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Just exploring: what does "coming out as an atheist" accomplish? Many people are emotionally weak and can't handle such shocks and you may lose them or the relationship will forever change. What's the point? What is the exact value of everyone around you knowing every thought you have? If they ask you directly, you can answer with vague allusions and mysteries.
Imagine it was 500 years ago where atheism meant death. Would you "come out" then?
Sure, it would be nice to have everyone in your inner circle agree with all your deepest metaphysics; but, let's be frank, at 40 and with a wife, you're already on a path that's hard to change, or to find new, close friends or wives.
Alternatively, if you feel a need to do it, I think one thing religious people dislike about atheists is their concern that they are unmoored in morality, meaning, or purpose, so emphasizing that you still have a solid foundation in those things can help prepare the ground.
Hi ~kevg,
There is some wisdom in your words: the gain is probably little, but as I stated in other answers of this thread, it is a matter of honesty with those people I value most.
I don't want a ...uh... wife upgrade. I'm also not seeking for agreement. I'm just aiming at honesty and acceptance, so that I can avoid pretending and just be myself.