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When we talk about creating a safe space at the table, the discourse often focuses on safety tools. Two popular safety tools used in tabletop are the X-card, and asking everyone what kind of content can distress them as part of 'session zero'.
I can see a couple of problems with these. Asking people to relive their trauma at the beginning of the game doesn't seem like it's going to put them in a good frame of mind to have fun, and one of the features of the X-card - that it causes play to stop immediately, no questions asked, and must be respected - makes it particularly stressful for many people with social anxiety to use, a little like handing them a live grenade and saying "don't worry, you'll be okay, just pull the pin if you get into trouble."
Both techniques are helpful for some people and groups but the online discourse around them seems to turn them more into ways of signalling your effort to make a safe space than actually making one. We need to go further than box-checking. "Not traumatising your players" is a pretty low bar for a game, and I think it's a mistake to treat it as though it's separate from making sure they have fun.
I also dislike the implication that storytelling can be made a 'safe' activity just by having predetermined guardrails in place. If you're trying to tell an emotionally powerful story (maybe you aren't! Light, whimsical fun is a perfectly valid objective for a campaign) then you want to make players uncomfortable - just not 𝘵𝘰𝘰 uncomfortable. You want to make your players worry - and sometimes feel negative emotions appropriate to the story. You don't want those feelings to spoil their enjoyment of the game, let alone trigger symptoms in vulnerable players.
Putting the line in the right place is an art, and a matter of communication and sensitivity; it's not something you can outsource to a formal tool. It's also not a moral failing if you get it wrong. In the vast majority of games, nobody gets traumatised, it simply doesn't come up. But when it does happen, if you really upset one of your players - that's okay. As long as you address it responsibly it's okay. You apologise, listen to them without judgement, and talk about how to avoid it in future. Friends hurt each other. It's part of being friends - you're friends with someone long enough, and you will do something that upsets them. That's just life. What matters is how you deal with it - with kindness and maturity.
Use whatever tools make sense to you, but don't rely on them. They aren't a substitute for communication, patience, or being willing to listen - the real tools at your disposal.
Making the game a safe space isn't simply or even primarily about making it a space free from trauma. It's about creating a safe space 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯.
So many people sitting down to play for the first time are inhibited, and don't know what's appropriate or welcome, worry about not being 'good' at the game, or have been mocked at some point for being too enthusiastic or silly.
The focus on trauma can detract from helping them to actually relax and come out of their shell. The last thing we want to do is set the expectation that they're about to be traumatised or, worse, retraumatise someone else. It might happen! But it shouldn't be foremost in our minds.
So when you do a session zero, ask people what they 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 as well as what they don't. Get them to talk about their favourite stories and why they love them. Get them thinking about how much fun this is going to be and what will make it fun for them!
Help them to relax and feel safe, not just in their person but to express what's in their hearts.
𝗟𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀. Running on Discord, I encouraged everyone to have their camera on while playing, because I wanted the feedback their facial expressions and posture provided. Are they engaged, anxious, impatient, frustrated, bored or checked out? As a DM it helps to know!
𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝗮 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝘁𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁. look for which players are quiet or feeling left out. Again, you can often enlist other players to strike up an in-character conversation with them to help get them engaged. As a player, your DM will love you if you do this kind of thing without prompting. It's not only the responsiblity of the DM to make the game fun - everyone can help.
Conversely, clamp down on any behaviour where players are being actually cruel or dismissive toward each other. You are an authority figure at the table - delegated authority, authority by consent, but authority nonetheless. Gently make your expectations about how they are to treat one another clear. Teasing is fine and healthy, but everyone at the table should be at least trying to build each other up, not tear one another down.
𝗘𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀 - and encourage them to encourage each other. In my first session one player showed up with a ridiculous wizard with a silly quavering voice - and that gave everyone else, including me, permission to do silly voices. Whenever you can, try to give each other permission to be weird or vulnerable.
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗮, 𝘁𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝘂𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘁. Try to say 'yes' or 'yes, but'. The other week in my local game I had players sliding toward a pit; one with a polearm used his weapon to catch himself by holding it across the gap; a player with a sword wanted to do the same, and I just said the sword wasn't long enough - but later realised I could have said "you could try to jam your blade into the crack between two stones - but if you fail, you break your sword. Do you still want to try?"
𝗣𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝘂𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲. They'll become more confident as they learn it's okay for them to express themselves around you and the other players - and so will you. It's not just your job to make them feel safe to be creative - for you to run a really good game, they need to do the same for you.
Historically D&D has been associated with a particular demographic. But shows like 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 have drawn the attention of people who never would have considered playing it before. As a DM in this era of the hobby you have a golden opportunity to invite people who wouldn't normally play, make them feel welcome and like they belong, make the world of the game full of wonder and excitement, and make them feel a part of it.
Getting people who aren't nerdy by inclination to the table has always been something I've loved, so I'm delighted to be running for so many new players from such diverse backgrounds. I'm not just talking about formal categories of identity here but real diversity of lives and experiences - a game world that isn't made up entirely of people like me is a more vibrant one than I could create otherwise. And I love to share this hobby with people to whom it's completely new and exciting.
People are interesting, and when you have a lot of different people and let them really express themselves you get to see just how interesting they are.
Being a DM is about learning to speak - to describe the world, to draw people in, to act out the roles in front of you, to give authoritative answers to questions. But just as importantly, it's about learning to listen.
If this hobby is anything at all, it's a collaborative activity. Collaborate with your players. Talk to them about what interests them and what they hope to see in the game. As we'll discuss later in Storytelling Techniques, you can build the story of the game around the player's characters.
That doesn't mean the game world is centered around them - they might be very small fry! But this story is 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 story.
You can take whatever background info they give you and do something fun with it. ("That lover who betrayed you? Turns out she's at the party too - and people say she's looking for you.")
If they're paying attention to something, you can make it more important to the story. If they love an NPC, you can bring that NPC back and embellish it.
Allow yourself to be inspired by your players.
And if you indulge their interests, they'll return the favour, and start showing an interest in your plots and your ideas. Just lead with stories that are for and about them, and soon they'll be excited to see all of your ideas.
By focusing on the players, making space for them, building mutual trust, and doing so on a regular, ideally weekly basis, you'll become better friends. And the meme is true - friends are the real treasure we found along the way. If you're comfortable and happy in the company of the people you're playing with it'll be easy to share the ideas you're most inspired by and passionate about - and that goes for DM and players alike.
The Luxton Technique by P.H. Lee
Creating Characters for Character-Driven Games, 1d4chan