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It took me a while to admit to myself that I am not 'normal'. It took me even longer to be able to talk to others about that.
As many people on the edge of the spectrum, I considered myself pretty normal most of my life. As a child I could not possibly see the subtleties of my condition. I skated through early school without an effort, with a pretty amazing memory (where did it go?) and the ability to really focus when needed - and it was needed surprising rarely. Later on, in high school, my grades were either 100 or fail as I just could not get myself to do things I was thouroughly not interested in.
That should've been enough of a sign. Unfortunately, the school I attended (an elite science-oriented public school in NYC) had a single explanation for my performance: drug use. No amount of trying to convince them otherwise (or as they called it 'denial') worked. Even though I could barely speak English and just moved from another country, drug use seemed more plausible to them...
I don't know what would've happened to me if it weren't for coming across an issue of Byte magazine, and being confronted with puzzles presented by microprocessors. I practically moved into the central library and absorbed everything there was on the subject. With a few breaks for drug use - hey, as long as I already got into trouble for that, why not. And I built a career and several companies around computing technology.
So I thought I was just more hungry, or more determined, or perhaps more willing to just do it while others were twirling around in social dances and self-indulgence, american style. I thought that maybe the work ethic of the old country, perhaps, was why I could sit there for 72 hours straight debugging a piece of code, or go off on a three-month-long deep-dive into some particularly interesting algorithm.
At some point it dawned on me that there is something distinctly different about me. I realized that most other people simply cannot do things I took for granted - synesthetically understand and appreciate the beauty of algorithms. Or truly grok code, becoming a vessel, channelling God or whatever it is. Work through a problem from beginning to end, gaining fluency which allows one to playfully come up with joke solutions (sadly not funny to anyone else). Stay focused on a task, blocking everything off until it disappears. Stay awake - not as a stressful 'all-nighter', but experiencing true joy of discovery and learning. Drive across the US without stopping. Design an electronic circuit with 6 components after a consulting electrical engineer claimed that 19 is the minimum. Come up with a compression algorithm, or a programming language. Plumb a large house. Then rewire it. Make a detailed model of a stellated polyhedron with hundreds of paper parts. Figure out how to mount FPGAs with thousands of pins reliably and repeatably using a $30 hotplate.
Luckily, most people don't want to do any of such things, preferring the safety of whatever it is they do. That sounds elitist, doesn't it? But I am so bad at doing the things they do - being social, enjoying sports, drinking beer, gossiping.
So I never bothered with a full neurological workup - what's the point? I already knew I was a bit different. That's what I have to work with, and enjoy for as long as I have. I certainly don't want to fix anything medically. And by that time I developed many mechanisms to fit in.
I've learned to watch it a bit as I tend to offend. I am quick to call bullshit to the dismay of those around me. I don't really want to offend or hurt anyone's feelings, so I am still learning to shut up, after all these years.
Interestingly, my partner is also coming to terms with their differences - largely because of our grown children pointing out certain behaviours. I suppose that makes sense.
We live in a truly wonderful world, and the entire 'spectrum' is essential to its functioning. I hope that no effort to 'normalize' it is ever successful.