

Yeah, I thought I’ve been here before. Hope this guy is gutsy.

It’s gutsy. Good.

I put my zonai outfit back on and get back on my fans-up lift and keep going up. There’s nothing above me but a good view of the lands to the west of Hyrule and the giant beach that separates the water from the giant trench between Hyrule and West of Hyrule.

I top at at 3292 somethings, presumably meters. 10,800 feet. I’m not sure it should only be down to 66° (19°C) this high up.

I start to steer around so I can move around the ceiling.

You can’t go any farther.

I can move horizontally, but I make scraping-against-rock noises. Shooting Yunobo makes him go boom right against the ceiling.

I drop by the light dragon and get a free horn.

Now to Gralens.

currently, 1 Gleeok remains.

My notes says I’ve killed 9 of the 9 ground-based gleeoks that the IGN map has, 4 of the 4 sky-based gleeoks, and the one king gleeok in the gleeok den in the Underdark.

I remember seeing a flying gleeok somewhere, probably around the eastern part of Hyrule, just flying around in the air. I remember wondering how in the hell I was supposed to fight it — maybe I need to start things off with a bunch of eyeball-tipped arrows.

I check Polygon. It mentions a gleeok that wasn’t on the IGN map. It’s below Death Mountain.

As I pop out of the skyview tower, I notice the moon is…red.

Time to go home and start cooking.

I take out four fleet-lotus seeds and a light dragon’s horn and wait until 11:35 before dumping them in.

Hasty Simmered Fruit

♥︎10¾ ⏩⏩⏩ Speed Up 30:00

Grants a high-level movement-speed boost.

This sweet dish is made by heaping tasty

fruits into a pan and simmering until tender.

This is abnormally hearty, but it’s nice to have an easily-farmed horn source.

⁂

Now then. Back to the gleeok in Trilby Valley.

OK, he’s way above Trilby Valley. I give him five ice-keese eyeballs to the faces and he falls. Way faster than I do. I pencil-dive and can’t even keep up. I would like to register a complaint with the physics-engine programmers.

After bringing it to the ground, it’s not much of an extra challenge. It has no guts. Phooey.

Time for an attaboy from Gralens.

⁂

After asking him specifically about three-headed monsters, he says the number remaining is…zero.

Gleeok Monster Medal

An award presented by the monster-control

crew in appreciation for defeating every

Gleeok in Hyrule. It’s very fancy and is

shaped like the monster it represents.

⁂

Meanwhile:

• 15 flux constructs remain
• 19 froxes remain
• 57 taluses remain
• 28 hinox remain
• 0 molduga remain

I get another medal for prompting Gralens about the dead moldugas.

I go to the gleeok on Lake Hylia bridge. Kill it. No guts. Fuck.

I look at a Google Docs spreadsheet for hints:

Data Spreadsheet for The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

If I’m reading it right, non-king gleeoks have a 10% chance to drop guts, whereas kings have a 100% chance.

I visit the Gleeok Den. The king is still there. I kill it, and get a guts.

I go to the island in the South Necluda Sky Archipelago (actually an island).

There’s a level-3 construct there. It does not have gleeok guts inside it, but it does have a Sage’s Will.

⁂

Inspired by conversations elsewhere, I try to find a way to use zonai stuff to kill enemies.

I end up trying out the following on a boss bokoblin and its troupe:

• stake base
• aiming eyeball on the stake
• three different laser beams (one on top of the head and one on each of its “ears”)
• flame emitter on its eye

It makes VERY short work of the mostly-red bokoblins and whittles down the white or silver boss bokoblin at a nice clip while I run around picking up all the dropped items.

The only trouble is that once the group is done with, I have loads of zonai stuff I’ve made that I can’t reuse again for a different battle unless I haul the thing to another enemy encampment, and there aren’t any close by. Phooey.

This kind of thing might speed along a mucktorock fight. Not sure if I can get this kind of thing high enough in the air with Ultrahand to have it zap a rock spider in the eyeball. And even then, I’d be pretty tied to where the assembly is.

⁂

I see Fera. 18 wells left. She says to check ruins. Good advice.

Four and a half hours is enough for today, for a total of 258½.

Tomorrow: King gleeok guts and Sage’s Wills.

Day 62: 2023-08-28

I pick up a couple Sage’s Wills. The music for Dragonhead Island sure is nice.

30 minutes today, bringing me up to 259.

Day 62+i: 2023-08-29

I should look online for the rest of the Frostbite set. I have the shirt, but no hat or pants. I mean, sure, I’ll probably want to sell the entire outfit, but I want to have had it all, at the very least.

Day 63: 2023-09-02

The first item in Nintendo News is “hey, use a lizalfos tail to turn your sword into a whip”.

These things are fucking rare, especially if you’re looking for fire or ice ones. I feel like I’m being trolled by the news people.

Now then. Sage’s Wills.

Evidently the island above Lanayru Wetlands counts as Central Hyrule Sky Archipelago. Interestingly enough, the old map there is for a thing I haven’t collected yet.

⁂

OK, now I have eight Sage’s Wills, and according to my notes, I’m missing one.

Well, when the map and the territory disagree, believe the territory.

I’ll drop by my own personal Hylia and see how many I’m really missing.

⁂

I can deepen my bond with either Yunobo or Riju for my first four.

Yunobo on thumb, Riju on…ring finger. Nintendo probably isn’t trying to tell me anything. if Nintendo were trying to tell me anything, the iPad ghost is a second best, and the guys are all non-contenders, especially since Nintendo rammed an iceberg named Yona into the Sidon shippers.

I drop by Zora’s domain, clean them out of swift violets, and then notice I’m over 20 now. I should drop by a Great Fairy and see if I’m due for a big hug.

I am. I also have the Naydra’s Scales she needs. I wonder if Cotera’s ever hugged a redhead before. First time for everything, right?

⁂

I need ONE more gleeok guts. Nice.

Let’s check that spot on my map. Off to Nupisoyuat Lightroot

⁂

Colgera’s here. I try to stay out of his area, but I graze it and trigger the music. As long as I get just the music and not the fight, I’m OK.

Sturnida Lavafalls

…and my ice-breath lizalfos radar starts pinging. Even more interesting.

I pick up a Cap of Time.

⁂

I then bum around Gerudo Canyon and East Gerudo Mesa a bit looking for ice-breath lizalfos. Turns out, one of the easiest ways to light a fire is with a shield with a Dinraal’s spike shard glued to it.

⁂

I know there’s a King Gleeok above Eventide Island, so I just go up. I manage to knock out two heads as it begins its final ascent, so I only have to worry about ice coming down at me. It takes me a half second to figure out why the icicle I’m standing on is shrinking. At least it took me way less time today than it did last time.

Back to Cotera.

⁂

I have 11 out of the 5 ice-breath lizalfos tails. Hallelujah. I upgrade my Yiga mask from 5 to 7 armor. This also takes five of my 12 keese eyeballs. I REALLY need more.

Our favorite redhead gets a big ol’ smooch.

Now the lizalfos tails I need are all electric. I suppose I could bum around in the desert, but…ugh.

Now, for the final upgrade of the Ancient Hero’s Aspect.

It now has 84 armor, which works out to an average piece armor of…28 armor apiece. Not bad if you’re getting your ass whooped and would rather get your DPS buff from a mighty something-or-other.

I finish up at home. I check in with the Hylia statue. She says I can’t get powered up anymore, and to go bring peace to the world.

Two hours today, for a total of 261.

Day 64: 2023-09-03

It seems like a good day to get rid of Ganon.

I check my supplies. Everything seems…enough.

I TP down to my point above the lizalfos column with the lizal mask on. I’ll pick up a couple of zonai things here.

Oh wait, I don’t have the Master Sword.

 X
Y A⃝  Grab
 B

Now then. Back to the imprisoning chamber.

 X
Y A⃝  Jump
 B

⁂

The smart thing to do would be to farm up a longsword gem-enhancing staff and use that to freeze these bokoblins.

I gotta go a bit faster than that.

The enemies are individually easy, but they have a tendency to tag-team you. 3x bows make short work of anything bigger than a bokoblin.

Eventually, all my sages hold off the bosses and I go onward. I whip out an inst…portable pot to make sure I have enough sunny food.

⁂

This guy who hasn’t left his room in tens of thousands of years complains about the light?

⁂

He’s completely destroying my gloomed hearts? I suppose if you’re the final boss, you can do that.

⁂

Oh look, a purple long thing circling Hyrule Castle. This has SO been done before.

Anyway, I played Strider a bunch on the Genesis. This should be easy, right?

⁂

Set Bonus

Impact Proof

Seems like the proper outfit for this fight.

Also, my deleted hearts are back.

Anyhow, now to be a dermatologist.

⁂

                X
Final attack  Y⃝  A
                B

⁂

I’m wearing only pants. I should’ve worn cooler pants than my glide pants. Frog pants would work. I assume this scene would get you out of your ancient hero’s aspect.

My right-hand man shows up for the last time.

⁂

I am prompted to dive by pressing R. I wonder if it’s possible to hit the ground before doing this. Metroid games will certainly let you fail before finishing the game proper.

The ground underneath me isn’t moving. I could fall forever.

 X
Y A⃝  Reach
 B

 X
Y A⃝  Grab (Hold)
 B

Epilogue

262½ hours. Nintendo’s own count says “Played for 280 hours or more”.

I notice that quest completion counts are visible in the quest tracker now that I’ve got a star next to my save file (the indication that I’ve beat Ganon already on it).

My completion stats and remarks:

• Main Quests: 21/23

“Find Princess Zelda” is the only one on my list that’s not done. I guess pulling a sword out of her hair doesn’t count.

• Side Adventures: 57/60

All the ones on my list are done.

• Shrine Quests: 31/31

…I’d certainly hope I’d be done with these if I got all the shrines.

• Side Quests: 98/139

I have five sitting around. Four are the “make the champion weapon” quests (sorry, I don’t have that many diamonds and I’m too cheap to buy new ones) and the other one is “Where Are the Wells?” (tell Fera where all the wells are).

I assume that getting every last bubbulfrog is in here somewhere.

• Memories: 18/18

I don’t think I got all the memories in Breath of the Wild before finishing the game at least once, so it’s nice to know that I got them all this time.

Shopping List

• fans
• bomb flowers
• any dragon horn (for 30-minute buffs)

More important: ↓

• electric lizalfos tail, 5×2 (yiga outfit)

• boss bokoblin horn, 3×3 (royal guard outfit)

• blue lizalfos tail, 5×2 (zora level 4)
• black lizalfos horn, 3×3 (zora level 4)

• fire-breath lizalfos tail, 3×1 + 10 (rito cold)

• smotherwing butterfly, 5×2 (flamebreaker level 4)

Less important: ↑

⏚

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